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Original poster

Having a blast while off sick

55 replies

Annteeta · 02/12/2015 10:52

One of our colleagues has been off sick for weeks with stress issues. We all know she doesn't like her job and is planning on moving abroad early next year so the chances of getting her to come back in while she's on full pay are limited. The patience of her hard working colleagues is being tested to the limit as she pops in with her sick note and a cheery wave and smile. To top it all, she's now put her name down for the Christmas do. Is all this legal?

OP posts:

JemimaMuddleDuck · 02/12/2015 21:12

I think this is always an interesting one because lots of people come on and say of course it is reasonable to come in waving and smiling and go to the Christmas do. Well, of course it is, there is no law against that.

But... It is slightly naive of the person off sick not to realise that this is going to rub your colleagues up the wrong way. I've covered three colleagues in different companies who have been off for stress. One of them we never saw while she was off and never saw again. The other two did all of the above which pissed everyone off no end including management. Both were managed out of the business.

So... if you are signed off work with stress then think very carefully about your actions and how they will be perceived. Depression or stress will not stop you from attending the Christmas party but it will mightily piss off your colleagues who have been busting a gut to cover your job.

RudeElf · 02/12/2015 21:24

Do you know ive had colleagues signed off sick for various reasons over the years, including stress and other mental health illness and whenever they managed to call in to work either to drop in a sick line or to say hello to everyone i was nothing but happy to see them and to see them appearing well and happy, the same on xmas dos. I and everyone else was excited to see them and happy they could come.

I think if colleagues find themselves rubbed the wrong way when their ill colleague manages to attend a social event then they are in need of a serious attitude adjustment.

If youre pissed at covering someone's work then get pissed at your manager for not bringing in enough staff. Your colleague cannot help being ill FFS!

JemimaMuddleDuck · 02/12/2015 21:34

I think it depends on the colleague. if it is someone who has been there for years, is well respected and has problems then yes, you would be pleased to see them.

The two people I know who went off with stress had only been with the company five minutes.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 02/12/2015 21:38

I'd just be happy that they were smiling and felt able to come tbh Jemima. Unless there was any other evidence that suggested they were deliberately taking the piss. It wouldn't occur to me to be pissed off.

It's incredibly common for people with depression to put on a facade when facing the outside world. The fact that they are smiling or manage a single event is in no way a reflection on whether they are fit for work over a longer term basis.

fastdaytears · 02/12/2015 21:38

Savignon I was planning on trying to go to my work Christmas meal but petty attitudes like the above are making me question that decision.

Please go in. I've always been happy to see colleagues who have been on long term leave at Christmas. Everyone is allowed to enjoy themselves. So many illnesses (depression through to brain surgery...and I've done both) are so isolating so if you feel like you can manage it then please do.

JumpandScore · 02/12/2015 21:50

I did take exception to the colleague who'd been off for weeks with a leg injury coming to the party and spending the evening dancing on tables Stress. I would genuinely be glad they felt up to it.

Silverine08 · 04/12/2015 00:06

And this is exactly why I'm not going to my Christmas do. I have recently been diagnosed with a mental health condition and am currently off work. In the weeks before I had my breakdown, I was an emotional wreck at home but always managed to pull myself together and perform at work. I have no doubt my colleagues would be shocked to know I suffer from severe depression. I have met a number of individuals with a mental health condition and it is very common for people to function 'normally' in the work place whilst falling apart at home.

My manager knows exactly why I am off but I know that the message being conveyed to employees is that I am off with 'stress'. I am sure that a number of my colleagues have enough knowledge and personal experience to translate 'stress' as 'depression' and will know what to expect when I return, a number of others (including my manager) have been pretty vocal in the past about what they think of people who take time off for 'stress' (really not nice). Frankly it annoys me that they need to be given any information on why I have been ill.

In an ideal world (where I was a bit braver), I would attend the Christmas party and not care if as a result colleagues queried the validity of my illness but I am not quite ready for nosiness and gossip so will sadly give it a miss this year.

OP, if your colleague has been off for several weeks it is more than likely to be a diagnosed mental health condition. I can appreciate it is hard to understand how an individual can on the one hand look, sound and behave completely 'normally' and yet be deemed unfit to work. Just bear in mind that you have no idea whether you saw her on a good day or whether she burst into tears as soon as she was alone. Both scenarios are equally likely and you wouldn't know. Would you feel differently if she was in recovery for something like a broken bone or heart attack instead of 'stress'?

