This morning I burst into tears and was sent home. Being a working mum is so bloody hard

[littlelamb]

I don't know whats come over me the last few days but the slightest little things are making me tearful. I think I am having a lot of guilt about being a single mum and working full time. DD is 2 and a half and for the last couple of days she cries when she is dropped off at nursery and says 'I don't want you to go to work.' She has also started sleeping in my bed and being generally quite jumpy and I can't help thinking this is because I don't spend enough time with her.
Financially its not an option for me to be a SAHM or work part time so I am pretty stuck. I have been at my job 2 months and love it, but the last few days things have been getting in top of me and I am absolutely mortified that I creid this morning. We had a meeting about how 'the teams not really working.' I don't know if I'm just being hyper-sensitive but I took it as a dig at me, as even though I think I do a really good job I have been blamed or a few things in the past couple of days that just weren't my fault but I didn't want to be seen to be blaming someone else so I just took it.
I am also about 10 minutes late each morning because of having to take my daughter to nursery. The office isn't even open for another 20 minutes after I get there but they are making a big issue about it even though they knew that it would be that way when they hired me.
Someone please just tell me it gets easier. I really do love my job and the people I work with but I feel that more and more they are forgetting that I only had a few days of training for a job that requires a lot more and so see me as the easiest person to blame. I am absolutely terrified of going back to work tomorrow as I feel so tearful all the time. I feel almost bullied I suppose

ha ha - you are a brave and strong LL!!

LL how horrible for you, but glad you have found an ally in the other colleague.

Reading through the thread I think you would seriously be better off looking for another job.

I returned to work in Feb and it was hard leaving DS & everything but my employer could not have been (and remains) really accommodating in terms of hours.

I start work at 8.30 and DS nursery opens at 8.

Out of rush hour the journey would take me 15 minutes but the traffic is so bad at the moment it takes me up to 40 mins.

My employer knows this is a problem for me and their attitude is as long as I am getting the job done (which I am) there's no problem.

I can;t make up the time on a daily basis but when the traffic is better I get in earlier. I also don;t take a coffee break while at work (I'm P/T) which most people do.

There are some decent employers out there - I hope you find one soon.

Good luck.

Message withdrawn

YOu aren't going to be able to get child care so you're there every day at 8.30 I suspect.

What about sending an email back tonight

Thank you for your email. As you know it was agreed I could start at 8.45am and you recruited me on that basis. I am frankly surprised you are suggesting you can renege on this arrangement given the efforts I have made to ensure I can be in work at the time I agreed with you and the fact the morning meeting in any event only lasts 5 minutes. I am sure you are aware that suggesting I vary the agreed time could lead to my dismissal would not be legal and it may be wise if you obtain some advice on this. I also think it is sensible if I set out in this email some other concerns I have. I remain committed to the job and as you know I have always cut out of the lunch break the 15 minutes from the morning and indeed often much more time, over and above the call of duty and my contracted hours. I know most people in the office are very appreciative of this. There have also been problems with work of a colleague where for some reason I have been blamed unfairly. I would be happy to set out this in writing in more detail if necessary.

I certainly intend always fully to comply with my contract and agreement with you and continue my best efforts for the company."

Of course that could completely put their backs up and sometimes it's better to say nothing and just get on with things and find if the other job is available.

Should this prove difficult on your behalf, regretfully we will have to give you one weeks notice.

ll, how did things go today? This is completely unacceptable - how dare they behave in such a petty way

how did you get on littlelamb?

any news?

LL - how was today??

First of all you are doing a great job, it is incredibly hard to be a working mum I found it really hard and stressful working part time even when I knew my dd's were perfectly happy and being cared for by their dad!!!

I think the idea to have a review meeting is a good one.

have you checked out that you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to ie tax credit, housing benefits, council tax benefit, Gingerbread are really good with that sort of thing. I know they have a helpline number and usually have up to date information, you could perhaps ask them to help you work out your finances if you dropped your hours.

The other thing I would suggest is to contact ACAS they are again a brilliant source of information about employment issues, it does seem like you are being bullied. I dont understand why they are taking notes about the time you arrive, especially when they agreed with it when they employed you. You do have a right to ask for flexible working hours if you have a child under 5, although they dont have to give it to you.

Have you asked the nursery staff how your dd is after you have left, it may well be that she is playing happily after a few minutes, if you knew that it would be a huge worry and upset off your mind

I hope things improve for you

Well i went in and the woman tried her best to act like nothing had happened I spent all that time worrying and it was completely ignored. She sat down with me and went through the mistakes I'd made, which she literally must have sat and looked through each file for, and each thing was ridiculously petty, to the extent that inside I just felt like laughing at her for it. I haven't mentioned anything about the timekeeping issue either but I plan to next week after I have spoken to some advice helplines, and I will put my concerns in writing to her. The lovely colleague who rang me has offered to give me a lift from nursery every day which worked really well today, but I feel that on principal she shouldn't have to go out of her way to accomodate something so petty. Even hse said that with the distance I had to walk they should be grateful that I get there as early as I do. But as much as I feel that they cen't do this, it still gets me down to feel that my job will be in the balance should I do something small wrong, and even if I have to take the day off should my dd be ill. If 10 minutes gets their backs up I can't see they'd be impressed by a whole day. But that is exactly why I am going to get advice from a few different places so I have a firm idea of what I could do in any situation. I suppose thats the best I can do for now

LL what you need to remember is that they took you on knowing you were a single parent and knowing that you couldnt get there till slightly later so you must have been in their eyes a great candidate, from a business point of view it would have been easier for them to take on someone without your responsibilities so you must have really impressed them so keep remembering that!!! I really think you need to because it sounds like your confidence has taken a serious bashing.

