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Original poster

Co-worker went through my bag.

69 replies

Kitttykins · 01/11/2018 21:26

Hi,

Today a co-worker admited that she had gone through my bag while I was in the toilet (we don't have lockers or lockable drawers) to pull a practical joke. While normally this would not concern me, I recently had a termination due to medical reasons. Nobody at my work knew I was pregnant, I was waiting as we knew this could be a possibility and didn't want the sympathy or judgement of people I am not terribly close to. In my bag there were my hospital records, scans, and information about the termination which I believe she and another co-worker saw (I know I should of left it at home but I have been trying to blank everything out and forgot that everything was in this particular bag). She was very apologetic when she confessed and I felt awkward and told her that it was ok even though i was fuming. When I told DH tonight he was very angry, he wanted to confront this girl for going through my things and wants me to tell my boss. I don't know what to do as I've already told my co-worker that it's fine and dont want to come across as snakey as I work very closely with her, however she is a massive office gossip and I'm not sure if i can trust her with what she has possibly found out. What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
JonSnowsManBun · 02/11/2018 07:57

The fact that the OP says that after the prank, the pranker informed the OP straight away and was very apologetic implies to me that she DID see the OPs medical paperwork? Otherwise why would she be so instantly contrite and apologetic?

AbitComplex · 02/11/2018 10:20

The fact that the OP says that after the prank, the pranker informed the OP straight away and was very apologetic implies to me that she DID see the OPs medical paperwork? Otherwise why would she be so instantly contrite and apologetic?

^^ This.

Surely, colleagues can have fun, pull pranks, whatever, without the need to go through people’s personal possessions? Because that is what they are. Personal possessions.

Hopefully, now the colleague in question will think twice about going through other peoples personal possessions in the future.

AbitComplex · 02/11/2018 10:21

@Kittykins, can you speak to your manager to organise more lockers?

Isleepinahedgefund · 02/11/2018 10:30

I think she saw it too, otherwise she wouldn’t have apologised.

I’d leave it as is just now, but if you hear rumours about yourself then you know where they came from and that’s the point I’d make a fuss about it. If she knows she should have the good grace not to say anything about it, if she doesn’t then she needs to be spoken to by management.

I was off for a while last year, during that time someone I work with was spreading rumours about why I was off, even though they had no idea why. Someone was kind enough to ring me and let me know, and I asked my manager to speak to them about it. He did, and they won’t be doing that again! He also tried to say it was a personal matter between the two of us, and I said no it’s not and I considered it to be bullying.

starfishmummy · 02/11/2018 10:40

Totally disagree with people who say the person was "just" putting a spider in.

Of course they shouldn't have been doing that. I would be furious

Nettletheelf · 02/11/2018 10:51

I understand that the OP was feeling sensitive about her medical procedure, and why shouldn’t she, but she is (sensibly and reasonably, in my view) prepared to let this go. Does she really need to be incited to ‘fury’?

We still don’t know whether the colleague saw OP’s medical notes. You’d have to try pretty hard to read something like that if simply planting something in a bag, particularly since any medical notes I’ve ever carried with me have been put in an envelope by the medical practitioner. She might have been apologising because she’d planted the fake spider and the OP didn’t like it. We just don’t know.

If she did read the medical notes, then she is absolutely out of order. However, I’d still let it go, if that’s what she apologised for, and, as Isleepinahedgefund says, take action if I heard that she’d told other people.

I started work in the early 1990s in a macho environment. That toughened me up, and it’s stood me in good stead. Maybe we should all avoid looking for things to be furious over, and keep our powder dry for the important battles.

Beaverhausen · 02/11/2018 10:56

IMO going into someones private property is a breach of privacy and the fact that she saw very personal information about you in your bag it is not a guarantee that she would not have shared it with anybody else.

I would go and see my manager and discuss the matter with them if it is a man and you would feel more comfortable with speaking to someone in HR then you need to do so.

She apologised but it does not mean she would be discrete with what she saw in your bag.

swingofthings · 02/11/2018 11:12

Just realised it was a fake spider. On Halloween day, so totally in the spirit of the day rather than a mean to access private information. Sounds like she apologised for the prank rather than for reading through private documents.

You are totally overreacting by making the incident something it wasn't.

Whyohsky · 02/11/2018 21:55

I’d wind her up and tell her that your cash from your wallet has disappeared. Tell her you know she’s been in there and she has a day to return the £80 or whatever you’re missing. Wind her up a bit. She won’t bother you again.

daisychain01 · 03/11/2018 07:37

In my bag there were my hospital records, scans, and information about the termination which I believe she and another co-worker saw

This is the crux of the matter.

