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Original poster

Anyone out there gone back to work after DC then changed their minds to become a SAHM?

36 replies

samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:05

hello everyone

there are probably millions of posts like this but i'm new here so i thought i'd ask some general opinions.

i've been working, guilt notwithstanding, f/t with DS at nursery since he was 5 months old. yesterday i worked out that i see him awake for 20 hours per week. the nursery see him for 50 and charge me for the privilege . he's nearly 2 and is hilarious company, so DH and i have done the figures and calculated that if i give up working altogether and become a SAHM, we might, just, at a pinch, with much belt-tightening, get by.

i have always struggled to keep a job for too long (3 yrs max) because i don't find it rewarding enough. meanwhile whilst searching for this ideal job i told myself i didn't want any kids. then i met my DH and everything changed. so, altho i may be in denial, my career and the possibility that i may lose my place in it, really don't seem to worry me.

the last thing i want is to look back in years to come and regret not spending time with him. there's a strong chance he may be our only child.

so - blah blah blah - after all that - has anyone else done this? i appreciate i am very lucky to have an understanding DP and a lifestyle that is such that losing half our income should still be manageable, but i'd like to know how other people got on.

any regrets? any tips? anyone go stir crazy and go back to work again?

i'd be grateful for yur advice...

OP posts:
Niecie · 31/10/2007 14:08

If this is an obvious question, I am sorry, but have you thought of going P/T? Is it possible in your line of work or would even be economic to do that?

dooley1 · 31/10/2007 14:08

As you work f/t at the moment I would seriously consider going part time beofre you give it all up compltely.
I went back part time when ds was 5 months.
I ended up leaving when he was a year old.
But it didn't feel right for me not to be working at all so I went back parttime when dd came along and was 6 months old.

Hassled · 31/10/2007 14:11

There is a happy medium - could your job become a job-share job? Could you get anything remotely decent that was part-time? It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

To answer your OP, I worked FT with oldest 2, went to P/T with DC3 and threw in the towel completely with DC4. I have to say I've loved it, and while I know I had no financial alternative earlier, I do wish things had been different with the older 2. The SAHM stuff does really suit me, but I never would have believed that when I was younger. After a brief stint childminding, I now work MN P/T from home while kids are at school.

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:19

thanks for all your replies!

its not an obvious question at all re p/t or job share, i have asked about it and have been advised it could happen from january, but there are certain conditions i need to fulfill first. also they are offering 4 days, and i would prefer 3. the downside tho is that i have a 50 mile round trip commute so going 3 days would probably end up costing me more. ideally i should get a 3 day p/t job locally, but it seems these are few and far between.

its v hard, because i think i would really enjoy it, but i don't know for sure because i've never done it f/t! i guess what i may end up doing is leaving, be at home f/t for a while and if it gets to me or doesn't work out, find a p/t alternative.

if i didn't feel guilty and drive away after dropping him off at nusery in tears so often i guess it would be easier. i need a stone cold heart!

OP posts:
Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:21

btw Hassled, what does MN P/T mean?
sorry, am off work with a cold and brain is not working properly either...

OP posts:
fannyanne · 31/10/2007 14:24

Did it a month ago, and no regrets yet
I have 2 DC under 3 and was working 2 days a week out of the house. Nursery Fees swallowed about 75% of my income, and just like you decided to give SAHM a whirl.
There is nothing to stop you getting another job in the future if it doesn't suit, However maybe it is worth a shot at PT work initially.
Hope all works out for you

Azure · 31/10/2007 14:25

After DS1 I skipped back to full-time work without a second thought, with DS1 in nursery. When I had DS2 4 years later I felt completely different and was miserable when I returned to work, even though I managed to slightly reduce my hours to four days per week. 6 months ago my DSs' nanny told us she was pregnant (& would be returning to her home country) and that was the catalyst I needed - I handed in my three-months' notice at work and left in September. Financially it makes no sense and we are down to interest-only on our (huge) mortgage. On the other hand it's only 2 years until DS2 starts school and as we are not going to have any more children, this is the last opportunity to spend this time with them. I'm viewing it as a career break - but hey, who knows? I was a Director of Finance btw.

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:26

thanks fannyanne! it does come to somethign when I think that my salary, earned whilst doing a job i have no heart for, is paying for other people to look after my son.

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 31/10/2007 14:27

A long time ago I went to back 3 days a week after DS was born. But I missed him to so much and to be honest I was quite well paid but when you took into account the child care etc it just didn't seem to make sense. So I gave it all up to be a SAHM and have DD.

It was the right thing for us to do. We could afford it - tight but not breadline - and I am still a SAHM. My feeling is that the older they get they still really need you - at the end of a rubbish school day, offload their worries, complain about school, help with homework...and a reassuring hug or two!

