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Original poster

Only giving one week's notice

30 replies

Arghlife · 20/02/2021 17:46

Will try and give as much information as possible. I'm a live in nanny. I do have a contract that says I need to give a month's notice. However, I only want to give a week.
The backstory is, the parents have separated. I've moved to the new home with the mum and children. Whilst I have still been working my hours, I have only been doing it when the children is with the mum, as before now, the dad hasn't asked to use me at his new place.
I can't work for the dad now, I'm getting really anxious. The last 2 years have been emotional as both parents have used me, he's told me things and made it clear that if I told the mum, it's a sackable offence. A year and a half ago I went to the doctors, breaking down in tears with how it was affecting me.

I honestly don't think he will demand me to work a month, but I'm not sure how to put it into the resignation letter.
Can I just put for personal reasons? There are many reasons how I think the contract has been broken by my employer, but I have to be careful in how things are worded as, to be honest, he's scary. He's powerful and I don't want to make things more difficult.

Thank you

OP posts:

Ludo19 · 20/02/2021 19:50

Can you take the mother into your confidence? Not to tell her what he said to you about her but basically how he makes you feel because you leaving is going to affect her the most.

Original poster

Arghlife · 20/02/2021 19:58

The mum is going to be taking me on, she knows about it all and is supportive

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 20/02/2021 20:00

I’m a bit confused
You say you are going to carry on working for mum, so not actually leaving at all?
Dad hasn’t actually asked you to work at his house has he?

Original poster

Arghlife · 20/02/2021 20:04

The dad is currently classed as my employer, he pays my wages, and tells everyone that he is my boss, the mum isn't. He is in control of the money. He has also now stated that he wants me to work at his house as he is paying me

OP posts:

Original poster

Arghlife · 20/02/2021 20:24

Maybe I don't need to actually resign from the dad? The mum could email and say that she's taking me on?

OP posts:

DianaT1969 · 20/02/2021 22:06

Do you have a contract? I think you need a new contract which states that you work at X home for X hours.

hobbyiscodefordogging · 20/02/2021 22:28

Just write the resignation letter as normal and request that you can use any outstanding annual leave and / or agree on a one week notice period. Can you avoid going to his house for that week?

The worst that can happen is that he insists on a month's notice as per the contract - in which case, ask your doctor to sign you off for your mental health. You'll probably get an initial 2 weeks signed off but can extend it.

Hoppinggreen · 20/02/2021 22:42

@Arghlife

Maybe I don't need to actually resign from the dad? The mum could email and say that she's taking me on?

Can she afford to?

solicitoring · 21/02/2021 09:52

Really bad advice on here. Don't resign you will lose your employment rights. Your role (looking after the children) hasn't changed. You need to call acas as they will give you some advice but I would say this is a type transfer and mum needs to formally assume responsibility.

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 09:55

I don't have any holiday left, the dad reduced my hours from around 55/60 to 35 hours a week last September, so said my holiday was reduced to 2 weeks, which I had already taken.
The mum can afford to but less hours.
Thank you for your help, I'll talk to the mum. I think I do need to resign from the dad as he is my actual employer, and just state that the mum is taking me on, and as he hasn't physically needed me at this point, then one weeks notice should work?
He has said to the mum that he will be wanting to use me at his new house.

OP posts:

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 09:56

@solicitoring thank you for that, I didn't see it before I posted. I will look into that. Thanks

OP posts:

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 21/02/2021 09:59

www.gov.uk/transfers-takeovers Tupe - typo above so this might help. Good luck!

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 10:11

Thank you! I'm calling acas tomorrow to see how it works.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 21/02/2021 10:14

@Arghlife

I don't have any holiday left, the dad reduced my hours from around 55/60 to 35 hours a week last September, so said my holiday was reduced to 2 weeks, which I had already taken. The mum can afford to but less hours. Thank you for your help, I'll talk to the mum. I think I do need to resign from the dad as he is my actual employer, and just state that the mum is taking me on, and as he hasn't physically needed me at this point, then one weeks notice should work? He has said to the mum that he will be wanting to use me at his new house.

I would question that annual leave, full time employees are entitled to 5.6 weeks and even with a cut in your hours, you are certainly not far off what is typically considered a full time week. So perhaps you can argue this and then use leave to shorten notice period.

Whether one weeks notice works is for the employer to decide and you really won’t know until you ask. Generally speaking employers don’t take action against employees that don’t work their notice, but it is best avoided because it reflects poorly. Technically the employer could make a legal claim for costs of temporary cover.

The mother would need to agree to take on the responsibilities of being an employer, you cannot just say she is.

