any mums of under 2's working full time? How do you do it? Is it worth it?

[BikeBug]

Not trying to stir things up at all - I have an interview for a fantastic job, but it's ft (at the moment I work 3 days). Ds is 15 months old, and happy in his nursery. I'd like to start ttc another one, but am ok with putting that off until I've been in the job at least a while. I don't think the job would be offered pt (though I'll ask if that would be possible, should they offer it).

I'm just wondering how you manage if you work ft. I wouldn't be earning megabucks (low 30Ks), but could afford nursery etc. Do you think your dcs suffer at all? Do you manage to do your own housework, laundry, garden etc? Is it really, really more stressful than (say) a 3 day working week? My commute would be less and the hours would probably be quite flexible...

I'm getting ahead of myself, as I haven't even been for the interview yet, but any views and expereinces would be welcome.

thanks again everyone - I must say this thread has confirmed a lot of the stuff I was worrying about (missing out on lo's childhood, being exhausted, tension over who does the housework - cos it's 100% me at the moment - and all that) as well as convincing me that it is possible to work 5 days a week without being part of the nanny-employing bracket. Aaargh, I'm still no closer to a decision though... Will have to go to the interview and see if they make it easy by not offering me the job. It's the first time I've really had this conflict between 'career' and being a mum - current employer is fine with p/t hours, just a shame I hate the job, and I'd have moved heaven and earth to get the job I'm being interviewed for 2 years ago

I work f-t, have done since ds was about 7 or 8 months (p-t from 5 months) but my dh is a SAHD. Only problem: he is chronically ill so can only manage ds for a few hours in the afternoon. I used to work from home in the mornings when ds was small because he was asleep a lot of the time so I could get plenty done but as he's got older of course that's not feasible. So he's been going to a brilliant cm (also an MNer) but it hasn't been easy as I have to accommodate her needs (i.e. very occasional illness but more often time off in school hols for her older kids). To be honest, a nursery would be easier, but it isn't the type of environment I want for ds.

We have a cleaning lady, and we used to have a gardener too (smaller garden now). It is very difficult, but I have no choice as I am the only wage earner. I do enjoy work, and my boss is uber-flexible, accommodating not only my regular childcare crises with ds but my semi-regular trips to the hospital etc with dh too.

i work ft over 4 days, old - went back to work when she was 6mths old. Its utterly knackering, there isnt enough time in the day.....i oo like an immaculate house dh got a shock as he had to re-learn to muck in i enjoy going to work but really miss her.
Doing everything ourselves as i am the type who would clean up for the cleaner, know this as i ahve had one before!
good luck with the job, sometimes its worth bearing in mind the kind of future you want for your lo, as that keeps yuo going. I know when i have no, 2 i will be slowing down a bit

so rubbish at typing

I work ft and have done since DD was six months. IT hasn't bee too hrd but do have a cleaner and she irons! Reently returned to work ft after having DS - now I am really knackered. Asomeone else said you can juggole just about everything, but your social life doesn't exist and yo go to bed incredibly early... but I wouldn' change it fo the world. I am happy, DH nd DC are all happy so while it continues I'll carry on.

Sorry about the typos you can tell I have little energy

I have an 8mo and am a single parent.

I work 9-5. Things that make it doable for me are that I leave work at 5 and that I have a nanny so I don't have to factor in collecting from nursery etc. The nanny doesn't really do much cleaning but she keeps a lid on house mess. I have a pretty good salary so that allows me to afford the nanny. I also spend no time on housework . Another factor for me is that I live very close to my work - if I was spending an hour on the tube morning and evening I don't think I could do it.

It's worked out surprisingly well (although as described above I'm obviously very lucky to afford the childcare that works for us). I enjoy going to work and I enjoy coming home. So I can't help on the nursery situation but I don't feel I miss out on any of her growing up - we have lovely times together and I am still the most important person in her life.

The thing that's gone is nights out and tv watching but I don't miss either.

Yes, I am knackered, but I am also blessed with a dh who more than pulls his weight ... he does 90% of cooking and 100% of washing up, as well as splitting other chores with me.

If I didn't have the support of dh, it would make life very difficult ... mind you, as I earn considerably more than him, it's the way it should be imho!

Good luck with the interview ...

bikebug - i have the attitude that if d & i are both working ft (which we do) then we BOTH are responsible for housework & childcare, and he shares this view. i also believe that if you can afford it, you should get a cleaner/gardener at least once a fortnight - otherwise your time with dc is wasted. i sometimes come home early & finish paperwork in the eve to get time with dd.
remember - the most exhausting & time consuming part of being a sahm is being with the children - and nursery/cm will cover that for you, also a house doesn't get as dirty if no-one is in it. i cannot live in a complete mess, but a cleaner once fortnight prevents that and every so often i do the big jobs (defrosting freezer etc). it pretty much works - you just develop a routine which suits you. i have even managed to cope with dh being abroad while dd & i had flu - so it can be done (although it IS more tiring than being at home, at least for me)

Not sure if you're looking for opinions or practicalities here. If the second, ignore this. If the first, then I think lots of parents have to work fill time and it's a cr*p situation for everyone involved. I cannot imagine that any baby, given the choice, would choose to be out of her home for 8 hours a day. And I cannot imagine that any parent would choose for their baby's first words be said to someone else.

Bikebug do let us know how you get on!
I currently work 4 days a week - used to be 3. I was offered a F/T job last year. Careerwise it would have been good, but the place didn't strike me as family friendly and I wasn't ready for dd to go into f/t nursery. So I turned it down. I don't hate my job though, so it's easier for me! Good luck for your interview!

