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Original poster

Please reassure me that both parents working FT (reluctantly) is ok

42 replies

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 01/04/2015 18:55

My flexible work request has been rejected so I have to go back to work full time (m-f). No flex on DH's side either.

I'm gutted and heartbroken at the thought of not seeing my DC much through the week (I'll be getting home at 6). They are 3 and 1 so go to bed pretty much then.

PT opportunities in my field are few and far between. I really thought my employer would be more flexible as they were great after mat leave #1. I now feel trapped - I'm the higher earner and we can't afford for me to stop work altogether.

I'm dreading seeing so little of the DC. Someone tell me it's not that bad?

OP posts:
Buttercup27 · 01/04/2015 18:58

It's not too bad. It really makes you value the weekend and time you are spending with them every. E.g. house work will take a back seat at the weekend because you spend more time playing and enjoying time with them.

ZenNudist · 01/04/2015 19:30

I work 4 days so not quite the same but I really relish work for a break from the drudgery of family life. Plus I risk of you having to d
o your ft role for pt salary.

My advice: if you don't already have one get a cleaner and help with washing and ironing. It's enough to do staying on top of tidying.

Also have you considered a request for changing hours? So five days but leave early some days or work from home one day a week. I work 8-4.30 2 days of the week to fit in nursery run. Or is it a culture of all or nothing?

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 01/04/2015 20:10

We've got a cleaner already and we don't really iron stuff.

I have previously worked 4 days and was cramming 5 days worth of work in so I guess at least I won't be doing that. Tbh though, I struggled with 4 days with 1 DC, and felt knackered on my one day off. Am dreading 5 days with 2 DC.

Bad as it sounds though I'm trying to think that I can get all that annoying admin/online food shop etc done in the week and make sure weekends are purely about the DC. but my heart still aches at not being near them so much though

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/04/2015 20:13

How come they wont let you go back to the hours you were doing before? I thought legally they had to?

WidowWadman · 01/04/2015 20:18

My husband and I work full time and apart from 9 months mat leave both times always have. Kids are in childcare until just before six -although once both are at school I can change my hours slightly hopefully to pick them up a bit earlier (by going in earlier).

My children are perfectly happy in their childcare settings and I never felt we were doing them wrong. I'm happier working than not, it works for us as a family.

BehindTheCurtain · 01/04/2015 20:28

It'a hard work and hard on the heart, but it is fine. Do see if you can work from home, it makes a huge difference. Also online shop during lunch break, take post to open and deal with on the train, everything to free up evening and weekends for family time.

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 01/04/2015 20:32

I has a smallish gap between mat leaves and could use accrued annual leave from my first mat leave to take 1 day off each week. So I was effectively paid for full time hours.... My management has changed since I've been off and they won't let me do the same again and won't let allow any home working either.

I know I'm definitely not cut out to stay home all the time and actually think 3 days per week would've been perfect.

OP posts:
Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 01/04/2015 20:34

... So 5 days is a bitter pill.

OP posts:
Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 02/04/2015 14:39

Trying to think positive - I can go to the gym at lunch time.

Any other pros to working full time?

OP posts:
Mutley77 · 02/04/2015 14:47

Seriously with dc aged 3 and 1 I would make the most of the money and freedom Grin hard as it is for you they really don't need you at that age. The older my dc get the more torn I feel as they do need me rather than someone as they need me to read their moods, remember absolutely everything for school and sports etc, cope with their homework and emotional issues... I went on mat leave with dc3 just over two years ago while the older two were 8 and 5 and I can't now see how I would go back to work, a bit worrying but will hopefully get back to school hours work in another couple of years

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 02/04/2015 14:52

That's kind of what we're thinking in that we can ask the grandparents (while they are still willing AND able) to help with childcare to keep costs down and use the full time salaries to pay down the mortgage, especially while interest rates are low.

And I know the DC will be fine. It's just me. I'll miss them so much and am sad at missing out whilst they are little, which I'm beginning to realize is such a short short time.

Yet I also want a career. And we can't afford for me to not work.

