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Original poster

OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?????

39 replies

Lisa78 · 19/05/2004 18:36

I am due back at work in 2.5 weeks. I love my job, I really really do and when I go back, I will be working just 4 days a week instead of 5 (we can't afford for me to go half time, and this seemed the best compromise)
But now I am beginning to really really panic and get upset about it. I don't want to go back, I like being at home and going to baby groups, doing the grocery shop, being the 50's housewife and all that, which I never thought I would. My childcare arrangements are in place and couldn't be better, I know she will really take good care of him, but I want to do that - what if he likes being with her more than with me???
And my four days will be really long days, I will leave the house about 6.45am and not get in until about 6pm, I'll hardly see him (though his big brother or dad will generally have collected him by then, so its not as if he will be at the CM's all that time, plus his daddy works part shifts, so it won't be four full days anyway)
And my boss has been out to see me to bring me up to speed and I feel like everything has changed and I know nothing about my job or department anymore. Its worse than starting a new job, cos I will have to unlearn stuff, rather than just learn new stuff
I am in a right tizz now, incase you can't tell
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God

OP posts:
twiglett · 19/05/2004 18:41

message withdrawn

charlieplus3 · 19/05/2004 18:41

With you Lisa Poor you, cant offer advice but know how you feel.

On the upside when hes old enough to be potty trained you have some one to do it for you

Im going back for two days and the rest from home so am getting a childcarer in my home. Still gonna be bloody tough though. Ive not been sleeping with worrying, we are a pair!!!!

Good Luck sweetheart i hope it all goes well for you and im sure little O will be fine and well cared for just as well as you have been doing. IYSWIM

Nutcracker · 19/05/2004 18:42

Oh Lisa sorry you are so upset about this. I can't really offer any advice as i don't work, but i do know that i panicked alot when i thought about putting ds into nursery so i could go to college.
Am not sure what else i can say that will be any good. Hope you get some advice from someone who knows what they are on about.

miranda2 · 19/05/2004 18:44

Calm! Breath!!!
It really will be fine.
I do 4 days ([plus the weekend, but dh looks after ds then) and that extra day at home in the week really makes a great difference.
The long hours do sound hard, but my dh does longer - leaves same am, gets back later pm - it isn't ideal, but back at 6pm is plenty of time for the bath/story/bed routine which is VERY bonding regardless of what has happened the rest of the day.
You can be TOTALLY SURE he will continue to prefer you. Research on Israeli kibbutz, where kids are all looked after in a communal nursery and only see their parents for 2 hours a day, shows tehy still form their strongest attachments to their parents.
Plus, just think of going back as a 6 month trial. Give it that long to be fair to it, if you really can't stand it at the end of 6 months you can reconsider. but if you need the money, remember the corollary of givign up is something else will have to go - smaller house? no holidays? no car for you to use when at home with child all day? It may still be the best decision for you, but give working a go - you are bound to panic before going back, we all do, but many find it fine once in the swing of it. Personally, I needed it to keep me sane, but we are all different! But take a deep breath,and see it as an experiment.

Tinker · 19/05/2004 18:45

Oh, I remember feeling exactly the same when I had to go back to work. Could you afford to not go back? If so, why don't you give yourself a time limit - if you find you haven't adjusted/don't like it after 3 months then reconsider. Having a get-out clause seems to make things more bearable I find. Have you got any good friends at work who will 'look after you' for the first few days/weeks when you may feel weepy or out of touch etc? If so, let them in on how you feel. Good luck

Hulababy · 19/05/2004 18:53

Lisa. When I went back to work I remember feeling just the same awful, heart wrenching thoughts. It is hard, but it gets better with every day you work

motherinferior · 19/05/2004 18:57

Can I back up what Miranda says - honestly, that extra day makes a HUGE difference.

But lots of love and good luck, sweetiexxxxxxx

hercules · 19/05/2004 19:00

Lisa _I start next monday fulltime then 3 days from sept. I am dreading leaving dd and know how you feel

Original poster
Lisa78 · 19/05/2004 19:49

Oh thanks everyone. I expect you are all right, its just that it suddenly seems so awful. Before my boss came out, whenever I fretted about it, I reminded myself that I really like my job. But now, I feel like I am going back to a job that I know nothing about and am having panic attacks about being able to do
That on top of the thought of having to leave the baby next door is horrible. And DH, aren't they hopeless? He tried to make me feel better by telling me the CM will look after him as well as I do... WHAT? I don't want her to look after him as well as I do

OP posts:
scrumpy · 19/05/2004 20:02

Lisa, my thoughts are with you as I am in same boat!! I go back to in 4 weeks time I am dropping a day and working 4 day week some of that will be shift work and I am soooooooooo dreading it but everyone tells me it will be ok, not much help I know. But I know how you are feeling my DS will be 4 months and I think I have forgotten all I know about the job too!!

