I’m a career coach for women changing direction AMA

[Angliski]

Hello

I’m a career coach with 15 years experience of heaping women find the right rile and change direction. I also have a newborn cluster feeding so am pretty bored. Ask me anything!

@netstaller and @timeforanewjob will definitely get back to you when scoffing has calmed down here!

@jakeyboy1 glad that helped!

Marking my place.

Thanks for all the advice, will look at icould

I'm really interested in this - I'm a nurse (with ADHD as I think it is relevant to my career choices so far)

I get bored in every job I've ever had after about 12-18 months or I've thought that the grass has been greener elsewhere and left and that hasn't actually panned out as I have hoped.

There are so many other jobs I would love (literally from lorry driving, teaching, town planning, case management, consultancy!) I just feel completely lost and like I don't have a focus and actually a bit trapped by nursing as that is my vocation now and in some ways I wouldn't want to loose that.

I'm only 30, so have another 30 working years ahead of me! I can't continue being this butterfly and swanning off to different jobs every five minutes, but I need something that will hold my interest and be varied enough to keep me wating to go back every day.

Would seeing a career advisor be helpful to me, and how much would the advice cost??

Thanks so much for your reply!

You know I'd never actually thought about Property. I'd always looked an Interiors online but that makes complete sense to look at the Property industry. That website looks great. Will have a good read and listen to some podcasts too.

You've now got me thinking outside of the "interiors" box....husband is a very good experienced builder. Hmm....joint venture maybe?

I would absolutely consider a freelance career!

@nickmylipple

You might really enjoy learning about scanners. Not the things that come with a printer. Google Barbara sher, scanner.

A scanner is someone who is interested in lots of different things. Leo de vinci was a scanner. Scanner stop doing what they’re doing because they got what they came for. So for example you might want to just do a few ballroom classes to try it out. Or you might master conversational French and move on to Italian. Scanners have had a hard time in a careers environment that focuses on specialism. However there is actually nothing wrong with having a varied and multiple career exploring are pursuing your interest. Barbara‘s work is very helpful to help scanners complete their projects and deliver on their goals before they move on to something new. Check it out see ifIf it rings true for you.

I am a scanner and the way that I’ve made work work for me is to design a career that integrates all of my interest and is varied enough to keep me engaged and excited. I also never managed to stay in a job beyond two years and in fact found the work environment very stifling and difficult to navigate. Personally as a scanner I do better managing my own time energy workload and the things and projects that I choose to take on. Not all scanners are self-employed however it’s about creating a working life and a working life design that suits the uniqueness of who you are and what you’re interested in.

@netstaller We take on new roles because we want to be able to stretch ourselves. Not every employer will be put off by the fact that you don’t have previous management experience. In fact this isn’t something that I would shy away from being upfront about. Instead in your applications for roles focus on how you would go about becoming a good manager and equipping yourself with the skills to really support champion and enable your people. The right employer will hire you for your talent and enthusiasm and work ethic and will give you an opportunity to prove yourself and to help you to stretch and grow. So the question is who is the right employer? What kind of environment what Kind of industry or what kind of employer would you need to find to give you the opportunity to step into something more senior? Also consider that management is not the only way to make more money are you an actual manager is management something you want for yourself? More and more organisations are recognising that she object matter expertise is valuable in itself and a someone becomes more senior or more expert they can be financially recognised without necessarily taking on management responsibility. Consider whether this would be ideal for you in which case how do you become so good that you cannot be ignored developing a niche specialism that is valuable in the market and commands more money? For example SEO or digital strategy may be a very valuable angle as a marketer, without you necessarily needing to manage others.

If you do want to be a manager don’t let the fact you haven’t done it before out you off applying. And if you think you would be a good manager, this is presumably because you have been managing somewhere, be it volunteering outside of work or on a project team or managing contractors. All of these experiences count.

Make a list of everything and everyone you have managed. You might be surprised.

Does that help?

@Marona1 flexibility is better now than ever before. Look at the gig economy eg people per hour website. Have a look at the capability Jane recruitment agency, which only offers flex working roles. See also the mumsnet board. Do you like finance? If so a growing area is virtual financial directors, who work remotely and part time for orgs as and when they need them. You need a work design that flexes around family needs not rigid hours. It can be found. The question is- where and who? Let me know how you get on with your research.

@timeforanewjob the career equation exercise at the top of this thread will help. Your confidence has taken a knock and you are bored of your sector. Yet you have some very transferable skills as a teacher.

Let’s ask a different question.

What experiences are you looking for in your work? What kinds of things do you want to do or explore? How do you want to be remembered by others in your workplace/field?

Once you know the answer to this it becomes easier to know what to do next.

Answer the above and we can see what shows up as a result.

Also make a list of your favourite transferable skills, the activities you love to perform and want to keep doing.

To what extent can a poorly matched job that has good pay and flexibility make you happy by giving you a great life outside work?

