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Wise Ruby Wax - working and stay at home parents

592 replies

Judy1234 · 24/11/2007 22:01

In today's Telegraph....

"Dear Ruby

I stopped working when I had my third child. It didn't make sense to continue with my job when I had a stressed-out husband requiring my support and children who needed me at home. It was an agonising decision, but my salary only just covered the cost of childcare.

And we didn't need the money - my husband earns six times more than I did. More importantly, I felt really guilty going off to the office every day and leaving my kids behind.

My problem is this: since I stopped working I feel like a non-person. Oddly, it's other women who give me this feeling. Women who have somehow managed to keep their careers afloat through babies, breastfeeding, nappy rash and all the mayhem of motherhood, treat me with barely disguised contempt. It's almost as if, by staying at home, I've lost the right to have an opinion, or say anything interesting. It's deeply upsetting.

Life is hard enough as it is, so why can't women be allies at least? Why can't we respect each other's choices? Amanda M, Edinburgh

Dear Amanda

I have heard that cry from some of my "non-person" friends when they decided to give it all up for breastfeeding duty. The reason I would also probably treat you with disdain if I met you is that I am secretly (well, not so secretly any more) jealous.

You are lucky enough to have a husband who makes six times the amount you made and that really irks me, as I'm sure it would other females.

But in your position, I would have worked anyway, as all my self-esteem is stored up in my job. I could never have applied the word "housewife" to myself. I'd rather have put a sabre through my head.

Although I admire your sacrifice to the little one, on the whole, I find women who don't work to be just a teensy bit boring with their obsession with schools and stools. Not all, just most.

Perhaps other working mothers are reminded how guilty they feel about abandoning the home. Perhaps we take it out on you. Enjoy your home life."

OP posts:
pinkspottywellies · 25/11/2007 00:45

Are you agreeing that you feel jealous of 'housewives' and guilty about abandoning the home?

Aitch · 25/11/2007 00:51

lol xenia, it's unclear which bit you're agreeing with.

hunkermunker · 25/11/2007 01:05

I think it must be this bit:

"Life is hard enough as it is, so why can't women be allies at least? Why can't we respect each other's choices?"

pinkspottywellies · 25/11/2007 01:07

Oh yes Hunker! And there was me getting the wrong end of the stick!

hunkermunker · 25/11/2007 01:11
Wink
amytheearwaxbanisher · 25/11/2007 01:29

what side is she on

Judy1234 · 25/11/2007 07:34

May be this bit
"But in your position, I would have worked anyway, as all my self-esteem is stored up in my job. I could never have applied the word "housewife" to myself. I'd rather have put a sabre through my head."

I like her last line -I can just imagine her saying it - enjoy your home life..

OP posts:
Aitch · 25/11/2007 11:51

i actually thought that was quite poignant, actually xenia, about the self-esteem. poor old ruby is famous for being a bit fragile in the self-esteem dept. unlike your wonderful self, i should say. you're one of my favourite posters on here, haven't seen you around, have you been away?

Prunie · 25/11/2007 12:01

Why is Ruby Wax dispensing advice?
have I missed something?
Same question about Mariella Frostrup

Aitch · 25/11/2007 12:12

and ann diamond and that chubby pop star... celebrity knicker-washing is Where It's At.

ahundredtimes · 25/11/2007 12:28

I never thought I'd see the words Wise and Ruby and Wax altoghter.

It's a bit like seeing Sensitive and Jeremy and Clarkson or something.

I bet he'll get an agony uncle column next.

Prunie · 25/11/2007 12:33

I might take advice from Alexei Sayle
Why not?
He's done comedy and iirc has a coupla kids, he's written books, he must be qualified.

Prunie · 25/11/2007 12:34

Simon Cowell. Bet he knows a lot about a lot.

Aitch · 25/11/2007 12:45

didn't ann widdecombe have an agony column for a while? anyone see her asylum seeker leak on HIGNFY?

Judy1234 · 25/11/2007 12:47

She writes a weekly advice column in the Telegraph on Saturdays alternating with someone else who gives advice too. She's quite funny at times.

Aitch, not sure. It's just a personality type thing. I don't tend to get cross about things.

I thought it was a reasonable summary of a good few points.

OP posts:
Aitch · 25/11/2007 12:50

she is funny, but insane. she seemed to me to suggest that the working mums were jealous, which is something i take it you wouldn't agree with...

Prunie · 25/11/2007 13:01

What was Widdie's leak?
I watched it but was torn between laughing and cringing at the borderline bullying (I know, she can take it, but it was hard to watch). Alex James excepted, he looks like a dote.

Aitch · 25/11/2007 13:05

it was uncomfy, wasn't it?
when Jimmy Carr was saying that some foreign name she'd just read out (i think belonging to an asylum seeker) said that it would make a good name for her cat and she said 'i wouldn't let my cat associate with wild cats...' very odd. JC really didn't know what to do in response.

Judy1234 · 25/11/2007 13:10

I suspect there's some of that in a lot of working mothers who would love to have a husband who earns 6x what they do so they don't have to work as indeed can be the case amongst men who wish their wives earned 6x what they did sometimes to keep the pressure off them although that won't be voiced so much, I'm sure.

I could have been a non working wife and we both lived off a teacher's salary as loads of people do but it would have been a very different life, not one I would have enjoyed never mind the less money side of it too.

OP posts:
duvetheaven · 25/11/2007 13:11

Yes, Prunie, I had a very similar impression of HIGNFY ; very funny but the onslaught was so relentless was heading for bullying territory - Carr in particular.

Aitch · 25/11/2007 13:13

i thought merton was being the more horrid, as it happens.

Jacanne · 25/11/2007 13:13

Still I did like Carr's gag about "having" the queen .

donnie · 25/11/2007 13:22

Ruby Wax is hardly one to dish out advice on parenting though is she? she has openly admitted to neglecting her own children because she hated looking after them and never felt maternal towards them, I remember reading the interview a while back. I would hate to be her. She is fucked up.

Prunie · 25/11/2007 13:24

Did you see Hislop's face though, Jacanne? not impressed.

Having seen Jimmy Carr live, it's his style, and I think he does it well even if it is all crass sexist lad humour. He does make me laugh even though I feel I shouldn't, iyswim. He's very quick but not really a HIGNFY guest imo
(I would never go and see him live again, though, he wa gross.)

at the wild cats thing. She's compellingly repellent.

Prunie · 25/11/2007 13:25

I agree that Merton was by far the most horrid.
Hislop a close second.

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