Am I treated differently at work because of money?

[Milo90]

Good evening all,
Bit of a difficult one to explain without sounding like a sensitive dickhead or a show off.
Basically I work for the NHS, not high up or anything and earn about 30k a year. I enjoy.. Or should I say, enjoyed my job until a few things changed - I felt they changed.
I've been in my role about 4 years and 7 months ago got married. I had made, what I thought, was some good friends at work and invited these work friends, including my executive and MD to the wedding as we had a good relationship. If they hadn't attended I wouldn't have thought anything of it but thought I should as I'd invited a few others plus some were expecting an invite.
Anyway, without sounding arrogant or whatever, my wedding was a big deal, my family spent quite a bit on it. To be blunt, my family are what you would call 'well off'. I've always kept personal things like that to myself but in the past have had a few odd comments about money because I have a nice car or designer handbag. Also there was a bit of talk when a few people added me on social media.
Anyways, since my wedding I have noticed colleagues are different with me and I have heard a bit of gossip about me, all around money. For example, I was complimented about my hair once and asked what I used on it, when I said what it was, there were a few looks and 'oh that's quite expensive', and shocked faces if I say I went to Lidl or Primark 'I wouldn't think you'd shop there' etc etc...
More recently, I was offered a promotion at work from the MD and had some colleagues say I don't need the money so why should I get a promotion. I was quite hurt by this as I felt my promotion was on merit however having discussed this with people who I thought were 'friends' I feel pretty let down that no one had my back about this, leading me to think alot of them were in agreeance. Funnily enough 2 months on and I'm now not getting the promotion...I couldn't help but feel this had something to do with the money factor. I've also been left out of work lunches, party things and hardly anyone signed my birthday card this year in comparison to last year which my manager was so awkward about. (I don't expect anything from anyone but it was very evident something was up).
I've never shown off about money, although I've always been generous at birthdays and Xmas and as I just said, never give to receive but am now feeling really dissapointed that I'm being singled out and that I'm 'different' in some way.
I know this sounds pathetic but I actually feel so alone at work now and get annoyed about money comments. More recently I had on a £20 boohoo cardigan and a girl at work that I hardly know started touching it saying 'I bet its gucci' infront of lots of people. I corrected her but she didn't seem like she was listening. I know I should ignore it but I really feel its affected my work relationships and the way I'm treated.
My friends outside of work say its jealousy and to find a new job and not to invite new people into my life. I just hate how things have gone as I enjoyed my job.
I'm probably going to get a few digs on this post but has anyone else had this at work? How did you deal with it? I feel stupid to approach my manager about this as she is one of the gossips

why do you have an MD
i thought you worked for the NHS, do you mean Medical Director?

you must be fairly high up in nhs to be on that pay?

I think you should focus on the sexism part of this and start to act very professionally (or more professionally if you already do this)

Start saying that you expect to forge a career and no one should rely on inheritance or spouses for money as either one could run out (Baz Luhrmanns Sunscreen song)

I also think this is verging on bullying and that you should start to keep records

I’m confused. You earn £30k in your job? Your family paid for the swanky wedding but are they subbing you day to day? Who’s paying for the designer clothes? I find it pretty weird that you are not in a senior position according to you but have invited senior leadership team to your wedding. I get on with my SLT but I don’t socialise with them because I would expect my peers to have an issue with it. Combined with your designer handbags and expensive car perhaps they feel you’re a bit of a social climber.

You state in another thread you started 1/12/19 that you’re on maternity leave... your promotion has backtracked

All confusing information

You state in another thread you started 1/12/19 that you’re on maternity leave... your promotion has backtracked

All confusing information

She's forgetting what she's posted.

OP are you changing your story a bit to stay anonymous?reason I say that is there are people on here who go out of there way to read posting history. I haven't so will take this post at face value.I often hear that bullying in the NHS is rife. If you can afford it, which sounds like you can, why not leave this job and go elsewhere? Problem solved

I think it's awful to feel embarrassed that you have money

My dh and myself have best friends with dc similar ages etc.
Been friends for years and years and we all get on so well however financially we are much more well off than them.

