Extremely sensitive employee - how best to manage/support appropriately

[milesandmilesandmileandmiles]

I hope this is an acceptable title.

We are a small company of eight staff. The employee in question has been with us 14 months nearly.

The quality of her work is absolutely fine, we have no issue in this regard. She's had quite a number of absences for physical issues and has also recently disclosed she suffers from severe anxiety and depression, for which she is having treatment. She's had some time off for this too and we've supported her and checked on her wellbeing.

She's extremely sensitive and can get upset very easily, and then this blows up into a drama. I don't think there's been a week in the last few where we've not had tears at some point at work.

An example would be yesterday where her line manger asked her not to use a new system until he himself was fully au fait with it and had transferred relevant information to it. Within five minutes, she was using the new system. When 'reprimanded' (for want of a better word), and after said line manager leaves the room, the tears flow and she tries to involve other employees. Which she tends to do if she feels 'slighted'

I was not at this incident, but line manager is now feeling he's treading on eggshells constantly. He did take her for a coffee and a chat this morning in the canteen and checked on her well being, but reiterated that she'd ignored a request that he'd given her. We've provided training for him in managing staff, which he's been happy to participate in. At no point has anyone had any issues before, he's an unbelievably affable chap!

She's pretty hard work in truth, and takes up a lot of our time. Other employees are starting to say things like 'why is everything such a drama' etc.

Are there any resources out there to help us all, she needs to be able to take instruction and accept criticism without being so sensitive. Am I coming at it from the wrong angle? More training for the rest of us? Is it us being insensitive?

TIA.

She sounds like a PITA, many many people suffer MH problems, but wisely choose to leave them at home as much as possible ,or deal with issues discretely and without unecessary disruption.

I feel for your team having to put up with all the drama, and you for having to stress about the extra cost and workload dealing with her.

I once managed someone like this and it was very difficult. She had multiple medical issues for which she took some heavy duty medication, and this impacted on her ability to do a significant amount of her job. We made reasonable adjustments, changed her role a couple of times, put lots of support that she requested in place. she would also cry profusely when her errors were discussed. At first I was horrified that I had made someone so upset, and walked in egg shells. But then I realised that she was being paid to do a job, was an adult, and if she chose to cry because I told her as kindly as I could that she had made an error that was her issue, not mine. From that point on I became very matter of fact in my dealings with her, minuted everything and sent her copies of those minutes. It didn't stop her crying, but I didn't feel as bad.

I suffer from anxiety, many years of therapy and many years on SSRIs.

However - being told not to do something then doing it anyway, and getting upset when she's called out on it? FFS. That's just daft bullshit.

OP, I think you're handling this situation very well already, you sound incredibly patient and very supportive.

I have anxiety and depression (diagnosed and medicated) and I can see parts of myself in this woman. At my worst, any perceived criticism will bring me to tears; anxiety builds up to the point that even the slightest thing will trigger an extreme reaction. That said, I tend to go have a cry in the toilets, or to my manager rather than in the main office, and I would never involve others.

I think maybe she's so anxious she thinks that others in the office will turn against her if they think she's made a mistake, and so she involves them in an effort to get her 'side' across. She won't realise that this is actually doing the opposite, because she's wrapped up in herself - she isn't thinking about other people.

The suggestion from a PP to preface any negative feedback with a warning is very good, and certainly something that has worked with me.

At the same time however, you need to make sure she stays in a routine - she can't go home early every time she gets upset, as this is a) unsustainable for the business and b) isn't allowing her to learn how to pick herself up and carry on.

Be firm, and understanding, but set clear boundaries. This is something that has helped me in the workplace, and I think it may also help her.

If you give too much, then she just isn't going to learn to, for want of a better way of putting it, get a grip and get on with her work after a setback.

I'm not sure if this is any good, but I hope things improve.

As a small business partner myself, I think you've gone well beyond the realms of duty and you're on dangerous ground here. She's not sensitive, she's difficult which is a whole other ball game.

If it's affecting the morale of others, you need to sort it. Once someone starts to cause resentment among others, there is no coming back from it.

Honestly? Unless you think you can turn this around quickly I would be taking advice on exit options.

To call it a health condition a disability it has to be current & to have already lasted or be likely to continue to last at least 12 months. That's what the 2010 Act says. Just seems important to observe that not every health problem = disability.

I like Soon2b60's advice. Factual, duty, do what you should & what you can & don't worry if it never goes very well. But then I'm a bitch & never want to manage anyone.

We had a colleague who had a reputation for being hard work, had had multiple previous roles in our organisation. My wonderful colleagues managed him like an exhuberant puppy that you don't take very seriously. When he calmed down, didn't feel he had to battle for his position in our group, he became a kind & fun colleague. Taught me that even chronically difficult people can have a very different side if you can sidestep their issues.

Is she getting her work done amongst all of these absences? Has she got measurable objectives?

This is not going to get any better. You need to document issues with her work that are not to do with her attendance (today’s example is perfect - she ignored a simple instruction). Document it, next time tell her this is an issue and then dismiss on third occasion before she gets to 2 years. Make sure you have the paperwork that shows this is to do with performance.

Thank you for all these responses, I have thought a lot about what you've all written. Really pertinent points from jelly, thanks - I can see this is happening.

My own DH has significant MH issues in that he's bipolar, and doesn't act in this way, but I've tried also to balance that by the fact that everyone suffers/copes/reacts in different ways when things are bad.

Is it acceptable to ask her not to text and involve our other employees when there's been an issue? She tends to text or go and find someone who might sympathise. A couple of staff have told her they don't wish to be involved but some are 'softer'. That can happen in the evenings and also Facebook will have lots of posts about eliminating toxic people from her life if there's been an incident where she's been upset. I've always figured it's not my business.