I'm a GP and I don't think it matches my skills and working style (which I sadly didn't understand when choosing my career) so I find my work days tiring and stressful, and I can carry around worry on my days off. However the job means that I can work part time and take school holidays off, which is great with young kids, and work virtually anywhere.

Once my kids are older I'm wondering whether to try and change careers, or whether to take advantage of my ability to work 3 days a week for good pay and focus on improving my life outside work by moving to a chosen area, plenty of time for hobbies etc.

I'm an executive assistant at the moment, I've had various admin-type roles (veterinary receptionist, exams administrator in a college, library assistant).
I know I like working in public sector / charities.
I'm a bit socially crap; not good at small talk, introvert, need time to recharge.
I like the organisation side of my role; I'm good at that, and at writing eloquent meeting minutes. Overall I get very good feedback but I find aspects of my role (office politics, meeting external guests, relationship management type tasks) exhausting.
I find networking, small talk and that sort of thing difficult. At the end of the working day I want to get home and recharge, not try and make conversation where I don't know what to say. I'm better at 1:1 conversations, groups are harder. I'm not stupid (I have a 1st class BSc in biomed) but I'm a bit of an oddball.

Any suggestions?

I have a place on a graduate scheme (Civil Service Fast Stream) to train as an accountant but can't decide if it's a frying pan-to-fire move.

@Angliski thank you! My skills are mainly people based and creative; communication and organisation - verbal / written communication, facilitation, planning, presenting, listening .. does anything jump out at you? My new job is within learning at an arts / heritage site but I really want to move to a more senior / better paid role within a year or so.

OP, this is such a good thread, so many useful insights, thank you

I'm 50 and about to lose my job. I'm caught between leaving and waiting to be pushed. It's very a toxic environment but so far I'm managing to keep sanity in check. I would've taken the plunge already but I'm hanging on in there for financial reasons for as long as I can.

Once past this stage I have no idea what to do next. I have a totally eclectic disconnected skill set, no qualifications past A levels, no obvious path to follow and a tendency to just grab the first thing comes along for fear of being out of work/self esteem issues. I want it to be different this time.

OP, thank you for doing this thread.

I’ve just posted in the Work section but basically I have the opportunity to work for a charity, something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, where my skills will be transferable but the wage will be a big cut (50%).

I liked the sound of the job when I saw it and am both bored and stressed by the toxicity of my current work (which I am qualified for and have done forever).

I just can’t get over the pay thing. For ages I have been saying I am only staying in my current job for the money, which is no way to live - then I find a new role and it’s all about money again!

You read all this stuff about going for happiness and cutting down on stress but it’s a really hard thing to actually do. I know your clients probably want to move up the ladder rather than jump into a random, lesser-paid role, but I thought you may have some insights I hadn’t considered.

@MrsSneeze excellent question.

The answer?

It depends on you.

What makes each of us feel successful and thriving in our lives is an individual career equation. No one can tell you what that is. But we are all bombarded with views about what it is supposed to be, by family, friends, media, educators, social media, peers etc.

A doctor sits nicely in the ‘ good profession should be happy with it’ category. Alongside lawyers and engineers and accountants! However you have already said that it doesn’t suit your skills and working style.

Say some more about this? What would suit you more? What are your key skills?

I personally believe that happiness comes from aligning our core skills and gifts with how we make our money and spend our time. And that when we work in our field of brilliance, we feel successful. In addition, work that suits our lifestyle needs, be that money, flexibility, status etc is important too. So it sounds like your current role fits the latter but not the former.

As a gp I am sure you have a huge range of transferable skills. What do you dream of doing instead? I would never let age put a client off from choosing again - or choosing better. Our aspirations change as we grow, but who we are and what we are good at and love doesn’t change that much, so better alignment in how you spend your 80000 hours of workplace time is always worth consideration.

Hope that helps!

@AwkwardPaws27 well done for getting into the fast stream. It’s where I started my career. Ultimately the pace of work and the working culture at the home office were not for me but a learned a lot and enjoyed being at the heart of policy and politics.

I don’t think you are alone in being exhausted by office bullshit. The only way to escape this is a. Work in a bs free culture - they do occasionally come about or b. Work for yourself as a contractor thus making a lot of it irrelevant to you.

I wonder though if there are roles where you could focus just on the bits you love. Perhaps something that is more solirary, takes you into a deeper realm of thought/analysis?

Admin comes with bureaucracy and with gossip I feel. Whereas as say, research, data analysis, knowledge management comes with less. It just has less of a gossipy vibe.

What do you think?

If you could design you ideal perfect role, what would it be?

@paintyhands consider training, consulting, facilitation in the workplace? Fields such as employee engagement, learning and development, customer experience, workplace wellbeing, employee engagement might appeal? They’re also really well paid, with roles starting at 50k up to three or four times that for strategic leadership of consulting departments if that takes your fancy. As a contractor such roles have good day rates too.

@Snorkelface it’s stressful holding on in that kind of limbo snork. I feel for you. Many of my clients in voluntary redundancy/ resizing scenarios feel the same. It will be great if you cna hang on for a package as it will buy you some rest and thinking time.

