Bulllying Female Bosses - do I attract them

[howthehelldoIcopewiththisone]

Just needing to talk to someone. Recently left a job because my Manager was a bully. She would ignore me sometimes when I tried to explain something or interrupt me while talking. She would go right through my desk when I wasn't there and try to look for things she thought were done incorrectly and then go and speak to the MD. I became really unhappy and eventually I went to him and got really upset and he was really nice and said I don't want you to go but she is not going to change! I realised that things would never be right between myself and her so I left. Felt really very bad walking out but I was not in a good state at the time due to her behaviour. Since then I have been placed on a temp assignment with another woman boss who is a clone of the previous one! Almost like they are related. She was horrible to me - not just me saying that - the person sat next to me commented to me about it when she was out of the room. So I only stayed for 4 days and told the agency I cannot work there either. I just didn't want to feel bullied like I did before. I am now worried and I don't want to work in an office situation anymore if this is what it's like. Is it me - is this what the real world is right now? I am not a spring chicken but I am intelligent and a good loyal team player for someone who wants me :(

One example of working with a bully, doesn't mean 'this is what the real world is right now'.

I have to say though, you're coming across as extremely sexist.

Do you think this might have been part of the problem?

In what way am I being sexist?

Seriously?

So what in your mind, does them being female have to do with it?

Would a bullying male boss be ok? I don't get it.

so if I mention someone's gender that is sexist is it - then I don't get it at all

I'm asking you why it's relevant?

If your first boss was a bully and your second boss didn't like you, do you think there's a chance you came across to them as being a bit sexist towards female bosses?

If there's no chance of that, then don't let these experiences put you off. Keep trying and your next job might be third time lucky.

Hope things work out for you.

It is relative to the story

It's either bad luck or your work quality and speed at performing tasks is not adequate.

We don't know but I feel for you, it is very depressing to have had the courage to look for something else to find yourself with the same stress.

It might be worth talking to them to find out why they are the way they are. It might indeed be that you can't meet their expectations.

On that case cross fingers that you'll be luckier 3rd time.

In what way is it relevant to the story?

are you asking me chewbacca?

Yes, I was.
You are massively generalising about female bosses. If you recognise it has nothing to do with their sex, it might prevent the problem happening again next time you have a female boss.
I don't think the behaviour you have experienced can be attributed to the fact they were both female.

ok yeah I was 'massively generalising' - good job you are here to keep us in check from doing that - have a wonderful day and thanks for your help :) (sorry if that is too generalising a comment)

Your have been unlucky in that you have had two female bosses and have experienced bullying from them. It’s horrible to experience bullying and bullies do it for a number of reasons. I doubt it is your fault.
It is not ‘how the world is now’. The fact they are female has nothing to do with it.
I have a female boss who is very good, very fair and extremely competent.

Thank you that's really good to hear - nuffaluff - thank you and thank you everyone for your comments and help

Just remember, if you are being bullied it’s not your fault, whether they are women or men. I find it strange that posters on here are turning it round and blaming you. Your boss interrupted you and ignored what you said in front of others, rifled through your desk when you weren’t there and that’s your fault? Victim blaming at its finest.
Having said that, you can learn to stick up for yourself. Perhaps this is something you could work on.
I was bullied horribly for a long period of time as a teenage girl by a bunch of girls as school. I know why and I knew why at the time, but I couldn’t prevent it. I couldn’t handle the bullying. I was very sensitive and would get upset easily. Unfortunately that gave the bullies a lot of pleasure.
I don’t get bullied as an adult. I stick up for myself. I am now a very confident person.
Perhaps you could go on an assertiveness course.

I wonder if it is an over generalisation to say that women are people who suffer the most from imposter syndrome. I'm sure I've seen that mentioned here on MN before.

