I'm being discriminated against at work and I'm gutted

[Moomin]

Sorry - this is long so bear with me.

I'm a secondary Eng teacher and I've been at my present school 10 years in Sept. I started as 2nd in dept then went p/t (3 days a week) after having dd1. The Head at the time was very supportive of part-timers and he let me keep my management pay for other duties as I didn't want to do the 2nd on dept at the time.

Whilst on mat leave for dd2 last year a new Head was appointed. He used to be the Dep Head and was popular with most people but known for being 'a Man's Man' or as we call it, Bertie Big Bollocks (sexist pig in other words) but I'd always got on well with him and wasn't wary about him being the new boss. After my mat leave with dd2 I decided to go down to 2 days for 1 year, so that's what I've been doing since last June.

Over the last year I feel like I've got my 'MoJo' back at work: I feel really motivated and I've done LOADS - not just the duties I'm paid for but lots of extra work as well. My HoD is really chuffed with me and said I'm doing more on 2 days than the present 2nd in dept does in 5! It's always been my intention to go back to 3 days from this SEpt. Recently the HoD told me that the 2nd in dept is relinquishing his responsibilities as he doesn't feel he can do the job properly anymore. After he'd gone to tell the Head this, we spoke and he told me that the Head asked him to stay on in the role for another year as there was 'no-one suitable tle to do the job' in our dept. I was really surprised to hear this as the HoD had said I was ideal and I sincerely believed I could do the job, even on 3 days a week. I really wanted the Head to think about asking me to do the job but I couldn't get an appointment with him, so I decided to send him a letter. It was handwritten, very informal but written from the heart and sincere. It said that I was passionate about the job and I listed all the stuff I'd done over the last year that had helped develop the department and the other staff (I'm a mentor to the 3 NQTs in the dept). I said I really hoped he's reconsider his decision to keep things the way they were, as I was really keen (and the bloke relinquishing the post was definitely NOT!).

SO I posted the letter and waited.... this was 3 weeks ago and I kept seeing the HEad round school and each time he saw me he'd promise to catch up with me 'later' but never did. I made an appt but he cancelled it. SO I made another one this week and went in to see him. HE had one of his deputies (female) in the room (as a witness I suppose) and although I wasn't sure he'd ened up giving me the job, I thought it would be at least a chance to discuss my future and what management role I might work towards over the next few years.

HE started the meeting with "The trouble with you women that go off and have your maternity leave and then come back part-time is that you think you can have it all - and you can't". I was gob-smacked. He spent the next half an hour telling me that he would never employ a part-timer as a middle manager in my subject area (even though there are p/t HoDs elsewhere in the school); he wasn't going to change his mind; I was wrong and disrespectful to have sent him that letter; my extra work ws 'irrelevant' and didn't mean I could do a good job as 2nd in dept; part-timers in teaching are never ideal as they let the pupils down due to split classes; part-timers caused him a lot of inconvenience because they aren't always there when he wants them.... and so it went on.

The deputy just sat there throughout and didn't say anything. I was just in shock!!!! I think I actually held my own throughout quite well, as I answered every point he had with a good reason why he was wrong, but he was obviously really annoyed 1) for me being so impertinent in his mind for writing the letter 2) with part-timers and 'women like me' in general.

Fcking OUTRAGEOUS!!!! I spent the next day crying after the impact had sunk in. I also rang my union who told me it was a 'blatent' case of discrimination and I have to send them my notes (I write it all down when I got home). I was very scared thinking about starting a case though.

Then the next day in school I was summoned to his office with an official type letter. He'd obviously had some legal advice and was told he's been well out of line so he'd changed his tack completely and said that, shoukd the job be advertised I was welcome to apply and the decision would be made on the calibre of the candidates, not their hours. He was obviously shitting himself as he knew he'd acted very irresponsibly but he spent the whole meeting trying his best to undo the damage and try to get me to agree to 'draw a line under the whole thing' and start afresh. I spent most of the meeting crying and felt much weaker than in the last meeting. And I feel GUTTED that the job I love is now not what I want. No matter what he said in the 2nd meeting, I now know what he thinks of me as a part-timer and that my work can never be good enough for him. I don't want to work for someone like that, even though I love my colleagues and the kids. I feel so screwed up now. I@ll still write it all donw and send it to the union but I really don't know what to do now. It's too late to get another job for next eyar now.

God that's awful. I hope you get something else. I wouldn't want to stay at the school after something like that. You sound like a really dedicated teacher , someone I'd call "vocational" about teaching. He's a complete fool and I hope he realises when he loses you over this. You should def apply for something else. Good Luck.

I think when the job is advertised, you apply and presumably don't get offered you could still have him on discrimination due to what he said to you and that you have already told the union. It could all be horrid for a year whilst you look for another job etc but if nothing else try and have the strength to fight the cause and make him look like the awful head he obviously is.

Sorry to hear that Moomin

I can only say that if you love your job, fight for it, the fact that he has tried to make do for what he said it is quite important. You will not get to be in "friends terms" ever but... as long as you are civil to each other (and now he knows he is worng he certainly will keep his tongue under control as much as he can), you can continue doing that job and getting satidfaction from it, it doesn't have to be perfect in all ways. IYWIM

[hugs]

What an arse. Did you keep a copy of the informal letter you sent him?