It doesn't matter if the colleague was "only" dropping an object into the OPs bag.

It doesn't matter that they "may not have" seen the contents of the handbag. The OP is in a highly stressful situation due to the recency of their medical situation, a stupid prank is the last thing they need!

It just shouldn't have happened and a strong message needs to be given that antics like this have no place in the workplace. Minimising it means it will happen again because it isn't being nipped in the bud.

This isn't baying for the colleague's blood or overreacting, it's about employing people with a good work ethic including consideration to their fellow colleagues. The person sounds like they have no boundaries and are still in the playground.

daisychain01 · 03/11/2018 07:51

I just notice you mentioned that pranks like this happen often in your office OP.

That's because people aren't stopped from behaving like idiots. Most workplace situations that start out as banter or "just a funny prank" have a habit of going badly wrong when the office clown cant decide for themselves when to stop.

shearwater · 03/11/2018 07:58

A spider in a bag?

Are they eight years old?

Original poster
Kitttykins · 03/11/2018 08:30

Hi all,

Just a quick update, when I spoke to her yesterday she admitted to seeing the scan pictures and telling her partner (one of the managers) and a couple of her friends in the office. She never saw the termination information so I had an awkward conversation with everyone who knew who have all agreed to not say anything, hopefully they keep to that.

Thank you all for your advice it's kept me sane the last 24 hours Smile

OP posts:
JonSnowsManBun · 03/11/2018 08:33

How dare she tell anyone?! I hope you reported her. Please don’t let this slide OP, she’s a nosy and interfering bitch.

Iloveacurry · 03/11/2018 08:36

I would report her. Obviously she can’t keep her month shut.

Valasca · 03/11/2018 08:40

Ok, it’s one thing to see it in your bag. It’s another to tell a bunch of coworkers and your manager that you’re pregnant. You could have been discriminated against by projects not being assigned to you, etc.

I think that is formal grievance territory.

JonSnowsManBun · 03/11/2018 08:47

Please, please report this. Not only has this awful woman gone through your things, she’s treated your confidential medical information as if it’s office gossip, forced you to have awkward conversations about your medical status with people you really didn’t want to, and made what is already a traumatic time even more stressful for you.

Your colleague is an absolute heinous cunt.

CherryPavlova · 03/11/2018 08:54

Going into your bag is forgivable, in certain circumstances but telling others when she saw something so deeply personal is not. She needs reporting but I guess that might be more painful for you.

CupoBlood · 03/11/2018 09:04

She told people? I'm so sorry 

daisychain01 · 03/11/2018 09:23

OP I knew this was grievance territory the moment I read your first post.

This person is way out of line and has breached their contract and your right to privacy has been compromised.

The sad fact is you have no control over what any of that extended circle now do with the information. You hope they will keep it to themselves but offices are full of gossips who say one thing and do another.

I would take it further, but that choice rests with you, as you have to decide if you want to move forward now or if it has affected you badly enough. Think of yourself first and foremost.

CovenofMiLsfromHades · 03/11/2018 09:27

That's awful. I agree you should make a complaint.

RainbowsArePretty · 03/11/2018 11:43

OP that's terrible. I was angry for you before reading that she shared your scan with others. I think you should lodge a grievance.

I really hope you have support 

Original poster
Kitttykins · 03/11/2018 12:23

I'm in two minds about whether to take it further..

She is very young, it's her first job out of school and (I hope at least) she has learnt a very valuable lesson. Also reliving it to various different people will be painful and not something I want to go through right now.

On the other hand, DH is baying for her blood, he works at the same company in a different department and has offered to handle the whole procedure for me (though I expect I would have to talk to at least one person?). DH has also pointed out that I am senior to her and that it's undermining my authority which I didn't think of before, and facing her every day knowing what a sly person she is going to be difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitttykins · 03/11/2018 12:24

Jonsnowsmanbun your last comment made me laugh Grin she is indeed a vile person

OP posts:
Isleepinahedgefund · 03/11/2018 14:02

Her being young etc is no excuse, in ten years she will still be doing the same especially if she gets away with it. I think you'd be doing her a favour by making her take responsibility. She needs to know how badly she has made you feel. Even if you were still pregnant it's none of her business to tell anyone. The pranks sound silly but fair enough if you're all for it, but breaking your confidence like that is unacceptable and unprofessional. Let your DH deal with it if it's easier for you, but please don't let her get away with it.

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