People who are good managers wwyd

[DorisDaisyMay]

Hi,
So I lead a very small team (4 including me) that has had to change a lot due to COVID. What we do now is unrecognisable to before March but three of us have developed a new project together and are really happy and enthused by it.

One team member is (undiagnosed) autistic.
He has just returned to the team after having time out due to personal reasons. And I have no doubt that he finds aspects of life a challenge.

To help his transition back I spoke to him before he came back, to talk about how the team has changed and now meeting deadlines are more important than ever, due to the speed we now work.

He has been back four weeks (not including Christmas where we had three weeks off):

• Been late to 3/3 meetings
• I have had to chase him repeatedly for a very simple piece of work that he kept saying he wanted to do.
• Missed 2/3 deadlines for pieces of very simple work (4 hours work max over two weeks)
• The only things he had to do in that time was simple piece of work and the other thing and attend the meetings. So there is no huge workload thing - attendance at the meeting is ‘the thing’.

He half ignores my messages - so will reply to one part and not the other. To me, it feels manipulative- I am letting you know I read it but I am not bothering to reply to you or answer your questions.

I have spoken to him on the phone every time he has been late/missed something. I haven’t just let it go.

• He has verbally agreed to do it.
• Then doesn’t do it again.

So, just before Christmas I sent him a very clear email about working practice and expectations.

I made a real effort to get his Christmas present to him to make sure he knew he was valued and that the email (although it was in no way mean) was not the last contact he had with me.

Work starts again.
On Monday I sent him a message with a direct question and he sent me a sticker back. Didn’t answer me.

Then yesterday was first team meeting back and he was late.

It feels very personal now - as if, because I have told him his behaviour is unacceptable in a professional environment, he is doing it more to try and piss me off and assert some ‘control’.

I find it so weird.

At the end of the meeting I tried to arrange a meeting with just him and a trustee- as I think he is struggling but he looked annoyed. He told me he couldn’t meet this week (!) and I have a feeling this meeting will be something that he agrees to and then avoids.

Shall I say he can’t attend any more team meetings until we have the support meeting, as an incentive for him actually attending?

WWYD next?

I'd talk to HR (or your boss, or whatever works in your organisation) to understand the formal disciplinary process.

Manager here

In all honesty I would be seeking advice from HR.

Do you have performance improvement plans or similar in your work place? I would start with getting him on a plan detailing the things he needs to work on and put dates for when an improvement needs to be seen by.

I would seek advice from occupational health, you said he has autism so may be struggling with organisation etc. See what they can put in place, they have a chat with him and can best advise.

Speak with HR and make sure you follow their advice as he will come under the disability act and you will need to be careful with action that you take.

Thank you both of you.

There is a place for him on the team BUT he does have to join in. And he’s not, and he is also preventing me from helping him by finding out from him what is manageable and realistic.

I will make contact with HR.

Think he may be overwhelmed by it all. He may need a ToDo list (very specific) and you keep an eye on him.
If you can have shared access to his emails you can see what he needs to reply to and what are just information, remove the ones that are just for information, that way he can concentrate on the important ones that need replies.
Make sure he knows about the meetings so on the ToDo list have go to meeting at 10am and let him have this with him the day before
Simplify his day.

A direct and clear list of what is to be done with a time to be done completed. It sounds as if things arel getting complicated with other communications.
Speak to HR and OH as it sounds as if he is struggling plus he has already had time off for this.

I wouldn’t be so sure he is being deliberately manipulative it might be that he is thinking that he is demonstrating to you that he is coping by sending a quick sticker reply or part answer. Or his head is feeling scrambled and he thinks he is managing.

I'd second all advice already offered here.

One thing though: make sure you look after yourself and your own boundaries too (speaking from experience ).
You don't want to fall into the pattern of spending a disproportionate amount of time organising his work for him and neglecting your other tasks/ other staff or getting overworked.

This sounds really tough for you, and I think any solution will require quite a bit of input from you, at least initially so I second the advice on looking after yourself. Speaking to HR or your own manager can help with this, make sure others are aware of the issue and that you have a sounding board.

Re the team member, I would probably try a twin track approach and work out which is most helpful. So a daily check in with him whatever the (virtual) version of face to face is in your organisation at the moment, plus some kind of written to do list. For the to do list I would suggest broken down actions initially, so not just the big thing that needs to be delivered but the steps along the way. You can hopefully shift responsibility for working out what the steps are to him and then talk through them. I have managed people who are great at delivery but need a shove to have a plan. Once they have that they can get on.

Returning to work could be overwhelming. So he may be 'hiding ' or be trying to put up a front of managing. You haven't mentioned whether this is a complete change of behaviour from him or a continuation of previous behaviour?

Or it could be deliberate. Either way I would explain the impact his behaviour has eg on being late to meeting or that you don't know what the sticker means and you need a proper answer.

Sorry. I don't know where all the paragraphs that I did honestly try to put in have gone. Hope that is readable.

