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Original poster

Another “complaint” has been raised. WWYD

68 replies

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 03/11/2019 20:41

There is a women at work (we have bothe been with the company same amount of time, same role. but, last year I moved into her dept.

I’ve never had a complaint raised about me or my performance and I’ve worked here for 5+ years, great reviews and feedback etc.

Within a month or two she raised an anonymous complaint she had recieved and sent it directly to the HR director.

This was a non issue and dismissed by the HRD, senior management team, we all moved on. Said lady went on mat leave and I worked on my relations with the team.

Over time I had people tell me she had encourage the anon complaint to be made for her to pass on above our line manager. I ignored this, I don’t do gossip but it stuck in my head.

She returned a few weeks ago , I’ve sort of Grey rocked her. I then receive an email on Friday titled complaint asking for us to meet tomorrow morning to discuss it.

It’s a here we go again but I need to find a way to handle it.

I know 100% I’ve done nothing to warrant a complaint again and even if I had, we have reporting lines for these things to be addressed through.

I can’t pretend it’s not been on my mind all weekend which I feel the intention was in the first place.

I am looking for a new job which is a shame as, apart from this woman I love my job but it’s a role where I need to work with her to an extent.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 03/11/2019 21:54

Bluntness basically, yes.

I really can’t be doing with this level of drama. When she isn’t there it doesn’t happen.

I know 100% there is no complaint, she has made it up or orchestrated one

Having my LM there tomorrow isn’t possible so either ignore it or let her know I’m recorded the meeting.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/11/2019 21:58

I think I'd message back and say more than happy to discuss it, but wish hr/manager present and as that's not feasible tomorrow you need to postpone it.

Fuckenstein · 03/11/2019 21:58

Is she sat sing there is a second complaint or does she wish to discuss the original complaint?

I would agree with PP and just say if she has a problem with your work or a complaint has been made you need her to put it in an email and copy in your line manager.

Do not go into a meeting with her unaccompanied because it leaves you open to anything she wants to throw at you.

Original poster
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 03/11/2019 21:59

Appolo I think I could pull that off, thank you

OP posts:
LauraKsWhiteCoat · 03/11/2019 21:59

I agree with everyone here - don't meet her, she doesn't get to raise a complaint and demand a meeting with you. She's totally setting the agenda here, and getting you on the back foot.

I would send an email first thing, cc-ing your line manager, saying 'I've now reconsidered and it wouldn't be appropriate for us to meet to discuss this complaint. Please raise it through the appropriate channels, thanks'

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 22:02

OP if you have to attend this meeting tomorrow then go and bring your manager or someone else with you, tell her you are recording this meeting and do so on your phone, let her present the complaint, thank her and leave. Say nothing else. Do not respond to any comments or questions she has. Then go straight to your manager and put in a complaint of harassment against her.

Original poster
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 03/11/2019 22:02

This is a second complaint in 5+ yers. Both only raised by her in the last 12 months of working together

Thanks for all your help everyone

I’m not going to the meeting tomorrow, I now have a few ideas up my sleeve

I need to speak to my LM first thing and take it from there

OP posts:
IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 03/11/2019 22:07

Good for you OP. Don’t let her call any shots. Remove all her control.

LauraKsWhiteCoat · 03/11/2019 22:08

Well done OP, don't let her dictate this - it's bullying.

The best solution with underhanded bullying like this is to blow it wide open, cc as many people in as possible, she'll likely be embarrassed / frightened that her nastiness is exposed and go and hide back under her rock.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 03/11/2019 22:13

I would ask her to forward the complaint to your LM to deal with and cc him/her - and keep doing that.

PinkpompomDaisy · 03/11/2019 22:15

www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/
( for others like me, Grey rock )

Genevieva · 03/11/2019 22:17

If you attend this meeting by yourself, start by saying that it is your intention to take an audio recording of the meeting so that there is a record for future reference, if needed. However, I would be tempted to ask your manager if they are free to attend with you and, if not, ask them to e-mail her saying that she has breached the company protocol for dealing with HR matters and that she should instead follow the procedure set out in XYZ company document. Ideally your manager would then make a complaint to her boss about her unprofessional approach and raising concerns that she is bullying you.

