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Original poster

Work bully’s 40th birthday approaching and a collection has been mentioned.

46 replies

AhhhhhhVienna · 06/03/2021 12:19

What can I say to get out of putting into her collection, without sounding mean?

She has (covertly) bullied me now for the last year or so, but goes out of her way to talk to me when other people are present, asking me questions that I have to answer, or I’ll look like the bad person iyswim.

Any help please will be appreciated 💐

OP posts:
Lotsachocolateplease · 06/03/2021 22:30

Write ‘now you’ve reached the age of 40 it’s about time you grew up and stopped bullying me.’ In her card

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 06/03/2021 22:31

I refused to contribute to a workplace bully's leaving present /card when I was 17. She was just horrible and I was glad she was leaving. The manager told me that she'd noticed I hadn't contributed and congratulated me on sticking to my principles!

Alonelonelyloner · 07/03/2021 10:42

The "I Forgive you" cracks me up.

In reality I would either not join in at all or put 'I have made a massive donation on your behalf to AntiBullying.com as I know you take Bullying very seriously!'

Spied · 07/03/2021 10:47

I'd buy my own card and gift.
A 'friend' card with a lovely verse and a bottle of lambrini- or one of those 'kindness' meme plaques.
( Although it's probably best to simply not spend any time or thought on the bitch at all)

TwoStepsAhead34 · 07/03/2021 10:54

Order a fake-winning lottery ticket and slip that one in instead!

ThePlantsitter · 07/03/2021 10:57

Yeah just say 'no thanks' pleasantly and pass it on. Don't contribute to a present for someone who's bullying you. If pressed say 'I don't want to' and if pressed further say 'can you stop asking please' and walk away.

Easterbunnygettingready · 07/03/2021 10:58

Offer to get the card. A glitter bomb one sent to her home...

Number3BigCupOfTea · 07/03/2021 11:01

Oh this situation is awful!

A woman who gave me the silent treatment at work for a year nearly while being so super sweet and lovely to everybody, when she left, I wrote ''you'll be remembered'' in her card. Petty perhaps, but hey.

You could write ''good luck in your new job'' on her card. And then say oh, she's forty, right right.

Then if she's mentions it tell her you're manifesting her departure.

Number3BigCupOfTea · 07/03/2021 11:03

@Alonelonelyloner

The "I Forgive you" cracks me up.

In reality I would either not join in at all or put 'I have made a massive donation on your behalf to AntiBullying.com as I know you take Bullying very seriously!'

oh that's funny!
LemonRoses · 07/03/2021 11:05

Don’t be hypocritical. Don’t sign, don’t put money in. If there is a difficult relationship, others will already have spotted this. If pressed simply say that you’d rather not on this occasion.

Then do something about the bullying.

LApprentiSorcier · 07/03/2021 11:10

I just wrote 'Bye!' in the leaving card of a horrible bully and passed on the envelope without putting anything in.

Soontobe60 · 07/03/2021 11:10

I’ve always contributed to all collections, regardless of how I feel about the person. It makes me feel quite smug to know that I wont let someone else’s shitty behaviour turn me into a shitty person.
I do understand though that it’s everyone’s own choice and would never criticise someone for not contributing.
OP, do whatever makes you feel ok, but I’d advise not to do something revengeful, particularly if you're not normally a revengeful person IYSWIM?

Number3BigCupOfTea · 07/03/2021 11:14

I don't think people do necessarily ''spot it'' though.

The woman who bullied me, she was so covert. She would say just enough to me so that nobody could say she never spoke to me.

In fact, she would speak to me if we were on her own because her goal was to push me out of any group, or any group discussions or chat. It wasn't that she didn't like me so much as it enraged her /threatened her that other people seemed to not want to exclude me.

She came back to a work do a while later and i asked her ''Oh hi Regina, are you behaving yourself!?''

I don't think she realised how transparent her passive aggressive behaviors were.

mumwon · 07/03/2021 11:19

May you have as happy a birthday as you deserve
or words to that effect

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 07/03/2021 11:19

Don’t donate, don’t sign, end of.

frazzledasarock · 07/03/2021 11:25

I wouldn’t write in the card or contribute.

Don’t create drama for yourself.

redspecial · 07/03/2021 12:05

don't sign or if you do, just squiggle your name illegibly.

I'd be tempted to write "40! you look a lot older (smiley face)" but that's me, I give no fucks about sparing the tender feelings of bullies.

Don't donate.

NaughtyNell · 07/03/2021 12:14

I wouldnt sign the card or out money in why would you if shes been nasty.

Garliccoriander · 09/03/2021 17:20

Retired now but I remember the dreaded collection. I worked in the financial sector and was made redundant a couple of times as well as changing jobs and have been the recipient.
I was born in Scotland but moved to England on marriage, 45th anniversary this year. My leaving gifts seemed to include the ubiquitous box of shortbread the same for secret Santa.

CarpetDiem · 27/03/2021 13:31

@AhhhhhhVienna what did you do?

N51BU · 30/03/2021 08:19

Somebody retired a few years ago at my work, I was asked if I wanted to sign a card and give money for a present. I declined. They were extremely grumpy and miserable

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