any mums of under 2's working full time? How do you do it? Is it worth it?

[BikeBug]

Not trying to stir things up at all - I have an interview for a fantastic job, but it's ft (at the moment I work 3 days). Ds is 15 months old, and happy in his nursery. I'd like to start ttc another one, but am ok with putting that off until I've been in the job at least a while. I don't think the job would be offered pt (though I'll ask if that would be possible, should they offer it).

I'm just wondering how you manage if you work ft. I wouldn't be earning megabucks (low 30Ks), but could afford nursery etc. Do you think your dcs suffer at all? Do you manage to do your own housework, laundry, garden etc? Is it really, really more stressful than (say) a 3 day working week? My commute would be less and the hours would probably be quite flexible...

I'm getting ahead of myself, as I haven't even been for the interview yet, but any views and expereinces would be welcome.

Yes.

I do it because I have to.

It sucks.

DH and I swap shifts. It helps that we live in a dinky flat two floors up - not as much to look after.

Hi

As ever, I think it depends on many things. I havea DS nearly 2, and have been back at work full time since he was 6 months old. I have a nanny but she doesn't do much housekeeping although she does deal with all of Ds's food which makes a difference. But TBH I could do it at the weekends - cooking in bulk and then freezing.

Things that make a difference to me?

I stop at 4 every day, so work 7.45-4. Get home at 5

I am also pretty zero tolerance about bedtime, so after 7pm I know that I have time to do washing et

i work full time and have one DS (who is 1). He has been in nursery for 6 months so i can only say it seems to be working well for all of us. Do i think he "suffers" - no i don't. I think the most important thing is to find childcare that suits your child/children above anything. If your DS is already happy in his nursery then surely that is a big plus
with regard to doing all the chores and stuff i have to be ruthlessly efficient - washing machine is put on first thing in the morning so i can hang it out before i go to work, if DH cooks i clean up and vice versa - and we don't sweat the small stuff - i know it sounds stupis but i was once someone who got het up if my house wasn't immaculate each night - well it isn't now and the world is still turning
also i work flexibly and this makes a difference ...

DC's at your childs' age I don't think suffer if childcare is good. I do find it difficult sometimes now DS is older (3.5) when he asks me to not go to work but stay and play, but that's nothing compared to how miserable I (and consequently he) would be if I didn't have my fab job firing me up every day and making me a happier person.

Bikebug I worked full time in quite a demanding job (hours wise) when my older 2 were little.
What I was able to do was work a weekend shift most weeks and take a weekday off to be with the children. So I worked 5 days but got an "extra" day with them (kind of).
DH dropped down to 4 days - is this a possibility for you? - so in effect the DCs were only in childcare for 3 days/week which made me happier and reduced the costs.
I went back full time when DS1 was 4 mo and similar stage with DD (blimey tho I missed them so much then, DS1 was 2)
I think if you are happy with quality of your childcare it is not a problem. If the job brings good career prospects and satisfaction then it may well be worth it. Low £30k quite a bit of money round here! but then I do't know where you live.

You do miss out on seeing your children as little ones, I esp feel I missed on DD's babyhood but it was what I wanted to do for my brilliant career as well, which has a huge value if you want it. You also stuggle to keep up friendships with mums and meet-ups etc as you are at work all day! but if you work hard at that it's still possible to keep in touch. Or that may not matter to you....
Housework - can't remember. Don't think I did much then! More now tho and bigger commitments somehow now DCs are at school....
Have actually sidelined career in recent years after having DS2 and now do 30hrs/4 days a week which works well for us.

I went back to work full time. To be honest with you, it didn't feel like I had a lot of choice.

Did my DCs suffer? Well I don't think so. If the alternative was me at home, then they definitely benefited from nannies and nurseries.

On the house/garden work front, I had a cleaning lady for seven hours a week, plus help in the garden, plus a supportive husband. I still end up doing loads of stuff (food shopping, cooking, clearing up, preparing stuff for children etc)

To be honest I found working full time easier when the children were smaller. Now that they are both at school, the logistics are difficult.

