How do working mums cope???

[Soulfly]

I am looking to go back to work nad actually i am quite looking forward to it. My dd is 5 at school and i have a ds who is 4 is at nursery but starts school in september. I have an application form for a full timme position, 9-5 which i didn't think the hours were too bad as hubby works shifts and i am sure we#d be able to sort something out too. I am just wondering about all those mothers out there who work full or even part time, how do you cope with kids, housework, working. Do you feel you loose timme with the kids? Do you feel guilty? I am have mixed emotions about it. I want to go back to work, but i don't know how it will effect my children. Any advice??

Anyone??

no one??

soufly

I work 3 days a week, so it's not really fulltime, but since dh is away from 7am to about 9pm (if not more) I feel like I'm wotking fulltime on all fronts.

I do my shopping on the days where I don't work, and I have a cleaner once a week to help out.

I feel things are better since I went back, it does take a bit of organising and I started with 2 days and was terrified at how I would cope. but now I'm used to it and I wouldn't go abck.

I think dd is learning a lot at nursery and her childminder, she gets all sorts of experiences she wouldn't get if She was with me all the time.

In addition, I'm much more patient and relaxed on the days I'm at home, and really enjoy ebing withe her. SO I think everyone gains from it.

Hi Soulfly. I only have 1 ds and I work 3 days a week (Weds, Turs & Fri) I feel this is the perfect balance for me and it works really well. I did come back full time originally but found it was just too much to cope with. I do sometimes feel guilty - but doesn't that go with the territory? I get adult conversation and ds really benefits from going to nursery.

Could you maybe get a part time position and then increase to full time if you want to at a later date?

Hi soulfly. The more apt question, for me, is how do SAHMs cope! Having done both, I find the latter much more difficult. True, you have to learn how to multi-task and think ahead, and use each moment well if you work (or let things like the housework slide, which I certainly do) but the same is true if you're a SAHM.

Also, lots of working mums I know can afford a cleaner due to the extra income, so that takes care of the housework right there.

I suppose, though, that certain kinds of extremely high pressured or physically arduous jobs (which I don't have, or I wouldn't be on mumsnet so much!) would be an enormous challenge to balance with everything else. But I can't speak for people in those situations.

I work part time and don't feel guilty. I am providing a realistic role model of what working life/family life is really like to the next generation who will most probably not have a choice over whether to work or not work if they want to keep a roof over their heads.
I am obsessive about keeping the downstairs of our house clean and tidy, but upstairs is a disgrace. Thankfully we've got a downstairs loo so visitors don't venture upstairs into no-man's land.
People are affected by everything, adults and children - that's life. As long as they are in good quality childcare and you are a caring healthy mum they will adapt and be fine with oads of new life and learning experiences.
It does get stressful when for example one of them is ill and you can't be there. Parental leave is unpaid, doesn't go down well with work colleagues, and leaves you seriously out of pocket as childminders/nurseries still need to be paid even when you are not being paid. Only this week I had to take my 14yr old out of school to help care for his little brother (2) who was sick.
It will feel strange and compromises on housework/cooking etc will be called for, but there are a lot of benefits to everyone too. Conversational topics with hubby will be more fun, and the children will enjoy all the new fun things to do. You'll still be there to give them their all important bedtime comfort routine, and to love and listen to them.
Good luck - give it your best shot - it'll be worth it.

thanks, um, well this position is full time i haven't actually got the job, i was just thinking in case i did get it , which i hope it do.
I don't know if i would be able to go in a say i only wanna do part time when its advertised as full time. Come september both kids will be at school so it will only be about 2 hours3/4 of an hour without me. So if i look at it like that its not too bad. I do need to go back my brain needs stimulation, and i think i would like the challenge of it. I just wondered how everyone else copes with working. thanks for all your advice

Thanks goosey, the cleaner sounds nice, how much do they charge?? anad how much are childminders? roughly? Theres a breakfast club at school at 8:15, and an out of school club too and have a walking bus too. hubby would be around too, i am getting quite excited now, i hope i get it!!

I work part time (Mondays at home and Tuesday to Thursday in the office). Although I only have 1 day off in the week at least I have another day when I am at home so I can take and collect the eldest 2 from school and be with my youngest.

