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Work

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Original poster

back at work 6 months and unhappy, but don't know why.........

27 replies

grizzle · 16/11/2007 11:39

Been at current place 12 years. Took a years mat leave and went back in May.....

Now November and feel like a round peg in a square hole and don't know why. Used to be really enthusiastic and enjoy my job. Now feel no interest or motivation at all.

Management want to get a new project off the ground which I have been pushing for about 7 years. Now really not interested and cannot be bothered. Yet pre mat leave would have gone mad for it.

On my return, same squabbles, same politics still going on. Cannot be bothered. Feel I have lost some ground as a result of mat leave which would be expected I suppose, but don't really care.

At first I thought it was just settling back in, but feel it has been going on too long for just that. Do not understand what as happened to me. I don't really want to be a SAHM, so am totally confused.

Dp says I'm having a mid life crisis he may be right. My mum died 2 years ago, and he thinks it is to do with that.

Prior to mat leave, had no desire to leave or find another job, liked my colleagues, and enjoyed work. Now cry most nights, feel horrified at the thought of being there for a long time, but don't know why. Nothing has really changed at work, so it must be me.

Have changed my name for this as don't really want to post under normal name.

Anyone know why I am like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 11:42

It is only at work I feel like this, feel absolutely fine in every other area of my life

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RubySlippers · 16/11/2007 11:44

even if you don't realise it motherhood does change your attitude to WOHM

when i went back to work i found i have very little patience for office politics and crap like that

i think you have had a lot to contend with - new baby, passing away of your mum

crying at night over a job is not good

can you take a week off to re-charge yourself, and look at other options

perhaps the time has come for a change of career? 12 years is a long time to be in a job

foxinsocks · 16/11/2007 11:45

how old is your child?

I think it's quite hard going back after maternity leave. I found that with my first one. It's a bit like stepping back in time. The job is the same, the people are the same and it's almost a constant reminder of the person you used to be, before you had children (if that makes sense).

I know it's not the same for everyone but having children definitely changed me. And not every change was for the better and I found my old job reminded me of all the ways I had changed for the worse (iyswim).

I don't really know what to suggest. I'm sorry you are so unhappy. Have you got some lovely friends you can talk to about this? I don't think the way you are feeling is that uncommon.

RubySlippers · 16/11/2007 11:46

just another thought - are you happy with your childcare arrangements?

if you aren;t it can really unsettle you ...

Niecie · 16/11/2007 11:46

I would think that having a baby and losing your mother has changed you but the job hasn't and it no longer suits you. Maybe it is time for a bit of a change - leave and go somewhere else entirely. Start afresh.

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 11:58

Childcare arrangements are great, dd has lovely childminder.

She isn't my first, but there is a big gap between her and ds, as she is the result of a second relationship. Job always suited me when ds was little, so am totally confused.

Job is also just 5 minutes away, and as have been there a loooong time they are fine with childcare problems etc....

Am applying for other jobs, but am concerned I will take my discontent with me

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Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 11:59

Dd is 16 months old, and wonderful child

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Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 12:00

But I just don't feel any different apart from at work, that is why I am so confused

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Niecie · 16/11/2007 12:30

But you are different, you have to be because there is an extra and very important person in your life.

Do you know what is upsetting you about your job? Is it the politics, the actual work, the fact that you feel like you maybe matter a little less? Is it the hours? Do you plan to have any more children? Do you perhaps now feel that is it, everything will be the same until retirement, with no more maternity leave or extended periods of time off to look forward to? Could you do with a career break for six months to think about where you want to go?

Niecie · 16/11/2007 12:31

Sorry, too many questions but you do have to be sure, that, as you say, you don't take your discontent with you.

scattyspice · 16/11/2007 12:36

Do you work part time? I find it both a blessing and a curse.
I definately feel as if its a job rather than a career now and have seen others with less experience over take me.
But in other ways I don't feel stressed at work any more or under pressure. I enjoy what I do.

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 12:58

I work 4 days a week which is ideal tbh, there are a lot of partime staff there anyway.

Something about being there until retirement rings a few bells, as does mattering less perhaps, but that isn't the whole thing.

Just feel isolated and wrong there but really haven't got a clue why. These are people I've known for years, and I never felt like this before......

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scattyspice · 16/11/2007 13:02

When you enjoyed your job before, was it the actual job or was it the people that you enjoyed (or something else)?

