Those who left a bad job: What was your 'I have to leave' moment?

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

I'm in the process of trying to leave a job, which is well paid and stable, so you are probably thinking why to do such a thing in a recession, but I am working for a narcissistic, bullying boss who insists on micromanaging me and undermining me in front of my clients.

My 'I have to get out' moment is when I realised she had get again hijacked my work, going behind my back/without my knowledge to the client and completely changing all the advice I'd given,/work I'd done but then cc'ing me on an email to client to make a minor change on a document she'd provided to let them know who was really in charge and publicly humiliating me further. Yes, it's a recession and the job market is screwed and I'm lucky to have an income until I can find something else, but I can't stay any longer working for someone like that.

Anyone else care to share their war stories?

[Miriel]

After I left I found out that the new person appointed to fill my role was a qualified teacher on a teacher's salary. Oddly, that made me feel a bit better!

[Rebelwithallthecause]

I’m feeling the same way now

Well paid senior role but new management have gone overboard with micro management

I want to just do my job and not care so it doesn’t affect me but I do care how I’m treated at work and it feels very disrespectful at the moment

[Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd]

Should have never taken the job. At the interview they went on and on and on about my predecessor, how much she did, how vital she was, how sad they were that she was moving on, blah blah blah. Then the colleagues constantly comparing me to her, 'you have big shoes to fill' etc etc. Boss called me in after about a month and went down a list of complaints from these colleagues, each with a comparison to 'Wendy'. I told her I quit then and there and left.

[DeltaFlyer]

I left a care home when the manager asked me to collect a prescription on my way into work. 1 hour before I was due in and work was a 5 minute drive away.
The chemist was a 10 minute drive in the opposite direction but I didn't mind. And should have had plenty of time to grt to the chemist and get to work on time.
Someone had a car accident and there was road works and a big queue at the chemist. So i phoned the manager to say I was on the way but running late and she hung up on me. I was 10 minutes late in the end and told her never to ask me to do it again.
The following week she took the medication folder away from me to do sometime she could have done at any other time and told me do the medication round from memory. I refused, as if I made a mistake it would be my job on the line and she called me a baby.
I wrote my notice letter that same shift.

[LynetteScavo]

25 years ago my boss had one of her unhinged rants at me, then asked what holiday I wanted to take at Christmas. I replied "I don't think I'll still be here at Christmas" she asked how much notice I was going to give her and I said "Four weeks." Heaven only knows how long I'd have suffered her nonsense if I hadn't snapped.She really wasn't quite right. It took away the stress of resigning though! Less than two weeks later o was offered another job. That boss was also odd, and when I resigned from that job - because it was pointed out to me by a friend he was bullying me- pretended not to understand (we both spoke English as a first language)

My other bosses have been mostly lovely.

[PegasusReturns]

The general counsel loudly telling me on a bus full of my peers that she’d never have promoted me (I was a regional GC reporting into a regional commercial president).

It was a long line of shitty behaviour which started when my DH and I moved into a house near her but much nicer than hers. Her DH was a SAHD and DH and I both worked and it pissed her off that we were therefore “wealthier” than her. The snidey comments didn’t stop and I realised she was never going to be an ally so I left.

Although that was almost a decade ago me and other ex employees still have a WhatsApp group which basically strayed as a bitch boss support group

[thenewaveragebear1983]

When we went into lockdown the relief I felt leaving my teaching post was immediate and I knew that I needed to find something else. I'm now in an admin role in a lovely school and it's perfect for me; academic enough to feel like I've not wasted my degree, school term time/hours, and really challenging logistically (I'm exams officer) - but I do not miss lesson planning, delivery and post-lesson guilt/anxiety ONE tiny bit

[Madamswearsalot]

I'm also going through the same dilemma at the moment - I'm on good money, its flexible and the title looks good on my cv, but the boss is awful, the longer we all work remotely the more other colleagues are behaving like pricks and I am noticing increasing levels of anxiety and interrupted sleep.

It's a terrible time to be looking for another job though - I'm looking at ads on LinkedIn and can see that most have 150+ applicants. I'm also deeply cynical about other jobs - I'm really not sure there are good places to work out there. What if I end up working for another narcissist boss who can't let anyone make a decision by themselves?