If it was me, I wouldn't ask about part time because that would probably ruin my chances of getting the job. I might ask after I had the job.

I have always worked. It hasn't my children. Don't believe anyone who says it does.

I recommens you only embark on full time with the assistance of a cleaner / au pair / nanny. (depending on how much space is in your house)

I worked f/t since DS was a baby.
We are v lucky, we had some flexibility and used it - for e.g DP and I both worked one day a week at home. I do not think DS has suffrerd one jot. We did have a cleaner - that took a lot of stress off, and meant that time we did have was more relaxed and DS focussed.

I work full time and have three, 6, 4 and 1.

You get in to a routine and organise everything to fit. The washing machine goes on when I get up and is emptied either vefore I leave or when I get back. I shop before I pick the kids up if I can, cleaning is crammed in, Saturday morning is a good hovering day, Kitchen is a tip but at least the dishes are done, bathrooms get a quick lick round when I remember.
I try to make sure that when I pick the kids up the time is for them and not me even if I am knackered.

You get used to it and you then treasure the time to yourself

TBH I suspect some of the logistics are easier, when it comes to things like nursery/chilminder hours, than when they're school age.

BB - I work f-t in a busy demanding job. I love the job and need to be at work, but I do miss DS terribly and get quite jealous when I see mum's with their babies in the mall at lunchtime. DS loves nursery (which helps) and I think it's done him the world of good. I also earn more than enough for it to be worth my while. As for housework etc., I have a cleaner (who irons) and a gardener. I do do my own laundry, tidying up and I love cooking so these take up some of my time at the weekend/evenings but I really try to have proper, quality time (cliched I know) with DS to make up for us not being able to be together during the week. I've managed to stay close to one of my mum group friends, but tbh, she's the kind of person I'd have been friends with anyway so I'd expect us to have an ongoing bond. I guess the main things I miss out on is time to see my single friends, but I try and build this in once a month and it definitely works for us.

I worked full-time after having DS1. DH dropped DS1 at nursery each day which meant I left for work at 7.30am - I left work at between 5 and 5.15pm to collect him from nursery. With regard to chores around the house it's perfectly do-able. If you can possibly afford it, a cleaner is a must (we have one 4 hours per week). Washing was done and in the dryer before leaving for work or I used the timer on the machine so it was done when I got home. I simply don't iron - I don't wear clothes that need it (to my delight DS1's school clothes don't need it either) and DH either does his own or takes his shirts to a cleaners. An hour can be spent on the weekend doing a quick hoover downstairs and wiping over the bathrooms / chucking bleach down the loo. Cooking and washing up is split between DH and me. Groceries are delivered - I order them online at lunchtime at work. BTW since having DS2 I work 4-days and have a nanny. I think the opportunity sounds good - particularly with less commute and potentially flexible hours.

Find a really good CM who is flexible. Who isn't going to make a fuss if you are a little late or need to arrange a later pick up if you have a meeting or training etc.

I don't work full-time now - only 30 hrs - but I did until DS#2 was born 4 years ago. Before that I worked full-time through 2 babies. It's not so bad with one child assuming that you have good childcare in place as I said. If you can afford some home help get it! I did (can't afford now )and it was great.

I don't work ft but close to it. To add to what others' said, I co-slept with dcs, to extend the cuddle time - also helped when children were still bf-ing to reverse cycle at night.

As a result, no working mum guilt.

A diswasher would improve our lives. Get one if you haven't!
And never put washing in unless you know you have time to get it out and hung before it goes smelly. That's my top tip!

Yes, cuddle time. We all sit in bed in the mornings and have a drink, chat, read DS's school reading book, before leaping out and getting on with the honed-down routine!

blueshoes - I did the same. Used to go without breakfast to have more time with DS#1 in the mornings.

BikeBug - I work full time. DD is 16 months in nursery and is very happy there (although at weekends she very clingy). Once you get into a routine it gets easier. I would love not wto work but it is not feasible also I like having my own money at the end of the month and not have to reply completely on DP.

