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Original poster

Resigning from a good job - happiness must come first right?

35 replies

Chellors123 · 29/11/2014 07:38

Hi

I have been with current employer for a number of years and 18 months ago was approached to be promoted to a management role. My time in this role has not been enjoyable, it's stressful, the people (it's a different area of the business) are intimidating and constantly undermine my decisions. I have bee unhappy for some time due to the way they make me feel and have been in tears many times, I'm not sleeping and it's affecting home life and I've ended up shouting at kids more times than I wish because I'm stressed with work. I have flagged to my manager how I am feeling and how I'm struggling with some characters in team and this has been fed back. I've seen pockets of improvement but they won't change. Bottom line is though I don't want to stay in the job as I can't work with people like this.

The reason I ask the above question is I have now been told I will have to pick up the workload of someone in my team who is leaving so this will double my workload until a replacement is found. I had found a replacement but it was vetoed as they felt the person didn't have the right skill set.

I have an exemplary performance record and have a good reputation (it's a small organisation) there might be a chance of working in a different department but it's a case of waiting for something to come up. I just can't wait any longer and need to do something to resolve this. Some may say go off with stress due to workload but that's not really my style and part of me thinks this will really leave them inn the lurch especially as I am the manager of the team. I feel like just resigning. I have 12 weeks notice so will have time to find something else. Fortunately DP has a good job so we can survive on his salary for the time being.

Am I silly to just resign and move on? I plan to get a job which is at a lower level with less stress.

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/11/2014 07:46

I think you're quite right to question whether the stress is worth it. From what you've written I would say a decided no.

However, I'm not sure I'd write off the idea of getting a job on the same level you're currently on just because this one was dreadful. Dealing with tricky characters comes with the territory but it doesn't sound like you've been at all properly supported and these people are holding a real grudge. Have they managed to run off other managers before you? It might be seen as a pastime for them. It sounds like they need someone who can be a complete bastard to get them back under control and that doesn't need to be you.

Your manager doesn't seem to have done anything productive to help you solve this problem - "this has been fed back" sounds completely useless, to be honest.

I think in your shoes I would resign to take the immediate pressure off you, and then I would maybe try to get some career coaching before deciding that you can't cope with the stress of a managerial position. You haven't had a fair shot at it where you currently are, but you might find it a lot more rewarding elsewhere.

iamthenewgirl · 29/11/2014 11:36

In your shoes I would resign. You've flagged it up and changes have been made but not enough to support you.

I've worked for lots of different companies. In some jobs I have been the nuts/been the golden girl and in other jobs I have failed miserably. A lot depends on how you are supported and whether you feel like you are being heard. It doesn't sound as if you are in this job.

Feeling stressed, not sleeping and shouting at the kids is not normal. Hand your notice in now then you can relax and have a nice Christmas. The job market always picks up after Christmas so something will come up.

Best of luck!

SkyHighWhy · 29/11/2014 23:09

Gosh this all sounds very close to home! If you can, I would resign and save your sanity, by finding another job. If you can find a mentor as well that person might provide some valuable support for your transition. Keep an open mind about other jobs at the same level. Your experience will not have been wasted.

BIWI · 29/11/2014 23:11

Don't resign! Find another job first, and then resign.

Original poster
Chellors123 · 30/11/2014 07:28

Thanks for your replies.

Tribpot your comments are spot on, yes they do have previous for this and your right I'm not that type of person and I don't want to become like that to be able to survive in that kind of environment.

This decision has weighed me down now for about 3 months as don't want todo anything hasty. I feel a bit bitter that I have worked successfully with them for some time but it's just this environment that has beaten me but I guess that's the risk I took when I took on more responsibility.

What I do know though is this whole subject consumes me, it's affecting home as I'm miserable all the time and my family life can't move on and be happier until I do something.

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/11/2014 08:11

If they have previous for this I think you were - probably not on purpose - set up by your bosses. They should have known this would happen, and taken steps to make sure it couldn't escalate to this point. Ultimately I think promoting from within is unlikely ever to work with these people, they need an unknown quantity.

It's clear you know what you want to do. I would put things in motion and feel the millstone fall away from your neck.

BIWI is right in that it's easier to get job when you have a job, but you have 12 weeks and you don't immediately need to get a job.

ColdCottage · 30/11/2014 08:56

Life is too short.

My DH left for similar reasons. We'd rather be well and a bit skint than ill and stressed out.

I'd speak to top management and explain you would like to stay in the company if you can move back to your old department. Otherwise you sadly have to leave. You are not trying to pressure them into a move but feel that is the only way you could stay so wanted to offer them the option to keep you rather than just quitting outright.

Good luck. You will feel like a new person. Thanks

Timeforabiscuit · 30/11/2014 09:03

My DH was in the same situation, and it was horrible as a family - especially as he was the main earner.

In his case he was slightly over optimistic about the time it would take to find a new job, our dcs were young so we took them out of nursery for around four months over the summer.

I would really go over your finances, have a plan in place (CV done and sent out, in industry contacts made etc) and talk really honestly with your husband - then I would absolutely do it.

The change in dh since he left that job is huge, you could just see the weight lifting off him - totally worth it in the long run.

