How to handle office 'dragon'

[DorsetCamping]

Apologies for the monologue

So I have just gone back to work after being a SAHM for some years. Previously worked in an office so you'd think I would be hardened to this shit

I work Bank hours for the HR dept at our local hospital which works out at 3 days per week. I've only been there a fortnight (so far worked total of just 3days) but already thinking of leaving. Most of the team are lovely but one woman (lets call her Jane) seems to have made it her mission to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible. Unfortunately it is Jane that needs to show me the ropes as my job runs parallel to hers and ironically should make her job less pressured as she's been doing the work of 2 people.

As I have only worked 3 days in total and the work is totally new to me, hence the need to be supported and feel able ask questions about the tasks I am undertaking. A major part of the job is electronic filing, of which there are several databases and system drives. The last thing I want is to get it wrong and someone doesn't get paid! However, Already Jane is pausing for a split second before looking up at me to answer, or I get "I've already told you that, do you not remember". I'll get an answer through gritted teeth. Also lots of whispering (which of course may not be about me at all!) but with glances over at me and subtle pointing.

I am going out of my way to be pleasant and use my initiative. I have lots of experience, albeit in indirect fields and am well educated but this woman is making me feel like a stupid teenager . I like to feel I am a quick learner but I am having so many different tasks thrown at me and expected to keep pace that I am already panicking and starting to dread going in.

Jane has worked in the dept 30+ years and has just turned 60 but no mention of retirement despite not being in the great health, so I suspect there may be some resentment at having to still work. Maybe she feels I am there to take her job, who knows?

What makes it worse is that everyone else,(manager included) seem to fawn over her which would make it really uncomfortable if I were to raise the issue. Part of me just wants to walk away; although I need to the money, I am too old for this shit. However the other part is outraged that she can do this and the issue needs addressing. I do want to do the job as actually find it really interesting but can't put up with this for much longer.

Would welcome advice. Have been out of this environment for so long, should I just suck it up and learn by my mistakes (as this is what will happen if I am made to feel uncomfortable about getting proper support). Am I being a snowflake?

OP, I agree with you about dragons. I've known quite a few and most have been under 45.

Hi there I had similar and tried to raise with management who knew she was ‘difficult’ but they let it continue And chose not to challenge it very passive aggressive- a week after being challenged by myself and manager present in a mediation meeting she went off work and supposedly admitted to hospital with heart problems so untouchable!! I left as a result you have to choose your battles and anxiety like this is not worth your mental health good luck

She sounds like an absolute pain in the arse and I can't imagine she's likely to change her attitude. If I was stuck in a position that made it difficult or impossible to move on (And to preface with, I can't be arsed with people's shit, massively socially awkward and antisocial as a result. I'm also too tired and I just want a quiet life) I would probably go out of my way to make her like me, blow smoke up her arse. The whole "There's no wonder they're having you show me the ropes, you're very good at your job" and "they should give you a pay rise for training people, it must be awful, I feel terrible keep asking questions" try to find common ground and get by on as little polite pleasantries as I could get away with for the rest of the time I spent with the company!

As others said keep a diary and note things you’re unsure of upset by so your manager can create a way forward for you - if this lady isn’t your manager that is in your favour so use to your advantage - transfer is a great idea as do not have to stay here and prob not the first to leave quickly as she has form for this I’m sure!

Feel so stupid. Had I realised that there was so much more to the role than what I'd been told, I would've been much better prepared from the off.

When I ring the manager one of the things I'll request is a reasonably detailed list of job responsibilities, so I can get a true scope of what is expected.

😂 No, I'm not her, although breathing fire would be handy. But do try to see it from her perspective... If you try to get to know her a bit and work out what you can do to make her working life easier, it'll ease the way for you too.

Have been ultra nice to her ("thank you again for explaining...really grateful.. you must be very good at what you do" blah blah blah) but don't think it makes a jot of difference. It's like she's got her own well established fan club and newcomers beware!

Yes thanks Darkhorse, I am probably overthinking the situation; probably not helped only being in the office part-time.

I will see what Friday brings and try to be positive

So I had a quick phone call with my manager today. Didn't go into detail but just said I would welcome a brief chat on Friday as needed to discuss my role.
That led to me alluding that I wasn't feeling entirely comfortable with some of the support I was getting and hoped we could find a way forward.

She seemed really shocked and said we needed to talk properly as didn't want to lose me. Guess that is a positive step.

How do I start the conversation and raise my concerns without being too critical or present myself as a 'trouble-making'. I have said I very much want to stay but changes need to be made.

@DorsetCamping you are too nice to her and she smells weakness.

Enough niceness. I made this mistake in previous roles.

