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Original poster

Feeling regret about handing in notice

36 replies

adamski606 · 04/08/2021 15:25

I recently gave notice on a job I have been in for nearly 8 years. It is a good job at a great company with great colleagues. It was my first job out of university. There was nothing pushing me out but I have received an offer for a job which is a new and different challenge, will allow for slightly more flexibility in my lifestyle and is the same pay for slightly fewer hours. I had a strong gut feeling that doing something different would be good for me and my career but acknowledging that there is a lot about my current job I find satisfying.

After breaking the news to my current employer I felt myself sink into deep feelings of regret, guilt and fear that I have made a huge mistake and thrown away a perfectly good job. My colleagues and members of the team I manage will find out in the coming days and I am dreading having to tell them, many of whom are new to the business as we have been on a major recruitment drive.

How do I tell the difference between normal fear of the unknown and change, and genuine feelings that I might have made a mistake?

Going back on my decision here would be very messy - I would lose face with my current and prospective new employer.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 04/08/2021 15:28

I can't answer your specific question, but reading your OP, I wish I'd made the kind of change you're making at about that point in time. The new job sounds really good.

Can you explain more about why you think you might have made a mistake? It counts like it could just be understandable nerves?

MaggieFS · 04/08/2021 15:29

*sounds not counts. Not sure where that came from!

Wolframhart · 04/08/2021 15:29

It’s ok. Sometimes you have to change jobs to develop your career and skills. Your current coworkers and employer understand this. Leave on good terms and if you still miss it in a couple of years you can always reapply.

Sprig1 · 04/08/2021 15:36

Change like that is always scary. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. You can't stay there for ever and your new job sounds great. Have confidence in your decision.

Original poster
adamski606 · 04/08/2021 15:38

Thanks @MaggieFS.

My current company is doing well commercially and I am valued. At the start of the year I took over a small management position and I have grown a team from 3 to 8 people. The people we have recruited have been brilliant and great to work with. Training them all up so quickly has been really hard and taken its toll which might have partly influenced my decision. It does feel like a business that is going places. Having said that the new job is quite unique, without going into details it offers me a chance to engage with my industry in a very different way and doesn't have some of the stresses my current job has (I work in the consulting field)

I am still excited about my new job but I feel that I have let people down in my current business. I think they expected me to stay for a long time and perhaps even take over in the running of the business in time.

OP posts:
Horehound · 04/08/2021 15:41

I'm torn because I left a job I liked and really liked all my colleagues.
I was there 7 years.
I then found it difficult to fit in to new jobs I've had. The feeling of a good team etc was gone and it takes time to build it up again.
I am now in my 3rd job since leaving the company I liked and I honestly wish I had stayed!

RiverSkater · 04/08/2021 15:43

It's good to move forward and face new challenges, exciting too. Congratulations on the new job.

cushioncovers · 04/08/2021 15:47

I imagine it's similar to ' buyers regret' which apparently is a common thing that people feel after moving into a new home. It's scary and daunting doing something new but try not to worry too much it's natural to feel a bit panicked when you do something new.

Roselilly36 · 04/08/2021 15:50

It’s a bit late now for regrets OP. If the company you currently work for is doing great commercially and you have been there 8 years, you have employment rights, I would be loathed in lose those in COVID times. I hope it all works out for you Ok, good luck.

Sojo88 · 04/08/2021 15:54

I think it's great you're going for the new job, I think it just seems like a bad or scary decision before you know what it's like. All the jobs I've left have always said that I can come back at any point, and I think a lot of companies would say this as they prefer to hire someone they already know and has worked with them in the past! So maybe this is a possibility, if you ended up really wanting to go back your old job? Good luck Smile

Horehound · 04/08/2021 15:57

Also meant to say when I handed in notice I was happy, didn't have any regrets.
O will say leaving gave me a 10k yearly boost to my salary and no commute from a 2hr commute but if I had the choice I'd take the pay city, add on the commute and go back to the company.

You will never know how it's going to go!
You could get into this new job and never look back.
If you really feel you made a mistake you could ask them to reject your notice?

Original poster
adamski606 · 04/08/2021 16:07

Thank you all so much

@cushioncovers - funny you should mention that - I had that exact feeling when we bought our first house, and when we got a dog so that gives me some comfort that this is a normal feeling!

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 04/08/2021 16:09

My current employer and the 2 employers before that have all rehired staff who have previously left. If you're as good at your job as you say you are then they will want you back at a later date if you reapplied.

Leave on good terms, any decent employer knows that people will leave, it's not like a relationship where people get all shitty when you reject them.

MaggieFS · 04/08/2021 16:13

If you think in terms of carrots and sticks, some people are motivated more by carrots and others are sticks. At the same time situations aren't always carrot/stick.

It sounds like there aren't any notable sticks making you want to leave your current job and the carrots which the new job offers, whilst better, and not a giant leap better. Add in your sense of responsibility to your team and it's no wonder you're having doubts. It's not a clear cut decision.

However, it sounds like the right decision for you, and your team are adults. They will adapt!

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 04/08/2021 16:19

I cried on the first day, on my way to a new job as I was so scared of all the unknowns!

My old job was safe, I new what i was doing, who the people/customers were but I was so undervalued and underpaid for the responsibility I had I knew it was time to leave.

