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Original poster

Received an awful email from my manager in error.

48 replies

LivinLaVidaLoki · 09/09/2020 06:49

Morning. I have an interim manager (his arrival and how long he is staying is very shrouded in mystery). I have had a few issues with him the last 12 months since he came into post but I have just let them slide as he is new to this area of work and is still learning.
We have one to ones where I get feedback from the other managers that I work with. Its all very positive. I have excellent working relationships with them and my work is always completed and to a high standard (this is from feedback directly from them).
I take great pride in what I do.
I have monthly supervisions with my manager where he has never raised an issue (tbh he mostly just talks about himself).
However, there is one piece of work that I am now leading on that is delayed. This is because he didn't actually allocate it to me til last week.
The manager I'm working with complained to him about it (he told me, he also admitted fault to me and said he would fix it, which I needed him to do as he has already once tried to blame me for his fuck up in another area. Luckily I had all my evidence to show what really happened).
He emailed this manager and explained his error in this. He then forwarded me the email for info to "show he has my back".

However. He emailed her as a response on a much longer trail of emails about this project. And down the email trail he has made some very disparaging comments about my work. None of which are true.
Even if he did believe them then why not raise them with me, give me the opportunity to try and be better if he feels I'm lacking. I feel very strongly that if I'm doing something wrong, tell me so I can do it better. Why berate me to another manager whilst telling me everything is fine?
Do I say something to him?? But how can I ever talk to him about anything again. How can I ever believe that he is being honest with me or supports me at all?

OP posts:

JontyDoggle37 · 09/09/2020 06:52

Straight to HR. No messing. Otherwise he’ll just keep going. He’s only an interim and therefore much more easily removed. Take print copies and forward the email to yourself at home as well.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2020 06:55

Argh that's awful I am so sorry.
Were the comments talking about your work or about you?
Do you feel you could raise the issues in your 1-1s ("I understand you don't feel I am thorough when completing X"?)
Though to be honest I'm not sure what that would achieve. It's maybe just a case of head down and get on with it, keeping records of the positive feedback you receive

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 09/09/2020 06:55

I would ask him your questions. It might be hard to do so unemotionally but that would be your best approach - in a fact-finding manner: I see from the emails you have forwarded to me that there are a number of aspects of my work that you are not happy with so can we discuss how to address this and what you would like me to do differently in the future?

If you have seen emails he didn't intend you to see, he will be embarrassed and wrongfooted whether he shows it or not, so if you can remain calm and objective, you will retain your dignity while his is somewhat floundering!

ErrmWTAF · 09/09/2020 06:56

The whole email string shows what a conniving backstabbing asshole he is. Oh, and stupid - who even babes that kind of mistake anymore?!?

Show it to your higher-ups and/or HR. If he's doing this to you, what else is he doing?

FairIsleFenella · 09/09/2020 07:17

I'd do both the things suggested. Firstly forward it to HR outlining your plan to discuss it with him. Check they think that's the best course of action.

Then have the meeting, explain what you have seen. Ask why he felt he couldn't discuss any of the problems with your work with you directly.
Hopefully he'll be shamefaced. He sounds like a self-serving snake though. Even the bit where he admits his fault to the other manager is to make him look better (look at me, I can man up when I've made a mistake, that's how good an employee I am ), having stabbed you in the back moments earlier.

Good luck!

dooratheexplorer · 09/09/2020 08:48

What a snake. Definitely flag it with HR.

I don't think I would discuss it with him. I suspect that he's not actually that good and is threatened by you. I would be treading very carefully and documenting everything.

Lots of backstabbers out there. I suspect he is one....

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/09/2020 08:51

Take it to hr and propose a meeting with him, hr and representative to yourself to discuss his comments.

MyOwnSummer · 09/09/2020 09:30

Agree with PP you do need to address this, and the idea of asking HR for their support is a good one. Either to attend a meeting alongside you, or just to check whether they agree that you should discuss his comments with him.

At the end of the day, you can't let this go unchallenged, and why the hell should you anyway?

ChicCroissant · 09/09/2020 09:40

If you've got some proof that the issues mentioned in the email are untrue I would get that assembled so that you have some backup for when you raise this. As a PP mentioned, he'll be on the back foot from the start and you will be the cool professional (especially as the email also contains him admitting to an error in it)

Florencex · 09/09/2020 12:59

I would talk to HR, but only in the capacity of seeking their advice on how to approach it. I think that in the first instance you should attempt to deal with it one to one.

Legoandloldolls · 09/09/2020 13:05

Go to HR. If you dont have HR then call him out on it on that email with the people he was ccing

I had this once. I called my team.lead out saying that unless she approached me directly with her issues how could I ever know there was a issue or improve. That I was a adult and wanted to do my best and grow and as my senior she should give me direct feedback.

She squirmed

I was professional through out but I never trusted her after that. Bitch. All my other bosses never discussed my performance behind my back. What kind of manager cant manage?

