Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Am I treated differently at work because of money?

48 replies

Milo90 · 22/12/2019 23:58

Good evening all,
Bit of a difficult one to explain without sounding like a sensitive dickhead or a show off.
Basically I work for the NHS, not high up or anything and earn about 30k a year. I enjoy.. Or should I say, enjoyed my job until a few things changed - I felt they changed.
I've been in my role about 4 years and 7 months ago got married. I had made, what I thought, was some good friends at work and invited these work friends, including my executive and MD to the wedding as we had a good relationship. If they hadn't attended I wouldn't have thought anything of it but thought I should as I'd invited a few others plus some were expecting an invite.
Anyway, without sounding arrogant or whatever, my wedding was a big deal, my family spent quite a bit on it. To be blunt, my family are what you would call 'well off'. I've always kept personal things like that to myself but in the past have had a few odd comments about money because I have a nice car or designer handbag. Also there was a bit of talk when a few people added me on social media.
Anyways, since my wedding I have noticed colleagues are different with me and I have heard a bit of gossip about me, all around money. For example, I was complimented about my hair once and asked what I used on it, when I said what it was, there were a few looks and 'oh that's quite expensive', and shocked faces if I say I went to Lidl or Primark Confused 'I wouldn't think you'd shop there' etc etc...
More recently, I was offered a promotion at work from the MD and had some colleagues say I don't need the money so why should I get a promotion. I was quite hurt by this as I felt my promotion was on merit however having discussed this with people who I thought were 'friends' I feel pretty let down that no one had my back about this, leading me to think alot of them were in agreeance. Funnily enough 2 months on and I'm now not getting the promotion...I couldn't help but feel this had something to do with the money factor. I've also been left out of work lunches, party things and hardly anyone signed my birthday card this year in comparison to last year which my manager was so awkward about. (I don't expect anything from anyone but it was very evident something was up).
I've never shown off about money, although I've always been generous at birthdays and Xmas and as I just said, never give to receive but am now feeling really dissapointed that I'm being singled out and that I'm 'different' in some way.
I know this sounds pathetic but I actually feel so alone at work now and get annoyed about money comments. More recently I had on a £20 boohoo cardigan and a girl at work that I hardly know started touching it saying 'I bet its gucci' infront of lots of people. I corrected her but she didn't seem like she was listening. I know I should ignore it but I really feel its affected my work relationships and the way I'm treated.
My friends outside of work say its jealousy and to find a new job and not to invite new people into my life. I just hate how things have gone as I enjoyed my job.
I'm probably going to get a few digs on this post but has anyone else had this at work? How did you deal with it? I feel stupid to approach my manager about this as she is one of the gossips Sad

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 23/12/2019 00:09

I had a lavish wedding and like a bit of bling and designer gear but no one ever made fun of me/treated me differently.

So it’s either a weird bunch of people or you go on about stuff without realising. Maybe not money per se but quality or brands or generally talk about stuff you’ve got?

Original poster
Milo90 · 23/12/2019 00:16

I've always kept things to myself, that's just my personality although if I'm asked about my summer holidays or something obviously I'll talk about it, but not how much this or that is. I got a new car earlier this year and my manager had to authorise my car park permit so she knew the make etc, she then told quite a few people and I had them asking me questions.. It is silly but I find it quite intrusive hence why I don't share alot

OP posts:
greenlynx · 23/12/2019 00:20

I think you are right and it does about money. I remember being told in a laughing sort of way a couple of times by my head of department: But you don’t need promotion, your DH’s got enough for you both’. He worked before at the same place as my DH. And by a colleague: ‘of course, you don’t need to worry about money when your husband got such a good job’. But her husband had just a bit lower position than mine, they lived in their own property whereas we were renting and at the same time paying ourselves privately for infertility treatment. My DH did have a good job but nothing actually very fancy and with health issues and renting costs we even couldn’t afford a holiday.
Sorry I can’t give you any helpful advice, I just didn’t come back after maternity leave and then moved away but I do remember that it’s not a nice feeling at all. I actually cried a lot about this.

gluteustothemaximus · 23/12/2019 00:32

It's really sad to treat you that way based on money but people do. If you don't go on about it then there's no reason for it.

I have a lovely friend at work who is very well off indeed. She keeps it all very quiet, she's almost embarrassed by it. I think she's very lucky, and doesn't have any financial stress, but that's life isn't it. I don't treat her any differently. She could have a penny to her name or a million, and it would make no difference.

It sounds like shit stirring maybe as it's odd they are all being off with you.

cabbageking · 23/12/2019 00:41

I am confused?

I thought you were proceeding with pregnancy discrimination via ACAS because of the promotion offer 6 months ago coming to nothing due to pregnancy? Has this been sorted?

ColdCottage · 23/12/2019 00:45

Sadly they aren't friends.

Is there one person who is nicer who crosses both social groups who can explain they are upsetting you.

Can you change department?

People are sadly insensitive and unkind. It's hard but try and ignore them. If they keep it up I'd just be blunt and hope that shut them up. They are being rude as well as unkind for no reason. I'm sorry.

