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Original poster

Mortified. Was asked if I was pregnant.

75 replies

tuberr0se · 13/09/2019 19:47

Just that really. A client came into work today and asked me if I was pregnant. And how many weeks along I am. I know I am slightly overweight and have been on a diet for the last month but ffs why would you ask someone that?!! I nearly burst into tears. Now feel a bit pissed off with her for saying it. I'm very aware of my stomach being too big as it is. Why would a woman say that to another woman?

OP posts:

CucinaBreakfast · 14/09/2019 01:04

The initial question is obviously a no no, but the follow ups are bonkers!! Surely after the response to "when are you due?" is "🤔" you'd realize your mistake and back track?? No pregnant woman would be confused by that question, how can people be so insensitive..?!

VickyLouT · 14/09/2019 01:30

Oh my life I swear I have been asked this more than 10 times over the past 10 years (pre and post having an actual child) and every time it's a mega confidence destroyer. I'm just an apple shape person with thin limbs and I carry weight on my tummy. From little kids who don't know better, to winky winky noddy colleagues "are you going to share your secret with me" stares at stomach... random lady on tube "why don't you wear a badge so you get a seat?" ... to my all time favourite ... "I can ask now you are clearly showing when are you due?".... every time the response is the same .... tinkly laugh "sorry no bun in the oven I just like cake" followed by death stare as l watch them realise their failure of social etiquette. Some people are insensitive dumbarses who just have no idea how hurtful this is. What on earth makes it ok to ask such personal questions or presume a rounded tummy is always pregnancy!? I have also been super disappointed in other women around me in earshot who know I'm not up the duff. No one ever calls this shit out or goes to the aid of the humiliated person. So ladies I am with you and if it happens to you don't let the dickwad off the hook.

Caucho · 14/09/2019 21:36

That’s why those twee badges Transport for London badges are good. I don’t want to insult someone who just has a belly but also don’t think I’m a dick not offering a seat to a pregnant lady

BalancingStick · 14/09/2019 21:56

I'm a size 6-8 and get asked frequently If I out on a few pounds to be a solid size 8 people will offer me a seat on the Tube. I'm just smallframed with slim limbs and any extra, even the tiniest amount of, weight sits on my stomach. I've just got used to it!

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 14/09/2019 22:07

Some people are rude. I would never ask if someone was pregnant. Luckily people I know aren't like that. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and was fat before I started so pretty much nobody asks. If it's relevant I'll tell them.

SausageSimon · 14/09/2019 22:46

I've also noticed so many men have such rounded pregnant looking belly's, a man who came into work yesterday honestly looked like he had a bump! So jealous my massive belly gets me into embarrassing situations and theirs don't

swingofthings · 15/09/2019 13:26

I found myself to be the person asking and it was absolutely mortifying for me too.

I had know this person for a couple of years and I noticed that her stomach had got bigger in recent months. I guessed she was pregnant but wasn't sure.

We ran into each other regularly and I always felt awkward to ignore her assumed pregnancy each time. Then one day, we found each other in an elevator, had the usual 'how are you' etc... and I just thought it would be so rude of me to not ask about the pregnancy, so I did... and she said she wasn't.

It was horrible and couldn't stop apologising. The thing is, it clearly must have had an impact (and I might not have been the only one saying something) because she started to lose a lot of weight afterwards.

A year later, I apologised again and she actually thanked me as she said that this is what it took for her to acknowledge that she'd put on so much weight and prompted her to lose weight, leaving her so much happier.

Ultimately, if you do look pregnant, you have to accept that people will wonder. How would you feel if you looked 20 weeks pregnant and everyone ignored your bump? Probably annoyed. It's a can't win situation.

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 15/09/2019 13:48

Ultimately, if you do look pregnant, you have to accept that people will wonder.

Wonder yes, but I wouldn't expect people to comment unprompted.

Also I was asked when I was a size 10 and 18 years old - I definitely didn't look pregnant, maybe an unflattering top or position or a bit of bloating - and I was asked twice by men I barely knew! I could see no reason why they needed to ask, even if they did wonder.

I was also asked when I was still bleeding from a miscarriage by a person I didn't know at work. Heartbreaking.

How would you feel if you looked 20 weeks pregnant and everyone ignored your bump? Probably annoyed.

Not at all, if I want to talk about it I will bring it up. I actually didn't like people I didn't know at work asking me constantly, it wasn't something I wanted to talk about fifteen times a day with strangers.

joystir59 · 15/09/2019 13:57

I used to be day with a big stomach and got offered seats on buses by people who assumed I was pregnant. It's a reasonable assumption made by a kindly person who sees a big belly and thinks 'pregnant'. I don't see anything awful about it. If you feel.affronted by it lose weight.

joystir59 · 15/09/2019 13:58

Fat not day!