The thing is, no choice in your career is still a choice.

What I wan by this is that there is still a strategy decision in there- to just throw yourself at whatever comes along. There no judgement here as many of us use this strategy but I am just pointing out that other strategy choices are available that mgiht give you more fulfilment, so its great you recognise this and want next time to be more informed by what you want.

If you could make up a role for yourself what would it be?

And if you look at your eclectic background and interests, I wonder if you would find a kind of golden thread of interests ( perhaps both inside and outside of work). For example for me, that is ‘talking to strangers and finding out new stuff’. I love doing this in all areas of my life and get a real buzz out of connecting - hence this thread, for example.

What’s the thing you cannot stop yourself doing that you do in both work and life and just love?

@TeaPleaseTa

I used to work in employee engagement research. One of the big questions that was always asked was ‘ what are the drivers for your satisfaction at work?’

Assuming people are paid fairly for what they do, over and again the top drivers were:

1. Interesting and meaningful work
2. More opportunities to do what I do best

3.autonomy and flexibility

Below this Came status and pay.

It’s likely your new role will give you more of number 1 and hopefully more of number 2 - though charities can be toxic too... but anyway...

So that leaves the money.

A practical question first- does the reduction in salary legitimately cause anxiety on the home/stability/provision front? If so, what is the plan around that? Eg reduce overheads, stop buying loads of coffee, cycle to work, take kids out of private school. Many things we have can be let go of in exchange for more freedom and meaning.

The other aspect is status and perception of progress. Your ego doesn’t like the pay cut- why? What kinds of symbols of success does it fear losing out on? Would
You consider exchanging these symbols ( usually stuff and posh treats) for an experience of success- as in feeling happy about what you and do and no longer dreading Mondays? What price do you put of your happiness and the hours of your life? Does the difference in salary genuinely compensate for shorty culture etc?

Also you are roving sector so a cut is common. This amy only be temp. If you are ambitious and want the Moolah, find out what roles you could be in on you new sector to get the moolah and see this role as the first stepping stone in your new life plan.

I recommend a nice cheap secondhand copy of my book, Your Life Plan for Amazon to help you embrace a sense of adventure around this. Set yourself a quest that inspires you - so it is no longer either money or satisfaction but money AND satisfaction.

Hope that helps!!

Help me please.

Thanks so much for starting this thread OP - I’ve just purchased your book - placemarking

Thanks for your time and thoughts @Angliski can you DM me with the book details as I can’t find it?

Your point about the pay and ego is food for thought, as is the fact I am moving sector. Would also be dropping down (I line manage a small group now) but as you say, once I’m in I can look around if necessary. It’s interesting how these thoughts affect me when I was sure I was ready to cut and run and to hell with it all...

Thanks so much for the reply OP, I think you're the first person who hasn't just said 'you should leave' or thinks I'm being defeatist by hanging on. Painful as it is!

Now to find that golden thread........

What would suit you more? What are your key skills?

I'm good at speaking to patients when I'm not horribly rushed, I am a good active listener. I enjoy gathering lots of information and building a picture. I am good at picking out key details from lots of information. I enjoy explaining things to colleagues and patients and giving teaching presentations.

When I think about my favourite jobs I remember being with my colleagues. In GP I barely see colleagues; I'd like a role where I mix with colleagues regularly.

Years ago I did some unpaid expedition medic roles and I enjoyed the challenge of 'making do' to manage emergencies and feeling part of a team with an obvious goal.

I thought about joining the military as a doctor as I would have liked feeling part of something and the young relatively healthy patient population. For practical reasons I decided against it and wouldn't want to join now, but just to give an idea of what I might have enjoyed.

I enjoyed psychiatry, fascinating subject and I liked the detailed information gathering and team work. However I didn't want to lose my physical medicine skills.

I also enjoyed learning about the medicine of extreme environments eg altitude, aviation, scuba diving, and this fitted my hobbies, but I didn't fancy joining the military or retraining in an aviation medicine specialty to make this my sole focus.

Dear @Angliski,
Thank you very much for this generous gift of knowledge! All the very best, too, with the baby. My second one arrived in October and cluster feeds at night so I hear your pain :)

I would love to get some advice from you. I am 38, have a PhD in gender studies and 10 years experience in business and political intelligence work. I love the work I do, but for personal aspirations, growth opportunities and higher salary, I would like to slightly shift my work area. My core dream in life now is to empower women economically and technologically in order to help reduce violence against women over the longer term. I want to do this work in an intellectually rigorous, well-paid and a humane working environment. I am using LinkedIn, networks, research etc to look for the next gig, but any tips you have would be invaluable to me.

I suppose the fear I have in the pit of my stomach is this: if I don’t find ways to do what I want to do, my life’s gift would be wasted.

Many thanks in advance for your kindness and generosity. You have, in your own way, found ways of empowering women. More power to you!

I will get back to you all later today I promise!