Original poster
Milo90 · 23/12/2019 01:01

I think you have the wrong person @cabbageking

@ColdCottage I wish I could but I would have the same manager and everyone knows everyone at work. I'm hoping this will pass. I have 2 weeks off over Xmas so maybe some time off will help Xmas Hmm

OP posts:
BustedDreams · 23/12/2019 07:00

The girl commenting on your cardigan was bullying you. Overall I don’t think the situation will get better. I’d look for some where else to work. Sorry this is happening to you Flowers

rededucator · 23/12/2019 07:09

I'm in a similar situation. I drunkenly, accidents let slip I don't have a mortgage at the Christmas night out. Now I'm questioned why my work wardrobe comes from George Asda and I bring a packed lunch every day.

notnowmaybelater · 23/12/2019 07:13

Lots of people have "prestige" cars on credit/ lease which they could never afford outright, in fact that's far more common than buying a reasonably priced new car outright these days. Lots of people on average incomes also get into debt or save for years, and/ or their parents do, for weddings. It's not just that unless the queen was at your wedding in st Paul's cathedral...

AteAllTheAfterEights · 23/12/2019 07:19

@cabbageking doesn’t have the wrong person, it’s in your posting history

puds11 · 23/12/2019 07:26

Ah fuck them! It’s jealousy! It’s shitty of them and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Personally I’d ignore them and carry on with the job but if it’s too much then maybe look at leaving?

On a side note, if you are able to afford it please consider shopping more responsibly than bloody primark!

MaButterface · 23/12/2019 07:32

Of course they are jealous. I find there is a lot of reverse snobbery and bullying in the UK and people think its Ok.
Just go to work for the work, friends are a bonus. Move on if you must and keep things private.

FREEM · 23/12/2019 07:33

I think the issue is your manager who is as you say a gossip and to spunds like she is giving off vibes or talk almost making it ok to allow otjers to talk aboit you in derogatory terms
There must be a few people who don't like that culture and will be on " your side"
The nhs is a nightmare for bullying .

Roselilly36 · 23/12/2019 07:36

Don’t tell people your business, some jealous people out there.

OhTheRoses · 23/12/2019 07:42

Quite honestly op you have been a bit of a twit to let work people merge into your private life. No work people on facebook. No signs of naterial wealth at work. Keep it all dark.

I have a relatively senior role. I blend. No expensive clothes at work, use the dc's cars for work, don't discuss the houseand they do not know we have one in France or that the DC went to private schools.

Move on and keep your private life private in future.

maidenover · 23/12/2019 07:42

How do you get offered promotion in the NHS? Do you not have to apply for a position and go through a competency based interview process or is that just in NI?

notnowmaybelater · 23/12/2019 08:15

OhTheRoses why would you use your children's cars for work? They aren't the children's cars then are they, if they only have access when you aren't using them!

OceanSunFish · 23/12/2019 08:22

I know what you mean OP. I'm aware that I probably have more household income than most of my colleagues, because of DH's job. They can't tell from my clothes / handbag / car because I'm not a big spender, but they would able to tell if they came to my house. For that reason I haven't returned the invitation when a colleague invited me (plus DH and kids) over to his house. I feel bad about it, but I don't want to end up in the situation you describe.

ohwheniknow · 23/12/2019 08:25

1 Dec you were blaming lack of promotion on your pregnancy. Why lie and say it wasn't you when the post is there for anyone to see?

Soontobe60 · 23/12/2019 08:27

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3757591-Pregnancy-discrimination-has-it-happened-to-u

I think you're not quite as truthful as you're pretending to be.

The NHS has very strict rules on job promotions, who can and can't apply. No one gets 'offered' promotion, you may be notified that there's a job available in your pay band.
If you're going to post something, check your facts first.

TildaTurnip · 23/12/2019 08:35

OhTheRoses do you not have any friends at work? I know which of my work friends have houses abroad and where their dc go to school-it has never been talked about in a bragging way but it comes up in natural chat.

lulabelle · 23/12/2019 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolate26 · 23/12/2019 08:55

This has happened to me most of my life OP, I was actually picked on at school because of the material things I had at the time! I was always called "posh girl" and it really got me down. I now work as a nursery nurse which is low paid so I don't earn much money myself but my DH and family do and I always have comments made at me, if I'm off work sick or something my colleagues will say "well it's okay for you because you don't need the money" or similar to you if I talk about working my way up in my career I'm told "you don't need anymore money" or "why do you work if you don't need to" when I actually love working and earning my own money.
I know a lot of the comments my colleagues make are light hearted but it makes me feel so awkward and like I'm seen as completely different from them.

hiphiphoorayback · 23/12/2019 09:01

I understand I am a Care Assistant and feel I have to be careful what I say to people. My DH is a Surgeon and I cringe if people ask what he does for a living as I know as soon as I tell them and it has happened before they will see me in a completely different light and most go cold on me Sad

Swipe left for the next trending thread