I went back to work ft when ds was 5 months old (too young, I think in retrospect, but finances dictated!) He's now coming up to 5, and I'm expecting no. 2 - and will be returning to work ft again after this lo is born (but with a longer mat. leave).

DS was in a nursery until he was 2 1/2, but I got fed up with the inflexibility of nursery, and moved him to a cm, where he's been ever since. He love the cm dearly, and it's a lot more flexible for both me and the cm ...

Things I would take into account are:

• I have a cleaner once a fortnight - as I'm out at work all day, there is no way that I'm going to spend my weekends running around doing all the housework - the cleaning lady comes in and blasts around the house - I just keep things ticking over.

• I don't iron anything I don't absolutely have to - if dh wants shirts for work (he doesn't have to wear them unless in a meeting) he irons his own.

• We have a dishwasher and a tumbledryer - but as the others do, try to put the washing out when the weather's nice - takes organising to make sure the washing is done overnight.

• I don't do a supermarket shop myself - I get it delivered. We do go into the local town to go to the butcher's etc, but that's not so much of a chore.

DS doesn't suffer with me not being here: he occasionally asks if I (and DH) have to go to work, but when I point out that we have to work to earn money so that we can do nice things, he's ok with that.

Good luck with the interview!

wow, loads of good helpful info here - thanks everyone. Clary, I only mentioned the money to make it clear I'm not in the living-in-a-big-house-with-nanny bracket, it's always a minefield knowing what to put about that kind of thing isn't it!
Blueshoes - i do co-sleep most nights, and was planning on carrying on for just those reasons! I've been wondering if it would be worth getting a cleaner (but it feels so wrong - it's my upbringing, I know...), but was also wondering if all you f/t WOHMums feel utterly exhausted? I already feel like I have to pack 48 hours into every 24. One 'pull' factor is that work feels like a break most days . Thanks all (too many helpful comments to cite each one!)

bikebug sorry, wasn't being funny about the money. I think I really meant that for that sort of cash it's well worth it (if looked at in cash terms) as opposed to some jobs which pay a lot less (and thus I guess make the decision easier...sigh)

BB - I have been back at work FT since DD was 6mths She is now 3. She goes to nursery 4 days a week and has one day at home with either DH or me.
I'm sure its been better for her than if I'd been an SAHM but I am knackered.
I don't yet have a cleaner (would love one) and we don't have a gardener. Outside work I do about 90% of the housework (except cooking which we split) and 85% of the child care. DH does the shopping on Saturdays whilst I attempt housework whilst keeping DD amused. Laundry is done midweek, though I don't get up early enough in the morning to do it, I do it in the evening. This is the kind of thing you need to sort out before you accept the FT job. If your DP is supportive (by which I mean he's prepared to help out around the house/garden) and you have childcare you're happy with, then go for it. If he's not prepared to help out then think carefully - I rarely have any waking time to myself.

bb - yes I'm knackered. Totally and all the time. But that is partly because I have a particularly unhelpful DH (another story ) and very lively children. The trick is to make some time for yourself - no matter how hard - to make sure that you don't lose sight of who you are. It's very hard not to become mother/employee/partner at the expense of individual.

Bikebug - I returned to work FT when DD was 7 months old I was a single parent and had no family nearby. So yess what you propose is achievable. I had a cleaner but did garden myself. I made all DD's food myself. DD always slept 7 -7 without a fuss so that helped. I went from size 12 to a size 6 as my life was exhausting and I didn't read or watch TV for about 3 yrs as too busy.

I did it when we just had dd. Went back to work when she was 6 months old, she went to a day nursery. Luckily it was a really good, family-run one. DD didn't suffer at all from being there but every child is different...

We had no family nearby and no cleaner, etc. With hindsight I wish we had got a cleaner as I became very resentlful of dh not pulling his weight with the housework.

The only thing that suffered really was my social life - spend the weekends doing things with dd, catching up with housework or was too exhausted to go out!