Page 2 | Really peed off - can't find an au pair - groan

hercules · 31/10/2004 17:56

What has someones nationality got to do with how good an aupair they are? How is it relevant where they are from?

hercules · 31/10/2004 17:58

Surely such comments arent allowed on mumsnet.

hercules · 31/10/2004 18:02

My greatgrandparents were Polish. God knows how they managed to raise any children.

jollymum · 31/10/2004 18:09

Why do people have au-pairs? Are they cheaper than properly trained nannies? just a thought-how much do they get paid as opposed to nannies? I would be really worried, being an older mum, having a youngish girl in my house, looking out for her as well and also worrying if I have to teach her English, when really my kids are with her to learn and I wouldn't want them not understanding what she says. Is an au-pair like a live in cleaner/mums help or am I getting this worng? To me, it would seem like having your teenage babysitter living in, with all those young problems, and I would probably be more worried about her than my own kids.

duster · 31/10/2004 18:11

lol hercules!

Ameriscot2004 · 01/11/2004 08:24

An au pair is a live-in mother's help, working around 25 - 30 hours a week. They are not supposed to have long hours of childcare, nor placed in charge of a baby.

I'm a SAHM, so my au pair's main duties are daily cleaning and taking my girls to school and back. She also does babysitting at night.

The au pair goes to English classes (sorry if I am offending anyone by generalising) - mine goes three mornings a week. We are not expected to teach her English other than just chatting with her. She is not expected to teach the children anything as she is not in solo charge of them.

A lot of people find that adding an au pair into their family is a lot like getting another child to look after, but it doesn't have to be like that. Mine is 26, so definitely an adult, although she is not nearly as street-smart or world-aware as your average 26 year old here.

Caligula · 01/11/2004 09:12

Hercules, the nationality of an au-pair can be important, because what culture you come from influences how much contact you've had with children, and therefore how you interract with them. If you come from a culture where you are not expected to help out with your younger siblings or cousins (or you don't have any cousins), you're going to be harder work as an au-pair, because you know bugger all about childcare, health and safety, etc. Whereas if you come from a culture where children aren't cut off from the rest of society, you're going to be much more familiar with how they behave, and therefore probably better able to do the job. Jollymum's point about having a teenage babysitter in the house is right, up to a point - but the difference between a teenage babysitter who has been helping look after young children from the time she was an older child herself, and one who has never looked after another child, is immense. And often, that is influenced by culture.

Uwila · 01/11/2004 09:29

Re Polish remarks... I'm so sorry. I think I started this. It was just an off the cuff remark. But, I did respond to the post saying that really the difference in performance probably had more to do with nationality than culture. But,I'm afraid it already had a bit of momentum from other posts. Sorry sorry sory for starting that line of opinions.

Although, I do think it is valid to consider cultures when hiring from abroad. Sure, I totally agree that all kinds of people come from all cultures. Whilst everyone is different, it does give you some guideline. In fact, if you read "the good nanny guide" it even gives you some broad generalisation son the various countries/cultures. This is actually helpful in determining who MIGHT fit in with your household.

Anyway, sorry for my off the cuff polish coment. Her faults were probably more to do with her age than her nationality.

21stcenturygirl · 01/11/2004 09:29

Ameriscot am with you 100% and your situation is exactly the same as mine. I would love to discuss our Au Pairs further and am going to be contacting you via email, if you don't mind. I have finished with Mumsnet!
Our personal situations have nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else and I am not going to get into a slanging match. I really thought that Mumsnet was here for advice - it seems not anymore and I have been a member for over 4 years.
I cannot understand why all those people that are NOT "really peeved off and can't find an au pair" (ie the message heading!!!!!!) are joining in our discussion. I am really pissed off. Why do people want to get involved in something that is nothing to do with them. GOODBYE MUMSNET and GOOD RIDDANCE!!!

Uwila · 01/11/2004 09:32

Oh blimey...

"...difference in performance probably had more do do with age than culture..."

I'm trying to do too many things at once. Did NOT mean to say "nationality".