Staplegun on a serene, calm expression and say "i feel like there's something you want to say but aren't saying so if there's anything lying unaddressed here, im happy to hear you out!".

Chances are she will be taken aback by your sudden bravery and back down and snap "no im fine".

If she does take her at her word and say "im so glad because we work for the same hospital".

If she lets rip, let her go on. Dont interrupt. Listen and then say "that's a lot to think about and i will respond when i have thought about it for a few hours".

She will hate you more but she will start being a b8tch to somebody else. She will realise you have a back bone she didnt initially credit you with.

These passive aggressive types bank on you being avoidant and passive too.

Agreed. Politely challenge, as @SalmonOfKnowledge suggests.

If she mutters something under her breath, say, “sorry, what was that? I didn’t catch it”. Then if she refuses to repeat it she looks like an idiot.

With your manager, frame the problem as “I want to get to grips with the role quickly but I feel that Dragon and I aren’t on the same page. I think that her expectations around how soon I’ll pick up the nuances aren’t the same as mine, and I think it’s causing her to become irritated. How can we resolve it?”

Then you come across as positive and constructive and you haven’t sunk to being personal because you’ve taken emotion out of it.

Good luck!

@Iamthewombat @SalmonOfKnowledge
You are both so right - wish you could be there with me tomorrow!

I’ll be there in spirit and I am sure that you will ace it.

I'll be thinking of you too. Good luck with it!

Thank you! Will update

Many years ago when I did a summer temping job I experienced this. The dept had been lovely, everyone really helpful for weeks. Then the week before the "dragon" came back everyone was on edge. I was asked to move (of course, no issue), I was asked to not engage with her for a bit to "see how she takes you". On the day she came back from sick leave it was like the Queen was visiting - and she was horrible to me! She found out I had been using her desk whilst she was off and would shout at me for misplacing her scissors, where had I put her cellotape, all sorts of stuff. I was determined I would not be cowed like the others. I was very polite to her, but called her out on every single thing. She utterly hated me by the end of my stint - not helped by the fact that I was good at IT but she wasn't. Got through it and felt better for not giving up!

@DorsetCamping - How did it go? Hope you're doing OK.

Thanks for asking @SandAndSea.

Well mixed feelings about yesterday. Had a meeting 1st thing with manager, ready with my speech about "differing expectations" etc, who seemed surprised by the issue I raised. She Said that Jane was a well respected member of the team who was usually really helpful and supportive; that they are currently so under resourced everyone is feeling pressured and Jane probably is not even aware of what she's doing.

Tried to reassure me that she would have a discrete word with Jane about "ensuring the team are welcoming and supportive of newcomers, even if it initially impacts on workload", then went on to say she would shortly be looking to get me doing different work.

It was then perfect timing as when I got back to my desk (bearing in mind it was 1st thing) as Jane was there and rather than a "good morning" she just snapped at me "you didn't lock your computer when you left you're desk!"
Right in front of our manager too, who threw me a look and retorted "an easy mistake to make".

Rest of day was a slight improvement as started working more independently but still some snarkiness later on.

I have committed to the next few weeks but this woman so tainted my view of the role that I don't know whether I'll stay. Already dreading going in next week

It sounds like you've handled things really well, Dorset and you were lucky with the timing of that remark. Hopefully, things will be better now, though, personally, I'd keep looking for something else. Maybe you could see this as good practise for developing your assertiveness skills? It might help you to detach a bit from it.

Just thinking about your comment about committing to the next few weeks. If you're on a weekly contract, remember that they haven't committed to anything more than that. IOW, make sure you look after yourself and don't be fooled into an inappropriate sense of loyalty towards them.

I’d strongly suggest tackling her head on. Get her on her own, look her straight in the eye and say something along the lines of “We have to work closely together and I’m getting the feeling that maybe I’m rubbing you up the wrong way. Can we talk about what’s going on and see what we can do about it?”

It’s always best to challenge PA people directly, preferably away from other people.

You may discover some issue or other you hadn’t expected. At the very least you’ll make her squirm a little and reconsider pulling this shit. If you keep it pleasant and let her save face there’s a good chance of pulling a better working relationship from this.

This is NHS isn't it? Our Queen Bee has just retired against her will, she was 64, offloaded her work to other people and was a pain in the arse to work with. HR did nothing, just said she's "prickly". Hope your situation improves.

Yes I definitely need to toughen up in the workplace. Being out of the loop for so long has really dented my confidence

It's not in my nature to be confrontational but with those types of people you really have to be assertive or else they will trample all over you. At least if you're on the bank they could just move you if she becomes unbearable (and then she's won!)

And yes they can equally withdraw the work at a moments notice, so I won't get too comfortable (fat chance!)