Anyone out there gone back to work after DC then changed their minds to become a SAHM?

[samueljbookworm]

hello everyone

there are probably millions of posts like this but i'm new here so i thought i'd ask some general opinions.

i've been working, guilt notwithstanding, f/t with DS at nursery since he was 5 months old. yesterday i worked out that i see him awake for 20 hours per week. the nursery see him for 50 and charge me for the privilege . he's nearly 2 and is hilarious company, so DH and i have done the figures and calculated that if i give up working altogether and become a SAHM, we might, just, at a pinch, with much belt-tightening, get by.

i have always struggled to keep a job for too long (3 yrs max) because i don't find it rewarding enough. meanwhile whilst searching for this ideal job i told myself i didn't want any kids. then i met my DH and everything changed. so, altho i may be in denial, my career and the possibility that i may lose my place in it, really don't seem to worry me.

the last thing i want is to look back in years to come and regret not spending time with him. there's a strong chance he may be our only child.

so - blah blah blah - after all that - has anyone else done this? i appreciate i am very lucky to have an understanding DP and a lifestyle that is such that losing half our income should still be manageable, but i'd like to know how other people got on.

any regrets? any tips? anyone go stir crazy and go back to work again?

i'd be grateful for yur advice...

Good luck with whatever you decide. I was a solicitor in a magic circle firm in the city and never did go back at all. The hours were so long I would not have seen dd in the week. DD now 1. Have never been happier...They are small for such a short time I figure I have years to focus on a career.

I tried p/t, but found that the 21 hrs I was supposed to be working crept up and up - like Kerala, worked for a big London firm and all their talk of 'values' and 'work/life balance' etc, was pretty empty - I was soon doing about 60 hrs, but paid for 21.

I gave up, and do regret it sometimes. The thing is though, that going p/t and having children meant that I was never considered for 'big' cases, or ones involving travel, so my hopes of promotion were pretty much zero anyway, and I found that pretty galling. And I have been happy sahmn-ing!

justaboutdrippingblood - thank you so much for directing me to that blog. its gorgeous!

I've been off sick since Tuesday with flu, which I only had three weeks ago, but the pressure of trying to be professional, be mummy , be supportive wife, be great cook oh and be size 12 (yeah right) is all becoming too much like hard work. This second bout of time off has made me more determined to try it at home. I know its going to be hard and it won't always be lovely and fun and inspiring but its got to be better than what I feel like now, especially on Monday mornings, when the sight of him all wrapped up in his little fleece with the hood up waving goodbye at me at the door of the nursery is enough to keep me in tears for the first 15 miles of my journey to work, half of which is spent sitting in traffic jams.

So, thanks to all of you who have replied and for your words of wisdom. I'll no doubt be appearing on these pages much more in a few weeks time!

Right, I'm off for a walk. Having flu doesn't stop me checking out the local charity shops for bargains!

samuel, good luck, hope it all works out for you. I think if you can manage, just about, then why the hell not! You clearly want to be FT with your ds so that will be fantastic for both of you, I'm sure. I think when you're counting the hours that nursery have him compared to you, then that's a BIG sign that your heart is elsewhere than work!

Hope you have a lovely time at home with him.

thanks honoriaglossop - i've still got some thinking to do and i have a feeling work will want me to stay and will try to make it happen, so i'm quite lucky in that respect. watch this space and thanks again to all for your support x

Has Xenia gone? In the old days she'd have been like a terrier with a rat on this one...

I went back to work FT when DS was 6 months old. I was able to work weekends and get 2 days off in the week and DH organised it so that he worked from home 1 day which meant that DS only had to go to nursery 2 days a week. In theory, this was marvellous. He would be without us for less time and it would cost less.

Practice was different. DH had the car so he would drop off DS and pick him up from nursery on the days he went. I would be at work until at least 6.30 every night, longer very often. By the time I got home, DS was in bed. I also had to leave for work in the morning before DH so he would get him ready for nursery. The same applied when DH was looking after him at home. I only ever saw him on my 2 days off.

I missed him like mad. I thought about applying for flexible working but I knew that it just wouldn't work with my job. I would simply be doing all the work in less days and would have to stay late to compensate.

This is a ramble, but at some point we just realised that it didn't have to be like that. Before that point, we had never really considered me being a SAHM, it wasn't something I saw myself ever doing, TBH.

Meant to add, SJBW, that I was also like you. I lasted at most, 3 years in a job before I felt I had "done" it and moved onto something else. I was restless I think.

I have not regretted leaving work, though now I am starting to look forward to getting out of the house again, 2 years later. It is bloody hard work, though you are past all the baby stuff.

If you think you want to, go for it!