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Original poster

Please reassure me that both parents working FT (reluctantly) is ok

42 replies

FiftyShadesOfNifty · 01/04/2015 18:55

My flexible work request has been rejected so I have to go back to work full time (m-f). No flex on DH's side either.

I'm gutted and heartbroken at the thought of not seeing my DC much through the week (I'll be getting home at 6). They are 3 and 1 so go to bed pretty much then.

PT opportunities in my field are few and far between. I really thought my employer would be more flexible as they were great after mat leave #1. I now feel trapped - I'm the higher earner and we can't afford for me to stop work altogether.

I'm dreading seeing so little of the DC. Someone tell me it's not that bad?

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 04/04/2015 16:37

IF you have no financial choice, you will just have to get your head down and do it and not beat yourself up over it.

Newbrummie · 07/04/2015 08:13

Looking back ... My children are 14,12,10 and 4. I wish I'd worked full time when they were little, cleared the mortgage and could stay at home now.

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 07/04/2015 10:46

Thanks newbrummie. Anything in particular makes you say that?

We've just remortgaged for 28 years so we'd have a hell of a lot of overpaying to do. But we shall try. So freeing thinking we might not have that hanging over us. Hard slog to achieve it, specially if interest rates go up but we'll see.

OP posts:
Newbrummie · 07/04/2015 10:56

Firstly the interest you will pay on 28 years is mind blowing, that money could be far better used to pay for university, their first home etc. think of the compounded interest, I want to cry!
Secondly babies and toddlers just need living arms, I truly believe it's a marathon not a sprint, you become less employable as you get older, fact, do the ground work now and reap the rewards of hanging out with your teens when they truly need you whether they like it or not

Newbrummie · 07/04/2015 10:58

Interest rates are t going up any time soon, they've fcuked that up completely .... Thousands would be homeless over night

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 07/04/2015 11:12

Ha ha at whether they like it or not Grin

Our mortgage is a bit scary but it's manageable, even if I did with part time. Full time salary means we can overpay by a decent chunk each month and still live well.

I never realised how tricky it would be be in the higher earner. I really think so much more should be done to educate people about the complexities of juggling careers and families. Something's gotta shift somewhere....

OP posts:
alteredimages · 07/04/2015 11:24

I am in a different position from you OP in that financially I really need to work FT but I don't have a job (or any skills, come to mention it). I know the thought is unappealing but it really is doable and the extra cash to overpay your mortgage while interest rates are low will gibe you a real boost when DCs are older and more expensive.

Do sort out with your DH that he needs to step up too since you will both be working FT and you can't do everything. Even planning what the cleaner does takes time and thought. My major obstacle to work is a complete lack of support from DH, other than him saying that the extra income would be nice Hmm.

Good luck, you can do it! It is exhausting but the toddler years are so tiring anyway maybe it would be better to get it all over with, and if it is someone else doing nappy changes etc while you are at work all the better.

FWIW I did way more stuff with my kids when I was working FT. More appetite for life.

addictedtosugar · 07/04/2015 20:18

Its fine.
You could have been me 3 years ago.
But time moves on. They get bigger, and bed time gets later.
I'm vv lucky, that I can start stupidly early, so I'm at nursery for opening time, and work for 8. Which means I get a bit of time in the evenings. Any chance of one of you shifting your hours slightly, so you either get an hour in the mornings or evenings?

Softcookie · 07/04/2015 20:37

Op you've got lots of lovely balanced responses and I hope you do feel better about returning to work. The more you do, the more you do, if that makes sense, and at the risk of oversimplifying, babies and toddlers really are easy to manage with just a bit of discipline and soh (and I say that as someone whose dcs didn't sleep through the night till 3 years old).

I'm now at the stage where my dcs are well into primary school (9 and 7) and I'm desperate for more flexibility in my job just because I need to spend more time at home, doing stuff with them, or just being there while they go about their business ... Sadly I think it's impossible in a corporate environment so seriously thinking abt some sort of career change. I'm v glad I've used these years to build up my pension savings, buy a house and have some nice holidays :)

ssd · 07/04/2015 20:42

you'll get a lot of good suggestions here from women who have done what you've done op

I couldnt do it and gave up to stay at home but that was years ago and my mortgage was small, its been a struggle as dh is low paid but we've managed

If you have to work and cant manage without your wage, then you have to do it. And if you are ok with it your kids will be too.

I think being organised is key. Good luck with it all and work as a team.

Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 07/04/2015 20:59

I've got another call with my boss next week to finalise a few things so I'm going to ask for some flex with hours.

One bombshell we weren't expecting is that DD1's nursery is full and doesn't have space for her and DD2 at the same time. Grandparents are keen to help out and DH is thinking creatively about what he can do to get more flex too.

Logistical nightmare springs to mind.

But I can totally see that grafting now will secure more options for us in the future which is perhaps more likely to be what the DDs will need and remember

Gaaaaah.

OP posts:
Original poster
FiftyShadesOfNifty · 07/04/2015 21:02

The pension thing is a good point too as DH hasn't got anything.

Also after x amount of time there my annual leave goes up and I can buy some more too which would see me with nearly 8 weeks (plus bank hols).

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/04/2015 21:03

I don't think it's ideal but it's a case of needs must. You could try again in a few months to ask for less hours.

jessplussomeonenew · 07/04/2015 21:10

I thought the suggestions here were really practical - haven't tried them as we're not there yet, but reading it did make me feel there were things I could do to smooth the transition:
www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/helping-your-toddler-with-separation-anxiety

Softcookie · 07/04/2015 21:18

8 weeks leave will give you lots of flexibility so that's something to look forward to!

Good luck with the logistics, you'll figure it out!

TendonQueen · 07/04/2015 21:30

It will be fine. When would a place at your DD1's nursery become available? If you can book one for a bit further down the line - assuming you like it and want to keep using it - then I would do, and at least then you know you are just after an interim solution.

DrinkGirlsFeck · 07/04/2015 21:31

I went back ft. It was hard but it was the right thing. I'm also the higher earner and though we are happy about that it does mean a degree of extra pressure.

Buying extra leave is great, especially once they start school. Also as I've got more senior flexibility is easier to negotiate. Now I'm working four (very full) days but can also often arrange to work occasionally from home which is great for assemblies or whatever. Not letting up on my career when my babies were small has made me more available to them as they've grown. It's been worth it.

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