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Original poster

Received an awful email from my manager in error.

48 replies

LivinLaVidaLoki · 09/09/2020 06:49

Morning. I have an interim manager (his arrival and how long he is staying is very shrouded in mystery). I have had a few issues with him the last 12 months since he came into post but I have just let them slide as he is new to this area of work and is still learning.
We have one to ones where I get feedback from the other managers that I work with. Its all very positive. I have excellent working relationships with them and my work is always completed and to a high standard (this is from feedback directly from them).
I take great pride in what I do.
I have monthly supervisions with my manager where he has never raised an issue (tbh he mostly just talks about himself).
However, there is one piece of work that I am now leading on that is delayed. This is because he didn't actually allocate it to me til last week.
The manager I'm working with complained to him about it (he told me, he also admitted fault to me and said he would fix it, which I needed him to do as he has already once tried to blame me for his fuck up in another area. Luckily I had all my evidence to show what really happened).
He emailed this manager and explained his error in this. He then forwarded me the email for info to "show he has my back".

However. He emailed her as a response on a much longer trail of emails about this project. And down the email trail he has made some very disparaging comments about my work. None of which are true.
Even if he did believe them then why not raise them with me, give me the opportunity to try and be better if he feels I'm lacking. I feel very strongly that if I'm doing something wrong, tell me so I can do it better. Why berate me to another manager whilst telling me everything is fine?
Do I say something to him?? But how can I ever talk to him about anything again. How can I ever believe that he is being honest with me or supports me at all?

OP posts:

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 12/09/2020 21:08

Not really @dooratheexplorer
I'm stuck with him for now. He was supposed to be going back to his previous post about now, but doesn't look as if he is going anywhere. His even being here is just the strangest thing.

The more I think about this, the angrier I feel. The stupid thing is, I love my job. I really do. I've created and implemented projects that have made and will make huge and positive changes to the young people I work with and you cannot beat that kind of fulfillment.
But the trade off for that right now, is that I have to put up with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 13/09/2020 19:48

I wonder if I have justification to approach hr and request to be line managed by someone else?
All my work basically comes through 3 different managers and he is supposed to oversee it, but he never really does. Until we (myself and my colleague) tell him what we are doing he has no idea, and has no idea of the work involved in doing any of those jobs as he's not bothered by "the details".
So he's generally no idea how hefty our workload is.

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 13/09/2020 21:06

Yes, I'd ask to be transferred to a different line manager. If you don't ask, you don't get.

Don't let your successes and contributions be minimised by such a low specimen. Hopefully a different manager will welcome being asked to line manage you.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 14/09/2020 06:48

Well, wish me luck.

OP posts:

louderthan1 · 14/09/2020 07:08

Good luck op! I think you're dealing with this so well.
If it was me, I'd also be having a quiet word with the head of HR regarding the disclosure of confidential medical information. But I'm mean like that

ReefTeeth · 14/09/2020 07:20

Just read your thread, good luck @LivinLaVidaLoki!

FabulouslyFab · 14/09/2020 07:40

Sounds like he has maybe caused problems before and they can’t fire him but don’t know what to do with him!

ErrmWTAF · 16/09/2020 17:41

Based on your update (esp the most recent one), what is even the point of him? Can't your workplace simply do without him?

Wauden · 19/09/2020 21:22

@LivinLaVidaLoki. He seems very insecure and for a good reason. Maybe the employer knew he was not so good and sort of palmed him off to your work area?

Anyway, you have my sympathies as an insecure manager is one of the worst to have.

How are things now?

BlueThistles · 20/09/2020 01:05

OP you sound very competent and I hope you stand your ground. 🌺

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 20/09/2020 06:31

Thanks everyone.
@Wauden hes on leave until tomorrow (joy). I spoke to our hr person again and explained how he threw me under the bus and have been advised to wait until he's back from leave and speak with him, face to face as he will probably be really upset to see that he has upset me and face to face is often better than email as there will be no record of what he says and HR won't have to deal with it nuance can be lost in emails.
I am just not getting anywhere. All I want is a manager who can either be honest with me and tell me if he's not happy with my work or have my back when others are bitching.
@ErrmWTAF when we were all in the office pre lockdown he could blag his way through stuff as he was there (mostly) so could overhear what is going on and claim to have oversight. Now its all done remotely, until I physically tell him what I'm doing he doesn't have a clue.
He calls me and then my colleague most days for a "catch up" first thing. Then contact is sporadic. Some days he'll respond if you call or email, some days not for hours.
He never puts his camera on on Skype and some meetings he won't have his speaker on or contribute either. So even when he's there he's never really there.
I may just raise it with our head of service.

OP posts:

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 20/09/2020 06:32

Jeez the lack of punctuation in the above...sorry!

OP posts:

MarshaBradyo · 20/09/2020 06:36

Odd that HR disclosed his mh issues

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/09/2020 07:11

It sounds to me that if this were a woman, she would have had her arse handed to her. This reminds me of a direct report of dh’s. A woman this time. She’s a nightmare apparently and everyone held their heads in despair when it was announced she was coming back from furlough. Dh’s male boss sounds scared of her and people previously in dh’s post were incompetent so she became a beast. Dh is having to mop up the mess. It sounds like you need to find someone prepared to do this too.

HR have been highly unprofessional. They should not be appeasing what is basically bullying and you shouldn’t have to put up and shut up because of his issues. That is victim blaming. What is the HOS like?

Pobblebonk · 20/09/2020 07:20

If you have a meeting, insist on someone else being present so they can take notes.

OneEpisode · 20/09/2020 07:25

You can record some video calls. Check the version you use!

dooratheexplorer · 20/09/2020 07:51

HR sound utterly useless.

Who is his boss? Could you go direct to them?

At the end of the day, you need to decide how much energy you want to put into this. Much as you want to get this resolved in a way that is acceptable to you it may not happen (at least not now).

In terms of the email trail, could you email the manager he slagged you off to and clarify your position in terms of the bits he slagged you off for? Copy him in and don't berate him but make it very no nonsense matter of fact? If you make it clear you're watching him and won't tolerate bad behaviour he might be less inclined to blame you.

I think you have to accept that he is pretty useless and you can't rely on him or trust him. Get on with your job as best as you can and keep contact to a minimum. It will save your sanity.

LUZON · 20/09/2020 08:33

He sounds awful.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/09/2020 09:06

Sounds like HR person is putting his mental health issues above making sure you have a good working situation.

I wonder if he has used his mental health in the past and now HR/company are more afraid of legal action from him then actually making him do his job properly.

daisychain01 · 20/09/2020 12:16

@LivinLaVidaLoki

He's broken your trust, and the likelihood is that you'll need to forever be on your guard while you are reporting to him. He doesn't sound like someone who is consistent in his appraisal of staff during the year, managers like him are just as likely to pull a fast one at EoY review time, by giving negative feedback that they've never mentioned to the person's face.

It's very stressful especially when having to do a lot of interactions at the moment via conferencing.

Keep your cool and don't expect miracles or apologies, they probably won't happen now. It isn't a good time to look for new work, but maybe see that as your longterm goal, to get away from him altogether in your own good time.

Pumpkintopf · 20/09/2020 13:34

Your HR person sounds shit tbh. Very unprofessional to discuss this guy's MH issues with you and expect you to then make allowances for his poor management skills as a result.

Who were you managed by before this interim guy? Can you go to them, or his manager?

Motherlandismylife · 21/09/2020 10:52

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

Chilver · 21/09/2020 10:59

Can you not raise a Grievance? This will ensure that HR have to deal with it and that action has to be taken. It will also go down on record. You can even raise a Grievance against HR for brushing you off...

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