If you have older children - what do you do about childcare??

[ishouldbeironing]

I am thinking of returning to work following a career break but the childcare issue is stopping me.
I have 3DDs ages 15 and 11 x2 what childcare would I need ?
How do other mums who work full time cope with the amount of holidays and what do you do when they are sick?

It is so much harder once they are older as they really don't wnat to be looked after. I think boys are easier as mine go to sports clubs during the summer hols.

Dh and I can never have leave together tho' apart from our summer holidays to cover the rest of the year

We can have up to 5 days special leave a year to cover sickness adn mine do tend to be pretty healthy!

with a kid at 15 i wouldnt organise any.

i didn't organise any.

inc. the twins i mean.

Lillibet - thats my problem they dont think that they need any childcare - but they soooooo do!
I used childminders for years but as they have got older it is more difficult to find someone to fit in with what I want.

I work at a college so I get all the holidays off. It's great! Why not look for something similar.

custardo - do you mean that you would be okay leaving the 15 yr old in charge ?

What age did you stop having holiday care Custy? With dd it was probalay about 15, but she was a mature 15, the boys are not quite so mature!1

and at the moment are 13 adn 10

yep.

my son was babysitting for pure - dont take them away he's old enough to be in charge - reasons - since he was 14.

in reality my dd who would have been 11 at time is the most trustworthy.

i have car, i have phone
i have massive voice and can think up very imaginative punishments.

eachkid has to

come in get changed
hang unirom up in living room - this is so you can see it when you walk in from being knackered at work - and they can't scurry off pretending to have done it and quickly thrown on hangar whilst pretending to go get it from upstairs.

or if uniform need washing - wash it - but make sure that the washing machine is full

then

do homework.

sort out bag for tomorrow - inc. PE kit, pen, hW diary.

then do chore

tidy kitchen
wash pots
tidy front room

something that done well will last about half hour.

try to make them attend all after school clubs.

alternate a kid making the evening meal every friday ( or when you come home earlier)

nominate a kid to make you a brew when you walk in

when you get in - you sit at table - ask for all homework diaries and bark out the different homeworks you want to see.

when kid says " i haven'ty got my book" or " i did it and left at school"

write exactly that in the MW diary - teachers wont mind as long as your showing you give a shit.

then ask for any school letters

put school letters of importance on a door with blu tack - so it hits you in the face as your walking through.

then ask what money they will need for tomorrow?

any trips, muffty day, charity thing blah de blah - they always want money - the school.

leave money on top of telly.

as long as you do this - they can't use excuses for anything.

breakfast bowls are washed - by them after eating.

you could write up a chore rota - or simply ask them which chore they would prefer - coming to an agreement of equal chores - so in my house front room AND dining room are equiv to kitchen. hall landing stairs- is one job.

bedrooms dont count - thats their job - not a family job -its their room - they dont tidy your room!

when I was 14 I was baby-sitting 2 kids and doing the food in a pub ( at the same time)

i never had holiday care- i always had family until 4 years ago - then dh and i took in turns to sort out holidays and work - with my mum coming to stop for 6 weeks holidays.

we are very lucky in that my boss is ok with emergencies and he isnt in same office as me. my role is rather scpecialist ( no one knows what ia ctually do all day) which is also cool - my role involves travelling and ging to lots of meetings - all a good mix when you need to fuck off home for an afternoon now and again.

poit being dh had similar role and we could both scive/ book stuff muddle through.

also during holidays we used to elt them stay up late - about 11pm then they would sleep in - my kids do sleep they love sleep.

we did that for 18 months until my lad hit 14 then bingo - its just the magic age - there is no law - we all know theres no law as such - but its commonly rcognised as being ok at 14 to babysit etc.

this is only for fear of statuatory involvement.

to be honest my kids are generally good - and i am genuinley fierce with them if they are naughty.

so with my victorian parenting techniques - i have managed to avoid death.

now my twins are 13 ( 14 in march) my oldest son is working - i have no childcare.

and i dont worry about it one jot.

when I was 14 I was looking after my sister (aged 3) in the school holidays. During term time I picked her from the childminders on the way home from school. Me and my sister took it in turns to cook and there was a very strict rota of duties that were done before my mum got home.

I suppose it depends on the child to some extent, but I wonder why children aren't trusted as much these days as when I was young? (alot of my friends went home to empty houses too).

I would agree, a lot, with Custardo, as long as the children know that you will be there for them sometime during each day. They do need you, but not 24/7.

My eldest is 12, and he is often left by himself. We're currently negotiating with him to have a key for after-school use. Not sure at what point we will leave him in charge of his brothers.

The children have to know that they have to toe the line though, like Custardo's do. It's amazing how seemingly immature children grow up before your very eyes when given a bit of responsibility.