Uwila · 01/11/2004 09:34

21centurygirl,
I'm not currently looking for an au pair. but I recently had a bad experience of having to replace one after only a little over a month. So I thought I could offer advice to those seeking it. I hope I haven't upset you by joining this thread.

stitch · 01/11/2004 09:50

21cg, why are you so angry?
hecules, what country/culture the aupair comes from is very important. it might not be pc, but if you want someone to be living in your family, and helping with childcare/ housework, then you need to know that they will be up to the job. a culture where girls are expected to help out with caring for younger siblings etc will be better than one where the girl/boy has no idea of how to boil an egg!
i have not had an aupair, but have had several czech and slovak girls as cleaners, ( they are someone elses aupairs. ) i also used to teach secondary school kids in essex. and quite frankly, i would much rather have the europeans than the english as an au pair any day. they tend to be harder working. know a thing or to about housework and childcare,are willing to learn what they dont know, and generally are more ambitious with their lives.
the two girls i had to let go, i would say the problem was more in their own selves, than their country of origin.
ive had girls with degrees, a girl who come from a wealthy family, but none of them ever batted an eye when asked to clean the toilet. they were there to do a job and earn axtra money. honest work was their attitude.
culture definitly comes into it. the girls in essex i knew thought it beneath them to clean, but were always moaning about benefits they should be getting (o and having babies to gain them). maybe i am getting off the subject a bit, but culture is very important when you have somone living in your house

Batters · 01/11/2004 09:58

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Caligula · 01/11/2004 10:04

Can I just add that when you have a male au-pair, culture is very important there too. A male who has an expectation that someone with a womb is going to pick things up after him is a bloody nuisance, and not a very good au-pair. (Not a very good husband either, imo, but that's another subject!)

Mind you, I'm not sure culture's got anything to do with that one - show me a male from anywhere, and I'll show you someone who doesn't pick things up after himself! Please don't bore me with severe upbraiding about sexism - that's a joke!

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lisalisa · 01/11/2004 11:07

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Batters · 01/11/2004 11:24

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hattiel · 01/11/2004 13:08

Lisalisa

I have recently used great Au pair site and I am of the same opinion. I soon realized how much time an energy Was involved selecting an Au pair. I had lots of time wasters, lots of girls not suitable. lots that lost interest ect ect. I decided to stick with it as i had paid my fee, it helps if you refresh your profile, which they allow you do do every week- it shows you are active and you profile will appear in the top ten Au pair listings.

I also give most girls deadline dates to reply by. I did change my approach a little( DH said i sounded too informal; Instead a long list of direct questions, I asked more about their family. What was a typical day what like for them. What they do at weekends. Their social life, how would their friends describe them, but more itin e-mail chats. I still made it very clear what my expectations were.

Anyway i finally got a nice Polish girl 8weeks after siging up to this site. Although Its a lot cheaper than using an agency - it really is time consuming .

Anyway i do have a few little issues - which i will try and discuss on another thread.

good luck anyway

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lisalisa · 01/11/2004 13:29

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lisalisa · 01/11/2004 13:33

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Uwila · 01/11/2004 14:06

Lisalisa,
toward the top of the page when I sign in, there is a "Status" box. The last sentence of the status box says "you may refresh your profile NOW". Click on "refresh". If your week isn't up to refresh yet, it will give a date instead of the word "now".

HTH

hattiel · 01/11/2004 15:11

Lisalisa, i forgot to mention, I decided not to contribute to travel expenses - to avoid getting ripped off. However I will conrtibute to tavel expenses on visits home at the hoildays. Although i have not stated this yet i am just waiting to see how things work out.

To speed things up a bit, anyone I like the sound who sent me a direct e-mail reponse I would phone them for a chat It can save time, as lots of girls only visit internet cafes twice a week.

I also changed my own profile to state I was looking for a european girl, to avoid getting influx of other nationalities, although it still happened, but not as much.

binkie · 01/11/2004 15:26

lisalisa, have you tried nannyselect ? Haven't myself (& don't know anyone who has, either) plus the site's a bit clunky but there do seem to be various people on there too.

Wishing you lots of luck.

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lisalisa · 01/11/2004 15:33

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lisalisa · 01/11/2004 15:33

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Uwila · 01/11/2004 15:48

Try going to the "my account" drop down menu. Then go down and click on "get new locator number"