I'm being bullied at work (pregnant)

[Moomin8]

I'm pretty sure I'm being bullied at work. I am not sure why or how.

Basically my boss told me that it's unlikely I'll pass probation next month because I apparently went home one Saturday (when she wasn't there) leaving everyone else to clean up and didn't say goodbye to anyone. I told her this is an absolute lie (which it is - I never ever leave until someone tells me I can leave). I asked her to substantiate this accusation with dates and facts and she refused, then backtracked having initially said that other employees had made a formal complaint about me but I was not to discuss it with any of them and she doesn't want to talk about it again.

I should add here that I have an excellent work record. At my last job, I was voted employee of the month in the first month, I scored 100% by a mystery shopper and I won various awards and prizes.

Other important information here is that 1. I'm currently pregnant and 2. I have Aspergers which I have told my boss about.

Other things she said to me;

A few weeks ago she told me I'm rushing around too much, now I'm apparently too slow.

I appear to be anxious all the time and I'm making other staff anxious

She told me I need retraining in all my treatments except one (which my doctor said I should cut down on). When I asked her what I needed retraining in she wouldn't tell me until I saw her face to face and when I did see her she said that actually all my treatments are fine and the issue is that I seem anxious.

She said that this morning I was standing around when I came to work - I wasn't I was cleaning the loos

She complained a couple of weeks ago that I'm not talking to any of my coworkers enough then when I do talk to them I was not doing anything productive (we were both doing laundry together)

When talking to me, she said that maybe my Aspergers is causing everyone to misunderstand me

I get told spurious stories about how after I did a treatment, she phoned the client to ask if they enjoyed the treatment and they said no because I had spent too long speaking to them about how they wanted me to manicure a broken nail. I find this story unlikely. The client in question tipped me afterwards but her answer to this was that some people tip even if they were unhappy with a treatment.

I have very fragile mental health, I'm pregnant and very out of breath all the time and I certainly don't need any of this.

I need to resign as this will break me but the question is, when? My doctor has signed me off with work related stress. As far as I'm concerned she's willing to make up any lie so I don't pass probation.

I have asked her to put her concerns about my work in an email .... she hasn't.

Do you have any reason to believe that your manager is specifically targeting her behaviour towards you because you are pg? It sounds like it's your word against hers regarding the things you've listed as being her examples of things she isn't happy about.

The equality protection you have in law to be treated fairly relies on being able to give reasonable evidence that the negative behaviour is targeted at you because of your protected characteristic (being pg), and that other people aren't being treated that way. Do you believe you are being targeted unfairly?

Without that reasonable evidence it sounds like she is giving the clear message you won't pass your probation.

Do you have a formal diagnosis of Aspergers and did she employ you knowing that fact?

Without that reasonable evidence it sounds like there isn't a direct enough link to you being pg and she is giving the clear message you won't pass your probation because of specific aspects of your performance rather than because you're pg.

If you have a registered health condition it gives your greater protection if you can let your employer know formally - you don't have to let them know before they formalise their employment offer (so that they can't discriminate when selecting you for employment). It's normally best once you start working, then they are bound by law to treat you fairly and make any reasonable adjustments.

Yes, I did inform her and yes I have a NHS diagnosis.

She was fine with me until the doctor said that I shouldn't be doing massage any more and it's since then that there was a noticeable change in her attitude towards me and she's been making these things up.

I have asked her to put all her complaints about me in writing so that I could focus on exactly what the issues are. Guess what? Nothing!

Yes sorry I've missed an important part of the story which is that when I joined the place she was putting me on a lot of massage treatments.

I then had some episodes of bleeding and was told by hcps that I shouldn't be doing so much massage. I asked my boss if I could reduce the amount of massage and she didn't reply to me for 3 days. When she finally got back to me she said that all my other treatments need retraining and massage is the only one that doesn't. This is ridiculous but I asked her to tell me which ones I need retraining in and when I saw her face to face she said that actually my treatments are all fine and the issue is that I seem anxious 🤨

It's worth noting that since then and even with the reduced hours of massage, my columns have been full, I get rebookings and I get a lot of tips.

In this situation is still my word against hers though as she won't put anything in writing.

It sounds like your manager is not knowledgeable and clear about UK employment law, Equality Act and therefore her obligations as an employer to staff like you. You have been clear about your health circumstances and the support and understanding you need from her, in order to do your job.