Do you still enjoy that type of work or aspects of it?

If no, you'd be happier in a job you enjoy even if the social side is less good.

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 13:23

I think it was both, I had a lot of friends there (still do), but am sick of the same moans and quibbles in the smallish dept I work in.

I prefer the company of people outside my dept as it just feels too claustropobic in my dept, but this is isolating, BUT, I want to keep my distance from them, but don't know why. It's just too stifling and too close for comfort

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Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 13:25

And I am as guilty of the moaning and politics as anyone else

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Niecie · 16/11/2007 14:01

Have your interests changed? If it feels like a job and not a career maybe it is time to do something else and get that spark of real interest back in your job. I am a SAHM because I want to be with my children until they go to school but also I don't have any interest in doing what I did before and want to do something different when I go back. My old job seems a bit trivial and I have found that gets worse as I get older. My values have changed I suppose. I want to do something that means something (whatever that is). Maybe you have changed in the same way.

Now you are going to tell me you do something really important like brain surgery aren't you?

Is your DD sleeping well? Maybe you are just tired and need some time off.

rookiemum · 16/11/2007 14:05

I had a bit of a crisis like this about 6 weeks ago.

I work 4 days a week and only get a short lunch so didn't interact very much with the other people and felt that the people in my management team were cliquey and the office politics was really petty.

I have got over it by making a big effort on my part, I go out for lunch with them occasionally, using precious TOIL time to do it and I really force my self to be immersed in my job when I am there. Also I am making more of an effort to do a couple of things in the evenings once DS is in bed such as going to a gym class, so I'm not just on the treadmill of work, baby, home.

It does sound as if you need some time off to consider your options, is it feasible to take some holidays ?

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 14:18

Dd sleeps well
The job has lots of holidays
It is a rewarding job really (ie giving somwthing back)
I think I have I have outgrown it, but not sure why. Plenty of people there older than me...loads of them....but it is a very static workforce (ie no one leaves) and I think I feel stifled by it..............but just don't know why.

Perhaps I AM having mid life crisis. It is partly something to do with re evaluating my life and where I want to be, am almost sure of it, but don't know why it is happening now, when everything else has changed so much, I would really think I needed a bit of stability rather than more change, and none of it has been a conscious process, I just feel wrong.

Have been to GP about it...she didn't really know either. Have read throug op, and it sounds like depression, but I,m just not depressed in any other area of my life...although my joie de vivre has disappeared a bit

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Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 14:19

Crikey...what a list of moans........

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rookiemum · 16/11/2007 14:25

Fair enough, it does sound as if you need a new job.

I know I sometimes feel hemmed in because I have a final salary pension which I would be loath to give up and p/t hours that aren't too bad.

Would there be other jobs in your field ?

Original poster

grizzle · 16/11/2007 14:28

What you say Rookimaum, about immersing yourself in is interesting.

If I make an effort it is better, and I feel better, but the disasatisfaction always comes back. It's making the effort that's so hard.

Just had a sort of appraisal, did well , but can't even be bothered to read about it...just shoved report away with no interest

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Niecie · 16/11/2007 14:34

Try another job. Even if you are mildly depressed, sitting in the same job isn't going to help if that is the thing that is making you depressed. 12 years is a long time to be in one job. I don't know how old you are but maybe in the back of your mind it is now or never, particularly if you feel a change of direction would be a good idea. Having a baby is a big catalyst for change in all areas of your life, I think and if everything else has changed I am not surprised doing the same old job again seems a bit dull. Maybe it is time for a shake up and see what happens. You might not get what you want in the first shake but you don't have to stay, just move on again and see what happens next. Quite exciting really!

rookiemum · 16/11/2007 14:39

It sounds like a major case of the blahs, I'm luckier in that I haven't been in my current position for too long and we have just had a management restructure which although it means I could ultimately lose my job, has got me on my toes again and actively involved.

Can you move departments, or look for other jobs ?

rebelmum1 · 16/11/2007 14:42

Sounds like you need a change of direction. It doesn't fulfill your needs and priorities anymore. My ideas have completely changed since having my dd. I enjoy work to a point but it is a temporary measure until I get my other projects off the ground. I would ask yourself if you removed all the obstacles and constraints what if you could start again would you want to do?

scattyspice · 16/11/2007 17:57

I'm dying to know what your job is.

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