My families comments about full time work

[Hays1990]

Hi!
This is the first time posting my own thread, hope you can help! And I hope it’s not too long.

I have been a beauty therapist for 10 years and recently I decided to change my career.

I got a dream job as a part time 1:1 teaching assistant with the hope of one day being a teacher. long story short, it has made me so happy. I LOVE the job, it has made me happier in all other aspects of my life and I believe a better mother because It’s given me something for me plus all the time off in school holidays, which my children love.

The hours are only mornings right now but on Friday I was called to see the headteacher and she said she’s so impressed that she’d like to offer me the chance to interview for full time teaching assistant position and get some qualifications at the same time.

I have never considered working full time with my two children still so young. The hours would be 8.30-3 every day. I was very excited and happy to even be offered this and came out feeling over the moon, even if I didn’t take it.

My husband straight away said go for it, we can sort out childcare and not to feel guilty because I have so much time off with them during holidays. (He knows my first worry would be how it would affect my children)

I went to my mums to tell her and my auntie and nan were there. WELL I felt like I had stepped back in time.

My Nan said something like “the question is, would you rather look after other people’s childrens or your own? Wouldn’t your children feel like you’re leaving them all the time etc etc”

When I asked my mum. She said “well I couldn’t have done it”

My auntie said “you don’t want to work full time, you’ll miss too much of them growing up and they’ll remember that”

Ok so they did come out with some of the concerns I had myself anyway. Like could I forgive myself if I constantly missed their assemblies, sports days, school plays. Because I wouldn’t be able to take time off during term time.

It would be an amazing opportunity for me but I don’t want that opportunity if it means it would impact my children’s life so much that they wouldn’t be as close to me.

Can anyone tell me thoughts on this? Being a good mum is my top priority and that my children feel secure and loved. So if taking this opportunity meant they didn’t, my decision would be easy.

Any full time mums have some positive feedback or even teachers? How do you manage to be involved in your children’s school life if you’re always working in your own.

Many thanks!!
P.s I have such an amazing supportive family and we are very close. I think this is the first time they’ve actually hurt my feelings ever. I think their hearts are in the right place.

[ShabbyAbby]

They are being ridiculous!
That's a brilliant life and work balance
Perfect hours and holidays with the kids
Wish I could have a balance that good, I am going to have weekends with my kids (and early mornings and late evenings) from when DC3 is a few months old, probably until long after they leave home, as a single parent
There are so many people in my position, or in couples where both are working FT
I think your family are being old fashioned and short sighted

[GOODCAT]

My mum was a teacher and went back full time when my younger sisters were two. They went to a nursery and really, really loved it. In many ways they got the best of both worlds lots of fun with other kids and still lots of time with mum. My mum also got comments from her family. We were all proud of her though for doing what was right for both her and the family. Definitely go for it.

[VelvetPineapple]

You really wouldn’t think we would be judged like this in 2019!!

Imo the people who are judging are those who were parents in the 1970s, 80s and 90s. When women routinely quit work to have a baby and going back wasn’t the done thing. When a family could live on one salary. When a woman was expected to be fulfilled by just being a mother.

My DM was born in 1956. She doesn’t understand why I have any ambition beyond being a wife and mother. She thinks it’s ok for me to have to do all of the childcare because “that’s a woman’s role in life”. She’s disgusted that I’d let someone else look after my child so I can have a couple of hours of relaxation. Never mind actually going to work! They’re just a product of their generation I’m afraid.

[MaiKay]

Hi this is my first time posting and I’m hoping someone out there can help me with some advice. A bit lengthy but please help. I’m in pieces right now.

So......I am currently on maternity leave. My baby is 5 months old. Prior to going. On mat leave I was on a 1 year fixed contract at work. During that year I was TUPED when the company I worked for lost their contract to another company. My contract continued as normal with the new company. Problem came in when I was sorting out my maternity leave. Turns out my old employer had a policy to not contact employers about when they wanted to come back to work and they have a close that says you have to contact them 8 weeks before if you want to make changes to the date you said you would return to work. I forgot all about this in the middle of figuring out if I’d still have a job, some disciplinary issue at work and also having to deal with a newborn and operating on 3-5 hrs of sleep a night. I just put a date on my maternity form when I filled it as I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t want a lengthy mat leave to count against me being turned into a permanent employee. At some point HR sent me an email that had a date that was later than what I had put down and I queried this. The person who replied just said they’d ammend it to match what I had put down. They didn’t mention anything else. Work contacted me 4 days before the date (11 march) I’d put down to say I was coming back. That was the first time I’d heard anything from my work since going on leave. So no conversations about my return to work or nothing. I have been told I have 20 days annual leave that I can use now but I still feel my son is too young to leave and childcare is a major issue. I really feel I might end up losing my job if I’m forced to choose but before that


1.is there any way to get my full 52 weeks still? I am a single parent with 2 kids and I can’t arrange child care at the drop of a hat

2.Is it legal for an employer to ask when you’re returning to work prior to your maternity leave?

[RomanyQueen1]

I think they were right for themselves, it doesn't mean they are right for you.
It sounds like a great opportunity and you should go for it.
I was one of the ones who couldn't justify entertaining other peoples children whilst mine were in childcare. We all have our own views and values, and your happiness is as important as your kids.

[MaiKay]

Sorry just realised I posted on someone else post 😪. This is how stressed I am. Apologies I don’t know how to delete my post 👆🏾

[AuntMarch]

Do not it! You have time after work with them every day, and all the holidays!
As a TA you won't have the work load outside of school hours that you would as a teacher (but your children would be older then if you decide to go down that route, and manage just fine anyway) so you can give them all of your attention when you are with them.
You'll get 30 hours nursery the term after DC turns 3, so school hours. Meaning by then any childcare costs would be minimal.
So so worth it for the holidays.

I work term time in a nursery. I'm expecting my first and while I would be almost as well off not going back to work as a single mum, I don't want to give up on a job I like that will work so well long term!

[EvaHarknessRose]

And your dh can come to assemblies and sports days, as he won’t need to help cover school holidays.