Bulllying Female Bosses - do I attract them

[howthehelldoIcopewiththisone]

Just needing to talk to someone. Recently left a job because my Manager was a bully. She would ignore me sometimes when I tried to explain something or interrupt me while talking. She would go right through my desk when I wasn't there and try to look for things she thought were done incorrectly and then go and speak to the MD. I became really unhappy and eventually I went to him and got really upset and he was really nice and said I don't want you to go but she is not going to change! I realised that things would never be right between myself and her so I left. Felt really very bad walking out but I was not in a good state at the time due to her behaviour. Since then I have been placed on a temp assignment with another woman boss who is a clone of the previous one! Almost like they are related. She was horrible to me - not just me saying that - the person sat next to me commented to me about it when she was out of the room. So I only stayed for 4 days and told the agency I cannot work there either. I just didn't want to feel bullied like I did before. I am now worried and I don't want to work in an office situation anymore if this is what it's like. Is it me - is this what the real world is right now? I am not a spring chicken but I am intelligent and a good loyal team player for someone who wants me :(

I've just been in your exact situation, I've just left a job after 12 months of hellish behaviour and a company who were scared to act on documented and proven bullying, fraud and incompetence.

The boss was a woman. This is relevant. She only bullied other women and men were seen as objects to pander to, or flirt with. She was a woman in her late 50s who wore outfits she shared with her daughter.

I've had good and bad bosses of both sexes but the vast majority of awful ones are female. That's just a fact.

I think you're been unlucky, and the second one you had no control over because you didn't get to check her out before working there. Going forward you'll have a good idea what to look for when being interviewed and it's worth being quite challenging in your own questioning to see if you can identify any who may be potentially nightmarish to work for.

For example, my colleague asked said.nightmare 'how did you get your job' showing interest in her and she responded with a very sour 'why do you want my job' in a very aggressive manner.

Good luck and I sympathise 100%. Ignore the posters telling you you're being sexist. You're the one being bullied and you deserve empathy not more harassment.

I've also been in this position and it was when I was doing that kind of role. Working life was a hellish rollercoaster.

It's a long story but I actually managed to progress and eventually get the most senior one dismissed because of it. It took years. I was extremely lucky that when it came to the crunch, the right people believed me and that others spoke up.

The damage they did on people and the organisation is going to take a lot of work to repair.

@Treacletoots hmm, "how did you get your job?" might get very different answers depending on the tone it was asked! I hope I'd respond very positively and supportively if the person was asking because they wanted to know about entry routes into that career. Probably quite a lot less positively if it sounded like they were asking how on earth I managed to get hired for that role!

OP sorry you had a bad experience. Feeling undermined in lots of small ways can really wear down your confidence. Just from the one example you gave about your old manager going through your desk believing a piece of work wasn't complete - is there possibly a learning point for the future about really making sure you ask any new manager how they want to be kept updated? I've been a PA, and I've had assistants. Some people like constant updates on completed tasks; some people like a daily update; some people are happy with verbal confirmation; some like a quick bullet point email...you get my drift. Great PAs and administrators need to do a bit of digging and upwards management to get the working relationship running smoothly if their manager isn't clear/is less experienced.

Thanks stressedoutpa - it is such a counterproductive thing to be horrible to someone who works for you and with you. It is not going to make the company run better rather worse. There are ways of telling people how to do things and calling them an idiot or words to that effect is not one of them. It really offended me because I would never do that to anyone and yes we do all make mistakes - even bosses! Sadly I am not just starting my career(bit older than that!) but having done so many different things in my life these are the only jobs I can easily do at the moment. It's a shame that people think I am sexist but I had just met two really aggressive bosses in succession and I honestly was beginning to wonder? I totally agree about not taking any nonsense. I am not a walk over either but when you are in a boss/employee situation or you have only been there a short time it is incredibly hard to say anything.

@MagicKeysToAsda totally agree! However the way it was asked was with genuine interest. The junior was actually advised to ask it because apparently people like to talk about themselves.

As a manager myself I'd take it that the individual was keen to progress and learn. They might want my job but they've a lot to learn before they actually get there.

Thanks all - so good to hear your comments - I totally agree that women can be extremely vindictive and nasty and I do think they get away with it because they are women - especially in a small company where they are the only woman - apart from me! If that is sexist then so be it

I only had one female boss when I was at the bottom 'ish of the career ladder and she was lovely. I will do anything to swap out my current male boss, he doesn't believe women can do technical jobs.

From experience, this is the sort of treatment you might get when you are at the bottom of the ladder, all the crap and blames will go to you, not just from female bosses. One of my poor colleague who does the admin job (very demanded one) made a mistake (not her fault, she is not trained at that, also they are severely under staff) ended up so much bollocking from her male boss, she called in sick the next day. I bet she probably experienced that "bullying" feeling from her boss too. I really hope she will return on Monday...

You do sound very sexist, OP. There are good and bad bosses of both genders.

I'm sorry that you have had bad experiences.

Two of the best bosses I had were women. They were supportive and gave me confidence. Both in the US in ICT. industry.

Worst bosses were women in education in UK. Unreal the lack of respect and routine putting people down by female head. Maybe it’s all the discipline and detentions that spills over into staff management. Appalling. Might also be the reason for general crappy results.

You do not sound sexist OP.

Totally know what you are talking about. He who feels it knows it.

Ignoring
Interrupting
Going through desk when not there to look for evidence

It just so happens the Op has had two female bosses with this type of behaviour but it could quite easily have been a male boss. These comments don't make her sexist.

Unless you have been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour it is very difficult to anticipate how you will react.

Job updat
Started a new temp job this week - lovely company - everyone so appreciative of me (because I am very helpful and friendly and good at what I am asked to do) ! So been asked to stay on indefinitely - phew! It wasn’t me - other bosses (who happened to both be women in their 50s were vile!!) I take the point about updating your boss on what you have completed - I always do/did - she was out to get me and it showed her up - going through my desk etc. I now realise how toxic that company was with hindsight. Happy Friday everyone !:)

Oh, good for you! Best of luck.....