How long does it take to get into the swing of being a working mum with a kid at school?

[twinsetandpearls]

I went back into teaching in January doing two days a week combined with another job working one morning and one afternoon. Dd was then at nursery which was at the school I worked so I found it easy. But this september I went up to three days teacbing and dd started reception and I think that if I was observing my life as a netral observer I would was neglecting her and putting my whole family at risk.
THe work load at school is quite high as we are going through some difficulties, I try to compensate for that by getting up at 5 and starting some work about half past at home so I can then get dd ready for school, I take her to breakfast club at eight and then go into school. Dd is at after school club until half five so I work until then, pick her up and the plan was that I would do tea and bedtime so I would have the evenings with dd before doing a few hours in the evening. I also try an do a few hours of work on my days off while dd is at school so that I am not having to do too much in the evenings so I have time with dd and dp and can have my weekends free. But I am so tired I am literally coming home and collapsing before resurfacing at about ten to do some work. Weekends which were supposed to be a quality time consist of me either asleep upstairs or lying on the sofa struggling to move. The house is a tip, I can't find anything, clothes are being pulled out of the ironing basket and ironed as we need them and so called quality time is non existant. THis week I had to send dd to my mums for a few days as firstly I had to be in school for so long and had meetings and parents evenings and secondly I was too tired to look after her. Dp has said he has had enough of having to do everything and me being grumpy and tired.
This afternoon I arranged to leave my INSET early as I thought dd had a family maths club, I turned up to find I had the wrong day - it was yesterday. I had the wrong time for dd finishing school and dd was in tears as I could not make her assembly - although in my defence I did make the assmebly two weeks ago and volunteered to help out. I missed the PTA meeting the other week as I fell asleep and messed up her after school club fees as I am so tired I can't think straight.
I feel such a selfish bitch that I am putting my desire to work before my whole family but I do love my job and have been at home with dd for nearly five years.
Will everyting fall into place eventually? I am hoping for a positive answer.

That sounds really rough TS&P

I do really hope that you manage to access some help - this really isn't much of an existence for you is it?

There is a technique which is used for modelling behaviour, which is to act the way that you wish things were. So you act as if your DD was the most fantastic, wonderful, fabulous thing in your life - really over the top stuff! Every day, every time you are around her. The theory is that in time you will start to normalise your behaviour - that it kind of becomes habitual to think of her - and relate to her - in that way!

It may be worth a go - you've nothing much to lose really - have you?

twinsetandpearls- I completely understand. Am in a similar position having gone back to work after a year's maternity, to teaching in an FE College. MASSIVE workload and no support unless there is a major problem, in which case my managers "support" me by taking the student's "side" and suggesting how I can improve.

I also don't get a lot of sleep. If I am in bed by 11pm it is a good night! I have to sit up doing prep, as if I am not planned down to the minute, it doesn't go as well as I would like. I'm still training (2nd yr PGCE) but that doesnt seem to have any bearing.

I have recently decided, after having a bad episode at work and worrying myself sick all weekend, that if the pressure doesn't ease I will have to look for another job, as I need to start putting my family and my health first. I can't keep losing my temper over nothing due to stress, and having panic attacks. It's not worth it. I do 2 days teaching and am prepping every spare minute I get. Resent us having to live in squalor tbh, as the housework has had to wait.

Can you see your GP again, or do you not think it would be of any help?
Really feel for you, and really hope things improve for you soon. Could you drop your hours, or is that not feasible?

Take care

Oh, and I have only been back a half term. Maybe it will get better?! Ds only in nursery, so no school stuff to contend with just yet either.

Twinset you do sound like you need help but I agree that there may be health issues here.
Have you tried ways to get yourself to sleep earlier - late warm bath, lavender oil, horlicks at bedtime (not a prob I have but there are loads of ideas about).
Get a good diary or family calendar and write everything to do with school (or anything else) down at once - return letters that day etc.
Make a cleaning plan - I have one now and it's fab! Mine is quite detailed but if yours simply took in hoovering, ironing and cleaning the bathroom it migh thelp you feel in control. I hate that feeling of being out of control.

FWIW I work 30 hrs/week, have one day off with DS2. Other 2 are at school, DH and I share drop-offs/pick-ups while ds2 is at childminder. I'm busy and the house is not as I would like and I get up early (not as early as you tho) but it's doable. I don't bring my work home or do over my 30 hrs tho.

Soapbox's posts are very much to the point IMHO. Agree re diet and exercise - if I didn't eat well and drink lots of water (and no caffeine) I would go under, I reckon.

Game plan for today have ordered a calendar, am gutting the house, being ruthless and throwing away anything we don;t need and then making it gleam. I can then make a cleaning rota.

Clary it is that out of control feeling that I hate, that is one of the reasons my teaching takes up so much of my time as everything has to be planned and organised, so other teachers can plan a lesson at the last minute dashing to photocopy worksheets as the bell is wringing and quickly ticking and flicking I just can't do that and would become unbearably stressed and unable to cope.

But what has happened is that my home life has become chaotic and I can't cope with that, you are talking to the woman who last year had tick charts in all her cupboards so she knew when she had run out of things, everybodies wardrobes contained perfectly ironed clothes organised into outfits ready to wear according to colour and event, the house ran like clockwork and now it is everyone for themselves. I need to get organised beofre I completely go under , it is just finding the time and energy.

I am off for a week now so am going to take this oppurtunity to sort myself out, will also try soap box's modelling idea.

Good luck twinset, hope you have a good week with DD and get yourself back on track.

and check your thyroid!