[LadyFrumpington]

the various horrors commited against me are too long to list but i stayed primarily for the cash (lowest pay rise/promotion I received in any year was £15k, industry standard is £2-5k pa) and also the team were awesome.

I too had anxiety symptoms as well as tears before bed on sundays.
The final straw was my dickhead boss promoting a man I line managed (one of 4 directors) in secret to my equivalent job title and giving him half my team and responsibilities.

I found out this was happening as an FYI a monthly team status meeting surrounded by the 18 people I managed apparently I "wasn't coping" which was news to me...

Happily I had been head hunted by a prestigious company and was able to tender my resignation the very next week which caused more than a bit of a flap

[TeresaN]

I started a new job and left on the second day. I was covering maternity leave. I was left sitting at a wall in a portakabin on my first day. They did everything arse about face. Their whole system was from the 80's. Went in the second day and was told by the one that was going on maternity leave to just sit there because she didn't have time to train me!!!! Was also told I had to work every second Saturday. Told her I was going to my car to get water and drove home. Manager rang me and told him I wouldn't be back.He offered to do my training and to discuss things. I went with my gut feeling and said no thanks.

[CoffeeAndABook]

I am in a very senior well paid and secure role, but have recently had that exact "I must leave" feeling and as a result have spoke to headhunters. The crunch came with the way the person I report to has dealt with some difficult matters.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

I’d printed something out incorrectly on a new system (been there a week or two)

Big Manager came in to rectify and my manager said ‘would you like green to try again or let Sam do it properly?’

I walked!! It was the last straw!

[TheSchuylerSisters]

When I stood at the top of the stairs and seriously considered throwing myself down so that I didn't have to go to work. That night I applied for any job I could find, got one and left 1 month later. I have periods of stress in my current role but DH always says he's never once seen me as bad as I was in that job.

[Yorkshirelass04]

@deadringer wtf?!?

[Fallulah]

Working in marketing/communications in the public sector. Loads of experience in local public sector comms/media/emergencies which my boss didn’t like as she didn’t have this and it really is a skill you have to learn and hone. We had both gone for the director job and she got it (the chief exec outright told me that they’d hired my boss over me because she had ‘London experience’. Wtf, I should have known at that point) with me as the manager below her (I’d been in the same place for years and still wanted a change despite not getting the top job). I quickly realised that they didn’t need this much managerial experience on their team and I was being asked to do things that the media officers and PR execs I had previously managed used to do. She constantly micromanaged and would change her mind over things that had already gone to print, costing the organisation loads of money, that kind of thing. In the eyes of the aforementioned chief exec she could do no wrong - to give her credit she was a skilled networker and diplomat!

I got seriously ill, needed an operation, woke up to good news that I had the rest of my life ahead of me and realised I couldn’t work for her any more. She had also drained from me any confidence or joy I had in my career.

I spent the next year researching my options, making endless pros and cons lists, getting my finances in order (organising a mortgage holiday, reducing outgoings, that kind of thing), taking my skills tests and applying for the paid teacher training route as that was the only way I could afford to do it. I had to get a part time job too. It was easier to deal with her knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel. The day I phoned her to resign (she was off for some reason) was the sweetest day... and she banned me from telling my own team as she wanted to do it (in fact she didn’t tell them until the day my job was advertised)!

Six years on and I’ve worked my butt off to get back up to earning nearly what I was earning when I left and I have zero regrets!

[Annasgirl]

When they offered my job to my replacement while I was on Maternity leave - yes. could have fought it but when I told them I want my old job back, they said, of course, but in 6 months we will move you on - I decided not to fight as I have a wonderful family (it was DC2 ) and I did not want to spend their childhood fighting a legal battle. Also, I had decided not to return from Mat leave before this incident but no one in the company knew, and I was open to coming back (more fool me).

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

@LynetteScavo

25 years ago my boss had one of her unhinged rants at me, then asked what holiday I wanted to take at Christmas. I replied "I don't think I'll still be here at Christmas" she asked how much notice I was going to give her and I said "Four weeks." Heaven only knows how long I'd have suffered her nonsense if I hadn't snapped.She really wasn't quite right. It took away the stress of resigning though! Less than two weeks later o was offered another job. That boss was also odd, and when I resigned from that job - because it was pointed out to me by a friend he was bullying me- pretended not to understand (we both spoke English as a first language)

My other bosses have been mostly lovely.

