City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

[RosieIrene]

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

Soemtimes I ring DH up at work (when I am either at home or work) regarding really trivial things. But he is just as guilty of them same. Sometimes I can't be bothered and don't ring him up at all.

Anyone seen Xenia?

at the needle thing.
I think toothache is worse than giving birth, and it lasts longer . But we have COV, three cheers for COV!

soapbox that was exactly how I felt.

I was worried what people would think, I was convinced that I would be unhappy and I was scared at the though of being 'out of the game' career wise.

I took a risk, and I am glad I did.

It's not necessarily the answer but it is one idea that should be considered if you are feeling desperate.

Aren't these comparisons quite telling!

If it were men talking, they would surely be on to Maseratis, Ferraris and Porsch by now

we saw the bottle man in Sainsbury's yesterday (dd2 and me went to find him, he's called Alun ) - he plays the fleuries and clarets with his plastic box-opening tool to entertain all the trolley-trapped little ones [smimle]

PP - well I for one, will credit the OP with the good sense and self-awareness she no doubt possesses and not patronise her by assuming that she doesn't know what she wants.

dinosaur - no it's got absolutely nothing to do with superiority or inferiority. It's just that... he's REALLY busy. So I never call. And when I used to work I was REALLY busy and never, ever took a personal call from anyone. I'm sort of amazed that people do...

LOL Anna - we mere mortals just get paid a King's ransom to MN and take personal calls all day

dino, so sorry to hear about poor wee ds3. Are ear infections his "thing", or was this a horrid first time? How is he managing with it all?

ComeOVeneer - I suppose that I would (but haven't given it much thought to be honest), but up until now I have never, ever worked anywhere where I would have taken/made personal calls other than in emergencies. I was always just too busy and wanting to get on with work so I could go home again.

Having said that, my partner and I do meet up sometimes during the working day - yesterday we went shopping. But we made an appointment to meet the previous day and that was it - no calls or emails or anything.

soapbox - yup, obviously you have negotiated a very good deal...

With due respect Anna, I think that's bollocks. I am usually (not now, obviously ) extremely busy in the office but I do not and can not shut out my personal life.

In the same way that I can and do work at home in the evenings and can and do take calls over the weekend.

If my Dh did not want to know about the DCs when they are ill, I would be really pretty underwhelmed.

good for you soapbox.

but why come on for advice if you know what you want?

she is after advice, I think I am qualified to offer mine as I have been in a very similar position as her and found a way out.

it might be the answer for her, it might not.

I went for a long time feeling shit and struggling until I sought lots of advice and finally did something about it.

the op is asking for advice is she not?

(interestingly for me, when I look back it was suggestions and comments like mohze and xenias that kept me plodding on believing that I would not be happy at home.)

It depends what kind of job you do though Anna.

For a lot of us on this thread, things can be absolutely manic at times, but slow at other times. It depends a lot on the work flow.

Also some jobs are actually all about the occasions flash of brilliance rather than the volume of output. And often those flashes of inspiration come when you are browsing the internet or an a call from home.

Nevertheless, even on my busiest days, I would always take a call from DH or from the children...

peaks & troughs here too

occasional

Anna I worked ( up until 6 months ago)as an nhs dentist for 10 years seeing on average 35 patients a day. DH is a city lawyer working for an american firm looking to be made up to partner in the next couple of years, yet we have always managed to find the odd 5 mins here and there during the day to keep in touch, even for such trivialities as "hi, hos is your day going?"

I think it is very important when for what ever reason (both working, or one sahp) if you don't see each other all day it is important to touch base and make time for each other.

how's

I don't know a single person working in London who does not take personal calls, meetings and other time away from their desk, permitting. I find that extremely strange. All of them are busy people with a demanding workload.
Dino, dd had repeated ear troubles as a toddler so I totally sympathise with poor ds3. She did outgrow them with no lasting effects and I am sure he will too.
Have you considered making sure his toothpaste contains xylitol? It is a naturally derived sugar with an increasingly proven ability to help with recurrent ENT infections

Anchovy - surely it depends on the job and how your time is organised? My partner always takes a call from his sons if they call during the day, but he practically always has to tell them he'll call back later. Since I know he's really busy and I can manage on my own, I don't disturb him. And I don't particularly want him calling me during the day either, to be honest - I want my own time. That's not a criticism in any way of people whose lives are organised differently - it's just a way of being. My partner doesn't do particularly long hours considering his responsibilities, and I'm quite happy for him to have intensive days and be home on good time and not work weekends.

dino - many many sympathies - it sounds miserable. Am sending antibiotic & otis media relaxant vibes ...