My families comments about full time work

[Hays1990]

Hi!
This is the first time posting my own thread, hope you can help! And I hope it’s not too long.

I have been a beauty therapist for 10 years and recently I decided to change my career.

I got a dream job as a part time 1:1 teaching assistant with the hope of one day being a teacher. long story short, it has made me so happy. I LOVE the job, it has made me happier in all other aspects of my life and I believe a better mother because It’s given me something for me plus all the time off in school holidays, which my children love.

The hours are only mornings right now but on Friday I was called to see the headteacher and she said she’s so impressed that she’d like to offer me the chance to interview for full time teaching assistant position and get some qualifications at the same time.

I have never considered working full time with my two children still so young. The hours would be 8.30-3 every day. I was very excited and happy to even be offered this and came out feeling over the moon, even if I didn’t take it.

My husband straight away said go for it, we can sort out childcare and not to feel guilty because I have so much time off with them during holidays. (He knows my first worry would be how it would affect my children)

I went to my mums to tell her and my auntie and nan were there. WELL I felt like I had stepped back in time.

My Nan said something like “the question is, would you rather look after other people’s childrens or your own? Wouldn’t your children feel like you’re leaving them all the time etc etc”

When I asked my mum. She said “well I couldn’t have done it”

My auntie said “you don’t want to work full time, you’ll miss too much of them growing up and they’ll remember that”

Ok so they did come out with some of the concerns I had myself anyway. Like could I forgive myself if I constantly missed their assemblies, sports days, school plays. Because I wouldn’t be able to take time off during term time.

It would be an amazing opportunity for me but I don’t want that opportunity if it means it would impact my children’s life so much that they wouldn’t be as close to me.

Can anyone tell me thoughts on this? Being a good mum is my top priority and that my children feel secure and loved. So if taking this opportunity meant they didn’t, my decision would be easy.

Any full time mums have some positive feedback or even teachers? How do you manage to be involved in your children’s school life if you’re always working in your own.

Many thanks!!
P.s I have such an amazing supportive family and we are very close. I think this is the first time they’ve actually hurt my feelings ever. I think their hearts are in the right place.

[EvaHarknessRose]

And your dh can come to assemblies and sports days, as he won’t need to help cover school holidays.

[AuntMarch]

Do not it! You have time after work with them every day, and all the holidays!
As a TA you won't have the work load outside of school hours that you would as a teacher (but your children would be older then if you decide to go down that route, and manage just fine anyway) so you can give them all of your attention when you are with them.
You'll get 30 hours nursery the term after DC turns 3, so school hours. Meaning by then any childcare costs would be minimal.
So so worth it for the holidays.

I work term time in a nursery. I'm expecting my first and while I would be almost as well off not going back to work as a single mum, I don't want to give up on a job I like that will work so well long term!

[MaiKay]

Sorry just realised I posted on someone else post 😪. This is how stressed I am. Apologies I don’t know how to delete my post 👆🏾

[RomanyQueen1]

I think they were right for themselves, it doesn't mean they are right for you.
It sounds like a great opportunity and you should go for it.
I was one of the ones who couldn't justify entertaining other peoples children whilst mine were in childcare. We all have our own views and values, and your happiness is as important as your kids.

[MaiKay]

Hi this is my first time posting and I’m hoping someone out there can help me with some advice. A bit lengthy but please help. I’m in pieces right now.

So......I am currently on maternity leave. My baby is 5 months old. Prior to going. On mat leave I was on a 1 year fixed contract at work. During that year I was TUPED when the company I worked for lost their contract to another company. My contract continued as normal with the new company. Problem came in when I was sorting out my maternity leave. Turns out my old employer had a policy to not contact employers about when they wanted to come back to work and they have a close that says you have to contact them 8 weeks before if you want to make changes to the date you said you would return to work. I forgot all about this in the middle of figuring out if I’d still have a job, some disciplinary issue at work and also having to deal with a newborn and operating on 3-5 hrs of sleep a night. I just put a date on my maternity form when I filled it as I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t want a lengthy mat leave to count against me being turned into a permanent employee. At some point HR sent me an email that had a date that was later than what I had put down and I queried this. The person who replied just said they’d ammend it to match what I had put down. They didn’t mention anything else. Work contacted me 4 days before the date (11 march) I’d put down to say I was coming back. That was the first time I’d heard anything from my work since going on leave. So no conversations about my return to work or nothing. I have been told I have 20 days annual leave that I can use now but I still feel my son is too young to leave and childcare is a major issue. I really feel I might end up losing my job if I’m forced to choose but before that


