Odd Boss WWYD?

[ImNotSaffie]

Name changed and sorry I can't give any more details as I don't want to be outed.

Basically, my boss "Sally", I find odd. I wholly appreciate Sally may find me odd to.
Sally I think, has OCD. I like to go with the flow a bit more. I am made to feel Sally doesn't like me. Sally is often short with me for no reason. Sally is incredibly unapproachable.

No one else appears to experience any difficulties with Sally.

There are, in addition to the above, far too many subtle issues to list here.

Do I speak to her and ask her outright, something like "Are things OK between us?" or do I just take it on the chin and brush it off like I have been doing?

I have considered asking colleagues or even informally to those above Sally but obviously that's disloyal? Or gossiping and may just be seen as whinging?

Sally also tends to avoid me or appears to go out of her way to not cross my path.

And if I've made any mistakes above I don't give a shit

True @thickwoollytights which brings me back to my original point, I'd be better off putting up with her deranged shit.

Without going into details I'm not up for changing jobs right now or anytime in the future she's stuck with me.

I mean this constructively I really do. But have you considered the possibility that maybe you’re the problem here? Do you consider following proper governance and controls unimportant? Are you dashing out mediocre work to get it done and sail off home? Are you slapdash and make lots of minor mistakes but don’t care? Do you whine you’re being “picked on for no apparent reason” when your work is given feedback? Maybe this isn’t you, but I’ve met plenty of people who are just like that and complain they are being bullied when they’re being managed and they often have just failed to see it from the perspective of anyone else involved.

So rather than labelling her “OCD” or “ASD” perhaps she is trying hard to contain her annoyance with your approach.

On a practical level I think there are two ways you could constructively approach this. The first is to schedule time in advance with her, ideally tying it to setting objectives or something. Tell her in advance that you want to discuss how you can work collaboratively together.

Second option is to do nothing and get on with it. The risk here is that things won’t get any better for you and if she perceived you’re the problem this will only cement her view.

Raising this with anyone more senior could be disastrous at this stage. If you want to involve a peer you need to be careful to limit it to asking advice on how they find best to handle Sally and not get into “why doesn’t she like me”.

You are upset and I get that, but you are so angry towards her it’s too much. Please take a step back. You accuse her of being a bitch but you are so stroppy it’s quite OTT.

Pegasus has some good advice. Try that. It’s always good to have professional development behind any conversations so you can find out what she thinks you can work on (we all have things, me included). We have a monthly meeting with our manager so he/she can give us feedback. Perhaps that could help your working relationship with your boss too.

I don’t know what’s going on but it’s up to you how you respond.

You’re being naive if you think she can’t get rid of you, particularly if you’re in the private sector where redundancies and re organisations can be easily managed.

Alternatively if you’re half as contemptuous of her in RL as you appear on this thread then I expect you’ll find yourself on a performance management plan pretty quick, with accusations of being rude divisive and “not a team player”.

But to all of you, if she truly does have an issue with my work or how I work why not just tell me?
With regard to what I've called her it's just venting and frustration.
In all other places where I've worked, if there has been an issue (which I can count two minor ones) managers have just said what it was!
I mean I'm not a mind reader

It could be anything OP. Perhaps you look like the girl who bullied her during her primary school years, who knows! Just knuckle down as you usually do and get on with your work as professionally as you can. You may have to accept there will be no chit chat with her or colleagues if that’s the way it is but you just do the work and think of the pay. Don’t let it get to you. When you are ready to move on you can get a better job, but if you need to stay in this one just now just be nice and a good employee and think of the money.

@Elieza thank you. I think I will just do that.

You seem to have zero understanding on what OCD is or how massively offensive your generalisation that OCD = rigid. It’s got fuck all to do with routine and organisation so sod off with that crap.

My guess from what you've written is that, for whatever reason, she's not going to sit you down and tell you straight.

Setting aside the right v wrong of that approach, you can only focus on what you can control. Do you want to improve the situation, or are you OK with detaching at work and letting off steam at home? Genuine question, because if you're not invested in improving things, it's a lot of effort. In your shoes, I would observe which colleague seems to regularly get a "yes" from her, a positive response to their work, an open mind to their query? Once you've identified someone in a non-creepy way try to observe what they do that's different to you. If you can engineer a chat with them, you can ask them something work-focused like "I'm concerned I may not be presenting my report the way preferred here, could you talk me through the framework..?"

It may be that it's possible for your personal working style to complement the team and bring a new perspective...but they might be more open to that if they feel like you're respecting the way they do things now.

@ImNotSaffie i don't have a solution, but just to say, I do empathise with your situation. Having worked for a variety of personality types, in my experience there are some managers who will make a special effort to gel with their staff, have 1x1 meetings, support and guide them and generally make them feel valued as a member of the team.

Then there are others who are really hard work. They don't try to resolve whatever it is that's bugging them (even though it's in their gift to do so, after all they are the manager), and ultimately it becomes a festering open wound that creates stress and division in the team.

If you are certain that you have done whatever is reasonable to build bridges, and gone out of your way to deliver what is required of you,, then you've executed your side of the employee contract. If "Sally" doesn't want to meet you half way, then there is little you can do to drag her kicking and screaming to the party.

It's awful, I've been there and I know how all consuming it can be, whereas a manager who has your back will be a joy to work with and you'll get the job done then get on with your life without a care.

I agree with whats been posted about unhelpful labels. Sally may be difficult to work with, but behind every difficult person, is a complete human being like us all, a mix of positives and deltas. No matter how angry you feel, it's best to avoid that way of thinking.