I agree too. Our DS1 is now 12, at secondary school and lets himself in most days. He can cook a meal (which he really enjoys) about once a fortnight, gets on with his homework and sorts the fire out. We have left him on his own for the whole of Inservice days. He has a key and can let himself in and out. He has to phone one of us at work if he plans to go out to a mate's. If you make the boundaries very clear, they are capable of all of this.

I advertised in the local paper and got someone who will pick up from school and bring them home and look after them here until I am home from work. She also very unusually is able to work 9 - 6 in school holidays (except she never works on Thursdays so we have that to cover). Sometimes they have done 2 week day summer camps.

Also this is an issue for fathers as well as mothers so your other half if there is one, should be as much agonising over this and arranging it as you of course. You could say to him you're going back to work and could he make sure he sorts out the childcare etc... some people have au pairs when their children go to school who can look after 11 - 15 year olds all day even though they're not supposed to be in sole charge.

thank you soooooo much for all your postings it has certainly given me a lot to think about.
Thank you in particular custardo for given me so much detail and for being so frank - it is very much appreciated.

My DS 11-nearly-12 has let himself in (and out) since starting secondary school.

rules - no cooking, except microwave.
don't answer the door.
keep your phone on (and bloody answer it when I ring, or I charge home in a panic)

he's had whole days at home in the holidays, although purely from a boredom point of view I try to fix for him to attend a sports club, go to a friend or have his older step-brothers staying.

Spooky... my usual name is twelveyeargap... I also have a child who is self sufficient.

Actually DD has been letting herself in since she was 10. Just a couple of hours alone. We now happen to have a housekeeper cum childminder person, but she does irregular hours.

If you can trust your kids not to injure themselves, kill each other or burn the house down I would leave them alone.

I feel very strongly that children should be encouraged to be independent. At 10 I came home from village school with 7 year old brother, let us into house, lit fire and mooched around for 2 hours until my mum got home at 5.30. We also got ourselves to school in the morning after mum left for work. I developed a fantastic relationship with my brother as a result and really really hope that I have the courage to give my children the same independence (and trust).

Couldn't agree more tiggy. DD has an 11 year old friend who isn't allowed to walk 10 mins up the road to visit us. Her mum brings her in the car. Apparently she'll be allowed to walk alone when she goes to secondary school. Which is in September... I don't really understand how she'll suddenly be "streetwise" in 10 months time if the mother doesn't gradually release the apron strings now.

DD tells me that Year 7 and 8 kids in her school, who live nearby, get dropped and collected from school every day. DD used to walk the 10 mins and now we live further away, she gets the train alone. I collected her from school the day we moved, showed her the two train stations and off she went the next day. She only called the once to double check which direction she took the train.

Think it's so important to be able to do manage alone.

Hiya
I start a new job next Monday, full time. I have two dds, one 13 and one 11. I have arranged breakfast club for dd2, so she doesn't have to lock up. DD1 will do this and go on to school. DD1 will then collect dd2 on way home and they will come home together. they have a list of telephone numbers, just in case and I have told two nice neighbours to just keep an eye out for them. This will be until next July, then in September they will both be at secondary school together and can come and go together. If dd1 has to stay on at school for rehearsals or something she will telephone the primary school and tell dd2 to walk home. We are literally across the road from the school and there is a lollypop man. I am nervous but confident in their ability and attitude, both are very sensible (almost too sensible!) and capable. It just brings out the guilts in me because I have been there all the time. BUT needs must and we are financially crippled so I have to go to work now and tell myself I have done a good thing for them being here all these years, and that is NOT meant as a dig at any mums who have worked, before I get jumped on!
I agree, it is good for them to learn some independence and they do need to learn to be themselves without the adult intervening in everything.

I am twelveyeargap, with DD age 11 who will be 12 two days after baby due. Am 14+5 wks today. Baby due in May. Having been INCREDIBLY nosy and HAD to look at 12yeargap's posts and think we might have other similarities.

Think 12YG was a single mum for a while? As was I. We both seem to have self-sufficient kids, new partners, both are pg and due Apr/ May next year. It's really quite odd!

Hello all,I too am expecting (next june/july) and will have a 12 yr gap!! Unfortunatley, My DD has chosen to live with her Dad since I moved 13 miles away to be with my BF and I do get so worried about her as her Dad seems to leave her on her own alot after schooletc - so its refreshing reading that other 11 yr olds are made to fend for themselves. (she knows that i would dearly love her to live with me - but wouldnt change school - and now shes just started at secondry - even though its only been 3 mths or so - she now refuses to change from there . )- we do have a good relationship though although this isnt quite true with regards to my BF and her .

Sounds like you've been very understanding with your DD. You never know, if her Dad gets a new woman, she might be back to you yet!

I wouldn't worry about her being alone after school. Honestly, I think it's good for them. He obv shouldn't leaver her overnight or anything, but my DD is happy enough for me to go out in the evenings occasionally. She quite likes having the place to herself to watch movies and phone her pals.