Reasonable to refuse to work with a pregnant woman?

[Bestseller]

So, A is having fertility treatment. Colleague B has recently announced her pregnancy.

B understands it is difficult for A and is doing her best not to rub it in her face but A is being absolutely vile.

She has stated that she hates B both publically and privately and that that won't change even if she does fall pregnant, this is her time not to be shared with B etc etc. ATM A is very deliberately and publically refusing to speak to B. They are supposed to work closely together so this is an issue, quite apart from how upsetting it is for B.

So, is this one of those things management and colleagues gave to live with, understanding that A is struggling or is the lack of professionalism a disciplinary matter?

I'm neither. I'm the manager who will have to resolve it her line manager can't

@Bestseller it's gross misconduct. What is your policy on it? It's instant dismissal in my workplace, if you're the manager how is it that you're unsure of what exactly is going on here? Pregnancy is a protected characteristic in the same way that race, sex, gender identity, religion etc are. Your workplace should have a very clear policy on this.

Sorry but I couldn’t give a shit if she was having fertility treatment. It’s used all too often to bully others I IME when the truth is that pregnancy is a fact of life. Some people can, others can’t, the fact she can’t isn’t anyone else’s fault and neither should anyone have to compensate for that fact.

I’d be looking into getting rid for gross misconduct and, given how awful she sounds, be glad there aren’t children in her world.

Sorry if that sounds bitchy but seriously.....

if you're the manager how is it that you're unsure of what exactly is going on here?

I agree this is a bit odd. Have you had/can you seek guidance from HR?

Definitely a disciplinary issue. Victimisation at best based on a protected characteristic covered by the Equality Act. Management and HR need to deal with this swiftly as they are at huge risk of a claim being made by B. Certainly it will be affecting her mental wellbeing at a time when her mental and physical health is of paramount importance.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating what's already been said!

God, my heart breaks for poor A. Imagine what internal torment she must be going through to have responded like this.

Her reaction is obviously not ok and needs to be dealt with but the poor woman must be absolutely broken.

A could have asked to move or for some other accommodation to help her come to terms with the situation. She didn't, choosing instead to punish B for attaining something that A has not been able to attain. That speaks volumes. I would be pretty robust in requiring A to shape up, I think.

Because I'm rubbish at my job, obviously My job involves 100 different aspects everyday, yes I will take advice as necessary

A's behaviour is unacceptable, but if she is undergoing infertility treatment her hormones may well be over the place, hence her extreme reaction. It's not an excuse, but it is mitigation and should be taken into account during any disciplinary process.

No, A is being completely out of order. Having fertility issues is not cart blanche to be a cunt to a pregnant woman.

Say if B had gender reassignment surgery, and A behaved the same way towards her because A wanted surgery but couldn't, how would you proceed there? I keep asking about your workplace policy, but you haven't answered. Because you can ask for all the advice you like, but your workplace policy is what determines how you proceed from here.

Also bear in mind that her infertility may have caused A to develop some serious mental health issues, I think the best approach is to support her as much as possible whilst making it clear that her behaviour is unacceptable

Employee A needs to be brought in and told that whilst the company will support her during the fertility treatment process, she needs to be professional and her situation has no relevance on the private decisions of other employees to start a family. If she cannot work professionally alongside her colleague then she needs to consider her future at the company. I would then schedule a meeting two weeks later to follow up on progress/change in attitude after which it should become a disciplinary issue. If she's on hormones I I suspect that could be a part of the issue here, but it sounds like behaviour that should have been left in the school yard!

A needs to be disciplined urgently.

Take the pregnancy issue off the table for the moment: what it boils down to is workplace bullying due to jealousy. Imagine it's over a promotion rather than a pregnancy: there's just no way an employer can accept this.

Employees may reasonably be expected to be emotionally mature enough to deal with disappointment and resentment in a constructive manner or, at the very least, without resorting to what is effectively misconduct.