Hello bikebug - i hope the interview goes/went well. I too have been in your position and your comment of "I hope they don't offer me the job so I don't have to decide" is all too familiar. I did have to make a decision (when dd was 3 and ds 1 (now 5 and 3) and have now tried f/t and p/t and am about to become a SAHM (found it all very different with dd at school). There's nothing I can add to all the wonderful advice other than to say that you will manage. These are all things you have to consider but the most important is making a choice that is right for you. Everything else will fall into place after that. Good luck.

DD is nearly three now but I have been working ft since she was 6 months old

I hate it but it has to be done to make ends meet. Fortunately she is happy in her nursery which makes things easier.

I have just cut my hours from 8.5 every day to 7, so that makes it a little easier.

If you can afford a cleaner, someone to do your ironing, that sort of thing then that will make things easier. I couldn't afford any of that so found that I was either ironing at 10pm or having to do it at the weekends, which I was trying to avoid so that we have at least one day a week with dd. If you end up working full time, I would suggest setting rules eg do all the housework on Saturday to keep Sundays free, or whatever suits.

If you enjoy your job then it really helps.

Oh yes and you definitely need your dh/dp to split the chores equally.

The interview is next week - it looks like there is a small chance that the job might be available p/t, which would solve the problem (if they offer it to me, of course). I'm still torn, though beginning to lean towards not accepting it if it is only available f/t - it does sound exhausting and stressful to work f/t with such a little one. Bet I don't get it anyway! Gah, should have just decided to quit all jobs and stay home (though would likely have gone crazy by now as ds is far harder work than the other type of work...)

I've worked f/t since dd was 6mo - she's 2.10 now. It's fine.

I am knackered - but I also would be if I was p/t, because then I'd have to look after dd more of the time

The house is a tip sometimes - I don't really mind.

We are quite organised - have filofax thing for lists and reminders, also a calendar that everything goes on.

We don't have a cleaner (or a dishwasher!)though I'd probably like both.

We don't really "do" ironing.

We try and do a little bit every day (eg vacuum one room per day) as that way you never get to the weekend with a whole house to clean.

The dealmakers for me are:

1. My job is great
2. My dh is even more great and does at least 50% of housework. He tends to do cooking/kitchen tidying/washing dishes and I do laundry/bathrooms/changing beds/paperwork. Childcare is absolutely shared. He wipes bottoms just as much as I do.

Do you know the conclusion I always come too with these debates is that very few are absolutely happy with the work situation they are in. I have friends who work 3 days and they find it hard and some who don't work at all and they find ithat balance difficult.

I have one dd who is nearly two who goes to nursery. The nursery is great and she's been there since she was 7 mnths. I found that bit really hard.

Having been back at work for a while I resign myself to the fact that i am not one of those people who can stay at home (although I would truly love to be). Nor however am I 100% happy with ft. Ideally I'd love 3 days per week but it just won't happen in this job!

Advice is the same as lots on this page:

Get a cleaner if poss
Relax about the ironing
Go to bed early!
Enjoy things about work - like having a coffee and going to the loo without interuption and
Enjoy the time you do spend with your dd
Don't sweat the small stuff
Make sure your partner shares the load

Good luck!

Hi Bikebug,

I worked f/t when my eldest two dds were under two. To be honest, it was a bit grim especially with the second one, although this was probably more to do with the facts that we were desperately skint (dh was student then unemployed); I hated my job and my boss hated me and made my life a misery than the fact that I was working full-time.
Funnily enough, I don't really remember being that knackered.
I now have 4 children - the youngest is 3 - and I work four days a week and I find that having one extra day off makes a huge difference.
However, the main point I wanted to make is that my eldest two are now 20 and 16 and are both intelligent, happy and well-adjusted girls. I don't think it did either of them any harm whatsoever.

Bikebug

once you have had an ft job for a certain amount of time you can request part-time working anyway - that might give you a let up if you work FT and it's no good for you. I can't remember how long it is but chocolatekimmy is great on employment law, you could CAT her.

For what it's worth I have worked FT after 6 months' maternity leave with both DSs. They are happy little fellows who do not seem to be any the worse for being looked after by a well rested childcare professional instead of a harrassed mum. Not all SAHMs are harrassed of course, but I certainly was! When I was on maternity leave I felt I should do all the housework but when we were both working FT it was easier to split the chores.

Good luck with the interview!

hey ho everyone, I didn't get the job. Very upset (amazingly upset really, considering), but I'm sure I'll get over it! Back to p/t work for me. Thank you so much for all your comments and support.

Good luck with your next one.

BB sorry you didn't get it, but thanks to everyone who posted.

It really helped me reading all your ideas/experiences as I am returning to ft work in a week.

I have found a nanny for my 12 month twins and was just considering a cleaner as well (will def look into this more having read your advice). It was really helpful and reassuring (esp those who said they were better mums because they worked).

Still have mixed emotions about it (and lots of them!) but going to give it a go.

Thanks again everyone

OK.. not read whole thread, just OP and a couple of others.

I worked FT and my two are now aged 20 and 15.

I wished I'd never done it... honestly. You can never have those years back

I thought at the time that i was doing the right thing. I had a 'good' nursery for them. We were skint and I had to work, or so i thought. Part time was not an option 20 years ago... i hope things are different now and mums can negotiate better/less hours.

Recently (last year) DD told me that she had horrible memories of that 'good' nursery.

I cannot do anything about that now, its too late.