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Original poster

Anyone work from home whilst caring for a baby?

62 replies

Hugbear · 04/12/2020 16:39

My maternity leave is ending so I'm due to go back to work next month but am dreading it. I can work from home due to covid but I don't want to put my baby in nursery so thinking of keeping her with me at home. Is this even manageable ? My colleague who has 5 young kids works from home without any help. How do you guys manage?

OP posts:

Hunnihun2 · 04/12/2020 21:23

** My colleague who has 5 young kids works from home without any help

What job does your colleague do?! I can’t imagine it tbh!

Backbee · 04/12/2020 21:24

As has been said and you have acknowledged, no no no. When me and DS had to isolate as I am WFH at the moment I said I would do what I can, and it was awful. Thankfully work were understanding as I didn't have a choice and it was better than being off, but it was hard to do the job well and to look after little one. I would say as a last resort occasionally, but definitely not all of the time. The bigger issue seems your DP, what a stinking attitude he has.

smeerf · 04/12/2020 21:27

She's already managed to establish that he's a controlling, financially abuse twat, in two messages. Not sure this is the kind of man you want to be skipping to the registry office with....

In an ideal world, sure, but this baby is here and it doesn't sound like she's considering leaving. If she's going to stay and be pressured into tanking her career, she needs to make sure she's protected.

Twizbe · 04/12/2020 21:31

@Hugbear your 'partner' needs a talking to.

He is able to request flexible working, being in a new role or on probation (which doesn't actually mean anything in employment law) doesn't change his right to request flex working ... he just doesn't want to.

If you're a team, he will support you returning to work and paying childcare. He just wants you barefoot and pregnant at home.

Whatever you do, don't give up work without being married.

Lazysundayafternoons · 04/12/2020 21:37

Dbaby was 8 months when we were all sent to WFH in March. I worked full time with him here until the end of October. You just get into a routine. Our day was something like

6-6.30 wake up, bottle, breakfast etc

8 start work, 8-9 is a quiet hour at work with no phone calls so didnt have to worry about noise etc

9.30ish - nap time so he was asleep for morning work call at 10am. If another call was needed I would schedule it for 10.30-11 so hed still be asleep.

11-11.30 he would wake up

12-1 I took my lunch break while he was awake, made him lunch and spend one on one time with him

1-2 I'm back to work but others are on their lunch break so it's a quiet hour and no calls come through

2-2.30ish down for his afternoon nap, which would see me through my afternoon calls.

4.15 finished work! Make dinner, go for walk, do bed time routine. Logged back on to do any overtime needed when he was in bed for the night.

First couple of weeks were tough, then we settled into a routine and coped really well, I even got an unexpected promotion!

frolicmum · 04/12/2020 21:47

@Twizbe

Check with your work. Most require you to have childcare while working from home.

Earlier this year many families found they had to work with zero childcare. I don't know anyone who enjoyed that situation. Most were having to squeeze work around naps and felt like they were doing every job badly as a result.

Nursery has been great for my two, but there are also nannies and childminders

I agree, we have a nanny 3 days a week and had to manage the other two and he was 14/15 months when it started. It was tough and it was two of us splitting looking after him. He needed our undivided attention, so there was no working whilst looking after him.

Respectabitch · 04/12/2020 21:55

@Hunnihun2

** My colleague who has 5 young kids works from home without any help

What job does your colleague do?! I can’t imagine it tbh!

I am also really curious about this. Honestly, either she is being a crap employee, she is being a crap mum, or her oldest child(ren) are old enough to be of help and are doing a lot of it. Yes you can make study or freelance work happen around children, but that's if you have a lot of flexibility and can set your own schedule and do most of it after 7pm. Having to be consistently available during 9-5 and even one small DC do NOT mix, unless you're content to do a shit job of both, which most people are not.

Runnerduck34 · 04/12/2020 21:59

I ran my own business from home whilst looking after dc when they were babies/ toddlers it was very stressful- felt like i did neither job well and i was my own boss so had full flexibility. I wouldn't recommend it even if your employers did agree to it.

Itllbeaninterestingchristmas · 04/12/2020 21:59

I came on here to say it doable. I managed without any childcare until ds was 2 and now I’ve got a baby as well.
But your update shows a bigger problem unfortunately. Probably best to go back full time on compressed hours and leave him to all the housework

Original poster

Hugbear · 04/12/2020 22:15

We're getting married next February (original date was July but then Covid happened). Partner and I are actually quite a good team, he's always been really supportive and generous. This return to work seems to be the only issue we're not alligned on. We're currently private renting ( looking to buy soon) and he pays all the bills so I save as much as I can. His argument is "why stress myself with a job I'm not fond of when I have the option of requesting a career break and staying home with DC".

@Hunnihun2 I call my colleague a superwoman as she has 5 kids ( aged 10, 8, twins aged 5 and a 1 year old). Her kids are very independent but there's definitely a lot of watching TV, Ipad etc.

@Lazysundayafternoons Well done, seems like you have everything under control. Thanks for sharing your routine, gives me hope that there's a possibility of WFH with little one.

Partner and I will be having a serious chat about this issue as I don't want to resent him.

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 22:21

You need to keep your job because you WANT to, and because if you took a career break, you'd massively impact your potential for future advancement. You'll go back to work in 5 years time on a lower salary than you're on now, likely at a lower level, as you'll be out of experience. Your career could potentially never recover. THAT is why you should keep your job.

BackforGood · 04/12/2020 23:50

partner is refusing to contribute towards nursery fees as he doesn't support my decision to go back to work.

Partner and I are actually quite a good team, he's always been really supportive and generous

These two statements do not go together.
IT is not for one parent to dictate to the other parent whether they choose to go back to work or not. That is not a respectful and equal partnership. That is controlling. He is dictating to you what he thinks you should do, and being financially abusive to force you in to it.

I'm glad you will be having a serious chat.
It really needs to start with how you are both equal and need to respect each other's decisions.

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