Help! Boss micro managing me and I can't take it...

[WideWebWitch]

Wise mumsnetters, any views or advice? Apologies in advance if this is long but I'm desperately unhappy about this and could really do with some views.

I recently returned to work after a while as a SAHM and at first I loved it - I prefer working to being a SAHM and I'm very happy to be out there again. The job is a six month contract. I work in finance projects and suspect the dept for which I'm responsible will be closed down by the end of the year (hence the contract - I replaced a perm head). It's a sizable dept and I'm responsible for millions of pounds and a fairly large team.

The crux of my problem is my boss. He's very rarely in the same office as me so (my instigation) I send a brief weekly summary and a full prioritised listing of all issues and tasks outstanding and we speak on the phone sometimes, although he's so busy this is rarely possible.

In the 5 weeks I've been working for him I've seen him twice. One of those times was today and wasn't pleasant. Despite the fact that he has about 15 direct reports, each responsible for depts of between 4 and 50 people, he's insisting on micro managing me (don't know if he does this to others). This means I'm unable to make the smallest decision without his approval. This might be ok were he accessible but he's absolutely not and getting an answer isn't always possible. Still, I've mostly been doing it.

On one item however I didn't - the display of some stats on a white board in our office. I changed these 3 weeks ago and told him, via my weekly progress report and listing, that I'd done it. The report pointed out that the previous stats were unreliable/incorrect, needed review and showed where this review was on the priority list.

However, today I came back from lunch to find the stats board wiped clean. On asking my staff, it transpired that he'd held his hand over a member of my staff's hands while she wiped my figures off (she initially said she didn't want to change it without talking to me). As far as I'm concerned this undermined my authority in front of my whole department and made me look stupid and incompetent (I'm not, honest!). When I went to ask him why he hadn't spoken to me and asked me to change these figures if they needed changing he said 'well, I could say you didn't talk to me about it when you changed them.' Err, actually, if you read anything I sent you you'd have known I carried this out 3 weeks ago. When I said I was concerned that he'd just sent a message to the whole dept that he wasn't able to talk to me he said 'well, I could say you didn't talk to me since I didn't know you were going to change the statistics'. Aaaggh, it was in the f report you f**wit. AND YOU'RE NEVER HERE! I did point this out, politely. But hey, maybe he wants a fairly expensive dog whilst barking himself. What would you do? I'm torn between:

• Phoning in sick tomorrow for breathing space and to see what else is out there in terms of contracts. When I was looking for work it didn't take too long for this to come up. The pay's ok but it's further away than I'd like (40 miles and 1.5 hrs/day commute)
• Going in and telling him where to shove his micro management, crap interpersonal skills and poxy job and looking for another asap (I have to give a month notice so it would give me time)
• Going in and asking how he proposes to manage me in a more acceptable way over the next 6 months. I know this is the mature option but atm I'm still incensed at his childish and petty behaviour. I'm used to large company culture and professionalism and this aint it.

After this incident one of my staff asked me if I had his approval when I asked her to do something, so it has had an impact on people's perception of me.

What would you do? Congratulations if you got this far, sorry it's so long.

Oh God WWW, what a twat, how bloody annoying is that?
Don't phone in sick, it will only compound him undermining you.
I think you should go for your third option, though perhaps do it in writing, so you can spell out the problems you are having and the impact on your department.
If that fails, can you go to his manager?

Oh babe. He sounds like an arse and a half. I wish I had some good advice but I'm pretty ignorant about this kind of stuff. Hope some people in the know will reply soon. I'd go in tomorrow if you possibly can (unless you definitely decide to go for the telling him to get stuffed option) just to show your staff that he hasn't got to you. Hope things improve soon, whatever you decide. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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WWW - there is a lot of finance contract work out there as you say. Based on that I would say go for the 2nd option.

I think the problem is that when you raised valid issues with him he was not prepared to discuss them properly with you, preferring instead to go for the tit-for-tat approach and as such nothing will ever get sorted out. For every thing that you point out to him he will just throw a bigger one back at you which progresses nothing.

TBH it sounds to me like he doesn't really respect you or your opinions and I couldn't work for someone if they behaved like that.

In a tighter market I would say stick it out but things are quite good at the moment so unless its the job of your dreams I would get busy on the job sites...

Good luck!

