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Can work do this, is it discrimination?

66 replies

summer2021whereareyou · 22/05/2021 22:10

My manager thinks I have anorexia. I have a BMI that's 1lb underweight, but they keep asking me if I have an eating disorder. They don't believe me when I say I just started eating healthy and exercising. I have been asked 5 times if I'm anorexic, and I feel their eyes on me all day to check what and when I'm eating.

They've now got a colleague to shadow me and learn to do my tasks Incase I go off sick soon. I feel uncomfortable, and insecure. I won't be going off sick, but I feel they see me as a liability.

Can they do this?

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 22/05/2021 23:26

Is the "we are training this person up in case you are sick" related to their weightless concerns. I say this because I'm the only person in my team who does my job so recently another colleague has been working alongside me, to ensure she knows what my role involves to provide resilience if I am sick/holiday.

incenseandpeppermints · 23/05/2021 10:45

Would they check your weight if you were a man? I have been in so many workplaces where weight loss, and what other people are eating, is such a tedious fixation. If you were 1lb overweight would anyone bat an eyelid?

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2021 10:49

I also think there is more to this, there must be something in your performance or behaviour, no one pays someone’s wages to shadow someone else simoly because someone looks thin.

MilduraS · 23/05/2021 11:15

You might look a lot thinner than you realise. I'm 5ft2 and a heathy but slim BMI for my build is 21-22. When I went on a "health kick" after a breakup I went down to a BMI of 18. Lots of people expressed their concern and I thought they were overreacting. With hindsight and looking back on the photos, I was underweight. My face was incredibly gaunt and my collar bones, ribs and hip bones stuck out too much for a healthy person. I also started losing hair and picked up every cold going. Technically I was a heathy weight but the BMI of 18 is aimed at someone with a very petite build, that's why there's such a big range. It doesn't mean every weight within the range is heathy for everyone of that height.

GeorgeTheFirst · 23/05/2021 11:25

You are telling us about your weight and your good sickness record, but you aren't saying anything at all about your eating and whether or not it is disordered, or ever has been.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/05/2021 11:32

Even if she is underweight, it is not appropriate for her work to assume that she must have an earring disorder and assume that she's likely to be off work for substantial periods of time. They have no idea about her personal health and medical status. If they have a genuine wellbeing concern then a discussion with HR and her manager to establish (without prying into her personal life) whether occupational health could help is a more appropriate response.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2021 11:34

How much weight did you loose and what is your bmi. Clearly something is concerning them op, becayse as said, no one pays an extra set of wages for the fun of it. No company has money to burn like that.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2021 11:34

@AssassinatedBeauty

Even if she is underweight, it is not appropriate for her work to assume that she must have an earring disorder and assume that she's likely to be off work for substantial periods of time. They have no idea about her personal health and medical status. If they have a genuine wellbeing concern then a discussion with HR and her manager to establish (without prying into her personal life) whether occupational health could help is a more appropriate response.
Exactly so there is clearly more to it she’s choosing not to reveal.
LaBellina · 23/05/2021 11:39

If this is the whole story, it is indeed very odd and inappropriate. Imagine they’d be following an overweight person around to check if they don’t eat too much and were constantly implying that this person would soon get signed off because of their weight. Can you imagine the uproar? In today’s climate the company would be ‘cancelled’ in no time. Ofcourse it’s not ok to do this to a person because they’re underweight!

UCOinanOCG · 23/05/2021 11:41

How much weight have you lost in that period?

bonfireheart · 23/05/2021 11:42

Imagine if you were overweight...would they be making comments about your weight and you becoming ill.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/05/2021 11:43

"Exactly so there is clearly more to it she’s choosing not to reveal." That may well be, but it isn't relevant, because the way her work are going about it is simply wrong. Even if she has an eating disorder and is dangerously unwell, they aren't dealing with it appropriately.

JackieWeaverFever · 23/05/2021 11:45

There is way more to this than you are saying.
No company has the time capacity and resources to do this for no good reason.

I have never seen this happen and I have managed/worked with hundreds of people some of whom had frankly fairly severe issues (depression alcohol drugs EDs)

Something is seriously amiss here and I find it interesting you don't mention what your weight was previously.

You sound like you are in the throws of a fairly serious ED and there is lot more going on in terms of your work performance than is being stated here

CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2021 11:50

What was your weight previously? You are underweight like you admit and clearly don’t look well despite saying that here. Sounds like your work are worried and trying to help you. Get a referral to OH and speak to them.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/05/2021 11:57

Unless @summer2021whereareyou is outright lying here, being 1 lb underweight isn't a cause to start workplace investigations and repeatedly interrogate her about whether or not she has an eating disorder. For all they know she could have any one of many conditions that could make it hard to maintain her weight. Or just simply be a little underweight but otherwise fine. None of which is any of their business unless it is preventing her from doing her job. That's the only point here that needs clarification - if her work have told her that she's not able to perform her role properly at the moment.

Moondust001 · 23/05/2021 12:01

I think that there are two things going on here. And the OP appears to be conflating them.