Florencex · 09/09/2020 13:08

All my other bosses never discussed my performance behind my back.

I bet they did, it is normal and often necessary to discuss performance of subordinates, whether good or bad.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 09/09/2020 19:38

Well, I had a meeting with our HR advisor. I made it clear that I was just there to seek their advice as to how to proceed with this.
I discussed the issues above.
She said that I've done really well to keep the emotion out of it and stick to the facts but she doesn't believe that this a HR issue and to speak to him about it and see what he says.
She is aware of the previous issues as they have come to her through senior management.
She explained that he suffers a lot with his mental health and in particular his anxiety and particularly around work and so he is maybe projecting his fears and his anxieties around performance on to me and not take it personally.

OP posts:

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 09/09/2020 19:39

The frustrating thing is, if the tables were turned in this situation I'd be up for a disciplinary.

OP posts:

Gizlotsmum · 09/09/2020 19:43

That does seem a bit of a brush of from HR. I guess all you can do is raise it with him and you may find you need to escalate it again dependant on his response. It may be enough just to let him know.

MalbecIsMyOne · 09/09/2020 19:44

Pretty sure she shouldn’t have been telling you about his MH problems.

Also, MH issues are not an excuse for behaving like an arsehole. As a manager he should be aware of his own issues/insecurities & be mindful not to take them out on people junior to him!

StartingGrid · 09/09/2020 19:51

@LivinLaVidaLoki

Well, I had a meeting with our HR advisor. I made it clear that I was just there to seek their advice as to how to proceed with this. I discussed the issues above. She said that I've done really well to keep the emotion out of it and stick to the facts but she doesn't believe that this a HR issue and to speak to him about it and see what he says. She is aware of the previous issues as they have come to her through senior management. She explained that he suffers a lot with his mental health and in particular his anxiety and particularly around work and so he is maybe projecting his fears and his anxieties around performance on to me and not take it personally.

For HR to tell you that you should allow him to continue to manage you ineffectively and therefore be incompetent in his role because he has "anxiety" would have absolutely boiled my piss if I were you. I would absolutely challenge him directly on his comments seeing as your HR advisor basically can't be bothered. How frustrating for you.

Mycatisthebest · 09/09/2020 19:55

HR sound unhelpful. Why are they telling you about his mental health issues?

DriveThroughSwabber · 09/09/2020 19:57

For HR to tell you about his mental health issues, most likely without his clearly expressed consent for you to be told, is a breach of GDPR and needs to be reported to the ICO. (Guess who's been doing data protection training today )

DriveThroughSwabber · 09/09/2020 19:59

Plus, mental health issues or not, it is a matter for HR. It's not the two of you having a minor argument about who left the milk out of the fridge in the shared kitchen

daisychain01 · 09/09/2020 22:10

She explained that he suffers a lot with his mental health and in particular his anxiety and particularly around work and so he is maybe projecting his fears and his anxieties around performance on to me and not take it personally.

I've never heard such a load of minimising bullshit in all my life. So him slagging you off inaccurately and blackening your reputation to other people in writing is now suddenly due to his anxiety. I absolutely would take it personally!

You sound like you're more than capable of standing your ground and being assertive not aggressive.

I would book a meeting with him, print out a copy and highlight the negative comments he's made and ask him to give you specific examples of where he believes you've done what he's accused you of. Say you're disappointed he hasn't given you the opportunity to respond to his 'concerns' before now, but thought it would be helpful to talk through it with him to resolve the matter once and for all.

Then watch him squirm.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 12/09/2020 10:34

As we are mostly working remotely, I sent him an e mail. Im glad I did as I could remain calm and professional and measured.

He responded and apologised for making me feel upset and that he is sorry, but I don't have the wider context. It was a comment borne out of a conversation with the manager he was emailing and he said it to diffuse the situation. He has no issue at all with the timeliness or quality of my work and he just said what he did to diffuse the other manager.
Now, this other manager, we do butt heads sometimes, but we work together really quite well as our differences allow each other to see situations from a different perspective and I appreciate that.
He didn't address one of the comments (the most serious one) at all.

I couldn't really figure out why the response didn't sit right with me. Then last night was talking it over with DH and he said "basically his response says 'I'm sorry you're upset, I've no issue with your work but, this other manager was bitching about you so rather than stand up to them and back you up I just joined in the bitching to calm her down and make life easier"

And I think he's spot on.

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 12/09/2020 15:28

He threw you under the bus.

I'd have contempt for such a spineless unethical human being, let alone a manager.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 12/09/2020 18:25

Exactly @daisychain01

OP posts:

dooratheexplorer · 12/09/2020 20:04

So he just agreed with her to keep the status quo?

He's a complete and utter knob. I would make it clear to him that you are disappointed that he didn't back you up.

Any chance of a sideways move? I'd be doing my best to get away from him.

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