Make a list of all other part-time HoD and see if they are all male.

I don't know if the procedure is the same in schools, but I would seriously consider raising a grievance over the way you have been treated. I'm sure your HoD would back you up.

I don't think you have anything to lose by doing this as you are clearly thinking that your role there is no longer tenable.

Right, this is rubbish and you have to come up with a strategy imo.

Well done for writing it all down at the time. Can you get the witness who was in the room to agree your version of events? Do so if you can. Or ask them to write their own version, that would do too.

What you actually want from this (I think) is
a) the job
b) the head not to do this to anyone else (or you) ever again

You were right to take union advice but I think you could use his awful, blatent disregard for the law as a bargaining chip here. I think you should document EVERYTHING (and don't hand write any more letters, make sure there'sa record of them and copies), make sure the union will back you if you decide to take it further and go back after half term with a strategy. Will your manager back you on it?

Because if so I would clearly document what you want to happen. Put in writing that you clearly demonstrate the competencies required to carry out the role. Will your manager agree with you on this? Because if so, say so/get him to agree, in writing that you are his recommendation.

MAke it VERY Factual, no opinion, no comment, no critisicm, just bold facts about why you think you're the right person. And then I'd separate the two isses (sort of) - say yes you can 'draw a line' under it but the fact remains that a) he was discriminatory, publically (what an arse!) and b) you want the job and c) you have the experience required so you absolutely want to draw a line and move on to talking about the role you want and are qualified to do. Address all his 'concerns' factually and close thme all down.

The head's the person who needs to change, not you. But that's what I'd do if I wanted the role.

How awful for you. It sounds like in a sense you've probably secured the job because they know now if you don't get it they'll have trouble. Clever you, probably clever without realising it....

I was about to write never write handwritten notes like that which seems unprofessional and never cry at work. But it seems to have worked.
I think you should stick it out and when the job comes up apply for it. I am sure you could work with him if you just ignored his attitude.

Second www.

You sound like a great teacher, Moomin.

HAve you sent your notes to your union? It may still be worth doing, even with covering note to the effect that he's running scared.

Utter, utter arse.

The phrase "The trouble with you women...." has me wondering whether it's a boys' school. It also has me wanting to punch him.

If you really don't want to stay could you look for a new job to start from half term next term? - there must be a few schools who will have had people handing in their notice yesterday. If you could get something good, you could probably cope with half a term more with this

Maybe, just maybe, this is a huge learning experience for the Head. Do you think it was his deputy who sat in on the meeting who pointed out his discriminatory behaviour to him after your meeting? And got him to change his tack?

Obviously you are very upset and shocked by what has happened, but perhaps things will go your way in future. Hang in there, and in the meantime keep a file on everything that has to do with employment/promotion etc.

I think the problem is that, although the head may have changed his tack in light of advice, he is still the same person with the same views. In future, he will just be less obvious in his discriminatory behaviour. That's what Moomin has to deal with. And she has to decide if she wants to be faced with that for the rest of her time at the school.

The sad thing is that after the 2nd meeting I actually felt a bit better - like he'd been made to realise the error of his ways and he was going to not hold the letter against me.

... and it wasn't until afterwards that it struck me that I'd done absolutely nothing wrong - yes, the letter was unorthodox, but lots of people would have been fine with it - I'd even showed it to another member of senior management to see what they thought and they'd said it was a great letter, really heartfelt. He obviously didn't like being approached like that, which says more about him than me. What he's done is far far worse.

He also in the 2nd meeting started by eading me a list of everything he's done to help part-timers, to accommodate their working hours (most of whom he'd actually inherited from the previous Head 2 yrs ago). HE also read a list of things he's done for me - like 'let' me go down to 2 days after having dd2 (er.. it's the law) and the bastard included a meeting we'd have when I asked to have some repsonsibilites taken off me (I was involved in a whole-school initiative but was given no time to work on it so had to leave it in favour of concentrating my subject area).

I know I did myself no favours crying but I felt so wrung out and I'd been shitting myself whe I got the letter that morning as it was so official. A friend of mine is terminally ill at the moment and it's creeping up on me andI think it affects my reactiosn to things sometimes as I'm feeling much more vulnerable to certain situtaions. That's not an excuse, but it doesn't help witht he general wobbliness Im feeling. I feel very insecure - I really do love my job and my school and it's rocked the foundations hat I've built there over the last 10 years.

Moomin - I think that you are quite right to feel better after the second meeting. If the Head realises the error of his ways, that's progress, isn't it? And surely, however horribly/illegally he has treated you, it is a good thing if he realises this - for everyone in the school.

You are in a major negotiation for this promotion. Do not underestimate how much thought needs to go into every move.