The feedback she's given is inconsistent and unhelpful:

When she finally got back to me she said that all my other treatments need retraining and massage is the only one that doesn't. This is ridiculous but I asked her to tell me which ones I need retraining in and when I saw her face to face she said that actually my treatments are all fine and the issue is that I seem anxious

She needs to be much clearer with you during probation, rather ambiguous mixed messages.

Depending on how far into your probation you are, can you ask for a meeting for a 'mid-point probation review'. Ask her for direct feedback on the question "am I currently meeting my probation targets?" If the answer is "no" then ask her to identify points for improvement and say you'll focus on those. Also ask her to clarify what her comment on anxiety actually meant as you aren't clear.

Finally, provide her with evidence about your bookings levels and how well you are getting on with the clients and attracting strong levels of business to the salon. Bringing all this into the same review conversation with her, gives her a strong sense you need her to take you seriously.

Well officially my probation period is 6 months which actually eats into my maternity leave so I wouldn't be there at that point anyway. This was a mid term review where I was told that I'm currently not on track to pass probation.

I asked her to provide me with written examples of where my treatments and customer service have not been up to scratch and she has not done so.

At this current time the doctor has put me on sick leave due to work related stress.

Another therapist I know who worked at this place told me that after she resigned after being bullied out of there and she was not paid money owed to her.

I am concerned about resigning in case she tries to make me pay for training costs.

If your concern is about failing probation and having to repay training costs, your next steps are

• check your contract of employment to see what it says about repayment of training costs if you resign or fail probation
• did you get any notice in advance how much the training costs are, and how your employer expects repayment. They have to be fair and reasonable, which includes ensuring your wages do not fall below national min. level.

In short, if they haven't given you fair warning in advance in your contract, plus any verbal discussion during your probation meeting/discussion, then they cannot expect you to repay the training costs. If they try to deduct the amount from your wages when it isn't in your contract, this is likely to be an unlawful deduction and would be a straightforward Tribunal claim because it is an easy one to be verified by the Court.

Do you think you'll be off sick up until your Mat Leave starts? If so, having the probation discussion may be unrealistic before that time, but keep detailed records of everything you've discussed, as you've been very proactive, so they will have to be careful if they do dismiss you, given their flimsy rationale to date.

did you get any notice in advance how much the training costs are, and how your employer expects repayment. They have to be fair and reasonable,

No, I did not get any notice. At my previous job, you were asked to sign a contract in advance of any training, detailing exactly how much that specific training course would cost and how much you would have to pay back in the event that you left within various timescales.

At this job, there is a section in the staff handbook which says that you have to pay back 100% of any training costs if you leave the company within 2 years. It does not say anything about passing probation. But I've not been asked to sign anything or been made aware of how much the individual courses cost.

@daisychain01 she also hasn't sent me any payslips yet - how do I deal with this?

OK - Your Staff Handbook is deemed to be part of your contractual obligation- you will likely find something in your contract of employment that refers to you agreeing to abide by the terms of the Handbook. Probation isn't stated explicitly, which means their 2 year timeframe begins from your first working day, incl probation.

You mentioned upthread I need to resign as this will break me but the question is, when?

There is no need for you to resign, you have acted very reasonably and responsibly, your manager has not. Therefore, stay on stress leave, as your GP has signed you off take time to recover, try not to worry. Being on sick leave is for that purpose.

Your manager has painted herself into a corner because she needs to give a strong rationale as to why you have failed probation, esp as it coincides with your forthcoming mat leave in the near future.

Given that you have declared your medical condition, and you are pg with mat leave shortly starting, it would be very ill-advised on her to fail your probation for flimsy, undocumented reasons when the evidence is strong you've supported the business - it could open up a world of issues and complexity for her.

Re training costs, given the above situation, your manager would need to fail your probation (which seems unlikely but not impossible of course) and at that stage they must confirm the total cost of training they expect you to repay, but you can argue the need for several staged payments. For now, I would say nothing, keep your powder dry and focus on your health.

Provided you are classed as a direct employee of the organisation then they are flouting U.K. employment law by not providing you with a payslip showing all legal deductions (eg tax, NI, pension etc) and the amount of nett pay should match what you receive in your bank account.

www.gov.uk/payslips

I would contact your manager and ask her to send you a paper payslip for each month of your employment so far. It is acceptable to send it electronically. Can you find out from any colleagues if they always get payslips on time, and therefore if it is only you not receiving them.

Thanks for your advice. Ok, I will sit tight and stay on sick leave for now.

Take care of yourself and enjoy some R&R.