Yes, I do sometimes think we are being played. Last week, we bought her new safety boots for when she has to go into the stores, the first pair we bought her were apparently 'killing' her feet. I did baulk at this a bit but then figured Health and Safety prevails. As an individual, I'd have bought the second pair myself.

At present, our other employees don't feel we are being unfair to them, and I don't think that will happen, we are incredibly lucky with them as they are solid, loyal and brilliant folk, but I hadn't thought about it from their side. Particularly her line manager. They are just getting impatient I guess.

Lastly, no - I was there in the morning when she was asked not to use the new system (it would mean data on two systems, but only partially and we wouldn't be able to answer customer queries about updates on their orders quickly or easily). Line manager reminded her in the afternoon and then she used the new system five minutes later.

How do I just 'let her go though' with reason or a bloody lawsuit!!

I'm hoping none of this sounds uncaring or dismissive. As I said, I live with MH first hand and have done for many years.

Sorry, I've missed some posts. You can't just get rid of folk though can you. Can you?

Sod this! She's a cry-baby shit-stirrer. Anxiety my arse. LOADS of people have anxiety yet don't turn the workplace into a daily episode of some drama-fueled soap opera. This is massively unfair to the other employees. Bin her off.

It will be a pain and extra work to deal with but you don't have to carry her. Think of the wider motivation of the team and document a plan to remove her legally before the 2 yrs is up.

I used to cry at work when my anxiety/depression was very bad. It was very embarrassing, I didn't want to cry, and I didn't try to involve other colleagues and get their sympathy - the only thing I asked was that if my manager had to give me negative feedback and it wasn't urgent (and 'I told you not to use this system yet, please stop now' would count as urgent) to give it to me at the end of the day so that I'd be leaving and could then do my crying in private if I had to. It was because every little mistake seemed completely disproportionate and I'd go into a spiral of thinking I was useless and couldn't do my job. By the next day I'd have put it in perspective and would be fine.

I recognised that it was my anxiety that was the problem, though, and not my manager, who was very understanding. Your employee, as much as I sympathise with anxiety issues, seems to be taking the piss a bit.

Anxiety and depression doesn’t make you act like a dramatic arsehole. I think it makes other sufferers of MH problems cross when people do what she’s doing.

Involving other people when something happens that she doesn’t like, and dragging them into the drama is not on, and I would pull her up on it.

I’d concentrate on the crappy behaviour and less on the MH. You’ve been incredibly supportive with that. It will be interesting to see if her attendance improves now you’re not going to pay her in full for her sickness absence.

My line manager has my mobile phone number. Nobody else at work has it or needs it. I can't imagine being whinged at by colleagues after hours.

You are presumably performance managing the employee? What is discussed at these meetings? You should be making sure Improvement in all areas you have mentioned is facilitated and monitored. If there isn’t improvement, reschedule another meeting to discuss it. Job performance isn’t just about doing the job it’s also got wider requirements. I would not be happy at other employees getting involved either. It’s very wrong to do that.

I think you need to urgently set out expectations and regularly monitor the employee. Keep detailed records. You can dismiss on various grounds but you need it to stick because you don’t want an unfair dismissal claim. Definitely keep all of this under close review and keep records. If you value your other staff, this one may have to go!

Op are you a member of any organisations where you would have access to employment law advice? That would be your first port of call. Failing that I would just pay for an employment lawyer or employment consultant to advise. There are various potential approaches but they will involve different amounts of time and risk.

I truly don't understand why you are so willing to pander to her utter nonsense. If she needs emotional "support", she can go to a therapist. You should be calling her to the carpet on her dramatics and the way she tries to drag her colleagues into her theatrics. It's totally unacceptable.

I’m also a very sensitive person (probably over sensitive) and if I was criticised or reprimanded at work would probably have a little cry about it to myself. However, I always do my best at work, always follow orders and would never deliberately do something I shouldn’t or had been asked not to do. If she is knowingly doing things wrong such as using a programme she was asked not to, I’m not sure she really has any right to cry and cause a drama about it!

To add OP, I think maybe you should speak to her seriously to set those boundaries I referred to earlier. Don't mention her facebook posts, but do be clear that work needs to stay in work.

I would be very frank with her, in a kind but clear way, about the impact that her actions are having in work.

It may be worth setting a specific time by which her behaviour needs to improve. Be as supportive as you can but don't beat yourself up when she inevitably gets upset. Plan it for a rest convenient a time as you can to allow her to go home afterwards but be clear that she can continue with her behaviour or absence levels.

She can go home and hopefully digest what you've said. And then no more going home when upset etc.

Hopefully she will then know that she has to start dealing with issues properly.

None of this is meant as a contradiction to my PP, just to add a more practical perspective after your additional points as she seems to have lost sight of what is acceptable in work.

We've had a few problems over the years OP and have found ACAS to be spectacularly unhelpful over staff issues. We've had better support from using the legal helpline that comes with our business insurance, and also from talking to a specialist employment solicitor. It's not cheap doing this, but actually more effective and direct in that you give them the issue, they give you the best practice way to deal with it and with the least risk of litigation.

Jesus she sounds a pain in the arse.

Provided the calendar was only open to you and her there was nothing wrong with logging the reason for her absence. In jobs I’ve had the reason for absence has always been recorded.

* she can't* continue with her behaviour or absence levels!!

I have depression and anxiety

what you are describing doesn't sound related.

the example of not using the system sounds like the act of a child.

I'm wondering what the other examples are. Also have you heard from her doctor? I don't declare my mental health problems at work so I don't know how "reasonable adjustments" works in these cases.