WideWebWitch · 19/05/2004 21:54

Hey Lisa, look at the upsides: you'll be able to leave the house with just your bag and keys no nappies etc etc; you get a WHOLE hour to yourself at lunchtime; your baby will be well cared for I'm sure, if you've found a childminder you're happy with. As you know, I hate my boss atm, but I do love being back at work. I know you may not feel the same but you've got nothing to lose by giving it a go. If it isn't what you want you can always reconsider - do you think viewing it as a temporary thing will help how you feel about it? It does all come flooding back (well, it did for me) and I'm sure you'll be fine on the learning new things front. I do think four days has got to be nicer than five too

oliveoil · 20/05/2004 10:51

Oh you poor thing, you sound like me about a year ago . I went back 4 days when dd was about 5.5 months and cried the whole of the first week, used to scoop her out of bed in the night for a cuddle. Think most of us have all felt the same way, but it does get better, honest. In the end I went down to 3 days which worked for me, but you WILL be ok.

Also, your dh will be fine, the childminder will be fine, but you will still be mum and get the best hugs and smiles.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

oliveoil · 20/05/2004 10:53

Oh you poor thing, you sound like me about a year ago . I went back 4 days when dd was about 5.5 months and cried the whole of the first week, used to scoop her out of bed in the night for a cuddle. Think most of us have all felt the same way, but it does get better, honest. In the end I went down to 3 days which worked for me, but you WILL be ok.

Also, your dh will be fine, the childminder will be fine, but you will still be mum and get the best hugs and smiles.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

oliveoil · 20/05/2004 10:53

echo echo

Marina · 20/05/2004 13:32

Agree with everyone else here Lisa. I cried buckets when I had to come back f/t in January and I still get tearful about the good times ds, dd and I had after school, all watching Metalheads together and actually spending some time in the home dh and I are beggaring ourselves to pay for.
I know just how you feel, I really do. Take comfort from how well you have prepared everyone for the transition, and as MI says, the extra day makes a huge difference.
Best of luck and lots of hugs from another reluctant returner...

Original poster
Lisa78 · 31/05/2004 18:24

6 days left and counting...
I keep thinking "last baby group this week" "last time we'll do the shopping and have lunch in Sainsbury's" "last time we'll curl up and watch the fimbles" - you'd think I was having him adopted...

OP posts:
hercules · 31/05/2004 18:34

I've been back now for a week Lisa and it's not nearly as bad as you think it will be. DD barely noticed my absence (with dh) and I have to confess to having enjoyed it.
The days flew by and work is no longer a priority for me. I didnt feel guilty about being the first to leave (although others with small children left when I did).

I am lucky and get lots of holidays to do the lunching and stuff.

glitterfairy · 31/05/2004 18:44

Lisa I went back to work after six years at home adn every day my ds4 would cling to my leg shreiking mummy dont go. Have been back for three years now and love it dont regret it and my kids seem to respect me more. Have to say I am happier although it was absolutely dreadful at first. You sound like a really caring mum who loves her kids wants to be the best mum and be there and that is what they all need. No childminder will ever be the same honestly.

Original poster
Lisa78 · 31/05/2004 18:52

thanks girls.
I know, I DO know, honestly - its just...sigh!
You know!

OP posts:
hercules · 31/05/2004 19:09

We know!

Original poster
Lisa78 · 06/06/2004 14:37

well, I didn't win the lottery, so tomorrow is the day...
Bet he has a great time with the cm and doesn't miss me in the slightest

OP posts:
mckenzie · 06/06/2004 15:45

I hope he does have a great time at the child minders but I bet he'll miss you and you'll get huge hugs and smiles when you see him after work.

Hope the day goes quickly for you tomorrow.

Original poster
Lisa78 · 06/06/2004 16:51

Yes, I hope so Mckenzie! I'm sure once I have been back at work a little bit, I won't fret at all - at the moment, I am running the house like a military campaign - organised doesn't begin to cover it DH is terrified
We'll be fine, we'll be fine, we'll be fine

OP posts:
essbee · 06/06/2004 16:58

Message withdrawn

champs · 06/06/2004 17:36

hope all goes well for you tomoro Lisa, I start back tomoro too!! dreading it, dont want to go

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