Valery37 · 30/11/2014 23:10

I would try to hold on to this job and start looking for another one at same level but elsewhere. In the meantime, would it help if you could put pressure off yourself and try to see things differently, if your team will be understaffed, then try to manage expectations of output, focus on what is achievable, etc. how would a more senior colleague manage this situation?good luck!

ememem84 · 30/11/2014 23:21

I'm about 6 weeks ahead of you. I resigned from a huge workload stressful job no support 6 weeks ago. Don't for one second regret it. I have a new job to go to in February and a lovely holiday at the end of this week. Tip. Once you resign make sure someone else picks up your workload immediately.

BIWI · 01/12/2014 07:37

I would echo what others have said here - don't underestimate how long it will take you to find another job. And beware, employers are often concerned about someone evidently looking for a lower 'status' job (for want of a better description - sorry, but it's early!) as it can be seen as an indicator of failure to perform in their previous role.

Start looking, hard, for another job now. (If you haven't already!)

And very good luck.

DH took voluntary redundancy last year, and it took him 10 months to find another job, so I'm aware of how much stress you could find yourself in, thinking that you have left stress behind!

HurlyBurghley · 01/12/2014 08:20

Just be careful. In this economic climate, all jobs are stressful. I hardly know anyone who's happy at work. The grass isn't always greener. Also 'downshifting' can bring its own particular type of stress. Sorry to be a pessimist. Good luck.

iamthenewgirl · 01/12/2014 21:29

I disagree Hurly.

Yes, lots of stressed people around but companies vary drastically in their expectations of staff. My last contract job was doddly. Current one is an absolute killer.

TinyWishes · 04/12/2014 12:33

Don't leave it until you do fall Ill. I've been there.

I got out and am so much happier. All area's of my life have improved. Wish you luck! x

financialwizard · 04/12/2014 12:58

I was in a very similar position to you earlier this year. I resigned with nothing to go to back in July and am just about to start a part time role in a similar but less stressful role for a third of the hours which would equate to more salary wise if I worked full time.

I see more of the kids and am far more relaxed. Best thing I ever did.

Gfplux · 04/12/2014 17:12

I would keep your powder dry.
Approach your manager and tell him, VERY clearly that if it does not change you will resign. Give yourself an extra 4 weeks on to the 12 weeks notice.
Then, now immediately start looking for a new job. Register with the headhunter so etc. You need to confirm your guess that there is a new job or jobs out there for you.
Good luck.

Millie2013 · 10/12/2014 07:59

Sad to read of so many in similar situations
I'm one of them too, teetering on the edge of resigning from my job of 10 years, because the culture has shifted so much and it's just not a nice environment to be working in any more. Luckily, OH is a high earner and is happy to support me for a while, but I'm still really scared of the unknown
But several things have happened recently that have served as reminders of how short and fragile life is and I'm fed up of being miserable

CurlyWurlyCake · 10/12/2014 23:49

I resigned at the end of November and I'm now working my notice with nothing to go to part from looking after our family.

I feel a massive relief.

Working time is spent with management finding ways for me to stay or extend my last day (next Thursday!! Can't wait)

Happiness for us, ie my family has to be a priority and I have come to the end of my line with the stress at work.

CurlyWurlyCake · 10/12/2014 23:52

Sorry, my post was all me, me, me.

Do what you feel is right for you and your family. Work does come along, well has for me over time.

I believe happiness does have to come first but I know I'm fortunate to be able to have the time to rebuild our family again.

iamthenewgirl · 11/12/2014 19:05

Totally agree with curlywurlycake.

You only need one job. I'm finishing my contract early with nothing to go. Can't bloody wait!

MoRaw · 11/12/2014 19:15

Would your company fund some coaching sessions? Sounds like some strategies on how to deal with these kinds of people and situations might be worth trying before quitting. I'm afraid as you move up the ladder equipping yourself with strategies to deal with crap like this is vital.

RobotRuthy · 11/12/2014 19:43

This is just what I needed to read.

CurlyWurlyCake · 11/12/2014 19:53

Don't be scared millie feel fortunate that you have a life that is able to support you in being able to be happy.

The unknown for me is having time to find the happy person I used to be and using that happiness to support my family again.

I found myself unable to do my best doing two jobs so now I'm going to do my best at one job, having support at homes stops anyone being able to make me feel guilty for stepping out of the rat race.
I'd say if it's doable, do it!

iamthenewgirl · 11/12/2014 21:11

Until more people start to vote with their feet then nothing is going to change. All of us are on here complaining about crap deal we're getting from employers.

They are only going to make changes if they realise soaring recruitment costs are hitting their bottom line.

Placeinthesun · 11/12/2014 21:24

I quit my whole legal career as it made me unhappy, I was good at it, well regarded and paid well but loathed going to work. I quit big law firm, tried small law firm, locum work and then got a 'dream job'... Could pick my hours, good promotion prospects, head of department, reasonable hours, lovely colleagues.... Still hated it. Quit, do something completely different for a fraction of the money but enjoy my job.... No love it. It took long hard thinking and a leap into the unknown but it paid off. Good luck.