Hoppinggreen · 21/02/2021 10:49

I am not a legal or HR expert but if he changed your hours I don’t think you have to accept the change and can leave.

ChateauMargaux · 21/02/2021 11:38

The holiday situation sounds wrong.

If you are working 60 hours per week, you get 5.6 weeks of holiday.

If you work 35 hours per week, you get 5.6 weeks of holiday.

If those hours are compressed and you work them over 3 days then you get three days of holiday for each week of entitlement but you have the other days off anyway.

You accrued the holiday for each month you worked. He cannot just half your holiday entitlement.

As for the notice, pay and your place of work, your new boss needs to step in here and negotiate this with her ex. Talk to her and ensure that she can continue to pay you including any pay that is owed to you in case he decides not to pay you for the time you have worked for her alone and for any holiday pay due.. once you have worked that out.

If you have carried on looking after the children and carried on doing your hours, perhaps instead of resigning, you can ask for clarification of arrangements going forward from both of them reminding them of their obligation to consult with you and give you to opportunity to accept or decline changes to your terms and conditions and their obligations to give you notice of any changes. This will avoid you having to give notice.

On another note, they have not treated you kindly, they have halved your hours and I presume your pay, denied you holiday and are now allowing their marriage issues to affect you (and their children). I know you feel loyalty to the children and the mother but please don't allow them to avoid their obligations to you as your employers. There are other jobs out there where you will be valued and respected..

user18467425798532 · 21/02/2021 11:50

I was also thinking TUPE. Hope Acas help you get sorted.

As an aside, you don't need to provide a reason for resigning from a job. You certainly don't need to justify your decision.

If this man has been engaging in coercive control and you have been on the receiving end of it, have you had support or advice on keeping yourself safe?

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 12:09

Thank you, I didn't argue against the drop of holiday time as he's someone you don't speak against. I work Monday to Friday, so it usually works out as 7 hours a day, but ofcourse as the children have been home since January then I've done more.
I think I'm struggling as I'm always putting the children first, they've been through so much . All through January I was trying to help pack up the family home and supporting the children with their schooling but the dad recently turned round and said that I haven't been working. I feel like he's using me as he knows that the mum relys on me.

I wanted to stay for the children, as the parents used to both refer to me as their 'rock', the one stable thing in their life, but I'm starting to crumble, but I don't want to let the children down or the mum. I've been with them for 12 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 12:11

This is the only place I can ask, as it's anonymous, but I think he's put me on furlough. Is there somewhere I can check?

OP posts:

PurpleGoose · 21/02/2021 12:31

@arghlife speaking as an employer if a nanny, there are many things that your employer has done incorrectly from the sounds of it so I'd definitely contact ACAS on Monday. In answer to your furlough question though, if he's fourloughed you he has to have notified you in writing (email is fine) that you've been fourloughed.

PurpleGoose · 21/02/2021 12:33

Arrrgh typos. Hopefully you get the gist. Sorry.

Original poster

Arghlife · 21/02/2021 12:43

He hasn't put anything in writing. However in May time he mentioned something about it. End of December the mum said that I'll need to work extra hours and can he pay about more, he agreed. But once we moved to the new house, end of January, she asked him in a text and he said they needed to talk on the phone. But he said that I was on furlough so he didn't want anything in writing. So I think what he's doing is wrong, but I don't know for sure.

To be honest, with what everyone is saying, I think I need to leave the family completely. I'm genuinely anxious and worried when I receive messages from him and I'll still have to work with him so to speak, through the mum.

OP posts:

PurpleGoose · 21/02/2021 13:34

That makes me suspect that he's claiming through the furlough scheme when you're now back at work (which is fraud).

As for leaving completely, only you can decide if that's your best option/know what the job market is like. Once the Mum becomes your employer you are under no obligation to speak to him/have contact - you would need to have strong boundaries by the sounds of it and could have no requirement to be in contact with him forming part of your new contract.

ChateauMargaux · 21/02/2021 13:37

I am sorry you are being bullied by this man. I don't know what to suggest as he is likely to bully his way out of this but he has acted illegally if he is claiming you are furloughed and you are continuing to work. Speak to ACAS, do you have legal cover on your home insurance?

12 years is a long time but to walk away without being properly paid for the work you have done and feeling forced out of your job is not nice.

Get confirmation of the hours you have worked. Keep copies of all communication about hours and changes.

You need someone in your corner lady.. .. It might be worth posting in the Employment Issues section on here.. tag Flowery, I am sure she will have some good advice for you.

ChateauMargaux · 21/02/2021 13:39

12 years of redundancy could be a lot to walk away from if they decide they no longer need a nanny...

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