I would be absolutely outraged. The man is a pr*ck who has no idea how to manage people.
Why has he chosen to micro-manage you? Is it because you are new? Or does he have a problem with women?
In reality, I'd try option three first ? if it doesn't work out you are no worse off than if you storm out of there anyway.
DON'T phone in sick (and I do know how tempting this is) will make you look even worse in front of your team.
Do get hold of him by the scruff of his neck if necessary and spell out how you want him to work with you and, in words of one syllable, why that would be a far better and more workable option than acting like a pale imitation of Gordon Ramsey (who, after all, is performing on TV and in restaurants).

One thing: if he is the sort of person who doesn't read reports he probably isn't going to start now. So you may want to work out a different way of communicating with him. If you can be bothered.
Good luck. My feelings are genuinely with you!

PS - I bet you are absolutely fuming!!

Blimey www! This sounds like micro-management at its worst. A bit of professional jealousy maybe? Obviously I don't fully understand your job etc but changing some (out of date) stats on a whiteboard doesn't exactly sound like a high -level decision. It's interesting that of all the things you must have done in the last few weeks he chose this quite public, but (perhaps) not that significant thing to pick you up on. Sounds like you're actually doing a very good job and he feels threatened, if you ask me. But you didn't! You asked what you should do. I know it's the boring answer but the third option is the best - for the moment. But what I would ask for is clear guidelines as to what is within your remit and what isn't - did you have a job description? can you ask him to talk you through it with this in mind? And then, if the list of things within your remit is not acceptable to you you can tell him that the post is not what you thought and he can do whatever with it.....

Actually reading your message again I'm convinced he does have a problem with women 'holding his hand over ... while she wiped the board clean'. So he's humilating one female member of staff as a proxy for another: you. That's a pretty obvious display of male domination 'I'm the one with the big tackle here and you'd better not forget it'. Keep records: OK, you can walk out and get a job somewhere else but if he is a chauvinist there's always a possibility you may end up in a tribunal situation. Or another female member of staff might.

Do option 3 (he needs to be shown what it is to be professional) in the first instance, as however much of the 6 months you decide to stay there, he needs to understand that his behaviour is inappropriate for all the reasons you have described.

Whilst doing the above, look for something else if there's enough work out there. Something closer to home where your professionalism is reciprocated would be good.

If you need some time to look for something, then go sick say in a week or so's time, so it does not seem related to this oaf's ridiculous behaviour.

WWW, he sounds like a tosser of the worst kind ... if I were you i would put option 3 in writing and cc in his manager (and personnel if you are feeling particularly bitchy and if you think they are efficient enough). Is there a possibility he is fearful for his own job (if the dept is closing down?? No excuse, but it may help to explain his pathetic megalomania.

Take charge, get pissy, write a letter and ensure that his manager is informed of the conflict. It makes you look like the mature organised professional you clearly are.

hth

Urgh, this sounds horrible. Never heard of the term micro-management but everyone else's advice so far sounds very good. Shudder - he makes the personalised number plate bloke look tempting now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. OK, so I'm not mad but bugger, you all think I should go in tomorrow and there was I, imagining a lie in followed by banging my cv out to all and sundry Yes, I think you have a point eddm: I've been told he's slept with at least one of his managers and she is at least 20 years younger than him. He has also propositioned others, or so I heard from one of my staff today. I spoke to the woman I took over from tonight too and she said this micro management and lack of support from him combined with his poor interpersonal skills is why she left. She said he was "an A with a capital A". Hatter, you're right, this was an odd one to choose and yes, it was public. Maybe he does think I'll discover some bigger problems in the dept than he would like. It's certainly possible, I have a history of it. Twiglett, my sister said I could have some fun by absolutely refusing to do anything without his written approval. I mean, hmm, well, it would make it an interesting few months wouldn't it? and I could snigger childishly while ostensibly doing what he wants, ha ha. Soapbox, you're right, he doesn't respect me and he gave me that message loud and clear today, so I won't stay long if I can help it. Btw, I do have a good track record and cv and luckily, enough confidence in my abilities to believe it is him, not me. He's also short and balding. Interesting, no? You're all so lovely. May post from work tomorrow if I dare and let you know how I get on.

Tinker, I'd forgotten about tosser personal number plate bloke! Ha ha (oh f*, it IS me then?!). Actually Scotsbird, his boss changed recently and he wasn't even informed until a company-wide email was sent out so yep, he's feeling threatened all right. No need to be hostile towards me though, I'm the one who can make him look good ffs!

