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Original poster

Help!!! Just overhead another job candidate in toilet say this before interview!!!

80 replies

Annie105 · 31/10/2017 13:21

So I'm 45 minutes early for a second round of interviews. The recruitment consultant got my time wrong as the interviewers requested a 45 minute break for lunch....Anyway first interview I sailed brought they loved me I loved them really nice people quite informal work environment and I am here today to meet the founders of the company.

The recruitment agent put me forward and the other candidate came from elsewhere.

ANYWAY!!! So I'm still in the toilet cubicle as I went to loo to kill time and redo makeup and I just overhead a woman come in and make a quiet phone call saying the interview for this role went really well, they discussed salary and she mentioned her figure (helpful as I was going lower!!) and they also asked her right at the end in the "chatty part" if she had any family. She said she wasn't offended by them asking and in talking on phone laughed to whoever it was saying I know imagine I was pregnant answering that so she said "yes have two, one at nursery one at school and they asked her if she had any plans for a third!! " She said to her friend or whoever she was on phone with of course I told them no because who has time for a third but I might who knows.

Now me. I have one. He has just turned one. I've been looking for a job since got made redundant in February and I think I have a real
Shot at this job. However they are inevitably going to ask me that question, rightly or wrongly. Obviously I can avoid it, I can lie, I can call them on it. I want a second but it's unlikely as my first was after 3 rounds of IVF. But we really want to try.

What am I going to say? I don't want to ruin my chances but my face is one of hose which just can't lie!!!!!!! Help!!!!! I need and want this job!!

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 31/10/2017 14:12

Agree - if they’re asking an illegal question, feel no guilt in lying your arse off. They’re taking the piss.

Could you answer something like ‘oh yes I have a wonderful daughter, I find just having the one much easier, work wise’. Turning it into a ‘positive’, and not really a lie?

They’re dicks though. Including congratulating other candidates in the loo.

HotPotatoePies · 31/10/2017 14:13

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pisacake · 31/10/2017 14:17

It's quite common I reckon. I overheard a (South African) man in the leisure centre asking a female job candidate about her plans for children.

RhiannonOHara · 31/10/2017 14:18

It is illegal to ask and, rather than lying when you've no reason or need to, I would have no problem in pointing this out to them. I'd try to do it mildly and politely: 'Gosh, as far as I know that's not a question people are allowed to ask'

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2017 14:19

I’d tell them what they want to hear. It’s not an ok question to ask. Tell them what you’re most comfortable with. Either that you went through ivf and you wouldn’t want to do that again so now are focusing on your career or one is enough and easier to manage as you want to focus on your career.

NoSquirrels · 31/10/2017 14:21

Go with a non-communal non-lie "One child is quite a handful, honestly!" And then leave it at that. Neither confirm nor deny.

They're arses for asking.

Good luck! Flowers

NoSquirrels · 31/10/2017 14:22

non-communal = noncommittal

nocampinghere · 31/10/2017 14:26

lie right at them! They're giving you no choice.

i like 2017RedBlue's response and would say something even more definite if you really want the job

"no we had IVF for our first so there are no chances of a second as I could not go through that all over again. I'm blessed with one"

DJBaggySmalls · 31/10/2017 14:26

I'd say 'interesting test question!' Of course its illegal to ask that, and I'm law abiding'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/10/2017 14:28

2017RedBlue's response was great, OP. Use that. Or I hope you did as your interview's probably finished now.

HotPotatoPies Why are you saying it didn't happen? I was asked the same question when I went for an interview with a French company. As it was, I didn't need to lie but if I'd had children at the time I wouldn't have got the job. You should apologise to the OP but I doubt you will.

SuccessStory · 31/10/2017 14:28

OP this really is the toilet that just keeps giving isn’t it....So are you stuck in there? Grin I’m surprised they haven’t twigged see there’s someone in one of the toilets they’re not very professional are they.

SandyDenny · 31/10/2017 14:29

While it might be illegal you're not going to get the job by challenging them if they ask.