LaurieFairyCake · 15/09/2019 14:02

I had this when I was a size 8 and I've been a size 16/18 for last decade and no one has asked 🤷‍♀️

It's not really to do with your gut

buckeejit · 15/09/2019 14:13

O@swingofthings you were a CF. Doesn't matter if she lost weight.

It is such a shit thing to happen. I had it with my ex when we were viewing someone's house. Ffs. How is it ever going to be a good thing to say. So shit as pp says when you are desperately trying to get pg, have had a recent miscarriage or, if you are fat & feel shit about it too.

swingofthings · 15/09/2019 17:21

As said, you can't win. If I'd say nothing and she'd been pregnant, she would probably have said thought I was rude for not bringing it up.

The opposite happened some years later with my hairdresser. I was convinced in the same way that she was pregnant but thought I wouldn't say anything. Finally, after a few visits, at the end of one cut, she brought it up, but I could tell from her voice she was a bit disappointed that I hadn't said anything. I explain the above, she said she could understand and indeed, I wasn't the only one who'd said nothing, but she did feel a bit like people didn't care when people looked at her bump but said nothing.

And I still think that if people ask you if you are pregnant, you do need to accept that you look pregnant. Whether you don't care and laugh it off, or decide to do something about it is your prerogative, but don't be annoyed with people for thinking that you are if you look it.

Roomba · 15/09/2019 17:35

This happened to me twice - both times was was wearing the same outfit, I realised afterwards. I binned the outfit, I was so embarrassed!

First time was a baby group acquaintance who loudly squealed, 'Ooh, is that a baby bump I spy under there?' in front of everyone. When I said no, she looked stricken but glued the smile back in her face and joked 'Well, it's about time!' as they'd all had second babies since we had our first. I could see people cringing for her she should have just apologised not doubled down.

Seco d time was my own mother who pulled me aside to say my dad was getting very worked up and please tell me you're not pregnant again for God's sake. Er, no, I'm not, good to know you're fully supportive of any life choices I make though

Original poster

tuberr0se · 16/09/2019 17:39

@swingofthings

do try to be kind!

OP posts:

swingofthings · 16/09/2019 18:31

@tuberr0se, Don't need to try, it comes naturally hence why I don't upset people in RL.

I have so far never looked at at a woman, think that she clearly has a fat stomach for other reason than pregnancy and taken some pleasure in asking her if she just to see her mortified look on her face.

However some people need to stop being so sensitive about everything. I used to get comments about looking way younger than I was for ages in my teens and 20s and it used to annoy me as I took it as an insult, but accepted that if I looked younger, it was fair play that people would assume that I was.

Original poster

tuberr0se · 16/09/2019 18:41

I don't believe this woman took any pleasure-she was just asking and no doubt embarrassed. Fair play sounds a bit too much like fair game to me. But you are quite right, you can say whatever floats your boat! That is MN after all!

OP posts:

mummmy2017 · 16/09/2019 18:46

We just pat our tummy's and said "oh it is a food baby." In a nice voice and laugh.

Original poster

tuberr0se · 16/09/2019 19:11

@mummy2017
that is a good response!

OP posts:

swingofthings · 17/09/2019 07:09

I agree, good response to defuse the situation.

sundayschild1 · 17/09/2019 07:30

It's happened to me recently. A colleague rested her hand on my tummy and said 'have you got something to tell me?' with a huge smile on her face. I replied, 'no no - I'm just fat' also with a big grin on my face. Colleague was mortified. I don't really understood why she asked as I do think it's a bit rude, but then I do have a rather larger tummy than before I had DC. Funnily enough it also happens to me about 10 years ago when I was a tiny size 8 with a very flat tummy, but an in unflattering top - so it can happen to anyone!

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 17/09/2019 07:31

I LOVe it when people do this - it just gives a bit of farcical comedy to my day.

I laugh and pat my tummy and say, warmly and happily, ‘it’s just my lunch’ or ‘it’s my PASTA baby’ and watch their face gleefully for embarassment.

Original poster

tuberr0se · 17/09/2019 16:33

Holy shit it happened again today! It MUST be the top I have been wearing. Will throw it in bin. This time I managed a watery smile and just mumbled something snout being bloated!

OP posts:

Original poster

tuberr0se · 17/09/2019 16:34

Who knew a tunic from Salisbury's could make you look pregnant? :(

OP posts:

CottonSock · 17/09/2019 16:37

I almost asked someone at work this. A year on her belly is the same size and no sign of baby. Luckily I kept my mouth shut (for a change). People like me who struggle with small talk say the wrong thing.

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