It can be awkward as they can't always afford to do the things we do and so we just adjust and compromise however I do get comments from them at times saying can't believe how much we spend on food shop,or holiday,or clothes etc but I just politely say what difference does it make?still the same people.

I would wait till your co workers are together next and say outright you feel like your being treated differently etc and feel left out of things.
Remind them your still the same person and if they still behave like they are I would be looking for another job

I think you're not quite as truthful as you're pretending to be.

^As proved by the other posters. I imagine OP also lies alot at work at this is why her colleagues don’t want to know her anymore.

I grew up reliant on benefits and seriously struggling.

I’m now married, my husband had a well known and respected profession. I do get the ‘oh sorry did you get lost on your way to Waitrose?’ attitude and there is an assumption that I myself must be very middle class and have no idea of ‘the struggles of the poor’.

• I think a lot of middle earners, those in offices (like me) the mundane sort of £20-35k jobs are pretty ‘stuck’ there. Reliant on their wage to pay their bills but not particularly fulfilled. They wouldn’t choose to do it if they had the option and it makes them uncomfortable/jealous when someone else has that sort of freedom.

cool story

Yes, this kind of shit does happen. I am the most unassuming person around but still gradually found myself being frozen out in one particular workplace (including promotion opportunities) when people got wind of the fact that our household income was pretty good - I had naively answered a theoretical question about whether or not I could consider being a SAHM if I had children.

My DH is now a high earner and I am careful to keep my personal and work life separate.

How can you be offered a promotion at work without applying and going through the recruitment process?

I can't comment on your workplace but I've worked in a few different places with a huge range of people and I have never come across anywhere that people discussed others in the way you describe, even in the most arsehole-y workplace I never saw people commenting on the price of each others clothes and handbags etc. I have had people say 'oh, her family are loaded, you should see the house they live in' or 'his Granda built up X business and his dad runs it now, they're very well off' but it has been a passing comment and then everyone moves on.

There are, or at least used to be, a lot of people from well off backgrounds working for the NHS and even as nannies and nursery nurses (that's what Diana Spencer did while waiting for an appropriate husband). Apart from the BBC and politics it's one of the most common employers for people who don't necessarily need the money to make ends meet...

There are a lot of posters who play out their daydreams by getting internet forum users to interact with them...

I don’t know how the NHS works, but in other workplaces it is quite possible to find your opportunities impeded for social reasons. Person A is good at their job as is Person B, but Manager likes Person B a bit more and so gives them a special project or another opportunity to develop their skills. Over time Person B is therefore better placed when an opportunity for promotion comes along.

MaybeDoctor

Well such is human nature. It’s very difficult to attribute that to any particular reason though isn’t it? Unless someone says “ I’m not giving you an opportunity because you’re loaded and you don’t need the money and/ or I don’t like you “ how can you be certain of anything? People are inclined to look for reasons other than their own performance / attitude when they fail to achieve. In this occasion the MD apparently wanted to offer the OP a promotion which of course had nothing to do with her friendship with him/her ( and invitation to fancy wedding) and when it therefore didn’t come about it was as a result of perceived jealousy - no evidence provided. The whole story is sitting somewhere between complete conjecture and total bull-shit.

Well, nothing is ever totally proven but I had repeated envious or slightly ‘off’ remarks from the same person, who was later in a position of responsibility and on the internal interview panel when I went for an internal promotion. Person B, their friend, got the role.

But don’t worry, I moved on elsewhere and was promoted within five months!

Cool story bro.

q

Nepotism is a PITA unless it’s working in your favour of course.

no update @Milo90 ?

Perhaps the baby has arrived?
Perhaps she enjoying her holiday?
Perhaps she us counting her money?
Perhaps she realises she has been caught out?
Who knows?

Maybe she is enjoying her Xmas?