Odd Boss WWYD?

[ImNotSaffie]

Name changed and sorry I can't give any more details as I don't want to be outed.

Basically, my boss "Sally", I find odd. I wholly appreciate Sally may find me odd to.
Sally I think, has OCD. I like to go with the flow a bit more. I am made to feel Sally doesn't like me. Sally is often short with me for no reason. Sally is incredibly unapproachable.

No one else appears to experience any difficulties with Sally.

There are, in addition to the above, far too many subtle issues to list here.

Do I speak to her and ask her outright, something like "Are things OK between us?" or do I just take it on the chin and brush it off like I have been doing?

I have considered asking colleagues or even informally to those above Sally but obviously that's disloyal? Or gossiping and may just be seen as whinging?

Sally also tends to avoid me or appears to go out of her way to not cross my path.

And if I've made any mistakes above I don't give a shit

And if I've made any mistakes above I don't give a shit

Are you like that with Sally? It might explain stuff.

Like what? The "I don't give a shit" thing? Obviously not haha! 😂 I know what MN is like!

I’d probably test the water with my colleague if Sally snapped at me and say to them
‘ oh no I seem to have upset Sally, I don’t mean to but I seem to do that a lot, sigh’. (Day it as though genuinely upset not but hey or sarcastic).
And see what the colleague says. It will either be along the lines of don’t worry she’s like that with everyone or she’ll say nowt. Or perhaps she’ll offer some constructive criticism? Are you forgetting things or making mistakes or not doing things the way the team thinks they should be done so you are challenging Sally’s OCD?

If you don’t get anywhere with the colleague you could approach Sally when she’s alone and have a quick word. Do you have any concerns? Is it a new job and you could benefit from training? Is there anything you could do better? Are you professional or is your chilled out vibe challenging to others who are not used to this and prefer rigidity?

@Elieza She's my boss rather than colleague.
But I think you're right in terms about chilled vs stressed and rigid. But it's my coping mechanism otherwise I'd go mad. I have to think fuck it or I'd go stir crazy and work excessively long hrs. I do enough as it is and in past places of work it's been fine.

I don't know if Sally has OCD but the signs are there.

As a subordinate I just have to put up with it I guess? I'd even go so far as to say she is ASD.

I know she’s your boss, I meant go to someone else in the team and see how he/she reacts when you mention you seem to have upset Sally.

@Elieza yeah... They do say its just Sally... But my office is next to hers and I hear a different tone of voice and everything with others. All her interactions are different with the others.
If I was to ask her if there was an issue would that be the wrong thing to do?
I sort of tried it a few weeks ago but she said it was the wrong time of day and no one was around (it was the end and she wasn't rushing off)... The thing is there's no right time with her...

If I was told by someone that she was ASD or OCD I could rationalise her.

If it was ASD or OCD then she’d be like that with everyone. If she isn’t then I guess there is something about the way you work or come across that is challenging for her. I couldn’t work for someone I found unapproachable. I think asking a colleague who is quite straight talking is your best bet.

@ThatsWotSheSaid would that be disloyal though? What if it got back to her? I'm at an event tomorrow with a senior manager should I put it in general chat to them whilst we're out and about and see what they're thoughts are or would that open a can of worms?

@RositaEspinosa my other colleague made a joke once or twice about her being ASD...

My thoughts are if she had a big issue with me, she would tell me surely? So maybe it's just a personal issue that she has and can't be resolved professionally?

@RositaEspinosa the thing is the whole dept is unprofessional in one way or another. Jokes like this are often present but usually about clients. The way Sally talks and treats the clients makes you wonder how she's still in the post.

@RositaEspinosa yes but there's no need to be rude

Over the years I’ve managed (and been managed) by people who I’ve clashed with.

If you want to resolve it - and I’m not sure from your post that you do - you can do one of two things: speak to her (but for gods sake don’t ask if things are ok between you!) or watch and learn from your peers.
If you decide to speak to her, let her know you’d like to set some time to discuss your development. Then she is forewarned rather than being blindsided.

Give her an opening “I realise sometimes I struggle to meet deadlines / my presentation skills could be improved / I need to improve my cross functional interactions” or whatever your weak spot is. In the event that you genuinely think you are perfect, lead with the general “I understand my work doesn’t always meet your expectations”

Ask her what you can do to improve. And really listen. Take on board her feedback and ask her if she can check in with you and coach you through the development.

Or alternatively observe your peers. How do they interact with Sally? Ask their advice. What does she praise what does she get frustrated at. And then adapt accordingly.

@RositaEspinosa sorry, not you, Sally. You said you don't need to get on with people on a personal level, but my reply was yes that's true but it doesn't mean people/Sally should be rude.
@PegasusReturns Thanks. I do deeply want to resolve it as it upsets me a lot. I'll take your suggestion on board and try again but to not blindside her this time.
I think I've come to the conclusion that it's a personal dislike. If it was something about my work that I was doing wrong I'd know about it I'm sure...

I wouldn’t worry about being loyal to someone who has treated me badly TBH.

If it’s personal it’s fixable but harder, it takes a lot of honesty on her part and that is tough.

Think really hard about how you interact with her:

Are you cynical whilst she is positive?
Do you linger too long in her office?
Is your humour different?
Do you talk too much/too little?
Are you obsessed with your phone?
Are you too subservient? Too pushy?

All those behaviours can be tweaked once you know what to focus on.

Good luck!

@PegasusReturns
I try not to undermine her by being cynical as she's my boss
I'm practically scared of approaching her so never linger 😂
She rarely cracks a joke, when I've tried she's gone out of her way not to see the funny side...
I rarely talk now because I'm always cut off by her or dismissed or ignored
Rarely on my phone we have shit reception
Subservient or pushy: not massively either

She's basically a bitch.

She's basically a bitch

But only to you?! So you better figure out why she dislikes you if you want to stay employed there?

If not cut your losses and look elsewhere. Life’s too short.

Yes @PegasusReturns she's basically a bitch to me. I'm not at risk of loosing my job as I've not been made aware of any professional mistakes. All she's doing is picking on me for no apparent reason which gives me every right to call her a bitch She needs to grow a spine and rather than bully just tell me what her fucking problem is.

She needs to grow a spine and rather than bully just tell me what her fucking problem is.

Well ....in truth she doesn't have to do anything , does she?

You're the one feeling the problem. Youre the one who needs to get it sorted.

If I couldn't sort a problem like this with Sally I think I'd find another job. If you go to Sally's boss and you're the only member of staff who finds Sally difficult, then it's unlikely to help your situation