OP posts:
Softcookie · 02/04/2015 21:18

You'll be fine. It will take a while to get into the groove if things but soon it'll become normal- your normal. Plus, what Mutley says... Now it's actually the easy part. It gets harder as they get older... So it makes sense to invest in your career now, build your savings, your pension, and perhaps enough goodwill with your employer so they may reconsider flexibility further down the line.

RedCheckedTablecloth · 04/04/2015 01:07

name change check

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 04/04/2015 07:27

Redchecked?

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 04/04/2015 07:34

ThinkIveBeenHacked is right. If you were doing 4 days after your 1st mat leave, that is a permanent change to your terms and conditions. They CANNOT change it without your agreement.

woundbobbin · 04/04/2015 07:47

We both work FT - my job is quite draining and I can't relate to the "going to work for a break' sentiment you sometimes see on here. I have compressed my days so work 8-6 four days instead of 9-5 would that be an option? Also dd doesn't go to bed till 7.30/8 so I get 1hr 30 with her in the evening and like pp said I really make the most of the weekend with her. It's hard and I always feel guilty if I do anything on the weekend other that spend time with dd so social life lacking a bit and house not as clean as it could be. I consider Online food shopping essential.

Georgina1975 · 04/04/2015 08:09

It really will be fine.

Cannot help you with missing DC, but can help you with the guilt maybe?

Mum staying at home is a relatively modern/western concept. Takes a village to raise a child and all that. My grandmother regailed us with tales of hiding my mum in a basket under pianos etc.. when she went cleaning posh houses in the 1950s or leaving her kids with whatever neighbour. My mum and dad worked FT always. I can remember felling enormously proud of my mum (this was the 1970s). I went back FT when DC was 5 months and she is just fine (almost 6 now).

Take a long view too. My mum has always said she felt we needed her more as we got older - esp. when we hit teenage years and our life got more complicated (exams, falling out with friends etc.). I agree with that as someone of an age whose friends have teenage kids, and having seen three steps through that period. So your hard work now could provide you with massive flexibility in 10+ years.

PinkFondantFancy · 04/04/2015 08:21

I think it'll be fine. Being home at 6 means you have loads of time in the evening to get chores etc. done so weekends will be purely about fun as a family.

Flissity83 · 04/04/2015 08:23

I have recently gone back full time after 18 months off and it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would. Takes a while to get used to and there were a few tears but I appreciate my time at home so much more now. And he's really thriving at nursery - better than I could do for him at home

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 04/04/2015 09:37

Thanks all.

I'm fairly sleep deprived at the moment so struggling to imagine working FT where I have to be on the ball whilst bloody knackered, AND then being wife and mummy as well.

Nothing has to be forever though does it....

And it may enable me to really go for it at work and take another step up which would help in the long term though the more senior I get the more unlikely PT working is

OP posts:
BeeInYourBonnet · 04/04/2015 09:41

Will your work be flexible over any aspect OP?
DH and I both work FT, but take shorter lunches/get in early a few days per week, so that once per week we can each have an earlier finish ( our DCs are older than yours, so this allows us to do one school pick up each). It does make all the difference to have one day when you can be slightly more leisurely! And makes very little difference to my employer.

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 04/04/2015 10:00

I'll have to see I think. A new structure is being implemented an couple of weeks before my return so my boss is saying she simply can't promise anything as no one really knows how things will pan out....

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dementedma · 04/04/2015 10:06

I have 3 dcs and dh and I work full time. They dcs are older now but it is perfectly doable and they seem to be fairly normal people. You just need to be super organised and have a back up childcare plan in place for when the first one inevitably falls through or when the dcs are sick. Cut down n y unnecessary housework, which is most of it, and dont beat yourself up. Make the most of the money while you have it coming in.

Snog · 04/04/2015 10:38

Only fine if you enjoy your job imo. If not it sounds pretty miserable and unsustainable.

Nolim · 04/04/2015 16:33

My oh and myself work ft. So far so good. It helps that we both enjoy our work. Work pays the bills, kerps us sane and we value more the time with our dc.