Work bully’s 40th birthday approaching and a collection has been mentioned.

[AhhhhhhVienna]

What can I say to get out of putting into her collection, without sounding mean?

She has (covertly) bullied me now for the last year or so, but goes out of her way to talk to me when other people are present, asking me questions that I have to answer, or I’ll look like the bad person iyswim.

Any help please will be appreciated 💐

You wait til the envelope comes round you sign the card,and simply don’t put any money in the card

S9gn but no to money she’s made your life hell why should you.

Are you in the office or are you working from home? People at my place are all working from home and are requesting PayPal or similar for collections so I just wouldn’t put in. If in the office maybe never have any money or just say you’d rather not as you’re not close/don’t get on.

Your work does birthdays? We only do leavings and bereavement

Put 1 and 2ps into the envelope

Ohh yes I’ve done that smash money and random foreign coins. Very satisfying

You can say that in 2021 all of the money you weld have spent on presents money is instead going to a charity. Even better if it's an anti-bullying charity

Write fuck you in her card

Sign it with "Happy Birthday x' and don't put any money in.

These usually get left round the office for people to do and all the messages are unoriginal so you can just leave a bland message and no-one will know that you didn't add any money.

Just make sure you aren't the first person asked - or if you are, forget for a few days.

Monopoly money. You may find you're not the only one - they could end up with a bag of monopoly money!

Years ago, the office bully was retiring and everyone was putting into her collection. I really didn't want to. On the way to work, I found a grotty £5 at the bus stop and put that in the envelope

@ExtraordinaryQuince

Monopoly money. You may find you're not the only one - they could end up with a bag of monopoly money!

Use The fake money the kids play with

When I had this I did not sign the card, give money, or go to the leaving do. I don't want to join in the pretence.

I didn't bother. No money didn't sign the card didn't go to leaving do. It gave me great pleasure!

Just pass it along. I don't sign or give money for people i don't like. If someone tries to give it to you, just say no thank you.

Years ago, we had two collections come round, one nice person and one horrible.
My friend took a big handful out of horrible and put it in nice 😬
I don't think it is appropriate to take a big handful out and keep it though!
I agree with previous posters.
Don't sign or donate. Just pass it on with a 'no thank you'

You don't need to give a reason. Just pass the envelope to the next person without commenting. If it's a person collecting just say, 'I won't be contributing to this one.' If pressed, perhaps just 'I have my reasons'. But it's nobody else's business.

Don't sign the card. That would be hypocritical.

I've refused to contribute to office collections twice that I can recall. Didn't make a big deal of it. No one treated me any differently for it.

If it's been going for a year or so surely HR have a report/or noticed, or coworkers have noticed, so will understand?

I think it’s time to take a stand OP, don’t engage in her pretence anymore, bullies rely on their ‘victim’ to play along, she’s manipulative and needs calling out for it. I think having a quiet word with her when no one is around along the lines of ‘‘I’ve had enough of your manipulation, don’t act all innocent just stop it ok?” And walk off. When her card comes around say ‘oh this is awkward but NAME & I have an understanding- we don’t contribute to each other’s collections’

More scripted rubbish. That bears no relation to reality. All about you @carpetdiem and Not the op
Op has to work there,a big see you speech is inadvisable as it may adversely affect op

Just don't put any money in.

Years ago two of my colleagues were getting married at the same time and an envelope went round for each. The nice colleague got several hundred pounds (it was a big office) the office bully got about £3, a few buttons, random safety pins and badges. It was incredibly satisfying to witness. Sadly the manager was too spineless to tell the truth so he just took the more well liked staff member's present and split it in two. We all knew about it though, and so did the bully. So that was satisfying in its own way.

I refused to contribute or sign her card and no one could make me.

@mrsbyers

Write fuck you in her card

OMG I was about to type this

I was once tempted to write "I forgive you" in someone's leaving card They'd been responsible for some very underhand behaviour towards me, and I was very glad to see the back of them, but I thought that comment would sow the seeds of doubt in other people's minds. I resisted the temptation however, and didn't even sign the card. Which I was glad about when they got their old job back, just a month later!

Just don't bother signing, or if that will reflect badly on you, sign it but don't contribute.

I forgive you. Lol very prophetic and dark

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam

Just pass it along. I don't sign or give money for people i don't like. If someone tries to give it to you, just say no thank you.

Absolutely. No need for the pretence.