The new job was closer to home, smaller team, more pay, after the initial cry I was ok and they soon became my new 'safe'.

Leave on good terms, keep the door open and trust that you made the decision to change for the right reasons.

FinallyHere · 04/08/2021 16:23

think they expected me to stay for a long time

Nothing to stop you going back with an expanded skill set in five years time.

This is a good point in your career to make a change. Short term pain for longer term gain. Go for it.

CloudPop · 04/08/2021 16:47

Make sure no bridges are burned with your current employer, explain exactly what it is that is making you move, express your positive views on the job and their business, and be sure to say you'd love to stay in touch.

Snorkello · 04/08/2021 16:53

It’s never too late to renegotiate your terms and stay. Even after you’ve moved, if you don’t like it, go back. It’s become very common for people to change minds or boomerang back to an old employee.

Do what feels right, and don’t worry about losing face etc. It’s your career. Do what makes you happy.

LadyLolaRuben · 04/08/2021 16:54

Theres always sadness leaving a job you're happy in. I've cried on my last day in two jobs I was really happy in but got no satisfaction from working there. I knew deep down it was the right decision. The easiest thing to do is to stick to what you know. Move on, push boundaries, make space, be seen and enjoy your career. Keep on good terms with your current employer and stay in touch with colleagues. Ironically one of the jobs I dreaded leaving I'm now the senior manager of that department after my current employer merged with them, so I've come full circle. Its funny how life can turn out

cushioncovers · 04/08/2021 17:25

Op I was the same when we got a Kitten and when we moved house. I know it's the right things to do, I think about it, I way up all the pros n cons make my decision which I'm happy with but then freak out and panic once I've set the wheels in motion. God knows why it happens.
All I know is I adore the cat and love my new home. But if you'd asked me for the first week after getting the cat or moving house I'd have given the cat back and wanted to move back to my old house. It's weird.

Anyway stick with your decision op. It's perfectly normal to feel wobbly about change.

TractorsAndHeadphones · 04/08/2021 20:39

Do you have feelings of regret because you took the new job for an easier life rather than overarching career goals? Also it sounds like you're being trained for management/leadership in the current company while the new job is more about being a skilled individual contributor.

Everyone faces doubt and uncertainty when leaving something cushy for a new role - but this is countered by the perceived benefit(more compensation, or the achievement of a career objective).

Is the new job leading towards something that you may like to do long term?

If yes then set your mind to it and don't look back. You may have made a mistake or you may not. But it doesn't matter.

Original poster
adamski606 · 04/08/2021 21:36

Thank you all. I really appreciate the advice. At this point I think I am going to commit to my decision so I never wonder what if, and knowing that in 2 to 3 years time if things don't work out there is always the option of going back. This whole experience and the emotion of the last two days has shown how much my identity was bound up in work and this company, perhaps verging on unhealthily so.

OP posts:
Crockof · 04/08/2021 21:49

You are a long time dead, you are a long time old, you can tread water for a lifetime. IMHO you can only regret the things you do not do. Good luck with your new job.

PizzaCrust · 04/08/2021 22:21

I think you've made the right decision. Honestly, if you were 100% happy in your current role, you wouldn't have looked at another job, nevermind applying, being interviewed and then accepting the offer. Something was clearly niggling at you to leave (and only you know what that niggle was).

It is true that sometimes it's better sticking with the devil you know but honestly, I think staying in a role for too long can cause you as a person to become a bit stagnant. Everything becomes too comfortable. I think it's important to push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to develop and grow as a person.

And, as a final note, don't ever feel like you've let the team down by leaving. When you strip back the friendships, ultimately they very well may feel let down that you've chosen to leave, but it likely is a result of them being 'annoyed' they'll have to train someone new and they no longer have an 'old faithful' character who gets on with work without much complaining. These are selfish reasons, especially as I guarantee if anyone else got offered a job with more money/less hours/better benefits, etc, they'd be the first to leave, too. Never feel guilty about leaving a department/company.

Of course, leave on good terms, but ultimately you have to make decisions that best suit you. It's your life. You don't want to be old and looking back on your life and realising that you missed out opportunities because you felt loyality to a group of people who (more than likely) also ended up leaving the company for better opportunities in the future, while you accepted your fate.

I also would prepare myself for some shocks when people do find out you're leaving, too. Unfortunately, I experienced the shit end of this not too long ago. I was a well respected member of the team, left for a new role and suddenly particular people, upon hearing I was leaving, barely spoke to me ever again. Told people I was having an interview when I didn't want others to know, no real genuine congratulations when they found out I got it (just my name scribbed off a rota), no card, no goodbye on my last shift, no conversation for my final week. It was if I had betrayed them in the worst possible way for simply wanting to better myself. And these were people who often told me how great my work was a matter of weeks before.

People can really surprise you, but it's exactly why you should always do your absolute best to make the decisions that are right for you and your family over other people you work with. You never know how people will take it.

Keyw007 · 05/08/2021 00:47

As my manager said when I handed in my notice - it’s normal to feel a bit of regret, but that’s just the fear of the unknown.

When the dust settles, you’ll begin to get excited. Also remember it’s extremely unlikely you would’ve stayed in that role your whole career anyway, so it’s great to try some new things.