How long was he off? If the job has changed completely has his job description changed? Does he himself say he is a person living with autism that has not been diagnosed? What was he like pre March?

Just checking about the Autism part OP, does he say he has autism or do you all just assume he’s on the spectrum?

Just thinking that he might not take kindly to you getting occupational health involved if he doesn’t think he has ASD

Absolutely talk to HR. Also, be very clear on this autism suggestion - is that your/the team's thinking? or does he regularly tell you that he's autistic but hasn't been diagnosed? Because really, without something formal in place, you can't put in place tools to help him as an autistic person and you have to be careful what you say/do.

Ultimately, unless there are extenuating circumstances, he is not currently living up to work expectations. Which means that he needs a performance management plan in place and for that you ideally need HR support.

Echoing what others have said, speak to HR. Someone needs to gently lay out the consequences: “if you are unable to do XYZ, we will need to start the performance management/disciplinary process. This looks like this...”
However I think because of his autism it is worth getting HR involved now as others have said.
Also try your best not to take it personally. You can’t control his behaviour but you can manage yours, and you need to stay very calm and factual in order to protect yourself.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate everyone’s empathy and calmness with the suggestions - it has been tough and I appreciate the understanding.

He has had from April to December off due to many pressures and work being a step too far. I was really impressed that he took responsibility for himself.

In the time he has gone the job has changed from us working independently in separate locations and checking in bi-monthly to completely collaboratively. We now rely on each other to get our parts of the project together and they intersect. Which is why you need to do it by the time you say you will otherwise it prevents someone else get on.

I really tried to be sensitive and give him the most basic things to do and how I read his behaviour is a call for help - that the idea to come back was good but actually the work is a still a step too far.

He always struggled with the job before and I was helping him quite intensely but the impact on anyone else was limited. It also had a very clear boundary- you need to be here at this time and if you are late you will miss doing what you are there to do.
Black and white.

Re: autism - that is just what I think. I think he is completely unaware and would be very upset if I suggested it but it would explain his social difficulties, organisation issues and anxiety. I have significant experience of Sen and was a Senco for several years, so it’s not a completely made up theory.

Thanks for helping

100% would have to go PIP route. You've raised the issue in writing it was ignored.

Now it goes to a clear plan for performance improvement with clear goals/requirements and clear timescales for compliance and review.

This is interesting timing but he has just requested leave of absence again and of course we are going to support him - we all want the best for him. I want the best for him. I am pleased he has been able to let us in to help in this way.

@DorisDaisyMay you sound like a very supportive manager, I hope it all gets resolved and he is alright.

I was wondering where the "undiagnosed autism" judgement came from. I really don't think it's appropriate for a line manager to be making amateur diagnoses about their employees and basing their decisions on them. (Who wouldn't be upset that their line manager was busy trying to diagnose them with things?)

If he's taking repeated sickness absence because he can't cope then his employer should be referring him to occupational health so they can make an informed assessment of any reasonable adjustments needed and how to approach matters. That helps both you and him.

He's been underperforming and unable to cope for the entire time he's worked for you. I'd let him go.

How long has he been there? Is he trying to drag this out to 2 years so that you can't sack him?

Speaking as someone who is in a team with someone who sounds remarkably similar, I don't think you're doing the right thing in supporting him SO much. Ask yourself why you're doing this and why he deserves so much support and attention despite not doing what he is paid to do.

We have a very unreliable guy on our team who is always off for some reason or other and my manager is very kind to him but stricter with the rest of us. It's unfair and annoying and my heart sinks when I see his name against a job because I know it won't get done and one of us will have to pick up the slack when he inevitably fails to deliver.

So I echo others' suggestions to get HR involved and put him on a PIP. He sounds incredibly disrespectful.

Is he WFH? If so, he may just be struggling with this and need to be back in work.

I agree with others to start performance managing under HR guidance.

I had someone who was like that. I think in hindsight she was depressed but she never said anything about that and I could not help her. Whatever it is, if there is no formal disability, that makes it easier for you to manage out.

Document and record everything. Put it down in emails to this person, having cleared it with HR. Act on the basis that this might end up in an employment tribunal. Appraisals have to say it like it is rather than than skirt the issue. But 'HR' it so you sound supportive at the same time.

So he's had 8 months off. (Please tell me unpaid...?) He has always struggled to do the job. He is still struggling to do the job.

But you're 'impressed he took responsibility for himself', want to continue to support him, see his behaviour as a call for help, is now going off again and you STILL want the best for him?!!!

Bloody hell do you have mug tattooed on your forehead or something!!! Disciplinary proceedings - tomorrow. Be professional. You're not his counsellor, confidante or friend. Your his, and several other people's manager.

And yes do NOT attempt to diagnose him as autistic. He may be, he may not be. If he hasn't disclosed he is then you have to treat him the same as everyone else.

So sorry I bumped this op.