Co-worker went through my bag.

[Kitttykins]

Hi,

Today a co-worker admited that she had gone through my bag while I was in the toilet (we don't have lockers or lockable drawers) to pull a practical joke. While normally this would not concern me, I recently had a termination due to medical reasons. Nobody at my work knew I was pregnant, I was waiting as we knew this could be a possibility and didn't want the sympathy or judgement of people I am not terribly close to. In my bag there were my hospital records, scans, and information about the termination which I believe she and another co-worker saw (I know I should of left it at home but I have been trying to blank everything out and forgot that everything was in this particular bag). She was very apologetic when she confessed and I felt awkward and told her that it was ok even though i was fuming. When I told DH tonight he was very angry, he wanted to confront this girl for going through my things and wants me to tell my boss. I don't know what to do as I've already told my co-worker that it's fine and dont want to come across as snakey as I work very closely with her, however she is a massive office gossip and I'm not sure if i can trust her with what she has possibly found out. What would you do in this situation?

This is awful - I had assumed she had accidentally seen your records and was sorry. I didn't for a moment imagine that she had then gossiped about your private medical history to several people. You can't possibly police who those people will or won't tell, and now if the news gets out you won't know which one is responsible - except that she is ultimately responsible for reading your personal correspondence.

I would be blazing with fury - I don't care how young she is, she needs to have some sort of warning at least for this - and it would be a great way of stopping these stupid practical jokes.

Maybe you should let your OP deal with it as it impacts on him too.

If I'd had this happen to me I would want to forget it and move on having had enough other stuff to deal with.

However it would depend whether I thought the coworker really understood it was wrong and hurtful. Not so much the spider in the bag but the gossiping about what she found. If I didn't think genuinely sorry I'd want a manager to just have a stern word re professional behaviour. I don't think I'd personally want the hassle of a grievance etc more added stress.

I can understand your DH being protective of you though and its also his privacy too

Knowing she told people, I would definitely make a formal complaint about her. If she's old enough to be working then she's old enough to know a) you don't go through people's bags and b) if you find out something confidential, you don't tell all your friends.

Your update that she told people what she’d seen in your bag makes the situation even worse; you need to tell her line manager.

Oh my gosh! I can't believe you've had to tell people what's happened! I am appalled for you!

Your DH is right, she should get a warning for this

I agree with PP, this is an unforgivable breach of trust and the person concerned should be reported to HR and a formal grievance raised. The fact she also gossiped about what she saw makes it so much worse. Please report this, it shouldn't be you trying to deal with this to rectify. Pranks or not, there is never a reason to go into someone's personal property.

The fact she’s young is immaterial- she’s invaded your privacy and completely disregarded your right to dignity at work.

The fact she saw something so blatantly private and thought that it just a bit of information to be traded as gossip is mind blowing.

Please consider your options re a greivance- just because she says she won’t tell anyone else, it doesn’t mean the people she has already told haven’t spread it further. At least the outcome of a grievance could guarantee as much as possible that she keeps what she found to herself at this stage.

She saw your medical records then gossiped about them?

That changes everything. Throw the book at her.

If she thinks it's OK to tell other people you're pregnant, what else does she think is OK? It's not about not doing her a disservice, it's about doing something to protect all the other people whose personal information she might bandy around otherwise in her career.

I would not get your husband involved, but I would raise a grievance. It's not trivial.

I would take your husband up on his offer if it was me.
Sorry OP, that's such an awful thing to happen to you after everything you have been through already

Bloody hell! The fact that she told others your private medical info after finding it IN YOUR BAG, forcing you to have to tell those people that you are no longer pregnant, is absolutely worthy of a grievance.

She needs to understand how spectacularly she crossed the line. I'm not sure she does, going by your updates.

 for you, OP.

There were flowers in that post...

Imagine if she did this to someone less robust than you. You have to go to HR.

On the other hand, DH is baying for her blood, he works at the same company in a different department and has offered to handle the whole procedure for me (though I expect I would have to talk to at least one person?).*

Your dp cannot handle this for you, either representing you or representing the company- he could support you but you have to either report (you should do this) or let it go.

I think you should have it noted and ask HR to have a meeting with her to explain why it's so bad

I'm so sorry you're going through this op. Hope you're holding up ok 

I'm shocked she went and told people. What a nasty piece of work.

I'm sorry but going through your bag is bad enough but to then go and actually tell people. She could have easily thought fuck, I've messed up here if she saw the scans and not said a word or pulled a shitty prank ever again.

Also if she was just putting a fake spider in your bag how did she get the time to manage to read paperwork in there? Seems really suspicious to me. Surely she'd just shove it in not actually root around and read private paperwork unless she wanted to have a good old nose. 

I agree with your DH tbh. But at the end of the day you're going through enough as it is and you need to do what is the least stressful option for you.

Look after yourself op 

Go to HR. The first thing was invading your privacy - I would be livid. The second is rooting around in there enough to read paperwork - that's more than just putting a plastic poo in there or whatever. And then telling people. Take her to HR and let them deal with her - their job is to protect the company and someone who violates a fellow employee's privacy is a danger they should know about - she would be leaking company secrets out of her ears

Right, her telling people that you were pregnant completely escalates this. This woman clearly has no idea what decent or professional behaviour looks like. You (or your DH) should absolutely take this further.

Can you imagine how much worse she's going to get, if she gets away with this? She hasn't even finished doing damage to you on this thing, yet. There's plenty still to play out. Remember: she found out you were pregnant, and when that doesn't carry through, will she start speculating to other people that you've had a termination, too?Nothing has stopped her yet, not unexpectedly encountering ultra- personal information, not being junior to you. She didn't even have shame enough to not-tell you that she told other people!

If you take it to HR, your manager or her manager, though, someone with the power to stop her will stop her.

When I first read your post I was inclined to think it was a faux pas but not worth reporting. I’ve participated in office pranks but never rooted in someone’s bag or desk drawers for any reason!
In actual fact she has rifled through your private property, viewed confidential medical records without permission and spread it around the office. This puts you in an awkward position of having to explain your termination which im presuming is hugely distressing. Furthermore it intrudes on your relationship and whatever grieving process you and your husband are going through following your top. Your husband has made it apparent that he wanted the loss kept confidential- although the records are yours, the procedure has no doubt affected him as well- as will it’s subsequent disclosure especially if you work together.

Without overreacting I think both you and your husband should raise grievances over this.