I assume that you have no experience or knowledge of mental health issues and that this is the general view amongst your colleagues - at least out loud. I hope after reading all the replies to your post, you understand a bit more and can park the frustration. With 1 in 4 suffering with mental health this is unlikely to be the last time someone you work with is signed off with 'stress' or someone that you know and care about suffers.

LeaLeander · 04/12/2015 00:21

I don't know. My personal opinion is that if one is too sick/anxious/stressed/depressed whatever to actually do the work, they're too sick to party.

I used to work with a man who had both legs amputated below the knee due to diabetes, in his mid-50s. His kidneys also failed and for 4 years he had to do a self-dialiysis via osmosis by pouring fluid into his abdominal cavity and then draining it out. Six times a day. He was a journalist and never shied from going out on his two mediocre prosthetic feet to do intereviews, and used to pull a suitcase filled with the fluid into the office each day, lay it on a heating pad and discreetly use the conf room to do his treatment. Every single freaking day for four years, not to mention no feet. And he seldom called off sick. Oh, his eyes were failing too -- sometimes he'd be writing his articles peering 8 inches from the screen. Of course he was depressed too but he also had a work ethic.

My benchmark is, if Joe could make it into work despite his very real handicaps, and never complain, most of the rest of us can at least try to get out there and do a respectable day's work.

ToastedOrFresh · 04/12/2015 00:40

I think if colleagues find themselves rubbed the wrong way when their ill colleague manages to attend a social event then they are in need of a serious attitude adjustment.

If youre pissed at covering someone's work then get pissed at your manager for not bringing in enough staff. Your colleague cannot help being ill FFS!

YOU are the one that needs the SERIOUS ATTITUDE ADJUSMENT. Get a check on your arrogance please.

No one is taking the piss out of the piss taking employee you understand.

TheFairyCaravan · 04/12/2015 00:48

I was off sick for months before I had to give up work, we went on holiday to Majorca. I took legal advice, and it is legal, I informed my manager who didn't have a problem with it, my doctor said it would do me good so we went. I came back to a horrendous row and a hell of a lot of bitchiness and snide comments from my colleagues. It made me ill and I almost went back off sick due to the stress it caused. (I wasn't off with stress in the first place)

People should mind their own business. Your mangers and your colleague know why she's off, it's between them so everyone else needs to keep their beak out!

ToastedOrFresh · 04/12/2015 00:58

How come they get it all their own way ? Sick on full pay for months and months then come to the Christmas Party ? WTAF ?

I worked with someone who had been off sick for months. They were invited to a works social occasion, just out of courtesy, and really should have had the courtesy/brains to decline.

Guess what, she hobbled to this evening function on crutches just to prove that she was still so ill. Much to the open mouthed surprise of the other employees/guests. It just beggared belief.

ChutneyRhodrey · 04/12/2015 01:05

How do you know it's stress? How do you know she isn't suffering with mental health problems? Perhaps she's suffering from depression, or anxiety. Perhaps she has issues going on at home that none of you are aware of because it's none of your sodding business. Do you know for certain that her cheery smile and wave wasn't practiced before walking into the office? Do you know that she definitely wasn't a complete wreck on the way there? Maybe her attending the Christmas do is a little bit of normality for her, maybe she is testing the waters to see if she feels comfortable returning to work.

How incredibly narrow minded of you to assume she's having a right old laugh on the sick, OP. You're clearly envious of all this fully paid time she's having off

RudeElf · 04/12/2015 01:09

YOU are the one that needs the SERIOUS ATTITUDE ADJUSMENT. Get a check on your arrogance please.

Why on earth do I need an attitude adjustment? I'm not the one offended by an ill colleague managing to smile for a few hours at xmas!

RudeElf · 04/12/2015 01:11

she hobbled to this evening function on crutches just to prove that she was still so ill. Much to the open mouthed surprise of the other employees/guests. It just beggared belief.