Mondays my youngest normally has portage which I just fit in around my working day (am a secretary and the bits I do at home can be done on an "as and when" basis) and I can get things like housework done.

I am a single (recently) mother to 3 children and the things I find the hardest are being organised in the mornings when I work. I have to take the eldest 2 to breakfast club (which starts at 7:45), then drive youngest to nursery (which starts at 8), then drive home and catch the train into work (train leaves at 8:18 and it is always a rush to catch it). My working hours are 9-5.30 but on Tuesday and Wednesday I have to leave at 4.30 so I am home in time to collect youngest from nursery which shuts at 5:45.

Thursdays my children go to my ex sister-in-law so I drive to her house first thing, drop off youngest, drop other 2 at breakfast club and then drive home, get train into work. That is the one day I can work a full day.

Luckily my company has been very understanding about my circumstances and are very flexible - if I need to have time off work because youngest is poorly (very, very often - another talk coming up) they invariably let me work from home that day as well.

Evenings are a rush ...

Collect youngest from nursery
Get home
Cook tea
Empty/reload washing machine
Little bit of ironing while tea cooking
Playing/spending time with youngest DD
Bathing youngest 2
Getting youngest into bed (by 7:15)
Son read book to me
Play board game with DS - Monopoly, Scrabble, Chess, Upwords, etc. Habit we have got into (I think sometimes I enjoy it more than he does)
Getting son into bed (by 7:45)
Spending time with eldest DD - girly chat, etc.
Getting her into bed (by 9)
Getting clothes ready for morning/repacking book bags, etc.

MY TIME.

Saying that, I think although I do feel stressed at times, what other option do I have. I cannot give up work - gots bills/mortgage, etc. to pay although ex does help out - but sometimes I think a little bit of stress is good for you.

What is not good for me is that my mum is having a nervous breakdown - under psychiatrist - although I have given up worrying about her too much I don't like seeing her like this and I do her food shopping, etc.

I do feel guilty at working but I always have had to, even when me and husband were together, although since having children I have only worked part-time.

If I have some catching up from work to do at home(to make up the hours that I leave work early) I normally do this when they are all in bed.

you certainly lead a busy life bumblelion, and i hope i am like you when i work. I find it hard at the moment and i am only a sahm. I think i need the busy perhaps hectic life and in a way i am really looking forward to it.

My positive points are

At the moment moneys quiet tight, and if i work, we'll have more money to do things and get our house done up.
I'll have more to talk about instead of housework and how much i have done.
kids will see the benefits of me working.
Probably have more quality time cause i wouldn't see them as much and would want to see them as much as possible.

negative points,
Hard to find childcare,
if one kid is ill
and my family live an hour away and i don't drive.

so by that the positive out way the negative i think.

I too work 3 days per week > i have 2 dd's ( 7 and 3). One at school , the other goes to nursery.
I use to work full time before DD1 went to school. I then had DD2 and went back part time.
Th epart I find hard is fitting in DD1's homework. She goes to afterschool club, we get home around 5.50, have supper ( has to be planned and cooking al ready), do homework, bath and bed. NO TIME for chilling out on the days I work ( Tues, wed, thur).
My tip is to be "super organised". The weak point in the day is supper time. We are all tired and hungry and the priority is getting supper on the table. if I an unplanned about this the evening goes down the pan.
DH isn't home until about 7to 7.30 ish therefore I am on my own until Kids are in bed.
Good luck - hope you get the job!

Wow Bumblelion!!

Thank you sonnet, my dh works shifts so every other week he will be at home when the kids come home from school. So the other week i'd have to arrange something. MY friend has also offered to have them afew days a week after school too.
I am just gonna get ready and take my application form back! i have all fingers and toes crossed.
The firm is so near to the school and where i live etc it would be perfect and the money is not too bad its £11,902 per annum.