My boss pretends not to understand all the time. Its her way of saying 'I'm not interested in hearing what you have to say'.

[SalterWatcher]

My boss is identical but a man - what has saved me is being able to warn others of how horrid he is and how to expect a character assassination.

He likes to make you feel like everyone is talking about you and attacks you very personally.

This happened a year ago but I've had 5.5 months of furlough which has been amazing.

Jan 2021 is my exit date.

I will make money somehow. I'm just waiting for my bonus from him which he's agreed to pay as I earned it in Q1. And furlough has been great for them anyway they've taken the piss out of the scheme I might just whistleblow

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

@Madamswearsalot

I'm also going through the same dilemma at the moment - I'm on good money, its flexible and the title looks good on my cv, but the boss is awful, the longer we all work remotely the more other colleagues are behaving like pricks and I am noticing increasing levels of anxiety and interrupted sleep.

It's a terrible time to be looking for another job though - I'm looking at ads on LinkedIn and can see that most have 150+ applicants. I'm also deeply cynical about other jobs - I'm really not sure there are good places to work out there. What if I end up working for another narcissist boss who can't let anyone make a decision by themselves?

This is my dilemma, my last few bosses have all been awful. I've had 2 good bosses and about 20 bad ones in my career and used to think it was me, but reading some of these tales on here makes me realise maybe it isn't.

My strategy with my micromanaging boss is to be nice to her to her face but do my own thing as much as I can when she isn't watching.. and just feign innocence/misunderstanding if it comes to light. I can probably get away with that to a certain extent due to the nature of what I do. It'll certainly take her a while to work it out and by then who knows I may even have found something else.... I can hope...

[CantStandMeow]

When my arsehole boss screamed in my face and kicked my chair hard enough I almost fell off it.

Thankfully I had already applied for a new job and found out I'd made it to interview stage that night.

[ittooshallpass]

@CloudsCanLookLikeSheep I know how hard it is to be miserable in your job, but please don't leave a job now with nothing to go to. I got made redundant due to coronavirus in June and still can't get anything... despite looking at any job and being prepared to take a pay cut.

It's easier said than done - but mentally switch off and enjoy handing your notice in when you have a new job to go to.

[Sunnyset]

This will probably be outing.
But I managed a small team when they put a new overarching manager in.
She was deranged, she used to hide our laptops, she would go into files and destroy documents, and look through our work phones for ‘evidence’.
CEO at the time was told and didn’t want to know, despite half the team off with work related stress.
She would go into multiagency meetings with me as her second and rant for hours like a pisshead in a pub, so we’d be inundated with complaints from other agencies.
She called me one day and said there was a conspiracy in another office and she was going to get to the bottom of it, as well a load of other crazy shit, and that was that for me.
I calmly packed up all my stuff, called HR, and told them I wasn’t at work to be subject to someone’s who was very ill delusions and they needed to get someone else to do the job.

[RepeatSwan]

One notable one was racist 'banter' , I was young so didn't make a formal complaint, I did complain informally and make it clear I wasn't happy but I just left because nothing changed. Now I would raise escalate it straight away!

[SimonJT]

A meeting over ran yet again due to my boss arriving over an hour late. I explained I needed to leave (I was already twenty minutes late leaving work) as I needed to collect my son from nursery. He told me to give him back if it was going to be inconvenient at work. The same boss had tried to prevent me taking adoption leave and tried to prevent me attending SS meetings. I had been back from adoption leave three days when I quit.

I now work for a rival company and have successfully poached a number of his clients. Twat.

[throwingawaymyshot]

When I tried to kill myself and ended up diagnosed with PTSD.

It was after taking legal action against them for the second time for discrimination. I've decided I don't want to wait for a third time.

I'm still employed there. I can't afford to just quit as DH was made redundant a few years ago and we ended up in debt until he found another job. His current job is at risk of Covid related redudancies so I need to stay in mine for now.

I am actively looking for another job but not having much luck as obviously there are less jobs and more competition. Fortunately I am WFH for the forseeable so that makes it (a little) more manageable.