It is a very bad idea to have only one person who knows how a job is done. If that were not the case currently, then they wouldn't need to have someone shadowing you. It is good and sensible management to have more than one person able to do a job in case someone is off sick or leaves. And I have on occasions said exactly that same thing to a member of staff, because just because the are currently well, or haven't had time off previously doesn't mean they won't in the future. You perhaps haven't noticed, but beyond the usual "people get sick and can't get in to work" there's been an awful lot of people off sick over the last year on account of this pandemic thing. In fact last year I had to instruct one member of my team, who is a bit of a control freak (and that's her description of herself, not mine) to train someone else on some tasks as I'd asked nicely several times and she always had a good reason why not now!

Since that fact, of itself, is perfectly good management, that leaves us only with the weight loss and questions about your health. A totally seperate issue. As a manager, if I had concerns I would very definitely ask the person about their situation. If they assured me that they were fine, I would leave it at that unless I subsequently had reason to continue to be concerned. I quite definitely have experience of staff who've told me they are fine and they obviously aren't, or it gets to a point where it becomes clear they aren't. What I do then depends on circumstances. But I certainly would not ignore it. So I do think that either they have some experience that is causing them to worry unnecessarily. Or they have good reason to worry about you, whether or not that is warranted.

But is it discrimination? No it isn't. There is no law that says that you should be the only person who knows how to do your job. And there is no law that says that managers shouldn't be concerned about your health. If this is bothering you, sit down and tell your manager that your are very happy that you've lost weight, it had been managed by you in a responsible way through diet and exercise, and you are grateful for their concern but you don't have an eating disorder and don't want to be asked that again. Training someone rise to do your job in case your are off sick or leave is their business, not yours, so drop it. You are making yourself paranoid with something that is a sensible strategy.

Of course, got should also consider if your manager really is seeing something that you aren't, because eating disorders are terrible things, and the people affected by them almost never see that they have a problem.

incenseandpeppermints · 23/05/2021 12:04

What would your work say / do if you were overweight and they felt it affected your work?

Seesawmummadaw · 23/05/2021 12:10

How do they know your weight/bmi?

Even when underweight by quite a bit my work never commented on my size or ability to do my job because of my eating habits because that would have been inappropriate. Maybe if it had affected my work it would have been appropriate.

Has your work suffered as a direct result of your weight loss?

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 23/05/2021 12:15

I think people are missing the point. Whether OP has or hasn't got an eating disorder, they are actively training someone to take her job on the basis that she is going off sick.

She hasn't approached them with any health issues, she hasn't been off sick.

They haven't had a 1-1 meeting to discuss their concerns, where are OH in all of this? Why isn't her manager having a well being meeting?

What they're doing is wrong. If someone was becoming morbidly obese and their job did this, I'm sure really the comments on this thread would be very different

Acryforhelp · 23/05/2021 12:19

[quote summer2021whereareyou]@TheMotherlode I've been told she's shadowing me incase I go off sick yes[/quote]
I’m several pounds underweight, work haven’t done this to me! (& they wouldn’t)
YANBU op. Awful that they have said that and you have someone shadowing you. Is there a HR department you could speak to?

Persipan · 23/05/2021 12:27

Seconding everything @Moondust001 said.

summer2021whereareyou · 23/05/2021 12:44

They don't know my weight or BMI obviously, I'm just saying here for context I am 1lb underweight. My BMI is 18.4

In terms of eating, I eat around 1600 calories a day.

Before I lost weight, I was eating A LOT of food, probably around 3000 calories a day Confused. And I did no exercise at all. I was half a stone overweight, but I should have been more overweight considering the amount of food I ate IYSWIM.

OP posts:
incenseandpeppermints · 23/05/2021 13:37

I assume your colleagues are women? Would male colleagues do this?

Moondust001 · 23/05/2021 13:52

I think people are missing the point. Whether OP has or hasn't got an eating disorder, they are actively training someone to take her job on the basis that she is going off sick.
@AhaShakeHeartbreak12
No, I think you are missing the point. They are not "actively training someone to take her job on the the basis that she is going off sick". The employer is training someone else to do a job that belongs to the employer, so that they have two people who can undertake the tasks if someone is off sick. The employer can train 200 people for tasks that they want doing if that is what they want to do. It's the employers job - the OP is just employed to do those tasks. If the OP is not around for any reason - sick, on leave, finds a new job, wins the lotery - the employer still requires those tasks doing, so they are training someone else in them. That is entirely reasonable and sensible of the employer. And not, in any case, anything the OP can do a thing about. The employer runs their business how they like within the law, and this is well within the law.

Of course, perhaps the OP would prefer that, being the only person in that role, that if they were off for any reason, the employer would keep phoning asking them questions, trying to get them back into work, getting them to work from home whilst sick... you know - the sort of thing that half the other threads complain about?

TheMotherlode · 23/05/2021 14:31

Agree with what @Moondust001 is saying, it’s not unreasonable for an employer to have several people trained to do one job, just in case.

If they are only doing this for your job though, and have said it’s because they think you’re going to go off sick because they think you have an eating disorder, then it’s potentially unreasonable of them.

Ultimately, if you want some decent advice from this thread then you’re going to have to stop being cagey and share more detail about the specifics of what has been said, in what context and what led up to this.

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