1.is there any way to get my full 52 weeks still? I am a single parent with 2 kids and I can’t arrange child care at the drop of a hat

2.Is it legal for an employer to ask when you’re returning to work prior to your maternity leave?

[VelvetPineapple]

You really wouldn’t think we would be judged like this in 2019!!

Imo the people who are judging are those who were parents in the 1970s, 80s and 90s. When women routinely quit work to have a baby and going back wasn’t the done thing. When a family could live on one salary. When a woman was expected to be fulfilled by just being a mother.

My DM was born in 1956. She doesn’t understand why I have any ambition beyond being a wife and mother. She thinks it’s ok for me to have to do all of the childcare because “that’s a woman’s role in life”. She’s disgusted that I’d let someone else look after my child so I can have a couple of hours of relaxation. Never mind actually going to work! They’re just a product of their generation I’m afraid.

[GOODCAT]

My mum was a teacher and went back full time when my younger sisters were two. They went to a nursery and really, really loved it. In many ways they got the best of both worlds lots of fun with other kids and still lots of time with mum. My mum also got comments from her family. We were all proud of her though for doing what was right for both her and the family. Definitely go for it.

[ShabbyAbby]

They are being ridiculous!
That's a brilliant life and work balance
Perfect hours and holidays with the kids
Wish I could have a balance that good, I am going to have weekends with my kids (and early mornings and late evenings) from when DC3 is a few months old, probably until long after they leave home, as a single parent
There are so many people in my position, or in couples where both are working FT
I think your family are being old fashioned and short sighted

[Msgiggles30]

Im a teacher and we are allowed to go to plays and sports day, we cover eachother for that hour or move ppa. In my old school it was a no for even docs appointment, only read hospital ones with letters but lots of things were riddiculous there. My current head is lovely and flexible so very much depends on the school and yours sounds like a good one!
I was a TA for 4 years before I was a teacher and it is a much better life work balance. Its not quite full time as you'll still get a full evening and half the afternoon with them, as a teacher I am home around 6 so is quite different. I would 100% go for it and no worry about the holiday child care either

[Jackshouse]

Will are allowed parental leave for a limited number of days per year. Normally this is used to cover illnesses. Not all schools are supportive of times off for school plays.

[Hays1990]

I can’t thank you enough for this support. I can’t believe I’ve never looked here for advice before. I feel so much more positive about this whole situation. I have never even asked if I can have time off for special school events, so that’s something I’ll ask on Monday.
The school is all female staff and I would say 80% are mothers themselves. So I could even be worried for nothing!!
Thanks so much

[GreenTulips]

You are allowed time off for school plays etc plenty of teachers do so.

Go for it ideal job fell in your lap

[anniehm]

Go for it! It's not full time even, you will be home late afternoons and holidays. Your 4 year old will be in school soon and your 2 year old gets paid nursery hours from 3. School hours good jobs are hard to come by, grab the opportunity

[FogCutter]

My kids primary allow staff an hour or 2 off to attend their kids big events like leavers assembly, Xmas play etc.

But obviously you won't be there for everything so your husband, friends and relatives can go instead if able.

But don't worry, lots of working parents don't manage to attend, my kids are completely used to their parents only being able to come to some things (and no family locally to step in) as they've never known any different.

[Kaykay06]

Sounds ideal!! If you want to do it, do it
See how it goes you could go back to part time if it doesn’t suit?...