IT's a mixed city high school 11-16.
The Head of Geog is part time (3 days) after having a child
Head of RE part time (3 days) same reason
Head of PE is 4 days and just back from mat leave (and she is Director of Sport as we're a sports college)

AT the end of the meeting he said that he'd arranged for me to not have to teach my lesson and I could go off for a walk or a coffee and 'clear my head'. He touched my arm and joked 'see I'm not a horrible unfeeling bastard!' I said 'I never said you were' and the deputy piped up 'No but I did'. So I strngly suspect she was gobsmacked by the 1st meeting as well but hadn't wanted to undermine him at the time and then told him he was heading for trouble unless he did some serious damage limitation.

I think if and when the job comes up officially he'll have a hard job not giving it to me as I'd just suspect discrimination. He said he'd advertise internally first and there's no one else in the dept with as much managerial or teaching experience as me. Oh I don't know.. don't know if I can even look him in the eye again, let alone work with him.

Don't worry about the tears - they will have unnerved him and hopefully he'll be shitting himself.

I love the deputy head. Send her flowers.

I must be so naive - 'm just stunned that such a dinasaur exists. or rather, I'm not stunned that there are people that think like this but I'm stunned that there are people so bloody minded and ignorant about the law that they think they can voice such thoughts in their professional environment. At least he was clearly put right - presumably his deputy must have given him a gentle nudge. you say she was silent throughout - she was probably as stunned as you. tbh I think you are now in a strong position - having made such a massive boob he will be scared not to appoint you. I agree with www's advice, but I sympathise hugely - even if he totally plays by the books from now on you can't eradicate the memory of that first meeting and, I can see how it could so have sour your relationship with the school. but think about it this way - ok so he's the head, and your boss, but he's not the be all and end all. You at least have a boss who knows he has to keep his ridiculous views out of sight and in no way act on them - but more importantly you have the respect and support of your peers, the satisfaction of seeing the children progress and the respect of the parents. Your boss is just a small part of a big jigsaw. carry on doing your job to teh best of your abilities, carry on enjoying your school and the kids, putting the best in and getting the best out.

just see you new post - maybe it wasn't such a "gentle nudge"

Well good on the deputy head for not only taking him to task over his behaviour but also letting you know that she had.

He may find himself in an even more awkward situation in that the deputy has quite clearly aligned herself with you and was witness to the first meeting.

Not a good start to his new position, really, is it?

I can't decide whether he genuinely feels awful and/or regrets how he acted and what he said in the 1st meeting

OR
he's just doing some PR and manipulating/bullying me by turning on the charm and acting properly. The fact that the letter summoning me was written on headed paper and typed just tells me he's gathering evidence against any possible future action against him, so he;s runnign scared.

I also know he's not finding being Head easy and he's struggling with some aspects but is still acting very egotistically and pissing a lot of people off. I know I shouldn't, but I do think that the fact he hasn't any children has an effect on the way he sees 'women like me'. The last Head had 3 kids and was very very supportive. I'm not saing that EVERY boss has to be a parent to have sympathy with or understanding of other parents that work for them, but I do think that in this case it affects the way he thinks.

I really appreciate all posts so far; it's very good knowing there's support out there.

I have to say that I'm with the latter scenario. If he's building an official dossier to cover his back, then you do the same.

He made a major error in saying those things in front of the deputy as you have a witness (who clearly supports your position) who will be able to back you up. Unless she is angling for the head's job herself, in which case she's just manipulating the situation - but one could get caught up in all sorts of political machinations by going down that route .

I suggest you put in a formal grievance about how you have been treated and escalate it appropriately until you have a resolution. What do you actually want out of this though. It could be that you want an apology and that would be enough.

This guy could get them into a lot of trouble. Potential sex discrimination as well as less favourable treatment as a part time worker.

As others point out, keep detailed notes of everything

I have a feeling that he thinks 'everything's ok now' because of the 2nd meeting. And although I think the deputy head knew he was out of order and told him so, I also don't trust her. She's a very approachable person and very friendly but she's also a 'Yes' woman. The other deputy is much more vociferous and she would not have sat through that 1st meeting without saying something or stopping it when she saw it was going tits up. Needless to say the Head doesn't really like the 2nd deputy and is quite a bully to her. She's looking for other jobs though and she'll be off soon to be a Head elsewhere. That will leave him free to appoint another 'Yes Man'.

If I trusted the deputy who was in the meetings, I think I'd approach her and say that I was still going to lodge a complaint and try and see what his actual motives are but I don't trust her at all; she'll go straight back to him.

By the way it isn't actually the law. Thousands of jobs in the UK can't lawfully be done by part timers. The law is to consider a flexible working request. Teaching obviously may well be different but many jobs can't be done by someone part time and it is perfectly right once the procedures are gone through to say no, can't be done part time. And that's perfectly legal. Of course if it could be done properly part time and the employer is just pretending it can't that is different.

Maybe so but teaching is a career that employs many part-timers very successfully so you'd have a very hard job proving the role couldn't be done part time. The most difficult jobs to do p/t are pastoral jobs where incidents need to be dealt with on the spot. Im not saying they can't be done but it's a lot harder to prove you could still do that sort of job part time.

I've worked p/t for 5 years now and the results of the kids I teach and have taught speak for themselves, so the Head is talking crap when he says pupils suffer from being taught p/t in my own case.