If everything the boss was saying was petty then you probably dont have anything to worry about, when you arrange the review with them I would ask do you feel there is any problem with me working for you? its a hard question to ask but then any comments they make you have a chance to address. My dh told me when an interview asks you do you have any questions at the end of the interview say 'are there any reasons you would have for not employing me?' it gives you a chance to address any concerns they may have`.

Its lovely that a collegue has offered to pick you up, it makes life easier and less stressful and shows you are obviously considered one of the team.

as for your dd it could well be a stage she is going through of she has seen another child doing it who knows but do check with the nursery

good luck and chin up

Well I am absolutely fuming Its more than two weeks since that bloody letter and I have been early to work every day. But last thing on Friday this woman hands me yet another letter telling me to 'think about it over the weekend.' She had sat opposite me all bloody day while she was typing it and hands it to me at a time she knows I can't stay and discuss it because I have to rush and pick dd up. And once again the things she mentions are unbelieveably petty. The last week, she has literally been picking holes in everything I do. We discussed the things when they arose, she then felt the need to have a meeting with me on thursday morning about the same issues, and now she has put them in a letter with the lovely promise that 'I will monitor your progress in the next week and liaise with you on 1st December. Unfortunately continuous failure to adhere to these basic procedures will result in your contract being terminated with a one week notice period.'
I just cannot believe the extent to which this woman is now singling me out and picking on me. She has made bigger mistakes herself this week, and mine were genuinely so tiny as to be not even worthy of a mention I just feel sick to my stomach at the thought of having to put up with this I am busy applying for other jobs, but the thought of being unemployed just before Christmas is just awful, especially when I work so hard and have done nothing wrong. They forget I have only been there 2 and a half months and have never been properly trained but she expects absolute perfection. I just hate knowing I will be under such scrutiny next week, and I feel they are just looking for a reason to get rid of me I feel miserable.

Oh littlelamb, how I wish I could come into your office and give that woman a good hard kick.

to be honest if it was me I just would not want to work there anymore so even though I think xenia's letter was fab I would want to leave. You are right, if they are this bad over 10 mins imagine if your child is ill. YOu need a child friendly employer. I would be tempted to have a one on one meeting with the highest manager. I would say

"I can see you are trying to get rid of me. I don't want to work here either because I think you are not child friendly. If you keep me on till after christmas I will go quietly and not make a fuss. If you keep persisting in this bullying behaviour I will seek legal advice."

I had a similar situation in that I had an explosive row with a boss many years ago. He a bit psychotic and would pick on people really badly. He did it to everyone and everyone ended up leaving one by one. It got to my turn and I told him to back off because I was pregnant. He said he would leave me alone but he didn't. I went into his office and told him he was an arsehole. We had a MAJOR row and I told him I'd rather work in McDonalds than work one more day for him. I walked out. I then went in after hours cleared out my desk and left him a note. He had never paid anyone who left due to his bullying the money he owed them. I told him I wanted my money and if he fucked with me (these were my exact words) I would sue the arse off him for refusing to let me go to hospital appointments to do with my pregnancy, for bulling me, for promoting men over women, every thing I could think off.

He paid me!

Sometimes, you just have to be straight.

poor you.

Is this not a case of last in - first out? Not too up to date on my employment law, but isn't the probationary period 3 months? Maybe the office isn't making enough money and they are looking to let someone go, and as you are the most recent recruit, then it has to be you?

So it may not be anything at all to do with your performance. However, you can keep reminding them that you need more training... try & respond to that letter on Monday in a positive way - lie through your teeth and tell them how much you enjoy working there, and that you feel that the things outlined in the letter are things you would like support from your colleagues on etc etc.

Then leave as soon as you have found something better.

crossed posts with bosscat - like the idea of an arrangement that keeps you on til after Christmas - nice one.

Littlelamb, I agree with Bosscat. This women is using bullying tactics to get rid of you. She obviously wants you out. You need to keep a record of anything she says or does that could go against her in case you need to seek legal advice. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's hard enough to work full time and look after your child on your own without having to put up with that vile women. It makes my blood boil to think that people like her think that they can get away with treating someone like this. Bosscat's wording is perfect and I think she will probably die if you said it to her. Be nice a calm, no tears and let her know that she can't mess with you.

good luck little lamb whatever happens hold your head up high and make sure psycho boss knows that if they do let you go you WILL be seeking legal advice. I'll be thinking of you this week.

what a complete cow she sounds, I dont think its good for you to be working there when she makes you feel so bad but would strongly advise contacting acas for some advice and support they are excellent

www.acas.org.uk 08457 47 47 47

Littlelamb - are you in a Union? If so, PLEASE make an appointment to see them ASAP. This woman is bullying you. Also, even though you have been there less than 6 months, they still have a duty to highlight shortcomings in your performance (if there really are any) and give you the opportunity and support, if appropriate, to get it right. It sounds like she has been making life hard. If you really don't want to be there, then I would take Bosscat's idea but see the Union rep and/or ACAS first. What about going to her manager? Is there anyone in HR? Poor you, sending hugs....

Littlelamb, how are you? Are you still working there?