Thank you @daisychain01

Ok @daisychain01 so today has come and I've not been paid. I've looked at my bank statement and it appears that my boss put an amount of money into my account on 14th August but it is nowhere near what I have worked for. She also owes me travel costs. The staff handbook says I get paid on 28th..

She has blocked me from the work system which allows me to see my shifts and record them as evidence. She also has not sent me any payslips since I started working.

I will now email her asking her for payslips. After all, what if HMRC needs to see them.

I feel very stressed by any contact with her tbh. I just want the whole thing to go away.

More to the point they have a legal duty to declare to you what your pay comprises.

I hope she contacts you soon.

Your manager has painted herself into a corner because she needs to give a strong rationale as to why you have failed probation, esp as it coincides with your forthcoming mat leave in the near future.

This is a bit theory over reality. The manager can fail her for probation by simply saying she doesn't fit in. The onus would be on the op to prove that's she was failed due to discriminatory reasons, and that's her word against the managers, not easy at all to prove.

She needs to provide pay slips. Yes. But as she has blocked you from the system it seems you're out op.

How long were you there before you declared unfit to do massages and then went on sick leave?

I think you're being overly picky @Bluntness100. Employment issues and the law are theoretical and needs to be applied in real world contexts, so I don't get your point.

I've highlighted to @Moomin8 that her manager being vague and ambiguous in evaluations during probation is poor behaviour, despite knowing she is registered disabled and is pg. She could reasonably have expected a basic level of support, that's what probation should be about, a time to settle in a new employee. That's reality.

Her concerns throughout her thread have been about bullying / harrassment and I have validated that she has good reason to be aggrieved by mixed messages and no guidance. And now compounded by being locked out of the company system and no salary slips - shabby treatment.

If she is "out", as you state, then @Moomin8 could take RW advice from ACAS or an employment solicitor, who can make a preliminary review as to whether she has been treated unlawfully based on all the facts. Prior to that of course, the employer will need to state their intention as regards their ongoing employment which is now unclear.

I suggest sitting tight, @Moomin8, and let them make the next move.

Sorry lots of bold failures.

How long were you there before you declared unfit to do massages and then went on sick leave?

I was there a month, being put on a lot of massages before I had bleeding and the doctor said I should be off my feet and not bending / leaning all the time. I did not go on sick leave at this point, I asked to be put on other treatments. Since then, my columns have still been full of those other treatments.

The criticisms my boss made of me at the first meeting were observations of me looking anxious (this had been my very first day that she was referring to)

The fact is that she was absolutely fine with me until I said I can't do massages.

Update;

My boss has emailed to say that she has asked her accountant to sort out my payslips as, to date I don't have any.

She has also asked me to attend a meeting with her so that she can see how to help the stress I'm under at work(!) perhaps if she stopped making up lies about me that would be a start!

In any case I do not want to be in a room with her by myself again and the thought of it makes me feel ill to be honest. Not really sure how to respond to this but I'm not going to be put in a situation where she gaslights me again.

Despite my request for reasons why I'm about to fail probation, she has sent nothing.

@Bluntness100 I think that even if on probation, when you have two protected characteristics there had to be a better reason for failing probation than just not fitting in?

I think that even if on probation, when you have two protected characteristics there had to be a better reason for failing probation than just not fitting in

No. As long as it's not discrimination they can end your contract after probation for any reason. The protected characteristics only ensure you cannnot be discriminated against for those. It doesn't give you further protection.

She can pretty much say anything, you don't fit in, you didn't perform well enough, whatever she wishes, and terminate. That's the whole point of Both of you have rhe ability to see if it suits and the contract will be formalised and continued. The only things she can't do is terminate because of disability or pregnancy and the onus would be on you to prove that that's why she terminated. That's very difficult when it's your word against hers.

So no, I'm sorry, she doesn't need a better reason. If you weren't on orobabtion or had done the two years it would be very different, but if I was you I'd assume I'd failed probation and she will give a reason that is nothing to do with your disability or your pregnancy.

'The only things she can't do is terminate because of disability or pregnancy and the onus would be on you to prove that that's why she terminated. That's very difficult when it's your word against hers.'

But the facts are, that she has refused to give concrete reasons why I would fail probation. One of the reasons has to do with 'appearing anxious' apparently, but since autistic people do appear anxious it could look discriminatory. Likewise, saying that someone doesn't fit in is discriminatory because autistic people are socially different.

She has done nothing to help me improve the perceived issues about my treatments. Has not said how they fail to meet the required standard or what I would need to do to fix that.

Don't get me wrong, I want out if there. But I want to be paid for the hours I've worked and I don't want to be held responsible for training costs.