The fertility/pregnancy situation is a bit of a red herring.

I was in a similar position to A - not having fertility treatment but had been trying for years, without success. A colleague became pregnant by accident. I was happy for her, because her situation had nothing to do with mine.

A needs to realise that not everything is about her.

What the fuck. Terrible behaviour from A. Surely that constitutes a written warning.

I'm not really sure MN is the place to ask for advice as the manager. Be aware that this could be outing for you, one or both of the women could easily be on here and recognise the situation.

I'm wondering if anybody is supporting C, the third colleague in the team? S/he must be feeling awkward stuck in the middle.

"She seems so sure of her position that it made me question mine."

What IS your position?

"I'm neither. I'm the manager who will have to resolve it her line manager can't" you're the managers manager? And you're on mn asking? I find it quite worrying that this suggests you don't know how to perform that part of your job! Have you received no education/training on personnel management? Or do you lack the confidence to support their line manager?

It sounds like the line manager has already discussed with A? And A is continuing in her poor behaviour?

Personally, as the line manager I'd have pulled A in for a chat as soon as the issue was apparent and been VERY clear that such behaviour was unprofessional, unacceptable, illegal and wouldn't be tolerated.

That if they didn't improve their behaviour immediately (availing themselves of the counselling, even taking a LITTLE time off sick if necessary) I'd have no choice but to take the matter higher, and that if I had to do that they may well be facing disciplinary proceedings that could include gross misconduct with a risk to their continued employment.

I'd then if possible (business wise) have sent them home for the rest of day to cool off BUT being very clear that when they came back to work I'd expect much improved attitude and behaviour.

I don't think an apology can be forced but I'd think badly of the employee if they didn't, at the latest upon returning to work, apologise both to B and myself as line manager, because it never should have reached that point.

I'd then speak to B assuring her of my support and that I was dealing with it.

I'd also speak to C to check how they're coping and to ascertain how it was affecting them, supporting them if necessary too.

I'd be doing a weekly follow up with both A&B for a few weeks to make sure there's no covert discrimination/bullying going on and I'd be watching A closely. Any indication its ongoing or not improving I'd be passing the situation up higher.

I've not struggled with conception but I have had losses and gynae issues and at one point was seriously concerned motherhood would never happen for me. At that time a colleague became pregnant via Ivf and she kindly told me before others. It was very difficult to hear, but I congratulated her, went home, sobbed my heart out (and not just that night) then went to work and got on with my job without being a cow to my pregnant colleague! I wouldn't even have dreamed of acting like that!

I wasn't really asking for advice on how to handle it, more confirmation that my moral compass hadn't gone wonky in expecting A to sort herself out.

Some heartless women on here!

Always the same
From smug fertile people.

Shame on you all!

Some heartless women on here!

Always the same
From smug fertile people.

Shame on you all!

There is never an excuse for bullying. Never. Managers have duties of care to all staff.

I have supported friends through absolutely heartbreaking situations with infertility. Supported them in keeping their distance, didn’t take it personally when they dropped me totally for years before they felt ready to be in contact again.

I would not have supported them in openly bullying a colleague for having the temerity to be pregnant. There is a line it’s not ok to cross.

@Stinkytoe bullshit. I'm in an infertile marriage, and now looking at adoption. You have no idea of the fertility histories of anyone posting here, so do fuck off dear.

stinkytoe that's not really on is it.

I have brittle asthma. I struggle to breathe most days, and at least twice a year I'm hospitalised. Once I even had the pleasure of being intubated. It's a health condition as much as infertility is. But I don't get narky when someone rubs their good lungs in my face. Tells me they've been for a run, or to the gym, all things I cannot do.
But for some reason infertility is an excuse for some women to behave in all sorts of ways.

A is illegally discriminating against B. And it needs to be stopped.

I'd like to reiterate some women, as the vast majority of infertile women I know are not absolute twats. But the few who are, really really are.