Arrrrg hate managing people!

[SunshineLifeIsBest]

I'm the nicest manager. Honestly I am. I take an interest in anyone I line manage & genuinely like people.
I support them. I represent them & their views (upwards). I don't take credit for work they've done/ stuff they have achieved. I let them take leave or days off whenever they need (within reason). I chat through things with them & make sure they are happy & understand what is required if them. I understand that people make mistakes. I trust them to make their own decisions but am there are a sounding board if needed. I give out loads of praise.

But JEEZE I sometimes feel like it's never good enough. People can be so bloody whingey & argumentative.

Sorry for the moan. Just had to get that off my chest!

I could have written this myself OP! We need to stop being so nice! 🙄

God I hear you. I’m the same, flexible, supportive but still people are never happy. I sometimes want to yell ‘ does anyone care about how I feel today?’

This is why I have never progressed - I don't want to manage people, a thankless task with such a big responsibility.

What gets me is the ones I really like & get on with. It's the default to suddenly just being treated like "a manager" rather than appreciating that I'm a person who might actually get offended if you are horrible!

They don't have to like you. They just have to respect them. And vice versa.

People will moan. You can coach them to articulate their moan constructively but it will never disappear entirely. Don't take it personally.

How long have you managed people?

In my experience It's thankless until...
You've supported them through a couple of promotions
People are arguing to get into your team because they know you've got their backs
People stay in touch and keep asking for advice and 'just to talk stuff through'

Makes it feel much more worthwhile and you see how much being useful can be valued.

Hang in there. If you remember and are grateful to good managers this is your chance to pay back.

I also could have written this. I try so hard to be a supportive, approachable manager. And mostly I get complained at, complained about, and one of my team in particular uses her very part time hours trying to undermine me. Urrrgggggggghhhhhhh

I drink. Fall apart, eat shit, but mostly drink.

Yeah I know @Palavah you are right. It's just hard not to take it personally sometimes when you're knackered after a year of bloody lockdown.

I hated managing people and I did it for 15+ years until I had kids and went freelance. I'd always prefer to do what I 'do' and have less money, rather than manage other people to do what I 'do' and be miserable, even if I'm financially a bit better off. And I was the kind of manager you describe. I found it soul destroying. Management sucks the fun out of everything!

I only manage one person and it's still driving me nuts this week.

I agree with everything you’ve said. I’ve supported my team throughout lockdown, and gone out of my way to look after them, which is absolutely as it should be. I try to be very nice to them, and they are generally fabulous in return, and it’s a lovely team and department.

But one or two have started to take advantage of my good nature (my boss has noticed, and is cross on my behalf). One is slacking off a bit too much (I give them a lot of leeway) and another is being rude; I am never rude to my staff.

I find it disappointing - it makes me wonder whether being caring and appreciative is the right approach. I like to treat people as adults, and hate micro managing, but I have had to pick up on a few things with people recently, which is never fun.

So I agree, OP.

Yes @RaskolnikovsGarret disappointed is absolutely the right word!

I could see the taking advantage thing happening - the asking for too much - far too much and expecting it because your the nice guy even though they know it's bad for the business. I think just occasionally you should show your teeth...and say no.

I feel the same, OP. I’ve managed people for years now and realising that I actually don’t like it at all, for all the reasons you describe. It’s seriously limiting my career options.

Would love to hear from anyone who does like it! Is there a knack?!

I've been a manager for 3 months and I don't love it. It was obvious career progression and a lot more money but I am not seeing the appeal right now!

I like the part of my mgt job in leading projects and doing the high level decision making - but the people mgt? Less so- completely agree it can be a thankless task. Why people think they can be rude to me still shocks me but I don't ignore it anymore and call out the 'tone' of requests/ emails/ behaviour in meetings. Soon as u have mgt in your title u stop being a person as well it seems

I hated managing people. All managers had an upward appraisal too which could be quite illuminating, so you think you are a really nice manager but then all the staff get to write what they think of you as one.

Oh it’s really thankless isn’t it?

I’ve got one employee who keeps saying she wants to progress to management but doesn’t actually do any work - and when I’ve tried to manage this aspect, she’s gone to unions etc and said I’m sexist/homophobic - then drops it for a few months, then it starts again.

Then I get slagged off in the press for being a “pen pusher” with a “gold plated pension” and feel depressed...

Dh seems to enjoy managing people - he also enjoys working his way around difficult politics and difficult people. He doesn't tend to dwell on stuff - calls things out, has the frank discussion, reaches an agreed solution and then it's done, conversation closed - he does not expect to hear about it again, unless new information needed to be shared - he seriously would not be happy about someone going on and on about something and they'd know that very quickly.

I have always heard that being middle management is the hardest job, and I am inclined to agree, at least in my organisation. You have to disseminate difficult messages from the top, as well as deal with the minutiae of challenging issues in your own team. My lovely boss works half the hours I do! 🙄

I do get great feedback from my team, and my team is the highest performing team in the dept, productivity-wise, so I will always favour the carrot rather than the stick approach. And I love the people management aspects that involve developing people. I had a low performer recently with the most brilliant attitude and work ethic, and so provided him with weekly writing tuition as good drafting is an important part of the job. He is now flying, and I am so thrilled for him.

But it doesn’t make the hard bits any easier. I just sometimes wonder what the point is of being so nice and polite if (some) staff are going to be rude back. A bit demotivating really. In my organisation we are lucky to have an understanding and supportive employer, but some people just seem to want more and more for doing very little.

Most of my staff are wonderful btw.

Sympathies to everyone else in the same position.

I think people pleasers shouldn't manage it's never going to be easy for them. I have had some great managers and not so good. The worst being the hot and cold managers who are friendly one minute and stressy the next. The best being the one who are consistent kind and firm but fair to everyone in their team. Like parenting really. You will always get a mood hoover on some teams or someone who likes a moan more than others but if it's not meant as personal criticism just company criticism. Then try not to take it to heart.

Your experience isn’t uncommon. The pandemic is now causing people to be irritable and take it out in each other. Same nationwide.

A colleague once told me ‘all my problems have hair on them’. It’s true. Work would be a breeze without all the people issues.

Oh yes, all of this!

We own our business and we have a team that we manage. Managing people is incredibly time consuming and can feel soul destroying. We are supportive, kind, caring, flexible. We work around our team's obligations outside of work to ensure they never miss a sports day, an assembly or appointment. We praise, validate and have never pointed the finger of blame, instead looking for workable solutions for things to improve. We also work longer hours than anyone else, make the tough or brave decisions, deal with the consequences, plan ahead for the future, and yet it doesn't feel appreciated or understood. We have recently shared with our team that in order to protect jobs and keep the business going, we've taken a massive pay cut. They don't know that this means us taking a mortgage holiday, borrowing money from our family in order to pay our bills and feed our kids, in order to keep money in the business. Not one person has acknowledged it. We've realised that being the boss means you never feature in anyone else's thoughts. It stinks, but I'm trying to rise above it.

Absolutely, I like to think I’m the same as you. Then people try to take advantage, then get stroppy when they aren’t given what they want due to X Y Z.

I’m very fair but people can be arseholes. I’ve been managing teams of 8-12 for 2 years & now they want me to manage 16 people which I don’t know how I’ll cope!!