Is it only a generalisation when it's a negative stereotype I wonder? I say this as there was a long time when I refused to work for women (lawyers), because I didnt have the same problems with the numerous men I've worked for. Could that be because men have less to prove (unless their short, but that's another story), so they are not as bullish (for lack of a better word)? I think if it happens in quick succession it might not be unreasonable to put yourself in a different position (I.e choose not to work for one - if you can), until you feel comfortable and confident doing so again.

I do work for a woman now, she's decent. But the majority of senior woman I've had to manoeuvre my "career" around. That is just the facts of my life.

I don't think it's unfair to mention they were women. I've had both good and bad male and female bosses. It's my experience that men and women bully differently in the workplace. That's what I have experienced both being on the receiving end and observing others suffer.

As a former PA, I would never work for a female boss again. Every PA I have spoken with agrees they prefer working for me!

I’m sure somebody will be along to call me sexist soon!

I've had some bad experiences with bosses. They happened to be female, but I don't think it's necessarily a female thing.

I've worked out that I'm a 'dominant subordinate'. Basically, I can feel like I should be the boss. I'm naturally a bossy person. Bosses don't like that. So they tend to pick up on it and want to put me in my place.

This may or may not be the case for you but just thought I'd share in case you recognised any similarities.

I'm now looking for slightly more senior or autonomous positions where hopefully I won't be managed so closely. Its the only way!

I don’t think 4 days is long enough to know how someone will be to work for, especially if you were partly basing your decision on the opinion of a colleague who will have their own reasons to say things.

I don’t think checking your desk is necessarily bullying, especially if you don’t have anything personal on there. Sometimes I have to look for something on a PA’s desk if they’ve gone home and I need to know if it’s been done or not. Did they find anything that wasn’t done correctly? If they did, I’m not sure what is the problem with talking to the MD about performance.

People are being unnecessarily picky with the OP here, there's nothing wrong with pointing out that the two bosses were women. It's true that men and women bully in different ways.

It's sounds like you've just been unlucky. I've no doubt you will find a better work environment in time.

And to the people victim blaming and suggesting the OP was not up to the job, it is never ok to behave the way OP's boss did. If performance is an issue (which I doubt) there are procedures to follow to work on that.

Op, what job do you do?

Hi it was an admin job and they found something which they thought hadn’t been done properly but in fact it had and I proved it. There was no apology at all. There were lots of other examples - I only listed a few. She was basically a very nasty person. She bullied another male employee also who was subordinate to her - he was such a nice guy. I couldn’t work with someone who thought very little of others and every day was like a battle which had to be won. Luckily I don’t have to put people down to feel good about myself and I put up with it for far too long because I am a nice person. I am certainly not sexist. I was just asking for experiences and I wondered if anyone else had the same

Unfortunately, this can be a bit of a common theme with PA and admin jobs. You end up working for incredibly demanding people who can't spare 10 seconds to explain something, expect you to mind read and then beat you with a stick when you get it wrong.

I have had a few bullying bosses but they were alpha males! Needless to say, I learnt a lot along the way and really don't take any crap from anyone. I'm a bit like you in that I wouldn't treat people like that myself and don't particularly like being on the receiving end of it!

What's your background? Do you have a lot of experience? Are you at the start of your career journey.

Polarbear and I are always on these threads telling everyone to ditch the PA and admin jobs. Generally they are thankless roles that lead to nowhere with no training or career progression. Yes, you will get the odd person on these threads earning £80k a year in the City with an amazing job, boss and great work/life balance but they are few and far between IME.

Just re-read your thread. I take it you are new to admin. What did you do before? Did you have another career?

Bullying by either sex is vile in the workplace, it's abuse of power - and that power isn't necessarily due to a person's seniority. I was once bullied by a PA who was being encouraged by her very senior VP boss, who liked the fact her lower paid employee was doing all her dirty work to avoid her being branded a bully.

The fact they were both women was arguably irrelevant, but women do have a certain nasty vindictive streak when they want to, especially in packs, they prey on people they percieve are "too nice".