Advantages of Going Back to Work Early

[Judy1234]

Coming out of several other threads this is interesting. As I said elsewhere with my first child I went back to work after 2 weeks. I always work up until I went into labour. I think the longest I took off was 5 week with any of the 5. You don't often get parents writing about returning to work quickly so I thought just setting out some of the advantages might be helpful for those who can't decide how much time to take off at home. I don't want this to be seen as me saying all parents should both be back at their desks within 2 weeks however; just food for thought particularly with the new paternity leave rights coming in next April.

1. The baby does not have a huge wrench when you suddenly return at 6 months or a year. At 2 weeks she can get used to her good childcare from the father, relative, nanny or whatever so has continuity and no shock to the system of a later return.

1. You don't have time to get out of the swing of work so it's all less disrupting to your life.

1. You can establish a breastmilk expressing system early on without worrying about how to manage breastfeeding when going back at 3 months.

1. Both parents are equally as involved with the children. The pattern at home isn't established that the mother does everything to do with the baby. The mother isn't better than the father at child things. You may get a more involved husband.

1. You only lose 10% of pay in the few weeks you take off.

1. You don't lose touch with work, lose promotion, position etc.

1. If I'm allowed say it, being at home with babies can be boring (not for everyone, I know) so you can skip all that and concentrate on the fun cuddles bit.

1. You inconvenience an employer or your customers less. No one will like me for saying this but in the real world fathers and mothers taking leave is hard to manage. I can say this having had to manage maternity leave for two of my nannies over the years.

1. You may find the physical recovery from birth easier in an office than managing small children and domestic work at home with heavy lifting, toddlers who kick you, heavy rubbish to put out, floors to scrub etc.I certainly found sitting still at a desk, time to rest, relax, get drinks at my leisure helped me get back to normal. Dressing in office clothes too helps get you back to being your normal self. I loved leaving behind the clothes at home covered in baby sick etc.

10. Sometimes it aids mental health particularly if you hate being home with a baby.

well that proves it!

no-one with stitches after childbirth would be able to cycle

trip trap

"Women give birth and till fields."

Perhaps in underdeveloped and third-world countries but not here.

Perhaps 100 years ago not today.

opinionsrus I did feel exactly as you described at 2 weeks and I can remember the first time I drove on my own with DS in the car, around that time, the whole journey I was praying I didn;t do something to cause an accident, I was so woolly headed. In retrospect I don;t think I should have been on the road. I was anaemic too.

I did have stitches and I could walk and sit comfortably, but I couldn;t do a poo for seevral days and the first time I did one I had to do it in the shower because sitting on the loo was just unbearable.

YOu know early motherhood brings some pretty unglamorous moments with it, and the thought of trying to struggle with those - soaking through your breast pads in two seconds and dripping all over the place, for example, while trying to get my job done at work, would not be something I would relish.

Before DS was born I made sure that all my paperwork was up to date - insurance renewals, that kind of thing, because I was sure that I wouldn;t have much time to concentrate on those kind of things in the first few weeks - I was right - I had the mental capacity of a goldfish for several weeks.

Xenia's post makes me cross because I think it is irresponsible to advise otehr women that they can achieve this sugar candy coated version of WOHM-dom - and the earlier started, the better - because for a first time Mum, the decision to return at 2 weeks would have to have been made before having the baby.

IME and that of most other Mums I know in RL, having a baby (especially teh first) is like being hit by an avalanche - to expect most women to be able to work and deal with the avalanche is idiotic.

And again, this is regardless of any of the emtional arguments about leaving your baby at that early stage.

'Women give birth and till fields. I'm not sure it does them any harm'

I was waiting patiently for that little gem to appear on this thread.

She's off again.

Trip trap I like it.

You would be confined if the midwife got to hear you were on a bike with stitches.

Not to mention your children would be put into care for fear of you being sectioned under the mental health act.

OR, a midwife would have no legal right to do that, would they? They can't even keep you in hospital if you don't want. You have a right to walk out. Perhaps you're just jealous I'm so fit. But I was lucky. I was 22 and able to cycle when she was 2 weeks old. I can't remember now how it felt but I got on the bike, short journey to the tube, sta down. Is this any different from mothers with older children and no help who have to drag themselves to the school gate when the baby is 2 weeks old?

Tongue in cheek.

Frayed knot - leaking breasts forgot to add that one to the list thanks!!!

"Women give birth and till fields. I'm not sure it does them any harm"
Xenia, you are an intelligent woman, and yuou are surely not expecting us to believe that you have swallowed that load of old toss about "primitive" women giving birth in the fields and going back to the ploughing??
how astonishingly naive of you.
every single culture has a period following birth, and a set of rituals, to encourage the mother to rest and spend time with her newborn, and to allow feeding to be established. her family and the community provides her with help and assistance in order for her to fulfill the very important function of spending time with her baby and allowing attachment to take place. even when the women returns to her "work", in the majority of primitive cultures the baby is carried around, or remains with a close family member.
does leaving a new born baby with a nanny for the majority of the day affect attachment and bonding? yes, of course it does. to suggest otherwise is to ignore not only a wealth of research, but also the entire weight of human history and experience.