I would go over his head. He isn't fit to manage - he's just a control freak and obsessive weirdo. Surely a large part of management is delegation and empowerment (bletch US phrase) and he is as you say just having an expensive dog and barking himself. Which would be fine if you had no brain and were incapable. As you aren't I think he needs challenging.

I'm sure if HIS boss knew he was acting in this way he would be unimpressed.

Sorry, babe, only just saw this. God, there are a lot of management tossers out there, aren't there? My advice: hang on in there while banging out CVs to all and sundry, and instead of doing what I'd do (throwing massive strop and having rows) get online...

just a thought WWW, if you do work to rule for the next while it might send the message home to your boss but your staff are not going to respect you and may even bypass you and go straight him when they need a decision made. I don't think this route would be a good idea if there's a chance you might stay in this job.
eddm's right - keep records, so if/when you need to speak to people further up you have a solid case.
BTW did he want the old stat's (the incorrect ones) to be put back on the board? or did he just want to make a point? Are you going to put the corrected Stats back on the board
How big a company is this? i.e. does your boss have a boss?

Sorry it's being so crap for you now - haven't been here in ages (DS2 still a whole lot of work - I'm still expressing full time for him) - congrats on the getting the job in the first place though!

Hi again,

been thinking some more about this since I posted last night. This is more than poor management - it's blatant bullying - the guy PHYSICALLY forced someone to wipe the board???!!! That is seriously unnacceptable, that's someone trying pathetically to humiliate/dominate. Combined with what you say about him having propositioned people it makes my skin crawl. This guys sounds seriously f*ked up and, as CountessDracula says not fit to manage. Difficult to know what I'd do on your shoes (we all like to think we'd do the right thing but unless you've been there I think it's hard to know). I would say that you could either talk to him this once, express your concerns, get a clear line on what you can and can't do without his say-so. And - if you can - point out that you thought the way he behaved in this incident was disrespectful (to the person he got to wipe the board) and then if there's one more incident go over his head; or you could go straight over his head now. The other thing might be to talk, less formally, with someone slightly out of it and ask their advice - maybe someone at his level but managing a different dept, or someone at your level who's been there a while, in a different dept. Let us know what happens

lurking, thanks!

My ex boss from way back was like this, paid everyone a fortune for himself to make all the decisions, unbelievable. Men and women, he wasn't sexist . I got through by making him THINK that he had made the decisions, by slyly suggesting my own in a certain way. Pathetic and time consuming way to run a company but his ego still got a massage and I got to do things my way. Sympathies though, it gets v v v tedious .

Sounds to me that his behavour should be raised with HR from both bullying and sexual discrimination aspects. Would you have any support from those around you to do this?
This behaviour would not be acceptable in the Co.s I have worked for.

www only just caught up with this thread. How are things today??
No other advice to add, as others have said excellent stuff - far more eloquently than I could have, although my thoughts were along the same lines.

Just one thought, could it be that he sees your role as unimportant since it is only temporary and that section will be closed down at the end of the year?

I have left jobs before due to similar type of micromanagement - you have my sympathies, but you are too brilliant a financial manager whizz to put up with this from 'David Brent'

WWW, I'm sure you will be able to get another job, but it may take a few weeks. I think you should play it really smart, and either butter him up over the next month in order to get a great reference (dangerous if he tends to sleep with his staff!), or start making yourself better known to his senior manager, so that the senior manager can give you a great reference. Once you get a job offer, if they want to know why you are leaving, you can just make up some excuse about something or other, because the new employer won't like the sound of you criticizing your manager (unless they have met him!! as it sounds like no one thinks well of him). I enjoyed meeting your sister and niece recently - she is a bit like you!

His manager isn't here and I'm unlikely to ever meet him. I'm currently documenting the whole thing and couching it in v. professional language. Dp suggested I ask myself "am I being professional?" before I do anything and if the answer is no then don't do it. He's a love! Am using the words 'concerned' and 'inappropriate' a lot! My reason for leaving will be fine - it's a contract so I'm entitled to if a better or perm offer comes up. gotta go!

WWW - it's been a while since we've exchanged advice, but in my opinion you should (and you may know what I'm going to say)...

WHACK HIM WITH A BRICK