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Original poster

Anyone work from home whilst caring for a baby?

62 replies

Hugbear · 04/12/2020 16:39

My maternity leave is ending so I'm due to go back to work next month but am dreading it. I can work from home due to covid but I don't want to put my baby in nursery so thinking of keeping her with me at home. Is this even manageable ? My colleague who has 5 young kids works from home without any help. How do you guys manage?

OP posts:
Fleshlumpeater · 04/12/2020 17:41

Of course you can’t. People have done it this year due to the emergency situation of all child care closing. I can’t imagine any employer agreeing to this. It has always been the case - if you want to go back to work you need childcare.

Megan2018 · 04/12/2020 17:41

Impossible and will get harder and harder with a toddler. Tbh it’d be it responsible parenting as you’d do both badly/unsafely.

I’ve just returned, was dreading it but actually it’s been fine and DD loves nursery.

Pantheon · 04/12/2020 18:11

By part time I guess I meant freelance or with some flexibility as to working hours....

violetfern · 04/12/2020 18:17

I’ve had to wfh twice with my 15 month old while waiting for Covid results. Even with me and DH tag teaming it was awful and neither of us managed our anywhere near our full hours. Definitely not a sustainable long term option.

olderthanyouthink · 04/12/2020 18:42

Nope it's awful, toddlers require constant attention and eventually they stop napping (17 months for DD, just as lockdown hit, fucking horrendous)

Original poster
Hugbear · 04/12/2020 19:11

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. You've really made me realise how illogical it would be to WFH with a 10 month old baby! I work in local government, part time - 3 days a week. I was reluctant to use nursery because I will end up with about £200 left from my wages once I've paid nursery fees (I live in central London so fees are absolutely extortionate). My partner also works from home and will be helping but the bulk of chilcare will fall on me as he has a senior role. My head is all over the place!

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 19:26

@Hugbear

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. You've really made me realise how illogical it would be to WFH with a 10 month old baby! I work in local government, part time - 3 days a week. I was reluctant to use nursery because I will end up with about £200 left from my wages once I've paid nursery fees (I live in central London so fees are absolutely extortionate). My partner also works from home and will be helping but the bulk of chilcare will fall on me as he has a senior role. My head is all over the place!
Why would you be paying for childcare by yourself if you have a partner!? That cost (like everything else) should be split proportional to earnings - ie if he makes 70% of the total household income, he pays 70% of the total household costs.
BackforGood · 04/12/2020 19:49

I don't want to put my baby in nursery so thinking of keeping her with me at home. Is this even manageable ?

No.

Glad you've realised it now.
As a family, all your money should be family money. I don't get this " I will only have £X left after I have paid Nursery" Hmm

However, it is a short term / temporary thing in terms of your career. Some people even come out at a 'loss' if they pretended all expenses for the child ought to come out of one salary. It can still usually be worth still working.

olderthanyouthink · 04/12/2020 20:27

I'm in london too, before changing jobs, I had a fine balance of childcare (just under the limit of tax free childcare) and earnings (barely paying any tax) and working more made much worse off.

DP does compressed hours so does one day of childcare then I paid for 2 days childcare (DP pays all the rent!). That left me with about £600 after childcare (~£500), one extra day working meant I'd have half the money left Hmm I was on about £15k doing 3 days.

Could your DP look at adjusting his hours so he could do some more childcare?

december212 · 04/12/2020 20:54

Do look into things like condensed hours, tax free childcare, childminders that might cost less than nursery, etc. Nursery might seem expensive but it is only for a few years.

Original poster
Hugbear · 04/12/2020 21:03

@Ohalrightthen and @BackforGood - partner is refusing to contribute towards nursery fees as he doesn't support my decision to go back to work. He feels we don't need the money and it doesn't really add much to the family pot. My job is also quite stressful ( work with troubled families, ex-offenders etc ) so his view is "why chuck our poor baby in nursey when my shitty job only pays a pittance'. He actually offered to pay me half my wages if I stay home until DC is 2 years old.