I wore breast pads.
Good point about making sure new mothers understand they may choose not to go back and even warning fathers they may not be able to make that break and return because of their strong feelings. Certainly you can't predict how you will be unless you're too posh to push whch means choosing disability for a longer period. Presumably if you can't drive you can't cycle...

One for those who think I'm superwoman or a liar... when I went into labour with daughter 2 (I was 24) I was a work. My labours sadly are very very long. My mother seemed to manage hers in a few hours, lucky her. Anyway I get the train home and there of course is my bike at the tube station (we were not well off and certainly couldn't afford 2 cars). Attach brief case to back of bike with luggage straps and get on. 5 minute ride, mostly down hill, contractions not really at the very painful stage at all but I was pretty sure they were the real ones. It was the easiest labour of the five actually.. because I went to bed and for some reason they were so mild I fell asleep so I think a lot the labour was in that night. She was born in hospital the next morning and we went home the same day - had 6 hour transfer which was nice.

One issue for those returning to work quickly is you need to interview your nanny before you have the baby which is a bit weird as there's always the risk the child will be bron dead etc so it's a bit like tempting fate (for the first child only, no issue with a second which is the beauty of nannies who don't charge per child). Not sure what you do about the variable start date though... anyway the twins came at 40 weeks which again is extremely rare for twins and very lucky for me.

That thing about women giving birth and then tilling fields - according to what I've read in many, if not most, cultures it is actually customary to give the woman and baby a period of rest together, and in that time the woman receives particularly kind treatment, doesn't have to cook and do her other duties. (See Deborah Jackson, Baby Wisdom, for more details)

When the women do start to do their work again they do it with their babies strapped to them, so a different experience entirely to work for most women in the western world where they're forced to be miles away from their babies while working.

x-posts harpsi!

Some people do bounce back physically very quickly. I had 3rd degree tear and loads of stitches with my first but was back swimming (aquanatal class, the midwives let me) and cycling within 1.5 weeks of the birth.

And I could have gone back to work at 2 weeks, even with my first, if I'd seen it as really important. I did do work at home in the first few weeks even with the first. It's not that unusual to be quite OK soon after the birth. .

I mean 2.5 weeks not 1.5 weeks. sorry.

I went back to work after 6 weeks. Perhaps I was just lucky everything worked out so well for me. The positive things for me were:
dh got to have sole responsibility of dd so has been very involved and supportive from day 1.
Work was much easier than being a sahm so gave me a break and a chance to relax each day.
Working for a month gave me an income of about £6,000

I am now a very contented sahm. I think my dh is wonderful for giving me the chance to go back to work and being brave enough to take on the child care himself. Particularly when I am now getting all the really fun parts of being a mum, whereas he just got the newborn baby stage of feed, sleep, cry. I would have found that exhausting.

Xenia I don't think you're superwoman and I have no idea if you're a liar.
I do however find it rather disturbing that in your list of reasons you spend a lot of time talking about YOU, your needs, and your partner's needs, the needs of your employers and your clients and absolutely DICK ALL about the needs of your baby, except to say that a baby has less of a wrench if separated from her mother at two weeks that at six months, which is the biggest load of old codswallop I have ever had the misfortune to read. If you really think that two week old babies are not capable of missing their mothers, and do not suffer when separated from them, then I am genuinely sorry for you as having five children has left you profoundly ignorant of the needs of small babies.

hello emkana
oh and by the way I did bounce back pretty quickly after my second (forceps) birth - I drove myself home then next day and went to choir rehearsal the day afterwards and organised an orchestra within 48 hours including moving pews grin] but I did it with my baby...

Harpsicord and Emkana - good points!!!

One issue for those returning to work quickly is you need to interview your nanny before you have the baby which is a bit weird as there's always the risk the child will be bron dead etc so it's a bit like tempting fate (for the first child only, no issue with a second which is the beauty of nannies who don't charge per child). Not sure what you do about the variable start date though...

Xenia is this a joke???

I do joke a lot but that wasn't one. Of course you interview the nanny before the birth. How else can you go back quickly?

WJ, that sounds great. Worked for you. I wasn't saying everyone should go back quickly, just setting out the plus points.

Not sure why working with baby strapped to you at a week old - okay, where as working withotu baby in your physical presence isnt'. What age do the SAHM think is best to reutrn to birth then if you think weeks is damaging. Is 3 months okay and do you think the damage to the baby reduces the longer you have off.

"Not sure why working with baby strapped to you at a week old - okay, where as working withotu baby in your physical presence isnt'."

Errr - because then the baby can still be with his/her mother maybe? And can breastfeed on demand for example?

I don't know when it's "okay" to go back, but I do think that for both mother and baby a period of several months (at least) would be beneficial.

I've just been offered 2 weeks work again. Now I'm a sahm I'm not really looking forward to it. Interesting how your thoughts change with time and experience isn't it. Will make a big difference financially though, so will allow me to be a sahm for longer afterwards IYSWIM

Xenia you are presuming that everyone who is against your opinion is a SAHM???

2 weeks, with DS1, I was barely able to remember my own name , let alone hold down a job.

Being a SAHM is boring sometimes, but IMO, so is being at work.

PARP

TinselgalacticWalrus - You're right, it is boring at times, and sometimes I can't wait to be able to hand over to dh a crying little bundle, but I love it at the same time.