Some times needs must, you've had some good suggestions, hope it goes well

redshoeblueshoe · 31/10/2017 14:31

Actually - this happens all the time

CuppaSarah · 31/10/2017 14:34

How can anyone not believe this would be asked? I've been asked at every single job if I have children, or am married, or settled. To be honest I always take it as chit chat and ask them the same question back. It usually makes them think twice and I get to hear about their own children which is usually a great way to start a good conversation. People love talking about their kids, people like people who are interested in their children chit chat.

Original poster
Annie105 · 31/10/2017 14:36

Well that was quick. They obviously had made their mind up on the other one as they really didn't grill me at all, said it was ok and better to email when I asked if they wanted to see examples of my work I was explaining (had been asked to bring portfolio) and we didn't even make the "chatty bit". Gutted. Maybe I was giving off a vibe when I came in. i don't expect a call saying I've got the job I had convinced myself this morning I was going to get it!

If it's of interest I was going to take the I've got one he is a handful time for my career again approach if asked...

OP posts:
Original poster
Annie105 · 31/10/2017 14:38

Now I've got a friend texting me after she asked how it went saying she bets the other candidate knew I was in there and was just trying to spoof me! Argh paranoid!

OP posts:
Original poster
Annie105 · 31/10/2017 14:38

Cuppa sarah good idea actually to ask back too! I'm absorbing all your advice as I've no doubt it will happen again!

OP posts:
Whinesalot · 31/10/2017 14:39

I remember being told not to wear trousers in the 90's. I know times have moved on but people still try to get away with things if they can.

LurkingHusband · 31/10/2017 14:41

Every time I have been on an interview panel I have been told to make a clear note of any question(s) I asked in addition to the list of printed questions. That list was gathered up by the HR person and filed, in case any candidate felt they had cause for complaint.

It was made crystal clear to us that we had to be prepared to explain ourselves in such events.

Whinesalot · 31/10/2017 14:41

I don't think you should say handful next time as that is quite negative.

HotPotatoePies · 31/10/2017 14:43

I'm not saying people don't ask about children and childcare (although i'm dubious about the rate at which it is asked on MN when people doing interviews will be drilled to the nth degree about NOT doing that.)

My scepticism is that whilst killing time in a bathroom the other candidate conveniently stopped by and held a 10 minute conversation with a friend (in a toilet of her potential employer) and openly discussed the fact she had lied when asked (in the toilets of the potential employer) and that the potential employer's interviewer then happened to appear (too late to overhear the lies, but not so late that the OP wasn't still skulking in the toilet).

...and that instead of freshening up the make up and leaving the OP continued to just stand in a toilet and post to MN about it. jeeeeeeez.

StormTreader · 31/10/2017 14:47

I would agree, dont say "hes a handful" as I'd immediately be imagining many last-minute calls from nursery about him being disruptive or late starts from you because of tantrums etc.

doodle01 · 31/10/2017 14:47

They will second guess you no matter what you say.
In my last job 6 months maternity was allowed after that inevitably there was a further 3 months plus the leave accumulated which always semed to end after summer holiday period. One Colleague returned pregnant repeat. We couldnt get cover for the absence fell to me and colleagues to cover. Then as pregnant there was a limit to what colleague could do when there.
As half colleagues were female got pretty tight.
I don't know what to say but if your the one who has to cover you may get cautious depending on the make up of the work force the task in question and projects which require ongoing attention.
Im not horrible but had child care myself although this was never appreciated.

Original poster
Annie105 · 31/10/2017 14:48

Hot I know it's bloody bonkers. I thought I'd be able to use it to my advantage, then I'm thinking she knew I was in there. But actually, I realise I panicked I over thought the whole thing, I fired off texts to friends and posted for advice in my panic and at end of the day it's one job, only one person will get it and inevitably whether her or me we both have a family and it will go to the one who they helped with. And from the whole saga most likely not me!

I wish I had just coolly walked out not batted an end lid and wowed them. But I didn't so I am where I am

OP posts:
Original poster
Annie105 · 31/10/2017 14:49

Ps maybe right about not saying he is a handful! I mean he is but I'll pretend if I'm ever asked in future he isn't 😂

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