@olderthanyouthink - unfortunately my partner can't adjust his hours as this is a new role for him / still on probation period.

OP posts:
Siennabear · 04/12/2020 21:12

That’s really shitty of your partner. It’s his child as well. I think you need to have a serious chat about things.

smeerf · 04/12/2020 21:13

Jesus your partner sounds terrible. If he's so anti-nursery, why can't he help with the childcare? Or is that a woman's job?

I needed to get back to work ASAP both times, even for a few hours a week. Just to feel human, speak to other adults, have a few hours where I'm not 100% responsible for the life of a vulnerable baby.

Ohalrightthen · 04/12/2020 21:14

Has he always been a nasty twat or is it just since your baby was born?

If you are not married, you Must Not Give Up Your Job. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU QUIT YOUR JOB WITHOUT MARRYING YOU.

There is no "family pot" because you're not married. You are in an incredibly vulnerable position here, and unfortunately you seem to have picked a nasty, disrespectful man to have a child with. You need to maximise your earnings, and prioritise savings, and a pension of your own. Do you own the house?

smeerf · 04/12/2020 21:14

Also how can he "pay you" half your wages, surely your money is all pooled as "family money" now you have a kid?

BeesAnkles · 04/12/2020 21:16

OP, there are many very knowledgeable MNers who know much more about this than me but please be very careful. You are not married and you could end up completely financially reliant on him. If you split up, you would end up with nothing and may not find it so easy to get your career back, especially as a single mother struggling to pay for childcare.

I don't say this lightly but what he's doing could be considered financial abuse. He's withholding money which should be considered family money to try to control you and keep you at home against your wishes.

Mrbob · 04/12/2020 21:17

I think the old adage that you have a DP problem applies here...

smeerf · 04/12/2020 21:17

Holy shit, I've just clocked you're not married. Registry office. Use Covid as an excuse not to have a big do. Just make sure you protect yourself.

Respectabitch · 04/12/2020 21:17

It sounds like you have serious issues with your partner. Which would make it a very very very bad idea to give up work. He can give up work if he feels so strongly about your DC not going to nursery.

And working regular hours from home with a baby is shit. If I'm very lucky I can manage about ten minutes of a work call while I'm watching my 2yo, as long as I take it on my phone. As soon as my laptop comes out its game over. When we were without childcare due to Covid the only thing DH and I could do to get any work done was 3hr shifts around each other. It wasn't so bad when my now 6yo had to isolate for 2 weeks, but he watched way more TV than I'd like. It would have been hopeless with a baby.

user1274245 · 04/12/2020 21:18

Has your so-called partner always been a controlling dickhead or is that a new development?

Crakeandoryx · 04/12/2020 21:18

Don't even try. A baby is a full time job on its own. Once it starts to crawl you will have to be eyes on. If you have both to do you'll give neither role the attention it needs and both will suffer.

I did first lockdown with homeschooling two DC at home and working full time. Never ever again!

sar302 · 04/12/2020 21:19

She's already managed to establish that he's a controlling, financially abuse twat, in two messages. Not sure this is the kind of man you want to be skipping to the registry office with....

gottakeeponmovin · 04/12/2020 21:19

As a boss of a very large team I would not allow this. You are being paid to work not look after your child

Floralnomad · 04/12/2020 21:21

There is so much wrong here it’s difficult to know where to start but the primary thing is if you are not married do not under any circumstances give up your job . If you are married and you don’t have completely joint finances that you have complete access to do not give up your job . If your partner doesn’t want to contribute to childcare fees because he doesn’t want you to work then you tell him which days of the week he is in sole charge of the baby and it’s his problem to sort out , this baby is as much his responsibility as yours .

Sexnotgender · 04/12/2020 21:21

I spent 7 months this year trying to work whilst DS’ nursery was shut through lockdown and a refurb. It was HIDEOUS.

He was 13 months at the start of lockdown and I thought I was going to have a breakdown. Don’t do it.