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:31

Azure, wow.....director of finance....that must've been a hell of a decision. that makes me feel like i'm not completely crazy though...i'm not a director but i'm on the management board, so i do a lot of evening and weekend working. which again is eating into child-time!

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 31/10/2007 14:35

Yep, me! Took a year's maternity leave, went back for 4 months, handed in my notice.

LoveAngel · 31/10/2007 14:36

p.s. I was a senior journalist and producer for a well known broadcaster.

ScaryScienceT · 31/10/2007 14:37

I did, but only after a career change.

Hassled · 31/10/2007 14:40

Sorry for the delay - what I meant was that I'm meant to be working from home part time, but in reality Mumsnet part time!

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:40

am seeing a bit of a common theme here....lots of us in jobs that are Big Grown Up ones and are quite difficult to get into, let alone leave.

i'm so glad i asked the question though - i knew i'd get a roughly 50/50 response in favour of both options! i love the idea of being there to offer the reassuring hugs, claricebeansmum. and if i have to go back to work in a 'lowlier' position, i like to think i'll be proud enough of my achievements at home to justify it. mind you, by then i'll probably be too long in the tooth to worry about it.

loveangel, have you just got one DC?

OP posts:
Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 14:42

aha, thanks Hassled, of course....i can see me hanging around here more often actually!

ScaryScienceT - what was your change? and any regrets?

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 31/10/2007 14:44

oh Azure, how exciting for you!

And you know what, the month you gave up is exactly the month I went back to Holborn!

Our paths are destined never to cross!

ScaryScienceT · 31/10/2007 14:50

I worked as a chemical engineer, but when on mat leave with my second, I was getting cold feet about going back.

I went through the anguish of the 'first person in my family to go to university' thing, and couldn't throw away my education . I thought it would ease the shock if I did something worthwhile, but with fewer hours and no travelling, so did a PGCE and taught for a couple of years.

Child #3 rescued me from this - I really didn't like working in a county secondary school. 3 lots of childminding wouldn't work given my rubbish salary, so I became a SAHM. I immediately loved it and got involved in all sorts of things int he community, and felt that it is a valuable role that is so often looked down on.

With now 5 children, all in school, and school fees to pay, I decided to return to work. I don't think there is any career you can just walk back into other than teaching, so I have no regrets with my career change. I am now in a really good job that I hope to stay in for a very long time

Bottom line is that your wants, needs, and circumstances change. I was a WOHM for about 5 years, and then a SAHM for 8 years, then PTWOHM for 2 years, and now a FTWOHM. I don't really regret any of the times or wish I had done things differently.

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 31/10/2007 15:03

thanks so much to everyone - 5 children ScaryScienceT, how on earth can I think I'm busy with one???!??! - its been really useful reading your posts.

now i just need to work out what benefits i'd be eligible for if any!

OP posts:
bojangles · 31/10/2007 17:23

Hi, after DD I went back 3 days per week but gave up completely after DS. I have been SAHM for last 18 months. I gave up my job as a solicitor in Local Government. It wasn't particularly well paid for a solicitor post and was quite a dull job. I enjoy being at homs with my two DC's but I am now thinking about going back and finding it quite hard (have other posts ongoing about this!). Do I regret giving up my job - NOT A BIT! But, I wish it was easier to find a well paid part time job.

The joys of being a SAHM - well my DS is currently running around with DH's pants on his head!

Azure · 01/11/2007 13:21

Foxinsocks - how typical is that! How is the move back? Samueljbookworm best of luck with your decision. One of the deciding factors for me was that I had worked for 20 years and in theory had over 20 more years still to work - a couple of years off in the middle wasn't really going to be such a big deal work-wise.

Original poster
samueljbookworm · 01/11/2007 16:28

thanks Azure - that's a pretty good philosophy. and like I keep hearing, its not like he's going to be little for long....or as flexible!

OP posts:
smithfield · 01/11/2007 18:31

Ah...we meet again samualjbookworm I should have read this thread first I think...it has helped to read through these posts...thanks guys

fullmoonfiend · 01/11/2007 18:42

me.. I went back to work after 1, and enjoyed it though I struggled for all the reasons you have mentioned.
. When I got pg with No2, I went back to work PT. When he was about a year old, ds1 was life-threateningly ill and when he recovered, the after-shock made dh and I reassess many things. We both decided I should be at home with my boys for a while. I did this until both were at school.
We are totally skint now, even after 2 years back at work, but I am so glad to have had the chance.

To stop myself going mad, (five years among the little people does take a toll) I did some voluntary work and made sure I had plety of social interaction and structure to my week.

I don't regret my time spent at home.

justaboutdrippingblood · 01/11/2007 18:43

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