Soulfly
I work 9-5 Mon-Fri, I drop DD's off before work - chose a school that is close to work rather than home - and I take my break from 3-4 to collect and deliver the kids to the childminder. DP or I then collect after work - he finishes at 5 too.
We are lucky in that we both work in the same town as we live, also DsD goes to a private school so can be dropped off at 8.30am - I drop her there 2 mornings a week, also MIL lives locally and she collects DsD from school too ( otherwise it would be a logistical nightmare)
When we get home it depends on what activities are going on - you do have to be fairly well organised though - eg on a Monday DD does French after school and then goes to a drama club from 5- 7, one of her friends Mum's very kindly collects her from French and deposits her at Drama. I sually walk to Drama club to collect her (about a mile) so that we can talk on the way home. ON wednesdays DsD always stays so we spend the whole evening - from about 5.30 playing games, all watching DVD's together, going to the park etc - anything family basically.
I am trying to get the housework into some sort of routine, like bathroom on a Tuesday, mopping floors on a Thursday but not getting very far - although the thought is there.
Feel quite guilty about not being at home so goign part time from Sept - so that from school I will be about- have also trained as a childminder so if it all gets too much I can work from home.
Still think it is quality rather than quantity - but that might be the reasoning of a guilty mother!

Soulfly
I work 9-5 Mon-Fri, I drop DD off before work - was able to find a school that is close to work rather than home - and I take my break from 3-4 to collect and deliver to the childminder. DP or I then collect after work - he finishes at 5 too.
We are lucky in that we both work in the same town as we live, also DsD goes to a private school so can be dropped off at 8.30am - I drop her there 2 mornings a week, also MIL lives locally and she collects DsD from school too ( otherwise it would be a logistical nightmare)
When we get home it depends on what activities are going on - you do have to be fairly well organised though - eg on a Monday DD does French after school and then goes to a drama club from 5- 7, one of her friends Mum's very kindly collects her from French and deposits her at Drama. I sually walk to Drama club to collect her (about a mile) so that we can talk on the way home. ON wednesdays DsD always stays so we spend the whole evening - from about 5.30 playing games, all watching DVD's together, going to the park etc - anything family basically.
I am trying to get the housework into some sort of routine, like bathroom on a Tuesday, mopping floors on a Thursday but not getting very far - although the thought is there.
Feel quite guilty about not being at home so goign part time from Sept - so that from school I will be about- have also trained as a childminder so if it all gets too much I can work from home.
Still think it is quality rather than quantity - but that might be the reasoning of a guilty mother!

Ah - spot the difference!

If i get accepted for the job, then i think i will hve to take it from ear and see how the kids cope with it. I have talked to them bout mummy going to work. Well i am off now, otherwise i will be on here all day! Thanks everyone for the advice,

Well - as you have seen my thread about child care once they go to school, even the childcare bit is difficult. I think I cope basically by paying other people money to do the things I don't get time to do (and I think that I positively choose to spend what time I can after work with the children rather than cleaning up and doing housework).

I think if you are working full time and doing all teh housework, getting the children their tea and putting them to bed plus the ironing and general getting things ready for school the next day, it must be very difficult!

The other thing that is important is making sure that you have a really good calendar or plan so that you know when you will need time off for a school play or what night little johnny is coming for tea, or when little Blossoms birthday party is etc.

TBH I feel like a hamster on a wheel sometimes - but most of the time I do enjoy it!

Good luck whatever you decide

Soapbox- agree entirely about the organisation - I have had one terrible experience where DD arrived at school and it was a mufti day - I had completely forgotten. From now on DP and I read every letter and write everything on our calender, it really is the only way to keep track!

Have been quite reticent about posting on this thread, as in answer to the question in your threas title, my response would be
BADLY!

I work full time and then some - get to work for around 8am and leave around 4:30 at the earliest. Always have something I ought to be doing at home too. Especially at aprticular points in the year like now!

I think it is a very personal thing - many of my colleagues with children enjoy work and enjoy their independence. I am sure that my DS benefits greatly from spending time with other people - my mum has him 2 days and a childminder has him the other three days. The childminder does sooooo much more with him than I would do if I were at home. Also, DS is such a soicable little boy and loves the company of other children.

Personally, if circumstances allowed, I would stay at home full time. After second child, I plan to go part time. That is just my personal feeling though. I do feel guilty and feel that I miss out lots (again a personal thing!) but DS thrives on it so I try to remember that on bad days.