Your nan etc are old fashioned and that’s not your problem but sad it’s making you feel bad, don’t just do what you feel is best for your family. Your husband sounds supportive, and as for sports days etc
I think we forget that the majority of children have 2 parents, it’s not just my job to go to school stuff/dentist/dr/appointments etc the kids benefit from both parents sharing these things. My now ex takes them to the dentist, speaks to school,does assemblies/sports day etc , takes to appointments and did before we split too. Might not be easy missing those but you’ll be there every evening, weekend and all the school holidays, am quite jealous 😊
You sound great and I’m sure you’ll do amazingly in your new job

[Judd]

Re: time off, my children's primary school always had early evening performances of the school plays so I used to go to to those. Also very usual to have grandparents/aunties etc. there watching assemblies if you have family locally who would enjoy supporting in that way. Then if your husband could go to a couple of events and the school you are working in is amenable to sorting out cover for you to attend occasionally, you would hopefully have everything covered xx

[Decormad38]

Ive more or less always worked full time. I prefer the financial independence. Tell them to mind their own business and go for it. Also I hate this guilt trip that women inflict on other women. It stinks.

[HaventGotAllDay]

I am a full time teacher and the hours are a nightmare.
It's also the most fulfilling job I could ever have done and I love every second. Even now, a Sunday, when I'm looking at the 154 essays I have to correct.
Remember you are a full time mother even when working full time. Don't let the Stepford attitude get to you- we are all better parents for being in jobs we love. And other posters are right- what message do you want to give those babies of yours? That women are supposed to sacrifice their dreams and desires and mop floors all day because that's what their mothers and grandmothers did? That women with children can't be good teachers?
Fuck that attitude. You go for it!

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

In two years time both your children will be in school and every other family you know with working parents will be tearing their hair out over how to cover All The Holidays. Yes, this might be more hours earlier than you planned, but essentially you've got the perfect work pattern set up for the next 15 years!!

That's worth missing a few nativity plays... also think how well you'll be able to support your children's education - you work in a classroom!

[Groovee]

I used to work 3 days and if I went to my mum and dad's on my day off, my dad would ask why I wasn't working! Then I got my job 5 days and now he moans I'm not as readily available.

I work 5 mornings. I'm home by 12. But I find the getting up daily quite tough due to my health. However I was a nursery practitioner but my current role is a pupil support assistant and I have to say I love it and never feel any dread of going to work. I've got training now that will enhance my practitioner role when I return that I would never have been allowed previously. A year ago I never dreamed I would be where I am now.

The bonus is the school holidays. Totally worth it.

[AlexaShutUp]

OP, your dc will be absolutely fine if you work those hours. I have always worked FT, my dd is now a teenager and we are incredibly close. On the other hand, if you don't pursue your own dreams, you'll end up like my mother, bitterly regretting the opportunities not taken. And your children could end up like my DSis and me, feeling terribly guilty that our mum put her own life on hold because of us.

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is model living your own life to the full, on your own terms and in accordance with your own values. Show them that it's possible to combine a great career with a fantastic family life, if that's what you want. Show them that they don't need to worry about what others think, as long as their decisions are made on sound principles and reliable information. Show them that we only get one shot at life and that it's worth making the very most of it, whatever that might look like. Show them that it's possible to do stuff for yourself while simultaneously being fully committed to loving and caring for others.

Good luck! 🙂

[Settlersofcatan]

Also - it is definitely not "working full time!!

[Settlersofcatan]

Your family don't sound that supportive, tbh. It's not their decision and they don't have to approve. I would stop talking to them about it.

[onlyoneoftheregimentinstep]

Are you sure you won't be able to go to sports days etc? My school is very flexible about these sorts of events and staff try to work cooperatively to release each other for children's events. After all, if schools expect parents to come to events, then they should make it possible for staff to do the same.

[boomboom1234]

It sounds like a fantastic opportunity and great your husband and you feel the same. Well done!

I work three days a week (but not a teacher) and I work 8-6:30 so to be honest although you will be full time you still get a really good balance with those hours.

You are showing your kids how working is important and that you are following your passion and that you are great at what you do!!

Try it - if it doesn't work you go back to part time. Don't over think this. Good luck!!