Original poster
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 03/11/2019 22:21

In an ideal world all of the above would be amazing

This toxic culture doesn’t allow it, unti I came along a year ago she has free rein and now, she is taking out on me.

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 03/11/2019 22:22

Send another reply to her, copying in your line manager, saying that due to the big thing it's probably more appropriate/professional to wait until later and do it through proper channels, hence you involving your line manager. Don't do it verbally, she could claim you were rude in how you spoke. Get everything in writing.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/11/2019 22:27

It sounds like she has no right or authority to demand complaint meetings with you because she is not your manager, nor is she part of the HR department. If there is a formal meeting under your company's complaints policy, you have to be given enough notice and the opportunity to have your union representative or the person of your choice there to support you.
Email her,CC-ing in HR asking for clarification as to whether this is a formal complaint meeting or not and stating that the time doesn't suit you and you will need enough notice to arrange for representation.

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 03/11/2019 22:29

This sounds horribly like someone I managed. I couldn't really handle her; neither could any of the managers above me, even though they supported me and agreed she was batshit. My biggest fear was that she would raise a grievance against me (she had waved a 10-page dossier of notes about me, in front of my line manager) - and win.

In the end, the senior management had to 'restructure' the team: I was moved sideways, she was demoted. She went off sick, then resigned. The whole exercise took over a year (ridiculous, but that's the public sector for you). What was left behind was a shattered team.

She was an arch-manipulator: she manipulated colleagues who, to this day, still behave in ways influenced by her, and they don't realise how much she played them to suit her evil purposes.

Get your management on-side asap. I hope it turns out better for you than it did for me.

ivykaty44 · 03/11/2019 22:32

Apollo seems to have the best option, don’t go to this meeting as she has prepared for it and you haven’t as you don’t know the script

Let her deal with your line manager which means you get to look at the script in your own time

Then attack and squash her with your grey rock

Cherrysoup · 03/11/2019 22:45

I would send an email first thing, cc-ing your line manager, saying 'I've now reconsidered and it wouldn't be appropriate for us to meet to discuss this complaint. Please raise it through the appropriate channels, thanks'

Absolutely this. It is so not her place to raise complaints/organise meetings about or deal with you with respect to bullshit complaints. Get your manager involved pdq. She sounds batshit.

cdtaylornats · 03/11/2019 23:00

Ask her to farmally minute the meeting with both of you signing off the minutes. If she refuses say you are going to record it on your phone.

Interestedwoman · 03/11/2019 23:02

Don't meet her alone or she could make up any old shit about what happened when you met.

I agree with the email suggestions others have made. Please let us know how it all goes. So sorry this is happening. Best wishes.

Veterinari · 03/11/2019 23:09

Reply ccing in HR to say that you’ll be happy to respond to any complaints raised through the proper channels.
Then email HR explaining this is the second time this has happened and you’re starting to feel bullied.

PanamaPattie · 03/11/2019 23:12

Remember OP, people like this pick their victims wisely. She thinks she can get away with this. Don't be that person. She has no authority over you. As MN says - no is a complete answer. Good luck.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/11/2019 23:28

In my experience, bullies like this back away massively if you front up to them.

A simple "I don't take that sort of talk off my teenager so I'm certainly not taking it off you mate" tends to calm things right down. (Obviously not a shared email or message just between you and them.)

If there's a long history then that's going to be more problematic, so would make more sense to bring in HR and/or LM.

notapizzaeater · 03/11/2019 23:35

Agree with everyone 100% you can't have this meeting ! She's trying to put you in your place.

Are you in a union ?

picklemepopcorn · 04/11/2019 07:23

Good luck today, both with the big thing and her!

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