As for how we manage!
Alarm goes off at 6:40am - DS normally already up. I take him dowstairs, give him breakfast by which time DH is dressed (he is speedy!) then I go and get dressed whilst DH either makes packed lunch if not done the night before. Dh goes to work at 7:30 then I dress DS and we leave at around 7:40. I always shower/wash hair etc the night before - or try to!!

Monday and Tuesday my mum brings DS home and DH starts the tea before I get in. The rest of the week I pick him up. tea, play, books, bath and bed by 7ish - very lucky he is a great sleeper!

Then I stick a load of washing in (on a good day), fill the dishwasher, hoover downstairs.

If necessary, iron clothes for the next day - I rarely do a big pile of ironing at once. Dusting, putting clothes away, bathrooms etc are done on a 'needs must' basis i am afraid - I am a minger!

Sorry - long and ranty!

your not a minger, my house is bad and i hven't started working yet. But i said to dh that if i do get a job then we will have to share the housework and kids 50/50. Otherwise i won't do it. I will be working just as hard as he will so i only see that being fair. Well have just dropped off my application form so fingers crossed. i hope!!

Also only took me 10-15 mins to walk there and that was in stupid shoes that hurt my feet because i don't usually wear heels. So if i had flat shoes i would have done it sooner! so thats a plus sign.

I'm a working mum and wouldn't have it any other way tbh.

Never feel guilty, Lottie lives a happy independent life and so do I, when we are together we really enjoy each others company.

Get up 7.30am
Get showered, give Lottie cereal. Leave her eating toast with Bear in Big Blue house on milkshake while I get dressed and make bed and do a bit of a whizz round.
8am - get Lottie dressed, brush both our teeth
Pack bag, food for L for day, get coats on, find keys
8.30 - leave and drive to nursery or school
9ish - on way to work now
9.30 ish arrive at work
9.30 - 6 chat on mumsnet. Do Sainsburys shop at lunchtime
6 - leave work6.30 ish pick up Lottie
7pm - walk through door, get L ready for bed, give her milk
7.30 prepare food, maybe start to cook it, get as much ready for next day as poss, take food out of freezer for next day, get L's clothes out etc
8 after cuddles and a song and a story put L to be
8.30, L asleep, wine opened.
9 dinner eaten, either out or on sofa with more wine.
12 - in bed

start again

I think it makes L a more rounded, socialble child. If she was with me all day and i with her we'd not be so happy, that's a personal thing, and it works for me. I would not want to be a sahm, i love that she has her own relationships and mixes with and does other things, always have. No guilt just enjoy being on my own for a bit and love my job, love my daughter. No complaints at all.

Good luck and hope you enjoy being a working mum as much as I do.

TC xx

Hi soulfly, have only skim-read this thread but so far yep, agree with expatkat: being a SAHM is much harder (IMO and E of course) than working outside the home. I've only been back at work for a couple of months though and I have a fab dp who's an extremely efficient SAHD. So he does all the cooking, shopping, washing and dropping/collecting at school, leaving me free to swan out of the house at 8am. But

• We don't really clean that much - there's a layer of dirt everywhere. So what, not a major concern for me, it gets done by all of us mucking in every once in a while
• We make lunches the night before, which makes a big difference
• Dp drives ds to school, saving him about 2 hours a day walking time (controversial I know)
• We all go out to eat (only Pizza Express or somewhere) or meet for a picnic (I get the food on my way home) at least once a week and that's lovely because no-one has to cook or clear up and we all get an hour or more together. That's the kind of stress relief and time saving that money can buy I think!

I get home at 6.15pm and ds and dd don't go to bed until 8pm and 9ish respectively so I do feel I get to see them plenty. The hardest thing for me has been coming in at the end of the day from the relatively calm atmosphere of work to the chaos and noise that's 2 children, a partner and family stuff. But hey, it's a small price to pay IMO. I hope you enjoy it as much as I am at the moment. I'm not mad on my job atm (but it's only a contract and I am looking), but I do love the whole working outside the home thing.

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