Youre going to have to spell this one out for me, what exactly is it that 'beggared belief'?

itsbetterthanabox · 04/12/2015 01:19

Op I have severe anxiety and panic attack issues. It got to the point 2. Years ago where I was unable to work as I was constantly in the toilet as the anxiety makes me vomit and have an upset stomach. I was frozen and sweating at my desk.
My GP referred me to the crisis team who supported me during that time and insisted I was signed off sick. A big part of recovery of mental illness is trying to do normal things. My therapist said I must go out and do something each day to keep busy and keep normal. If not you get into a spiral of being unable to leave the house out of fear. It was tough but my partner supported me and we slowly went out and did more and more along with therapy and CBT techniques. Thankfully I was able to get back to work as the treatments helped. But I was terrified a colleague would see me out when I was off and just think I was pissing about having fun and pretending to be ill when actually going out was a huge struggle. Attitudes like yours confirm my fears that colleagues wouldn't understand. You make it much harder for those already suffering. You'd rather people sat inside and got more and more mentally ill. Sitting in and doing nothing is what anxiety and depression want us to do out of fear but it's fighting that which is part of the coping process! Attitudes like yours mean more people suffer and don't seek help. I just hope you don't manage anyone!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 04/12/2015 01:20

My benchmark is, if Joe could make it into work despite his very real handicaps, and never complain, most of the rest of us can at least try to get out there and do a respectable day's work.

I'd be more than happy to do this. But irritatingly work have a tendency to make me go home and get myself signed off when I turn up ill.

Thank you so much for gently insinuating my illness is not very real though. It's always much appreciated.

ilovesooty · 04/12/2015 23:18

What a bloody depressing thread with some really ignorant attitudes demonstrated.

I'm glad I don't work with some of the posters here. Stop being so judgmental and mind your own business.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 04/12/2015 23:27

I've been signed off from my company for years. I hesitate to use the word luckily, but primarily with a physical condition which means I don't have to run the gauntlet of people claiming I'm 'taking the mick'.

Not that there hasn't been a side helping of depression along the way thanks to the changes in life circumstances.

I speak with Occ Health alone and wouldn't dream of turning up anywhere near the office. I obviously have carried on living as best I can as my disability allows - holidays, meals out, smiling included...

Slowjog · 04/12/2015 23:27

I don't think you're in a position to judge her mental health. You only saw her for two minutes and she put a facade on

mintoil · 05/12/2015 16:57

I wonder why the woman finds the workplace so stressful? It couldn't be the less than charitable attitudes of her colleagues could it?

"Having a Blast?" She is just smiling FFS!!!!!

OurBlanche · 05/12/2015 17:17

Yeah. After months of stress I handed in my notice, with a cheery smile and a grin. I was lighthearted, happy... I worked damned hard to make it seem that way.

It was either that or let colleagues see just how destroyed I was.

Maybe your colleague slaps on a happy face to make herself feel strong enough to run the gauntlet of judgemental twats like yourself, OP. Maybe you, and people with a similar lack of empathy and understanding, are one of the reasons she is off with stress in the first place.

It wouldn't hurt for you to have a little re-think would it?

Otherwise you'll still be feeling hard done by and bitter when she is long gone and happy.

frikadela01 · 05/12/2015 17:42

My benchmark is, if Joe could make it into work despite his very real handicaps, and never complain, most of the rest of us can at least try to get out there and do a respectable day's work

Thing is with this is its rather the exception than the rule. The vast majority of people would not go to work like this and I imagine the vast majority of work places would probably insist you remind at home rather than performing dialysis in the office.

I once worked for a team where all senior staff were of the "never had a sick day in my life" types. Because of this everyone was scared of having time off. A colleague had a huge meltdown in front of a load of patients and it turned out had been really suffering for ages with stress/anxiety but had hidden it because of the attitude. A few of us invited her to our alternative Xmas do and were really happy to see her. However when management found out they was exactly like some on this thread.... just shows how little people know about mental health issues.

goldglitter · 05/01/2016 11:22

Blimey - no wonder she doesn't want to come back!

stumblymonkey · 09/01/2016 14:45

I've been off sick with mental health issues before....just because she smiles and waves in the office doesn't mean she's okay.

Most people with MH issues are used to 'putting on a mask' and not showing how they actually feel. I'm not saying it's the case here but quite often (most of the time?) being signed off for 'stress' is usually being signed off for MH issues where the person doesn't want their specific diagnosis disclosed on the form.

Wolfiefan · 09/01/2016 14:49

So because some people take the piss this person is doing that?
GPs give out sick notes for no reason?
She's smiling so she can't be depressed?

Or
Perhaps this poor woman is ill?
GPs generally sign off sick people?
She has steeled herself to enter the workplace and pinned a smile on her face?

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